long entry, possibly... so dont mind it.
yeah, so today blew, my dad blew up when he saw me hanging out with teh jimbo-nator. and well my dad went crazy and shit. and so i just decided to say fuck it and i walked off into my room because im tired of him making judgements for me. if i fuck up in life, i learn from it. but i BELIVE in second chances. unlike my dad.
sometimes i even make an acception to the second chance, and give 3, maybe 4.... or in my dads case, too many to count. though i have never forgiven him 100% for what hes done to me. so for you kids (and relatives) reading ill explain some of this, now keep in mind this isnt locked, and i know ANYBODY can read it. but i personally dont care anymore. all i have are friends, my dad just doesn't seem to understand what i talk about, atleast 95%of the time. but yeah. when i was like maybe in second grade or so... well when i was young. my dad spanked me for awhile, not with a hand, but more like with random objects... fucked up isn't it? yep. but Dr. Drew Pinskey who lives in California and is on loveline (99.1fm sun-thurs 10pm-12am) has said spanking can be very traumatizing, and i belive it has screwed up my life... now i've also been traumatized by my dad "spanking" the cat with this long plastic flexible rod everytime it crapped on the floor... fucked up isnt it? and well lets fast forward a few years, oh id say to about 6th grade. when one night i was watching wrestling, keep in mind i was about to go to bed in about 10 or15 mins. and so i told him to wait because when he gets home, or is at home. all he ever does is watch tv and that he could wait a few mins. and i wouldnt give up the remote, so guess what happened? he threw me on the fucking floor and i went to get up and then he tackled me, which then i kicked him in the stomache because im fucking 12 years old and my "father figure" is attacking me. and so i wouldnt give it (the remote) up so he proceeded to pin me on the ground with his knee, which in the end must have atleast bruised a rib. which freaked out my sister who was freaking out because of what she saw. now, lets go head maybe 5 or 6 months. he takes the cds of mine he doesnt like, and randomly places them in a wal-mart... keep in mind music has always been a big thing in my life since i must have been, oh id say 10 or so. and so i talked to him about it and he lied, right to my face. multiple times because i KNEW he did somthing with my cds. my cds that i got with my money i had. and so from then and untill now its been an on and off kind of father son relationship, all because he has to have everything his way and wont take it any other way. oh yes i must add he blamed me for breaking a computer which i rarly used.
now let me point some things out.
my dad has an anger problem, not as bad now, because he knows i will hit back if he tries to do somthing. now, your anger trait is passed on from generation to generation, though i dont know who had it before my dad because my grandpa seems to be a calm mellow man. now, i used to have major anger problems, which i only blow up if my dad pushes me beyond my limit. im just afraid one day i will have a girlfriend or somthing and ill just blow up and hit her or somthing, all because my dad had an anger problem. which Dr. Drew Pinskey said anger is passed on, its a trait.
my dad doesnt admit to things hes done wrong. which makes him stubborn, no matter how hard you try he wont admit it because he doesnt want to show any "flaws" that'll show he is weaker than anybody. because in his opinion hes perfect and im the fuck up, or reject, which he clearly stated today that i was a fuck up by calling me a "family wrecker" which has lost all meaning to me, since he has said it so much to me. now, when i have a family i know im going to be different than my dad, ill listen to what my kids have to say, and not hit them, or spank them.
my dad needs to learn to accept me for who i am, and needs to not judge my friends because they might have done somthing stupid awhile ago. people change, i have, jimbo has, buffy has, all my friends have changed in some way. jimbo has majorly changed, if you know him, then well you'd know how hes changed.
people can be such assholes.
conclusion - i am who i am, i learn from my own mistakes, dont fuck with me or ill bite back.