30 Day Meme: Day Two
Well I was originally going to start the 30 Day Meme yesterday so I'll give you two journals today to make up for my laziness.
Day Two: Your First Love
Your first love, in great detail...oh my. I rarely talk about this sort of stuff. Love and romance hardly pass my mouth, especially my own love. But I am a romantic and I think of love all the time. So I'll start with saying I had a crush on a boy pretty much every year of my life since I was a young girl. At daycare I had a crush on an older boy that did not pay much attention to me. In second grade the boy that sat behind me in class. Third and fourth grade was on a boy in my class. I would hide my face whenever he walked past me on the playground, lol. Strange in fifth grade I cannot remember anybody in school but I had a crush on a boy that lived a couple of apartments down from mine an another older boy at my daycare who I pretended to be Pokémon with. Sixth grade I pretended I didn't like this one boy but really I did. Seventh and eighth grade I was in Hastings and I had multiple crushes. Ninth and tenth grade I was at Indus and I had multiple crushes. In eleventh grade I started dating one of my crushes…
You probably noticed that I had a lot of crushes but I never acted on any of them. I never chased after the boys. I would hide my feelings away from them. This probably would have continued if people did not intervene...
From the very beginning of my relationship with Bruce we had people around. But I like the story before we started dating better then what happened so I’ll start there.
Bruce was one of my crushes in ninth and tenth grade but I didn’t think he liked me much because whenever he came around he would talk/play around/ generally paying attention to everybody but me. Sometime in tenth grade things were not going well in my life. It felt like my friends that I choose to be with instead of my Mom were changing and leaving me and I would fight with my Grandma and Dad so I was depressed. One day things boiled over at school and I was very upset and lonely. It was at the end of the day and I saw Bruce walking to the buses and I reached out to him and I asked him about the online game he was talking about earlier in the week and how I would like to play it with him.
That’s how it started with an online game. With that simple act of reaching out I created a relationship. I started talking to Bruce more and more about the game and I started hanging out with him more in school. One night I was online playing and Bruce came on and he told me he was going to away to live with his dad because he had to get off some pills he was addicted to. I was devastated…I would log onto the game throughout the summer to see if he would come on but he never did. The game wasn’t as fun anymore.
The new school year came around and Bruce was back in school. I first saw him in the office but I pretended to ignore him but I could tell he wanted to talk to me. Eventually we started talking again and he told me how his summer was. We started playing online games again. It was fun hanging out with him, talking with him. I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him but we never voiced our thoughts to each other. Our mutual attraction to each other must have been obvious to other people because at homecoming a bunch of people crowded us together and forced Bruce to ask me out. It wasn’t ideal but I said yes. After that the crowd left and we were alone sitting by a wall. I started confessing to him that I liked him since ninth grade and then a girl a couple of grades below me came over and started to cry to me on how the other girls were being mean to her so that ended any romantic confessions.
It’s common to see in relationships the couple all over each other and forgetting their friends but nobody could ever blame Bruce and me in doing that. We cared for our friends and we paid attention to them. We always had people around us and I felt uncomfortable showing my affection to Bruce around all those people. Bruce was respectful and probably shy, so he did not show me affection in front of people as well. The beginning of our relationship was good. We were shy with each other. We didn’t kiss till about six months into our relationship because I waited for my first kiss. I didn’t want to take it. I can remember how scared I was the first time I came over to his house to hang out. I remember talking to him on the late bus…those were the good days when things were on complicated.
I can’t remember when it happened. But sometime our relationship changed and it became something painful to me. Some idiot gave Bruce pills medication and he became addicted again. I never paid much attention to what he called these pills but they made him skinny and sickly looking. All he could think about was those stupid pills and how bad he felt. How he thought he was dying. He did not pay much attention to me. We always had people around as and during this time I started resenting them. When I wanted to give him affection they would be there. When I wanted to talk to him, they were there. Always interfering and I hated it. They got the best of him and I got the worst. But I cared for Bruce so I stayed with him even when he ignored me and when I was scared for his health I stayed…I wanted to leave several times because he made be extremely angry. It felt like he wanted his friends more then he wanted me. But I stayed because I kept thinking to myself that after he got better our relationship will be better. He had to be supported by somebody that really cared for him because he had nobody else.
