the things i do (because i love you)
the things i do (because i love you)
yoosu
g
angst, romance
eating disorder
~1617wc
a/n: something along the lines of midnight visit. no need to read that one to understand this though, this can stand alone.
sometimes, he just wants to hold on to yoochun and never let go.
the things i do (because i love you)
Park Yoochun takes careful steps into to apartment complex, a little unbalanced on his feet as a huge grocery bag marks his right left wrist red and burns a little.
He walks the way he always does; straight and tall and full of confidence eventhough his eyes remain hidden behind tinted shades. Clad in all-black attire, he is a stark contrast against the white walls of the apartment units, lined faithfully straight, and the only sound he can hear is the striking of his sneakers against marble floor.
He arrives at his destination, and fishes out a silver key. He pushes the key into the slot, taps the numerical sequence of passwords with a practiced ease, and lets himself inside without a word.
He is not surprised to see the godawful mess the house is in. it is a normal sight to behold, but he cannot help but sigh deep and shake his head ruefully.
“What do I do with you, Junsu-yah?”
He can hear the strong vocal bouncing off the walls from one of the rooms. Must be practicing, he deduces.
He stands still for a second, listening to the way the voice flows. High and strong, low and hopeful, screeching and angry- he is full of awe of the way Junsu sounds, be it only a mere practice.
He makes his way to the kitchen, further resigned to see the mountains of platters and china in the sink- but he recoils when he realizes upon inspection that the mold on the plates looks at least one-week old. He peeks into the refrigerator and sees nothing in it. Sighing, he dumps the food on the kitchentop, takes his expensive leather jacket off and heads straight to the small wardrobe where the cleaning items should be.
“Kitchen first?” he mumbles. “Or living room first?”
Junsu comes out to see an empty and spotless living room, and suddenly his straining, parched throat clamps up in fear. He has an idea of who has invaded his home, and it definitely is not the one he is looking forward to seeing.
He blinks, a little stupefied but a lot more petrified. There is a reason he has been a little... hermit-like for the past few days. He shakes his head forcefully, deciding that running away is no longer an option. He will just have to face this himself, head on.
Yoochun hisses in pain when hot liquid jumps and assaults his pale skin. “Fuck-“ he blows at the reddish spot repeatedly, wincing at the stinging sensation and stills himself when another hand pulls his hand towards the water pipe.
“Hi Junsu-yah.” He smiles.
Junsu shrugs and removes the hand from under jets of water. He glances at the patch of skin, satisfied that the red is visibly lessened. “Better?”
Yoochun grins wider in a silent thanks. He cocks his head in the direction of the bubbling pot- “I made some food. Let’s eat."
“Yeah. You cleaned my house too. Didn’t I always tell you not to bother?” Junsu turns and reaches for a clean glass and the water jug. “Now the ahjumma I hired won’t have any work to do when she comes tomorrow.” He doesn’t miss the smirk the other has on, and downs the contents in one go, his throat soothed by the cool water.
“Nah. Junho-hyung said you gave her a month’s vacation.”
Junsu facepalms.
“Better luck on trying to lie to me next time around, Kim Junsu.” Yoochun winks. “Get the plates from the dishwasher. I think they should be done by now.”
Junsu knows better than to disagree.
They have been staring at the food for almost five minutes, and that unnerves Yoochun more and more as the clock ticks, loud and unforgiving.
"Why aren't you eating?" He plasters on a smile and reaches to ladle more into Junsu's untouched plate. "Eat up. You look really thin. You should eat more. You're going to be really busy next week, you can't really afford to fall sick-"
"Just say it."
The words burn. Yoochun stops; the ladle halfway in the air. He chances a small glance at man sitting across him.
"You don't look good." He breathes out. "Junho-hyung said you've been sleeping really early since last week, and he's worried. He told me to drop by. He says you don't sound like yourself whenever he calls." He tries not to flinch at the hardened expression that Junsu has on, that face that is telling him clearly that he is pushing the boundaries.
"Junsu-yah-" he reaches out for the fist on the table, shaking and white-red. "You know better than to do this to yourself-" He whispers low. "We've been through this before. You know what I'm going to say, don't you?"
Junsu bites his lips hard, the force enough to draw blood.
"Remember what I said?" Yoochun stands up and goes around the table. He pulls at the body so that Junsu is facing him and kneels- noting the small hunched frame. "Remember that everything should be done in moderation? Remember that it's okay to take small breaks in between hard work? Remember that I'm here if you need me?"
