(no subject)
It's very hard to talk sometimes. But I think we may have managed it--two sets of we, actually. At different times and levels, but both with surprising ease. Relative ease, anyway.
I'm going to continue being somewhat vague, because no offense, but how can I really trust most of you? Yet I certainly don't want to be stuck in this weird multilayered shell, convinced that you all know my every thought yet hoping--or fearing--you know nothing at all. And how will I know who I can trust if I don't try people?
Anyway, I managed to explain my recent stupid behaviour to a certain person--fine, to E.J., okay? not that any of you didn't know that--and we talked about...well, a lot, actually. We talked about communication--how meta!--and love, and nakedness vs. nudity, and the role of embarassment, and the slippery nature of definitions. We seem to be making further steps towards understanding each other and things in general (I hope!).
Also, I went over to Neddy's room and had a surprisingly (?) relaxing chat. Most of my feelings of nameless dread have been eased, but pleasant as it was, I don't think we've really finished. Which is good, actually. I don't think I ever want to be finished, per se, with anyone that I don't loathe or fear too much for liking or sympathy.
All right--I think it's time to stop thinking for a while...I don't want to beat all this stuff to death. Must remember that I don't have to get everything nailed-down-right all the time. except in Latin class
Note to self:
Why wilt thou examine every little fiber of my soul
Spreading them out before the Sun like stalks of flax to dry?
The infant joy is beautiful, but its anatomy
Horrible, ghast & deadly. Nought shalt thou find in it
But Death, despair, & everlasting brooding melancholy.
Oh, wow--I just fell asleep at the computer.
I'm going to continue being somewhat vague, because no offense, but how can I really trust most of you? Yet I certainly don't want to be stuck in this weird multilayered shell, convinced that you all know my every thought yet hoping--or fearing--you know nothing at all. And how will I know who I can trust if I don't try people?
Anyway, I managed to explain my recent stupid behaviour to a certain person--fine, to E.J., okay? not that any of you didn't know that--and we talked about...well, a lot, actually. We talked about communication--how meta!--and love, and nakedness vs. nudity, and the role of embarassment, and the slippery nature of definitions. We seem to be making further steps towards understanding each other and things in general (I hope!).
Also, I went over to Neddy's room and had a surprisingly (?) relaxing chat. Most of my feelings of nameless dread have been eased, but pleasant as it was, I don't think we've really finished. Which is good, actually. I don't think I ever want to be finished, per se, with anyone that I don't loathe or fear too much for liking or sympathy.
All right--I think it's time to stop thinking for a while...I don't want to beat all this stuff to death. Must remember that I don't have to get everything nailed-down-right all the time. except in Latin class
Note to self:
Why wilt thou examine every little fiber of my soul
Spreading them out before the Sun like stalks of flax to dry?
The infant joy is beautiful, but its anatomy
Horrible, ghast & deadly. Nought shalt thou find in it
But Death, despair, & everlasting brooding melancholy.
Oh, wow--I just fell asleep at the computer.