After I graduated I would randomly visit him without notice. On one of my visits after a movie he broke up with me saying he did not feel the same way about me that he did when we first dated. How could he feel this when he couldn’t feel anything else? I cried and cried. He comforted me and I stayed at his house for a couple of hours, my head on his shoulder while we watched a couple episodes of House, tears silently coming down my face. When it was time for me to go home I thought in my head this was the last time I would see him and I said goodbye. I cried while I drove home and I was glad the living room was dark because Kayla would of saw I was crying. I went to bed and when I woke up in the morning it felt like a weight was lifted and I did not mourn anymore.
However, my support for Bruce did not end there. Bruce asked me on the computer to drive him to the doctors because he had nobody else and I did. When Bruce needed a job I encouraged him to work for Menards and supported him when he received the job. When Bruce got an apartment I got him a housewarming gift. When Bruce was having legal problems with his apartment I would talk to him about it. When Bruce want his driver’s license I drove him around, I showed him want he needed to do on the test, I let him use my car for the test and I gave my praise when he got his license. All I asked for was friendship and in the end he stopped talking to me and ignored me. Because of this I feel bitter towards my relationship with him. I gave and gave but I did not receive anything in return. Waiting and waiting for everything to get better, for him to get better with only heartache and broken promises as my company. But it was a form of love. It must have been if I endured all that for him. Now I sit and wait for my great love of my life. He’s out there somewhere I just have to be patient and if Bruce taught be anything it was patiences.
Sorry for grammar usage and not punctuating properly but I’m very tired and I’m going to bed now. Goodnight <3.
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 - Your day, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 - Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 - What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 - This week, in great detail
Day 14 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 - Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 - Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 - Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 - Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 - This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 - Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 - Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 - A first, in great detail
Day 26 - Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 - Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 - Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail
Day Two: Your First Love
Your first love, in great detail...oh my. I rarely talk about this sort of stuff. Love and romance hardly pass my mouth, especially my own love. But I am a romantic and I think of love all the time. So I'll start with saying I had a crush on a boy pretty much every year of my life since I was a young girl. At daycare I had a crush on an older boy that did not pay much attention to me. In second grade the boy that sat behind me in class. Third and fourth grade was on a boy in my class. I would hide my face whenever he walked past me on the playground, lol. Strange in fifth grade I cannot remember anybody in school but I had a crush on a boy that lived a couple of apartments down from mine an another older boy at my daycare who I pretended to be Pokémon with. Sixth grade I pretended I didn't like this one boy but really I did. Seventh and eighth grade I was in Hastings and I had multiple crushes. Ninth and tenth grade I was at Indus and I had multiple crushes. In eleventh grade I started dating one of my crushes…
You probably noticed that I had a lot of crushes but I never acted on any of them. I never chased after the boys. I would hide my feelings away from them. This probably would have continued if people did not intervene...
From the very beginning of my relationship with Bruce we had people around. But I like the story before we started dating better then what happened so I’ll start there.
Bruce was one of my crushes in ninth and tenth grade but I didn’t think he liked me much because whenever he came around he would talk/play around/ generally paying attention to everybody but me. Sometime in tenth grade things were not going well in my life. It felt like my friends that I choose to be with instead of my Mom were changing and leaving me and I would fight with my Grandma and Dad so I was depressed. One day things boiled over at school and I was very upset and lonely. It was at the end of the day and I saw Bruce walking to the buses and I reached out to him and I asked him about the online game he was talking about earlier in the week and how I would like to play it with him.
That’s how it started with an online game. With that simple act of reaching out I created a relationship. I started talking to Bruce more and more about the game and I started hanging out with him more in school. One night I was online playing and Bruce came on and he told me he was going to away to live with his dad because he had to get off some pills he was addicted to. I was devastated…I would log onto the game throughout the summer to see if he would come on but he never did. The game wasn’t as fun anymore.