Junsu lets his body fall onto the broad shoulder, eyes shut. His arms snake around the build and relishes at the warmth that Yoochun emits. He tries not to cry- but he is just a weak man.
Yoochun lets the tears seep into his tee, his mouth whispering sweet nothings, his hands gently stroking the shivering body slowly and rhythmically.
"Okay?" Yoochun whispers once the sobbing has subsided.
Junsu pulls himself away and nods, rubbing feverishly at his red and puffy eyes. "Sorry 'bout that." He doesn't try to meet Yoochun's inquiring eyes. "You really don't need to see that."
"Nonsense." Yoochun frowns. "I like it better when you're honest with me."
Junsu tries to smile, albeit a little shaky one. "Fine. Thanks." He squeezes Yoochun's hands, trying to channel his gratefulness without having to actually say it. He knows the man can feel it, if the relieved expression is anything to go by. He pushes at the shoulder- "Ew. Snot."
Yoochun laughs. "Your snot, you brat."
Junsu giggles. "Go sit. Let's eat."
"Junsu."
Their eyes collide and stay locked on each other. Junsu shrinks, because he knows what the man is about to say-
"When was your last meal and what did you eat?"
He deflates. "I knew it." He sighs. "I ate some oranges last night." He cowers under Yoochun's angry stare. "I had some chicken.. um. On Friday."
They stay silent. Junsu doesn't know what to do; he plays with his fingers and stares at his black-coloured nails. He doesn't want to meet Yoochun's disappointed eyes, he doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that Yoochun's angry at him, he doesn't want to admit that he's mad at himself too for making Yoochun worried-
Junsu yelps when Yoochun pulls him roughly from his seat, utensils knocked off the tables and clattering to the floor-
"Yoochun-ah, what-"
"Look at yourself." Yoochun instructs.
Junsu wriggles within the embrace.
"Fuck, Su-"
Junsu stares resolutely at the mirror. He hates how Yoochun will use the cursing tactic to make him obey. He regrets telling Yoochun that he hates it when the man curses and spews expletives. He glares at Yoochun's reflection, noticing how his body fits snug into the man's arms.
"Don't stare yourself down. Look."
Yoochun's voice is soft and soothing and- just so Yoochun. He lets the man push him forward, nearer to the full-length mirror, nearer to his image.
"Touch it."
Junsu balks at the command, and makes the mistake of meeting Yoochun's eyes halfway. He slumps a little-
One shaking finger reaches for the man in the mirror, and Junsu follows the sharp, harsh planes of his reflection. The eyes are open and glassy, a little red at the edges. The nostrils is flaring, strong and opinionated. But then he notices something else. How sunken his eyes and cheeks are. How the hollow of his throat is more pronounced. How even the fingers are pale and bony-
He gasps.
Yoochun chuckles. "I take it you're seeing what I'm seeing?"
Junsu nods, a mechanical movement that's entirely not his doing. He lets Yoochun grasp his hands and falls back into the warm hug, hunched and small like a child desperate for protection.
"You're not fat." Yoochun inhales deep. "You are strong. You are positive. You are good in what you do. You will kick ass on the stage next week, and the weeks after that, and even in the future. You will make people realize how talented you are. You will make the bad people regret trying to bring you down. You will make Jaejoong-hyung and I very proud. You will be proud of yourself, that you can do this."
Junsu is entranced by every word that comes from that mouth, and he cannot help but to nod fervently and tug at the hands harder and tighter.
"I'm.. not fat?" He whispers. He wants to believe Yoochun so much-
"You're not." Yoochun affirms with a grim smile. "You'll be emaciated if you keep this up, and you know that's my image. No stealing." The flash of amusement is back in the eyes.
Just like that- the burden is gone. For now.
"Let's eat." Junsu whispers. "I'm hungry."
He lets Yoochun guide him back to the table with a Dear Lord, about time, I'm famished, and vows not to let his inner voices taunt him too much into destructiveness.
He doesn't object when Yoochun gives him two servings of the stew, despite knowing the man is not much of a cook. He owes Yoochun that much, at least.
the end.
ps: um. yeah. this is a mindless, no-plot piece. like usual. :| comments are loves! do tell me if there's a mistake anywhere :x
pps: basically, apart from the "fat" image he has issues with, junsu's also having some anxiety for his upcoming stages. this is purely fiction, folks! though i wouldn't mind yoochun being there for him when he breaks down, because you really need someone with you whenever self-hatred comes for a visit. :3 yeah. yeah.
ppps: the man seriously needs to eat a bit more. all the jutting bones are not becoming on him. :( and uhm. i have another exam this saturday, wish me luck ;~~~~~~~;
yoosu
g
angst, romance
eating disorder
~1617wc
a/n: something along the lines of midnight visit. no need to read that one to understand this though, this can stand alone.
sometimes, he just wants to hold on to yoochun and never let go.
the things i do (because i love you)
Park Yoochun takes careful steps into to apartment complex, a little unbalanced on his feet as a huge grocery bag marks his right left wrist red and burns a little.
