[fic] only worth living if somebody is loving you
only worth living if somebody is loving you | mark webber/sebastian vettel | formula 1 | nc-17/black flag | incest!AU | disclaimer: this never happened.
mark and sebastian are brothers, but they fuck anyway.
They're brothers.
Half-brothers, to be exact, but that's just a technicality and it can hardly matter, especially when Mark's fucking Sebastian into the mattress, hands gripping his thighs. Sebastian's biting hard on his school tie, they have to keep quiet but he's not going to be able to do it if Mark keeps this up.
It hasn't always been like this. Sebastian remembers Mark vaguely from what seems like an eternity ago. Tall, dark haired, and he had strained his neck looking up at him. He remembers tugging at Mark's hair, and Mark had swatted his hands away playfully. He had let him sit on his back, let him ride him like a horse. Sebastian had sat next to Mark in the evening, sipping at his mug of warm milk as Mark had worked through assignment after assignment. Mark had carried him on his shoulders, had driven him to get ice cream together, had been there to cuddle whenever there had been a fight. It all ended the summer Sebastian turned seven. He had been left alone and it had been that way until half a year ago, when Mark had returned, a changed man.
Sebastian had stayed hidden, watching from the kitchen as his parents embraced Mark and wept. He had spent so long dreaming of his brother's return, but he had absolutely no idea what to do when he had indeed returned.
'Seb,' Mark had said with a lopsided grin. It had been both a greeting and an apology.
Sebastian had turned and ran.
All these years, Mark had been a figure in Sebastian's dreams. Somewhere along the way, fantasies of Mark coming back for him, holding him close, kissing his forehead, telling him that everything would be alright had turned into that of Mark kissing his lips, cupping his neck, hand sliding down to palm his cock through the fabric of his shorts. The perfect brother figure in Sebastian's mind had become the figure of the perfect man, the one that he desired.
That night, when Mark had knocked on Sebastian's door, Sebastian had shouted at him.
'You think you can leave just like that and walk back in years later and expect everything to be okay?' Sebastian had yelled, voice shaking. 'Fuck off!'
Mark never explained his absence. Sebastian had left early for school, not willing to see Mark, not when he had all those feelings to sort out.
He's family, but he's the one you want to fuck.
Love and lust aren't the same.
You can't love him like that, he's your brother.
Sebastian's only seventeen, but what was that line again? You only live once, was it? All he could think of was what if Mark left again? Then he'd be left alone, just like before. If he didn't do anything, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. He had to do something, or he'd spend every night beating himself up about it, unable to concentrate on anything else. He had reckoned that if Mark had wanted him as well, if he felt the same way, then it wouldn't matter. Fuck everything. The only thing he'd have to deal with would be his parents, and it wouldn't be all that difficult as they were hardly at home during weekdays.
It had started out slowly, with accidental contact and lingering touches. Sebastian had walked about in shorts and it showed the curve of his arse. He had even made sure to fall on to Mark's lap accidentally-on-purpose, and if Mark had anything against that surely, he would've said something. He had eaten ice lolly after lolly in front of Mark, flicking his tongue over the tip, licking slowly, wrapping his lips around the confection, slowly putting it into his mouth and pulling it out again in a thrusting motion. He may have moaned once or twice while eating it, he doesn't really remember. But Mark had kept quiet, his eyes had darted from Sebastian's body, and back to whatever he had been working on. Sebastian had been frustrated, but Mark's actions had not deterred him. He had been determined to get his way, to have Mark give in to every whim and fancy of his, just like all those years ago.
But the best laid plans are always doomed to fail, and Sebastian had ended up pushing Mark against the wall, hands fisted in the thin fabric of his t-shirt. 'I want you,' Sebastian had said, breathless, eyes glittering.
'We're brothers,' Mark had said, making a feeble attempt to push Sebastian away.
'You threw that away when you walked out all those years ago.' The words had been supposed to come out bitter, childish and petulant even, tones in which Sebastian had been used to using to get his way but instead, he had sounded defeated, broken.
