apologies
Okay, that last entry was so long and here I am about to write another, so I'll put it under a cut. I just received this e-mail the is sooo rant worthy wow...okay... I don't even ... yeah sorry,
The e-mail from my Grandma
" Hope you are getting everything together to send home. Claudia was here last night to eat her dinner. There was a school meeting with parents, as they are still thinking of doing away with Edison. She said you were going back to Japan next year. I was hoping you would finish college here and take a fifth year in Japan. You know how the students study there and you know how much you like to hit the books....ha ha And they don't give your money back if you flunk out. !!!!!Claudia said she hopes you get to graduate after your report from the school in Tokyo and your last semester here.....Oh my......
I know you won't listen...but try to be just beautiful and stylish, let the kids find you. Please don't dress up in costumes like you did before you left. You were such a hit in Tokyo because you looked so good in their "dress". You told me there was a time and a place to wear the clothing from Japan here, so be smart with the "when". I'm sure it would have been different if you went around in a Ten Gallon Cowboy Hat and Boots in the Malls of Tokyo..he he You worked very hard to fit in there and you did, you can here too, without trying to be different. Well enough of that Gram, ha ha
Hope you have a good trip home and it won't be an awful plane ride.
Love you
Gram
"
Okay... umm I didn't just spend like what? hundreds of dollars buying a completely kick ass tokyo wardrobe to NOT wear in the US. And I wasn't trying to fit in here...I was dressing the way I wanted to (okay, addmitedly half of the time I was just dressing like Bou but hey...thats cute!) and although I'm not really weird in tokoy, I don't fit in either. I fit in with the VK oshare Kei people...but thats still a minority. And HELL NO I ain't staying in the US four freaking years ... oh god I would die. I think one year will be bad enough. And god...that she even suggests I would flunk out of college insults me. I know I didn't do THAT well in school, but my GPA was still nothing to really scoff at. Although class rank I'm sure was another story...its not my fault I go to a smart kid school. haha I used to be like number 70 something...out of 200 I think. Which isn't too bad all in all. (not too good either, but still I'm not FLUNKING come on...) AND ARGH! the whole "let the kids find you" What the FUCK does that even MEAN!??! Seriously... I don't know what shes saying there. and then the "Don't dress up in costumes like you did before you left" ... umm? What? I wore plaid skirts and leg warmers...loose socks occasionaly. And mostly stuff from hot topic just getting items immitating Jrocker's style like Hisa and Miyavi and HYDE. But it was never "costumes" just...simple outfits... with chains and stuff. I can see how she wouldn't like the vinyll pants or the trench coat or the giant platform boots...but god if she thought THAT was bad...shes got a BIG shock coming. Haha I mean you guys have seen the way I dress now... HAHA XD ohh this'll be fun...I can't wait. haha When i had been talking about the time and place to wear things I had been meaning I wouldn't wear like Bou cosplays (like the shikisai kimono or the tekesuta outfit) everyday, just to anime cons and cosplay events. But as far as my everyday clothes...I'm definatly NOT giving up wearing those just because people in the US can't take something thats a lil different. As I said before I LOVE my clothes. I love my fashion and dressing up and making things, customizing things...I'm not gonna stop that just cause of where i happen to be living. If you live your life by the standards of others, sure you'll get by...but you're not being true to yourself. And I HATE having to tone myself down for people cause they can't handle a little shock factor. fucking get over it. Shmee is Shmee and no one is allowed to mess with that. She also sent me an e-mail awhile back being all "I'm so worried about you. You know when you ask me for something I always say yes. So Please, I'm asking you, don't go snow boarding." I haven't replied...
Cause I'm soo going. I'm not going to give up the chance to go snowboarding again just cause they're worried for my safety...thats stupid. I've been snowboarding like ... 9 times in the US. Although its been probably 5 years since I've gone...and it was before my surgery (which is why they're all worried actually) my doctor never said I couldn't snow board. And I know how, so its not like its not something I can't handle. I've been wakeboarding since then too which is the same general concept, just on water...sooo i don't see the big deal here at all. worry warts.
