figuring out how to cut out the fat
i feel like ive lost a lot of honesty in my livejournaling for quite some time now, maybe its a reflection of the life i am now leading, the people I’m surrounded by compared to the life I was leading before.
All i know is that i am dissatisfied at having to censor myself because i know you are reading this. Well i say bollocks to that, tepid water incites no emotion.but
Since Chelsea came into my life, my spirit has finally gotten some respite from its long solitude. Stupidly and no matter how i try and fight it, i seem to be a nester. I only need one other person to be truly happy, everything else is just garnishing. That, and i'm so run off my feet that i only have time for lotsa people at once, or one person a lot. I'm glad i chose Chelsea, she keeps surprising me with her generosity, actions that i wouldn't expect anyone to take, actions that send her out of her way and make others more comfortable, she has the spirit of a healer. I don't know if she knows it, but she knows what love is.
And i love her.
i love her personality, I love the many facets of her character, she's complex and yet has the capacity to be simple in the most beautiful ways. I love the fact that she'll come with me wherever i need to go, she'll follow me. I love the way she looks and the way she always makes an effort to look nice. She makes an effort in every part of her life, sometimes i think she just deserves a rest, I love the way she makes me want to make an effort in mine. I love how independent she is, and yet how she still relies on other people, makes them feel necessary. I love how strong she is, yet still remains a little girl. I love the way she smells, feels, is. I love so many things about her, more things than I can put into words.
But one thing i never do is take her for granted. every day i see her i count myself lucky. I just take it one day at a time. But I hope many days down the line she'll still be there
But thenI lost the internet quite some time ago, i was sititng here updating an entry, the next door neighbours were having a new rainwater tank put up it's a fine barn english, but it be no swimming pool, i heard a great thud, then the power glitched in my house and my computer re booted, but i couldnt get the net to work. modem, ethernet port and the PRAM all got fried.
So i couldn't write down how i truly felt, this made me sad, but not as sad as me
Havingglandular fever for about 3 weeks now. i only admitted it to myself this last week and it fucked me up bad. I kept going out every night and working as hard as i normally do. This was a mistake. Now ive been forced to take at least 2 weeks off of work. There was a space of about 5 days there that were living hell. Ive lost 8 kgs since last I checked. I went to the doctor and said i think ive got glandular fever. He checked my glands on my neck (which any sod could do, you just had to look at the back of my neck, they were as swollen as my head for christs sake) and said "that's a pretty good self diagnosis, you a medical student?" i said "no". what i should have said was "what? that's it you quack, aint you even gonna palpitate my spleen to cross check symptoms for collaborative evidence on your diagnosis or look for signs of a secondary infection?".
SicknessThat's my main problem, i never fight for myself. If someone has an opinion of me and stands there shouting accusations of the type of person they think i am in the middle of the street, i'll just shrug my shoulders, mutter youre probably right and wander away. I consider it the other persons failing for not seeing past the surface, whether it be my actions or foppish nature. But if one of my friends is attacked or in danger, watch out.
I guess i don't see myself as a valid person.
i became vegitarian 2 days ago. I'm sick of killing and having things die because of me.
i want to quit my job, I'm sick of killing and having things die because of me. so i'm looking for some new employment if anyone knows of anywhere thats looking...
i finished my costume for chelseas party
i rang up canning college the other day, i kept telling the woman-(helen barrister, guidance councillor, canning college, ring 9458 9644 and ask for her) that i wanted to finish high school as it was a mental barrier i wanted to overcome, but she seemed to be really excited that i could take the STAT test in november and go to uni next year.
All i know is that i am dissatisfied at having to censor myself because i know you are reading this. Well i say bollocks to that, tepid water incites no emotion.but
Since Chelsea came into my life, my spirit has finally gotten some respite from its long solitude. Stupidly and no matter how i try and fight it, i seem to be a nester. I only need one other person to be truly happy, everything else is just garnishing. That, and i'm so run off my feet that i only have time for lotsa people at once, or one person a lot. I'm glad i chose Chelsea, she keeps surprising me with her generosity, actions that i wouldn't expect anyone to take, actions that send her out of her way and make others more comfortable, she has the spirit of a healer. I don't know if she knows it, but she knows what love is.
And i love her.
i love her personality, I love the many facets of her character, she's complex and yet has the capacity to be simple in the most beautiful ways. I love the fact that she'll come with me wherever i need to go, she'll follow me. I love the way she looks and the way she always makes an effort to look nice. She makes an effort in every part of her life, sometimes i think she just deserves a rest, I love the way she makes me want to make an effort in mine. I love how independent she is, and yet how she still relies on other people, makes them feel necessary. I love how strong she is, yet still remains a little girl. I love the way she smells, feels, is. I love so many things about her, more things than I can put into words.
But one thing i never do is take her for granted. every day i see her i count myself lucky. I just take it one day at a time. But I hope many days down the line she'll still be there
But thenI lost the internet quite some time ago, i was sititng here updating an entry, the next door neighbours were having a new rainwater tank put up it's a fine barn english, but it be no swimming pool, i heard a great thud, then the power glitched in my house and my computer re booted, but i couldnt get the net to work. modem, ethernet port and the PRAM all got fried.
So i couldn't write down how i truly felt, this made me sad, but not as sad as me
Havingglandular fever for about 3 weeks now. i only admitted it to myself this last week and it fucked me up bad. I kept going out every night and working as hard as i normally do. This was a mistake. Now ive been forced to take at least 2 weeks off of work. There was a space of about 5 days there that were living hell. Ive lost 8 kgs since last I checked. I went to the doctor and said i think ive got glandular fever. He checked my glands on my neck (which any sod could do, you just had to look at the back of my neck, they were as swollen as my head for christs sake) and said "that's a pretty good self diagnosis, you a medical student?" i said "no". what i should have said was "what? that's it you quack, aint you even gonna palpitate my spleen to cross check symptoms for collaborative evidence on your diagnosis or look for signs of a secondary infection?".
SicknessThat's my main problem, i never fight for myself. If someone has an opinion of me and stands there shouting accusations of the type of person they think i am in the middle of the street, i'll just shrug my shoulders, mutter youre probably right and wander away. I consider it the other persons failing for not seeing past the surface, whether it be my actions or foppish nature. But if one of my friends is attacked or in danger, watch out.
I guess i don't see myself as a valid person.
i became vegitarian 2 days ago. I'm sick of killing and having things die because of me.
i want to quit my job, I'm sick of killing and having things die because of me. so i'm looking for some new employment if anyone knows of anywhere thats looking...
i finished my costume for chelseas party
i rang up canning college the other day, i kept telling the woman-(helen barrister, guidance councillor, canning college, ring 9458 9644 and ask for her) that i wanted to finish high school as it was a mental barrier i wanted to overcome, but she seemed to be really excited that i could take the STAT test in november and go to uni next year.