PAPER!
Name: Miss Nomer.
Single or Taken: I /wish/ I were taken
Sex: Female
LOL This reminds me of when I was about four or five, and while waiting for my mum in a bank I filled out one of the forms lying around, you know, like this one, name, date of birth, sex. I stopped at the "Sex" part and tried to work out if it meant: had I had sex, or did I want sex. So I wrote "No" hoping it would cover both possibilities. I think this is over share. I'm so tired.
Birthday: Mostly unremembered.
Sign: Lost
Siblings: Only child
Hair colour: dyed black
Eye color: Not sure/Can't remember. In the hazel/grey spectrum I think
Height: Tall/ish
. : R E L A T I O N S H I P S : .
Do you have a boyfriend: No
What is your longest relationship: A year. Oh wait.... Except for my last ex, it was a year. That one was tricky, and spanned a longer time. But it seems less of a "real" relationship than my two one year ones.
What was your shortest relationship: A month. We fell into bed together (nothing happened) and he introduced me to his friends the next day as his girlfriend, which shocked me considering I hadn't been consulted. A month later he broke up with me because his friends didn't like the way I "flirted" (talked) with other guys. I quote, "the guys have said it just isn't right". It sounds weirder to me now, as I write this, than it has ever occurred to me from then, 7 years ago, to now. No wait, I lie. I remember thinking it was bizarre at the time, but I rarely, if ever, which up until now was pretty much never, think of him. Too much more important relationship stuff that happened since then for that to count for anything.
. : F A S H I O N | S T U F F : .
Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes: I love Gallery Serpentine.
Any tattoos or piercings: Only two in each ear. No tatts, but I like them.
Favourite brand: At the moment, huh I read that as "favourite band". I wondered why that was in the fashion section. Why is there a fashion section?
What is your sexiest outfit? Hmm not sure. Probably something I used to wear a few years ago, when I wore boots with short skirts. I'm pretty sure I looked hot. It feels so weird for me to even think on that now. I don't think most people have even seen my legs nowadays. No wait, I do occasionally wear a knee length skirt.
What do you wear most the time?: Yup, a long skirt and a mesh top seems to be my staple.
. : S P E C I F I C S : .
Do you do drugs: I smoke cigarettes, and at Disa's house I drink coffee.
What kind of shampoo do you use: T-gel because I have sensitive skin/scalp.
What are you most scared of: When I'm really depressed I'm sure I'll grow old alone and uncared for, and that I'll die by myself in poverty and neglect, and that sometimes freaks me out.
Who is the last person that called you: Tre
Where do you want to get married: If I were to get married, I'd be a completely different person, in which case I'd probably choose a beautiful tiny old church in the middle of no where. There would be flowers everywhere, of the type that were at the last funeral I went to. Actually that sounds icky. Except for the bit about the lovely tiny old church in the middle of no where, incidentally a church I peered through the windows into and wanted to live in at that age all self-respecting teenage goths are when they dream of living in a church and listening to the cure all day. Only incidentally I still wanted to at the point of peering into the tiny church, which was some years out of that age, and I still think it sounds markedly peaceful... Why do I even need to think about this question?
What would you change about yourself: I would have more motivation to achieve the things I know will move me towards being relatively happy and leading a satisfying, fulfilling life.
. : F A V O U R I T E S : .
Colours: Red and blue, each with black and independent of each other, not together.
Foods: Chocolate, coffee and cigarettes. Oh and pasta, I love pasta.
Subjects in school: I majored in literature, primarily english and french (in translation). I also read classics, european cultures and latin. But I forget all of it. It makes me feel particularly inept just thinking about it. I received Ds and HDs, (which never EVER felt great, NOT ONCE because the stress I felt writing my essays, doing actual study, and the inability to have even the confidence to feel I may possibly receive a credit, let alone to have done quite well always overshadowed the actual result..), had a slow and gradual break down due to other stuff and never completed my degree. Now I can't even contemplate ever being able to, as I can't even imagine how I could possibly ever do any of it now.
Animals: Owls and cats Wow where did I go with that? I think I'm angry with myself presently, generally, underlyingly, for not having somehow forced myself to complete it back then and to be done with it. I do feel I'll never achieve anything now and I'll never be where I want to be because of it, because of my ineptitude and resultant dissolution.
. : H A V E | Y O U | E V E R : .
Given anyone a bath: No. Oh wait, yes of course, those little human things that other people seem to keep to wash and feed and stuff.
Smoked: Yes
Made yourself throw up: Yes
Skinny dipped: Yes, but I refused to remove everything completely, so I was in my underwear (top and bottom) while everyone else was naked. Hmm perhaps that doesn't count. No wait, I recall now a more recent adventure than that one (still years ago) where I was encouraged into climbing into a pool with naked people, who insisted I at least remove my bra, and on my equal insistence that I wouldn't, had it taken off me, by one female with one very deft move.