Actually...I think the ten gallon cowboy hat thing would be a big hit. HAHA There was a guy in the fruits book that had a cowboy hat and giant rodeo buckle and like cowboy chaps? HAHAHAHA
Anyways, now you all know why I DON'T wanna go back to the US. Seriously...I read my old general enteries and I was so depressed there...Its just... *angst* And jojo if you happen to read this I know you'll make some overly optimisstic comment about how you're excited to see me and how it won't be so bad...and you know I wanna see you too love, and as much as I love you and sana my other friends... that just doesn't change the fact that 98% of the population of our town is against me. And you knew it before, it'll be worse now. We get stared at, we get rude comments, we occasionaly get things thrown at us (yes it HAS actually happened). Americans are fucking rude ass pigs. At least in Japan if someone thinks I'm weird they may say something to their friend, but they won't say something to me and thats what makes this better. I can go on being weird, with my weird friends and my weird bands and do my thing and none of it matters cause theres still a million other weird people in tokyo, many weirder than I'll ever be. But in a small town, that kinda thing doesn't fly. You have no idea how tough it is. You look back at pictures of us...I have one thats a prime example. Theres jojo in a Notre Dame sweatshirt and jeans, Sana in a t-shirt and Jeans...and I'm in the middle, black bondage pants with camo accents, a camoflauge jacket (with a dragon embroidered in sequins) and a black shirt that says "disco bitch" (compliments to Hisa) with a blue silk tie and red sunglasses. See the problem here anyone?
hmm...Nikki made some comment about how she wants to go to the mall with me when I get back just to see peoples reactions to my clothes...^^; And...the more I think about it and the closer we get to the day of me going home...I'm getting more and more scared. I don't wanna regress back to the depressed, pessimistic, self hating, confidence lacking, angsty emo teen that I was. I like being happy and bouncy, self confident (if not maybe a slight bit egotistical ^^;) Shmee-shmee. I don't have anyone getting me down, I don't have people constantly telling me I suck, calling me a freak, shouting mean things to me ...on an almost hourly basis. If its gonna be like that...and god I hope it isn't.. Well...I guess we'll just have to see won't we.
God its depressing just thinking about it.
I can see this being so emo
Dear Journal,
My friends aren't as weird as me. ;-;
haha at least I can still make fun of myself. ^^;
The e-mail from my Grandma
" Hope you are getting everything together to send home. Claudia was here last night to eat her dinner. There was a school meeting with parents, as they are still thinking of doing away with Edison. She said you were going back to Japan next year. I was hoping you would finish college here and take a fifth year in Japan. You know how the students study there and you know how much you like to hit the books....ha ha And they don't give your money back if you flunk out. !!!!!Claudia said she hopes you get to graduate after your report from the school in Tokyo and your last semester here.....Oh my......
I know you won't listen...but try to be just beautiful and stylish, let the kids find you. Please don't dress up in costumes like you did before you left. You were such a hit in Tokyo because you looked so good in their "dress". You told me there was a time and a place to wear the clothing from Japan here, so be smart with the "when". I'm sure it would have been different if you went around in a Ten Gallon Cowboy Hat and Boots in the Malls of Tokyo..he he You worked very hard to fit in there and you did, you can here too, without trying to be different. Well enough of that Gram, ha ha
Hope you have a good trip home and it won't be an awful plane ride.