He walks the way he always does; straight and tall and full of confidence eventhough his eyes remain hidden behind tinted shades. Clad in all-black attire, he is a stark contrast against the white walls of the apartment units, lined faithfully straight, and the only sound he can hear is the striking of his sneakers against marble floor.
He arrives at his destination, and fishes out a silver key. He pushes the key into the slot, taps the numerical sequence of passwords with a practiced ease, and lets himself inside without a word.
He is not surprised to see the godawful mess the house is in. it is a normal sight to behold, but he cannot help but sigh deep and shake his head ruefully.
“What do I do with you, Junsu-yah?”
He can hear the strong vocal bouncing off the walls from one of the rooms. Must be practicing, he deduces.
He stands still for a second, listening to the way the voice flows. High and strong, low and hopeful, screeching and angry- he is full of awe of the way Junsu sounds, be it only a mere practice.
He makes his way to the kitchen, further resigned to see the mountains of platters and china in the sink- but he recoils when he realizes upon inspection that the mold on the plates looks at least one-week old. He peeks into the refrigerator and sees nothing in it. Sighing, he dumps the food on the kitchentop, takes his expensive leather jacket off and heads straight to the small wardrobe where the cleaning items should be.
“Kitchen first?” he mumbles. “Or living room first?”
Junsu comes out to see an empty and spotless living room, and suddenly his straining, parched throat clamps up in fear. He has an idea of who has invaded his home, and it definitely is not the one he is looking forward to seeing.
He blinks, a little stupefied but a lot more petrified. There is a reason he has been a little... hermit-like for the past few days. He shakes his head forcefully, deciding that running away is no longer an option. He will just have to face this himself, head on.
Yoochun hisses in pain when hot liquid jumps and assaults his pale skin. “Fuck-“ he blows at the reddish spot repeatedly, wincing at the stinging sensation and stills himself when another hand pulls his hand towards the water pipe.
“Hi Junsu-yah.” He smiles.
Junsu shrugs and removes the hand from under jets of water. He glances at the patch of skin, satisfied that the red is visibly lessened. “Better?”
Yoochun grins wider in a silent thanks. He cocks his head in the direction of the bubbling pot- “I made some food. Let’s eat."
“Yeah. You cleaned my house too. Didn’t I always tell you not to bother?” Junsu turns and reaches for a clean glass and the water jug. “Now the ahjumma I hired won’t have any work to do when she comes tomorrow.” He doesn’t miss the smirk the other has on, and downs the contents in one go, his throat soothed by the cool water.
“Nah. Junho-hyung said you gave her a month’s vacation.”
Junsu facepalms.
“Better luck on trying to lie to me next time around, Kim Junsu.” Yoochun winks. “Get the plates from the dishwasher. I think they should be done by now.”
Junsu knows better than to disagree.
They have been staring at the food for almost five minutes, and that unnerves Yoochun more and more as the clock ticks, loud and unforgiving.
"Why aren't you eating?" He plasters on a smile and reaches to ladle more into Junsu's untouched plate. "Eat up. You look really thin. You should eat more. You're going to be really busy next week, you can't really afford to fall sick-"
"Just say it."
The words burn. Yoochun stops; the ladle halfway in the air. He chances a small glance at man sitting across him.
"You don't look good." He breathes out. "Junho-hyung said you've been sleeping really early since last week, and he's worried. He told me to drop by. He says you don't sound like yourself whenever he calls." He tries not to flinch at the hardened expression that Junsu has on, that face that is telling him clearly that he is pushing the boundaries.
"Junsu-yah-" he reaches out for the fist on the table, shaking and white-red. "You know better than to do this to yourself-" He whispers low. "We've been through this before. You know what I'm going to say, don't you?"
Junsu bites his lips hard, the force enough to draw blood.
"Remember what I said?" Yoochun stands up and goes around the table. He pulls at the body so that Junsu is facing him and kneels- noting the small hunched frame. "Remember that everything should be done in moderation? Remember that it's okay to take small breaks in between hard work? Remember that I'm here if you need me?"
Junsu lets his body fall onto the broad shoulder, eyes shut. His arms snake around the build and relishes at the warmth that Yoochun emits. He tries not to cry- but he is just a weak man.
