45 minutes rejecting all possibilities/oneshot/kai x ruki
Title: 45 minutes rejecting all possibilities
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: buriedinheart
Genre: angst, romance, life, retrospective
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: fiction.
Rating: none
Pairing: Kai X Ruki
Bands: the GazettE
Synopsis: his breath rises and falls, naturally synchronised with kai's. like even their souls knew each other.
Comments: sorry for the long hiatus. :(
Its autumn.
And its fucking cold already.
He closes his eyes, soft lips parting like trying to breathe, wisps of smoke trailing the edges and lines and contours of plush flesh. He tries to create a bubble where there’s only him and him alone, all lines and space and empty in-betweens. No thoughts, (no fear and love and surprise and hope) no emotions: just white space.
He tries so hard to do this, his fingers trembling, the cigarette shaking. He focuses, concentrates, furrows his brows. He has tried so hard for a while now, but always failing, and he thinks he’s tired of being tired.
The sun whispers stories-never-told on the dusty window, crystallizing into reality the cold there. Smudges of cold meet warmth, like dancing but never meeting.
Like Kai and him.
Ruki looks outside the window, the sun rising to greet a new day. Like a new beginning, or whatever. Honey streams drenching the cold sky. He drags on his cigarette, feels the nicotine hitting his bloodstream like the first cigarette of the day. Ruki lets the moment be, of being, of living, (breathing and harsh breaths and alcohol still on his breath and smoke dyed hair and everything that he is) He lets it be on this cold Sunday morning, no thoughts, just existence.
He misses himself.
His younger self, when things used to be do-able and easy and hope and dreams were as big as the night sky, grab the stars, Kai used to say even back then, arms wrapped around his thin waist, warming him with his existence. Breathing into the crook of his nape where his ear met his jawline and his neck started. Promises of always-love (not forever, never forever because forever didn’t last - but always), strong arms translating the abstract into reality.
His dyed hair, brittle strands, wild mad eyes, screaming, vibrating vocal chords, desperate hands grabbing, holding, gripping his dreams, not wanting to ever let go. Excitement like it was a normal part of being. His best friends, his lover, around him following the faraway dreams soaring into the night sky like a fucking comet.
Ruki grins at the poetic trailings of his thoughts, how even his thoughts are fucking lyrical. Now, now.
‘’What are you smiling at?’’ And Kai looks at him, all bleary eyed and sleep.His hair is all mussed up and he has a bit of drool on his chin, the fabric of the sheets wrapped around his muscular body, white meeting pale. His slim body forming shapes and contours on the soft bed, the feather fabric clinging onto his frame. He looks beautiful.
Ruki laughs, and just shakes his head, tousling his hair so that it fell in his eyes. He lets it be, peering at kai through a shadow of hair. Dragging on his dying cigarette, the red embers flares up in wake of oxygen. Like his soul coming alive again (when Kai looks at him).
‘’Just feeling alive, you?’’ Ruki curls his lips in a smirk, turning into a laugh when Kai mumbles its so early why you thinking so much?
Just come into bed, its cold out.
So Ruki falls into bed beside Kai, whispering about today’s schedule and how they have to be up and ready in an hour… worry creasing his forehead. He startles in shock, realizing how he has aged over the past decade. All worry and frustration, humdrum of tedium and stress eating away at Takanori until he’s just Ruki, with shades of Taka in between. Even the shades are paling. And this fear grips Takanori so hard,
Sometimes I feel like im losing myself, like im becoming a salaryman or something. His warm breath ghosting kai’s face.
Yeah well. You’re a rockstar still, love. and we all grow old someday. Kai mumbles into his smoke-dyed hair, his voice everything familiar and comforting. And so Ruki rolls his eyes, whispers an insult. Fuck you.
You really want to? Arent you tired?
And Takanori gasps with laughter, eyes creasing in pleasure, joy and love. Like everything is okay again.
Him and Kai… Rain and storm, thunder and lightning, waves and tsunamis, stars and the night sky.
Complementary and yet so different in the degree of intensity. Not one without the other.
Takanori snuggles closer to Kai, falling asleep in the soft hollow of his throat.
45 minutes spent questioning all possibilities, his past and present.
45 minutes rejecting all possibilities.
The present will do for now. Never forever, but always always.
Now, now.
His breath rises and falls, naturally synchronised with Kai's. like even their souls knew each other.