The new school year came around and Bruce was back in school. I first saw him in the office but I pretended to ignore him but I could tell he wanted to talk to me. Eventually we started talking again and he told me how his summer was. We started playing online games again. It was fun hanging out with him, talking with him. I knew he liked me and he knew I liked him but we never voiced our thoughts to each other. Our mutual attraction to each other must have been obvious to other people because at homecoming a bunch of people crowded us together and forced Bruce to ask me out. It wasn’t ideal but I said yes. After that the crowd left and we were alone sitting by a wall. I started confessing to him that I liked him since ninth grade and then a girl a couple of grades below me came over and started to cry to me on how the other girls were being mean to her so that ended any romantic confessions.
It’s common to see in relationships the couple all over each other and forgetting their friends but nobody could ever blame Bruce and me in doing that. We cared for our friends and we paid attention to them. We always had people around us and I felt uncomfortable showing my affection to Bruce around all those people. Bruce was respectful and probably shy, so he did not show me affection in front of people as well. The beginning of our relationship was good. We were shy with each other. We didn’t kiss till about six months into our relationship because I waited for my first kiss. I didn’t want to take it. I can remember how scared I was the first time I came over to his house to hang out. I remember talking to him on the late bus…those were the good days when things were on complicated.
I can’t remember when it happened. But sometime our relationship changed and it became something painful to me. Some idiot gave Bruce pills medication and he became addicted again. I never paid much attention to what he called these pills but they made him skinny and sickly looking. All he could think about was those stupid pills and how bad he felt. How he thought he was dying. He did not pay much attention to me. We always had people around as and during this time I started resenting them. When I wanted to give him affection they would be there. When I wanted to talk to him, they were there. Always interfering and I hated it. They got the best of him and I got the worst. But I cared for Bruce so I stayed with him even when he ignored me and when I was scared for his health I stayed…I wanted to leave several times because he made be extremely angry. It felt like he wanted his friends more then he wanted me. But I stayed because I kept thinking to myself that after he got better our relationship will be better. He had to be supported by somebody that really cared for him because he had nobody else.
After I graduated I would randomly visit him without notice. On one of my visits after a movie he broke up with me saying he did not feel the same way about me that he did when we first dated. How could he feel this when he couldn’t feel anything else? I cried and cried. He comforted me and I stayed at his house for a couple of hours, my head on his shoulder while we watched a couple episodes of House, tears silently coming down my face. When it was time for me to go home I thought in my head this was the last time I would see him and I said goodbye. I cried while I drove home and I was glad the living room was dark because Kayla would of saw I was crying. I went to bed and when I woke up in the morning it felt like a weight was lifted and I did not mourn anymore.
However, my support for Bruce did not end there. Bruce asked me on the computer to drive him to the doctors because he had nobody else and I did. When Bruce needed a job I encouraged him to work for Menards and supported him when he received the job. When Bruce got an apartment I got him a housewarming gift. When Bruce was having legal problems with his apartment I would talk to him about it. When Bruce want his driver’s license I drove him around, I showed him want he needed to do on the test, I let him use my car for the test and I gave my praise when he got his license. All I asked for was friendship and in the end he stopped talking to me and ignored me. Because of this I feel bitter towards my relationship with him. I gave and gave but I did not receive anything in return. Waiting and waiting for everything to get better, for him to get better with only heartache and broken promises as my company. But it was a form of love. It must have been if I endured all that for him. Now I sit and wait for my great love of my life. He’s out there somewhere I just have to be patient and if Bruce taught be anything it was patiences.
Sorry for grammar usage and not punctuating properly but I’m very tired and I’m going to bed now. Goodnight <3.
Day 01 - Introduce yourself
Day 02 - Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 - Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 - What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 - Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 - Your day, in great detail
Day 07 - Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 - A moment, in great detail
Day 09 - Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 - Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 - What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 - This week, in great detail
Day 14 - What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 - Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 - Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 - Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 - Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 - Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 - This month, in great detail
Day 21 - Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 - Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 - Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 - Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 - A first, in great detail
Day 26 - Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 - Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 - Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 - Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 - One last moment, in great detail