'I...' Mark had looked as if he had something he had wanted to say, but he had faltered, and looked away. 'I failed. I couldn't face anyone. I could only come back after I had achieved something.'
'You promised you wouldn't leave,' Sebastian had said, voice quivering. For all his bravado, he had ended up sounding weak, foolish. Like a pathetic child all over again, afraid of the monsters underneath his bed, needing big brother Mark to chase them all away.
Mark had licked his lips, before swallowing hard. 'I'm sorry,' he had said, not meeting Sebastian's gaze.
'You're not,' Sebastian had answered, reaching out to cup Mark's cheeks, getting him to look straight at him. 'Kiss me,' he had ordered, heart pounding hard and fast against his chest. It had been make or break, and never in his wildest dreams did he think that Mark would comply.
Now Sebastian's lying on his bed, the only thing he has on is his school shirt, unbuttoned and pushed aside. His school tie's stuffed in his mouth to shut him up and it tastes fucking disgusting but it doesn't matter, because Mark's in between his legs, thrusting into him, filling him up. He tells himself this is love, this is all he has ever wanted and more, but is it really? Mark tells him that he loves him, tells him that he's going to stay, but how much of it is genuine? Sebastian feels Mark hardening underneath his palm when he talks dirty in his ear, telling him how much he'd like him to fuck his mouth, to come all over his face, to spank him and punish him for how naughty he has been, for coming in his shorts before finishing his homework. Mark stays for as long as he can before returning to his room, and at breakfast, Mark squeezes his thigh, and it's the most reassuring thing Sebastian has ever known.
'Seb,' Mark groans, voice hoarse. He's got one hand wrapped around Sebastian's cock, jerking him off as he fucks him. Sebastian clutches at his bed sheets, biting down on his tie as he comes all over his stomach and Mark's hand.
Later on, when Mark's disposing of the condom in as discreet a manner as possible (Mum's still in the kitchen, cooking, with the television on), Sebastian sits on his bed, hugging his knees close to his chest.
This entire relationship with Mark is wrong. Of course Sebastian knows that. Maybe it isn't even love on his part, maybe it's some fucked up fantasy of his because he had been stupid enough to put Mark into that role of his perfect lover. Maybe it isn't love on Mark's part too, maybe it's guilt for all those years he had left Sebastian alone, and he's doing this because it's the only way he can atone for it. But at the end of the day, does it really matter? Mark's doing this because he cares, Sebastian supposes, and he hasn't felt that from another person in a long time. Not from his parents, their parents, who had only cared about him keeping decent grades in school and not hanging out with the wrong crowd. The fights had gotten worse after Mark had left, and Sebastian had found himself wishing that school hours would be much longer so that he wouldn't have to face his parents when he came home.
Mark returns much later, knocking on Sebastian's door when he's sitting at his desk, solving a bunch of quadratic equations after having taken a bath.
'Come in, door's unlocked!' Sebastian yells, and Mark does. He walks over to where Sebastian's sitting.
'Pasta tonight,' Mark says. He rests his hand on Sebastian's shoulder, a light touch, just like in old times.
'Carry me down?' Sebastian asks, putting his pen down, turning to look up at him. Mark had carried him lots when he had been younger, and although he's much taller now, no longer the child hiding behind Mark's legs, he can't help but hope that Mark would oblige.
'You're a big boy now,' Mark chides, but he's smiling. 'But you'll always be my baby brother.'
Right, Sebastian thinks as he gets up. Even after all this, they're not lovers, they can never be lovers. They're brothers. That's what it should be. He knows that. He had always known, right from the start. Mark fucking him wouldn't change the way he sees him, still the silly little boy, always needing someone to hold his hand, to tell him that everything's going to be okay.
But even after so long, why does it still hurt so much inside?
notes:
-for whisper-roar, originally posted on tumblr!
