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bored bored bored... sitting in my office at work contemplating whether or not I should go sit at the ref desk and play the part of 'stereotypical librarian' or find something constructive to do. My mind has been elsewhere today, I'm fucking sick of typing out html for the library's new book list and really just want to watch some obscure movie or
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Your desire is not strange in the least. I spent a good number of years living my destructive fantasies; and all I have to say for it is that it's sickening after awhile, yet a pattern that is hard to get out of. I won't give you some preachy shit about learn-from-my-mistakes.... I haven't decided yet to even write off my past as something I shouldn't have done. I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't been through and done what I have. Whether or not who I am now is a good thing is a whole different debate.
I guess all I can say is be aware that sadism is a narcotic cycle and thereby quite a difficult habit to break, and once fully informed, do what you will.
if it would interest you to read about it, tell me what you think of the second post from the top in my journal...
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