Love you
Gram
"
Okay... umm I didn't just spend like what? hundreds of dollars buying a completely kick ass tokyo wardrobe to NOT wear in the US. And I wasn't trying to fit in here...I was dressing the way I wanted to (okay, addmitedly half of the time I was just dressing like Bou but hey...thats cute!) and although I'm not really weird in tokoy, I don't fit in either. I fit in with the VK oshare Kei people...but thats still a minority. And HELL NO I ain't staying in the US four freaking years ... oh god I would die. I think one year will be bad enough. And god...that she even suggests I would flunk out of college insults me. I know I didn't do THAT well in school, but my GPA was still nothing to really scoff at. Although class rank I'm sure was another story...its not my fault I go to a smart kid school. haha I used to be like number 70 something...out of 200 I think. Which isn't too bad all in all. (not too good either, but still I'm not FLUNKING come on...) AND ARGH! the whole "let the kids find you" What the FUCK does that even MEAN!??! Seriously... I don't know what shes saying there. and then the "Don't dress up in costumes like you did before you left" ... umm? What? I wore plaid skirts and leg warmers...loose socks occasionaly. And mostly stuff from hot topic just getting items immitating Jrocker's style like Hisa and Miyavi and HYDE. But it was never "costumes" just...simple outfits... with chains and stuff. I can see how she wouldn't like the vinyll pants or the trench coat or the giant platform boots...but god if she thought THAT was bad...shes got a BIG shock coming. Haha I mean you guys have seen the way I dress now... HAHA XD ohh this'll be fun...I can't wait. haha When i had been talking about the time and place to wear things I had been meaning I wouldn't wear like Bou cosplays (like the shikisai kimono or the tekesuta outfit) everyday, just to anime cons and cosplay events. But as far as my everyday clothes...I'm definatly NOT giving up wearing those just because people in the US can't take something thats a lil different. As I said before I LOVE my clothes. I love my fashion and dressing up and making things, customizing things...I'm not gonna stop that just cause of where i happen to be living. If you live your life by the standards of others, sure you'll get by...but you're not being true to yourself. And I HATE having to tone myself down for people cause they can't handle a little shock factor. fucking get over it. Shmee is Shmee and no one is allowed to mess with that. She also sent me an e-mail awhile back being all "I'm so worried about you. You know when you ask me for something I always say yes. So Please, I'm asking you, don't go snow boarding." I haven't replied...
Cause I'm soo going. I'm not going to give up the chance to go snowboarding again just cause they're worried for my safety...thats stupid. I've been snowboarding like ... 9 times in the US. Although its been probably 5 years since I've gone...and it was before my surgery (which is why they're all worried actually) my doctor never said I couldn't snow board. And I know how, so its not like its not something I can't handle. I've been wakeboarding since then too which is the same general concept, just on water...sooo i don't see the big deal here at all. worry warts.
Actually...I think the ten gallon cowboy hat thing would be a big hit. HAHA There was a guy in the fruits book that had a cowboy hat and giant rodeo buckle and like cowboy chaps? HAHAHAHA
Anyways, now you all know why I DON'T wanna go back to the US. Seriously...I read my old general enteries and I was so depressed there...Its just... *angst* And jojo if you happen to read this I know you'll make some overly optimisstic comment about how you're excited to see me and how it won't be so bad...and you know I wanna see you too love, and as much as I love you and sana my other friends... that just doesn't change the fact that 98% of the population of our town is against me. And you knew it before, it'll be worse now. We get stared at, we get rude comments, we occasionaly get things thrown at us (yes it HAS actually happened). Americans are fucking rude ass pigs. At least in Japan if someone thinks I'm weird they may say something to their friend, but they won't say something to me and thats what makes this better. I can go on being weird, with my weird friends and my weird bands and do my thing and none of it matters cause theres still a million other weird people in tokyo, many weirder than I'll ever be. But in a small town, that kinda thing doesn't fly. You have no idea how tough it is. You look back at pictures of us...I have one thats a prime example. Theres jojo in a Notre Dame sweatshirt and jeans, Sana in a t-shirt and Jeans...and I'm in the middle, black bondage pants with camo accents, a camoflauge jacket (with a dragon embroidered in sequins) and a black shirt that says "disco bitch" (compliments to Hisa) with a blue silk tie and red sunglasses. See the problem here anyone?
hmm...Nikki made some comment about how she wants to go to the mall with me when I get back just to see peoples reactions to my clothes...^^; And...the more I think about it and the closer we get to the day of me going home...I'm getting more and more scared. I don't wanna regress back to the depressed, pessimistic, self hating, confidence lacking, angsty emo teen that I was. I like being happy and bouncy, self confident (if not maybe a slight bit egotistical ^^;) Shmee-shmee. I don't have anyone getting me down, I don't have people constantly telling me I suck, calling me a freak, shouting mean things to me ...on an almost hourly basis. If its gonna be like that...and god I hope it isn't.. Well...I guess we'll just have to see won't we.
God its depressing just thinking about it.
I can see this being so emo
Dear Journal,
My friends aren't as weird as me. ;-;
haha at least I can still make fun of myself. ^^;