-original idea for this came from daemon-angelus after watching this video, and of course elyndys had a role in turning this into full incest and not stepsibling incest u_______u
-title and cut text from lana del rey's video games.
mark and sebastian are brothers, but they fuck anyway.
They're brothers.
Half-brothers, to be exact, but that's just a technicality and it can hardly matter, especially when Mark's fucking Sebastian into the mattress, hands gripping his thighs. Sebastian's biting hard on his school tie, they have to keep quiet but he's not going to be able to do it if Mark keeps this up.
It hasn't always been like this. Sebastian remembers Mark vaguely from what seems like an eternity ago. Tall, dark haired, and he had strained his neck looking up at him. He remembers tugging at Mark's hair, and Mark had swatted his hands away playfully. He had let him sit on his back, let him ride him like a horse. Sebastian had sat next to Mark in the evening, sipping at his mug of warm milk as Mark had worked through assignment after assignment. Mark had carried him on his shoulders, had driven him to get ice cream together, had been there to cuddle whenever there had been a fight. It all ended the summer Sebastian turned seven. He had been left alone and it had been that way until half a year ago, when Mark had returned, a changed man.
Sebastian had stayed hidden, watching from the kitchen as his parents embraced Mark and wept. He had spent so long dreaming of his brother's return, but he had absolutely no idea what to do when he had indeed returned.
'Seb,' Mark had said with a lopsided grin. It had been both a greeting and an apology.
Sebastian had turned and ran.
All these years, Mark had been a figure in Sebastian's dreams. Somewhere along the way, fantasies of Mark coming back for him, holding him close, kissing his forehead, telling him that everything would be alright had turned into that of Mark kissing his lips, cupping his neck, hand sliding down to palm his cock through the fabric of his shorts. The perfect brother figure in Sebastian's mind had become the figure of the perfect man, the one that he desired.
That night, when Mark had knocked on Sebastian's door, Sebastian had shouted at him.
'You think you can leave just like that and walk back in years later and expect everything to be okay?' Sebastian had yelled, voice shaking. 'Fuck off!'
Mark never explained his absence. Sebastian had left early for school, not willing to see Mark, not when he had all those feelings to sort out.
He's family, but he's the one you want to fuck.
Love and lust aren't the same.
You can't love him like that, he's your brother.
Sebastian's only seventeen, but what was that line again? You only live once, was it? All he could think of was what if Mark left again? Then he'd be left alone, just like before. If he didn't do anything, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. He had to do something, or he'd spend every night beating himself up about it, unable to concentrate on anything else. He had reckoned that if Mark had wanted him as well, if he felt the same way, then it wouldn't matter. Fuck everything. The only thing he'd have to deal with would be his parents, and it wouldn't be all that difficult as they were hardly at home during weekdays.
It had started out slowly, with accidental contact and lingering touches. Sebastian had walked about in shorts and it showed the curve of his arse. He had even made sure to fall on to Mark's lap accidentally-on-purpose, and if Mark had anything against that surely, he would've said something. He had eaten ice lolly after lolly in front of Mark, flicking his tongue over the tip, licking slowly, wrapping his lips around the confection, slowly putting it into his mouth and pulling it out again in a thrusting motion. He may have moaned once or twice while eating it, he doesn't really remember. But Mark had kept quiet, his eyes had darted from Sebastian's body, and back to whatever he had been working on. Sebastian had been frustrated, but Mark's actions had not deterred him. He had been determined to get his way, to have Mark give in to every whim and fancy of his, just like all those years ago.
But the best laid plans are always doomed to fail, and Sebastian had ended up pushing Mark against the wall, hands fisted in the thin fabric of his t-shirt. 'I want you,' Sebastian had said, breathless, eyes glittering.
'We're brothers,' Mark had said, making a feeble attempt to push Sebastian away.
'You threw that away when you walked out all those years ago.' The words had been supposed to come out bitter, childish and petulant even, tones in which Sebastian had been used to using to get his way but instead, he had sounded defeated, broken.