That sentence sounds weird.
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No. Though I seem to remember wishing I could, at some stage.
Cried when someone died: Yes
Lied: Yes
Fallen for your best friend: Yes
Been rejected: Yes
Rejected someone: Yes
Used someone: I'm too tired to define this properly so I'm not sure.
Done something you regret: All the time
. : C U R R E N T : .
Clothes: pi tee
Annoyance: the cold, unfortunately. My flat is freezing and I have no heater. I also have not unpacked sufficiently warm clothes and bed clothes yet.
Smell: Don't know, too cold.
DVD in player: Noir
. : L A S T | P E R S O N : .
You touched: atratus_rowena
Hugged: As above
You yelled at: It's been a while.
. : A R E | Y O U : .
Understanding: Yes, more than I think people realise
Open minded: Yes, again
Insecure: Yes
Random: Not sure. When I'm happy my sense of humour is apparently "random".
Hungry: No
Smart: I used to be,, but my brain has been steadily atrophying the past few years, and I feel very, very slow these days. Am.
Moody: Yeah, usually.
Hard working: If I'm doing something I enjoy, or something that brings out my ocd or pedanticism, than yes.
Organised: Not really, which is ironic considering I find it difficult to do anything without a great deal of forethought.
Healthy: Sort of.
Shy: Yes, though not half as much as I used to be.
Difficult: Sometimes
Obsessed: Obsessive, yes.
Angry: Rarely. I probably use the expression of being angry more than I actually feel it. And when I do get angry, it scares me. I think because (at least for me) it stems from a place of utter powerlessness, frustration, and loss of ability to have any say or control over whatever it is.
Sad: Sometimes
Happy: Sometimes
. : W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A : .
Kill: No one right now.
Slap: I recall feeling violent thoughts towards my paternal unit recently.
. : W H O : .
Makes you smile: The last two times I really, really laughed, flox
. : D O | Y O U | E V E R : .
Sit on the Internet all night waiting for that special someone to get on?: No
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: No, though I have sometimes wondered what it might feel like. I have always, always preferred and am extremly glad to be female though. I like being female :)
Wish you were younger: No, but I have often wished I could go back to some point in my childhood and be able to do things differently/have had things happen in my life differently.
. : N U M B E R : .
Of scars on my body: I have a scar from a hot water bottle on my side. I remember falling asleep with the hot water bottle feeling distinctly so hot that it was almost uncomfortable, and at the same time absolutely delicious. And I woke up with a rather large burn. Oh, and yes, it was a covered hot water bottle. For some reason I seem to be quite susceptible to burning. My three 12-14 year old cousins like to come up with reasons supporting the fact that I am a vampire. This could be one of them. It's quite funny really because it simply usually means I have to wait longer before being able to sip my tasty warm beverage. Right now my tongue is rolling over a slight burning on the roof of my mouth from a cup of coffee earlier.
. : Y O U R | T H O U G H T S : .
I am: Wow I started to write "damaged" then I deleted it to write "asurvivor" That sounds silly, but it's what I /do/ (seeing as I don't /do/ anything else): I survive. I exist. Nothing more. It sounds awful though, because I'm sure emotional /mental jungles of the sort that must have meant through isnothing compared to an understanding of true survival. But I'm tired. Very tired. Wait, I am not what I do. I am - lost possibly? talking to myself, probably? Right now I am because I really can't think. Do you know something weird? I noticed that is nothing before and decided to leave it like it is in those few minutes or rather one eighth of or whatever. And most of the time, when I make some mistake of similar similarity [?] I notice, but I choose to leave it. That suddenly strikes me as a little odd. Especially considering how absolutely little sense that entire paragraph made.
I want: Intimacy/Closeness
I hear: Sluggishness surrounding me
I hate: Grand scale selfishness
I fear: wasn't this asked before, above? I fear....that growing old will be painful, and lonely. And by growing old, I don't mean nearing 30 or 40 or even 50..I mean actually growing into an old person, who is lonely and full of sadness.
Also, I went back to delete all the question marks for some reason. Only maybe not all, because I have the feeling I missed one. Or two. Or possibly a few.
Also, I wrote the subject heading someway through at some point where it had some sort of relevance, and now it's bugging me my trying to recall what on earth it was. Oh! I suddenly remember why I thought that other bit was over share which was because I was "hoping" it would cover both possibilities, as if I thought someone would be reading it, or that I was filling it out for real. Yep that's why I thought it was too [whatever:lost word]. HA! Good times, good times. Yes, I need sleep. Yes I am going to sleep. Right Now.