Yoochun lets the tears seep into his tee, his mouth whispering sweet nothings, his hands gently stroking the shivering body slowly and rhythmically.
"Okay?" Yoochun whispers once the sobbing has subsided.
Junsu pulls himself away and nods, rubbing feverishly at his red and puffy eyes. "Sorry 'bout that." He doesn't try to meet Yoochun's inquiring eyes. "You really don't need to see that."
"Nonsense." Yoochun frowns. "I like it better when you're honest with me."
Junsu tries to smile, albeit a little shaky one. "Fine. Thanks." He squeezes Yoochun's hands, trying to channel his gratefulness without having to actually say it. He knows the man can feel it, if the relieved expression is anything to go by. He pushes at the shoulder- "Ew. Snot."
Yoochun laughs. "Your snot, you brat."
Junsu giggles. "Go sit. Let's eat."
"Junsu."
Their eyes collide and stay locked on each other. Junsu shrinks, because he knows what the man is about to say-
"When was your last meal and what did you eat?"
He deflates. "I knew it." He sighs. "I ate some oranges last night." He cowers under Yoochun's angry stare. "I had some chicken.. um. On Friday."
They stay silent. Junsu doesn't know what to do; he plays with his fingers and stares at his black-coloured nails. He doesn't want to meet Yoochun's disappointed eyes, he doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that Yoochun's angry at him, he doesn't want to admit that he's mad at himself too for making Yoochun worried-
Junsu yelps when Yoochun pulls him roughly from his seat, utensils knocked off the tables and clattering to the floor-
"Yoochun-ah, what-"
"Look at yourself." Yoochun instructs.
Junsu wriggles within the embrace.
"Fuck, Su-"
Junsu stares resolutely at the mirror. He hates how Yoochun will use the cursing tactic to make him obey. He regrets telling Yoochun that he hates it when the man curses and spews expletives. He glares at Yoochun's reflection, noticing how his body fits snug into the man's arms.
"Don't stare yourself down. Look."
Yoochun's voice is soft and soothing and- just so Yoochun. He lets the man push him forward, nearer to the full-length mirror, nearer to his image.
"Touch it."
Junsu balks at the command, and makes the mistake of meeting Yoochun's eyes halfway. He slumps a little-
One shaking finger reaches for the man in the mirror, and Junsu follows the sharp, harsh planes of his reflection. The eyes are open and glassy, a little red at the edges. The nostrils is flaring, strong and opinionated. But then he notices something else. How sunken his eyes and cheeks are. How the hollow of his throat is more pronounced. How even the fingers are pale and bony-
He gasps.
Yoochun chuckles. "I take it you're seeing what I'm seeing?"
Junsu nods, a mechanical movement that's entirely not his doing. He lets Yoochun grasp his hands and falls back into the warm hug, hunched and small like a child desperate for protection.
"You're not fat." Yoochun inhales deep. "You are strong. You are positive. You are good in what you do. You will kick ass on the stage next week, and the weeks after that, and even in the future. You will make people realize how talented you are. You will make the bad people regret trying to bring you down. You will make Jaejoong-hyung and I very proud. You will be proud of yourself, that you can do this."
Junsu is entranced by every word that comes from that mouth, and he cannot help but to nod fervently and tug at the hands harder and tighter.
"I'm.. not fat?" He whispers. He wants to believe Yoochun so much-
"You're not." Yoochun affirms with a grim smile. "You'll be emaciated if you keep this up, and you know that's my image. No stealing." The flash of amusement is back in the eyes.
Just like that- the burden is gone. For now.
"Let's eat." Junsu whispers. "I'm hungry."
He lets Yoochun guide him back to the table with a Dear Lord, about time, I'm famished, and vows not to let his inner voices taunt him too much into destructiveness.
He doesn't object when Yoochun gives him two servings of the stew, despite knowing the man is not much of a cook. He owes Yoochun that much, at least.
the end.
ps: um. yeah. this is a mindless, no-plot piece. like usual. :| comments are loves! do tell me if there's a mistake anywhere :x
pps: basically, apart from the "fat" image he has issues with, junsu's also having some anxiety for his upcoming stages. this is purely fiction, folks! though i wouldn't mind yoochun being there for him when he breaks down, because you really need someone with you whenever self-hatred comes for a visit. :3 yeah. yeah.
ppps: the man seriously needs to eat a bit more. all the jutting bones are not becoming on him. :( and uhm. i have another exam this saturday, wish me luck ;~~~~~~~;