'I...' Mark had looked as if he had something he had wanted to say, but he had faltered, and looked away. 'I failed. I couldn't face anyone. I could only come back after I had achieved something.'
'You promised you wouldn't leave,' Sebastian had said, voice quivering. For all his bravado, he had ended up sounding weak, foolish. Like a pathetic child all over again, afraid of the monsters underneath his bed, needing big brother Mark to chase them all away.
Mark had licked his lips, before swallowing hard. 'I'm sorry,' he had said, not meeting Sebastian's gaze.
'You're not,' Sebastian had answered, reaching out to cup Mark's cheeks, getting him to look straight at him. 'Kiss me,' he had ordered, heart pounding hard and fast against his chest. It had been make or break, and never in his wildest dreams did he think that Mark would comply.
Now Sebastian's lying on his bed, the only thing he has on is his school shirt, unbuttoned and pushed aside. His school tie's stuffed in his mouth to shut him up and it tastes fucking disgusting but it doesn't matter, because Mark's in between his legs, thrusting into him, filling him up. He tells himself this is love, this is all he has ever wanted and more, but is it really? Mark tells him that he loves him, tells him that he's going to stay, but how much of it is genuine? Sebastian feels Mark hardening underneath his palm when he talks dirty in his ear, telling him how much he'd like him to fuck his mouth, to come all over his face, to spank him and punish him for how naughty he has been, for coming in his shorts before finishing his homework. Mark stays for as long as he can before returning to his room, and at breakfast, Mark squeezes his thigh, and it's the most reassuring thing Sebastian has ever known.
'Seb,' Mark groans, voice hoarse. He's got one hand wrapped around Sebastian's cock, jerking him off as he fucks him. Sebastian clutches at his bed sheets, biting down on his tie as he comes all over his stomach and Mark's hand.
Later on, when Mark's disposing of the condom in as discreet a manner as possible (Mum's still in the kitchen, cooking, with the television on), Sebastian sits on his bed, hugging his knees close to his chest.
This entire relationship with Mark is wrong. Of course Sebastian knows that. Maybe it isn't even love on his part, maybe it's some fucked up fantasy of his because he had been stupid enough to put Mark into that role of his perfect lover. Maybe it isn't love on Mark's part too, maybe it's guilt for all those years he had left Sebastian alone, and he's doing this because it's the only way he can atone for it. But at the end of the day, does it really matter? Mark's doing this because he cares, Sebastian supposes, and he hasn't felt that from another person in a long time. Not from his parents, their parents, who had only cared about him keeping decent grades in school and not hanging out with the wrong crowd. The fights had gotten worse after Mark had left, and Sebastian had found himself wishing that school hours would be much longer so that he wouldn't have to face his parents when he came home.
Mark returns much later, knocking on Sebastian's door when he's sitting at his desk, solving a bunch of quadratic equations after having taken a bath.
'Come in, door's unlocked!' Sebastian yells, and Mark does. He walks over to where Sebastian's sitting.
'Pasta tonight,' Mark says. He rests his hand on Sebastian's shoulder, a light touch, just like in old times.
'Carry me down?' Sebastian asks, putting his pen down, turning to look up at him. Mark had carried him lots when he had been younger, and although he's much taller now, no longer the child hiding behind Mark's legs, he can't help but hope that Mark would oblige.
'You're a big boy now,' Mark chides, but he's smiling. 'But you'll always be my baby brother.'
Right, Sebastian thinks as he gets up. Even after all this, they're not lovers, they can never be lovers. They're brothers. That's what it should be. He knows that. He had always known, right from the start. Mark fucking him wouldn't change the way he sees him, still the silly little boy, always needing someone to hold his hand, to tell him that everything's going to be okay.
But even after so long, why does it still hurt so much inside?
notes:
-for whisper-roar, originally posted on tumblr!
-original idea for this came from daemon-angelus after watching this video, and of course elyndys had a role in turning this into full incest and not stepsibling incest u_______u
-title and cut text from lana del rey's video games.