sunday_reveries A World in Tatters
deductionmaster used with permission and so much love.
prompt: 5. …But why is desire suffering?
Because want leaves a world in tatters?
How else but in tatters should a world be?
Maria Elena Cruz Varela
--
The first day is a whirlwind. For one, Cassie's been anticipating, planning, envisioning the first day for months. Maybe years. Maybe forever. Lots of little girls grow up without a father. It doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
For another, she wants to forget the drama. Space is a relative concept when your friends have super speed but it's enough to trick her mind. Especially here. The air and the light and the history imbue her with a very welcome weightlessness of spirit. She is focused on what she is doing and why she is here and she is able to close the door on the arguments and worries that can plague her. She skips from ruin to ruin and rock to rock with purpose and pleasure, dragging Tim willingly behind her and keeping up a steady stream of dialogue. He listens attentively and with a smile; the mostly one sided conversation is a far cry better than the tearful and/or temper-filled exclamations of the last few days.
The first night is also a whirlwind and also a far cry better than tears and temper.
The second day is quieter. The whirlwind has calmed her. Now she walks more than skips and she thinks more than talks. She is looking for something. Maybe not something concrete, but something real. Lots of little girls grow up without a history. It doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
She is looking for something, but finds her mind wandering away from it.
The second night is also quieter. She lies in Tim's arms, not sleeping. Since she woke after the attack she has not been sleeping easily. Home, the nights find her staring at the ceiling and listening to the noise of nothing. Sometimes she writes her lists to try and focus her thoughts. Sometimes she exercises until she hurts to have an excuse to try and kill the pain. Sometimes it works.
"We're not really broken."
Cassie rolls herself over and up until she's straddling Tim and meets his eyes. He brushes her shoulder with a finger, tracing a scratch, barely visible because she's hard to bruise. She knows that he can't hear her thoughts but she knows he understands because she knows he's done it too. All of it.
"If we are, it's so we can fit together."
Cassie answers with a smile that becomes a grin and finally she laughs aloud. Tim's eyes twinkle and he leans up to kiss her neck and jaw and ear and anywhere he can and still hear her laugh.
"That is one of the mushiest things I've ever heard and I dated Kon." She hears herself say it and stiffens but if it can't be said here, how will it ever be okay? Tim's arms tighten around her and he presses his lips to hers and laughter turns to passion and over and over back again until it is okay.
"I can come up with a better answer."
She shakes her head as they prepare to fit together. "There isn't one."
The last day she asks Tim to let her wander alone. He agrees with some hesitation; there is something in her eyes. But he trusts her, completely, and watches her walk off. She tries to focus. She came here for something and this is her last day to find it.
She looks for hours.
The last night he asks her what she saw. She doesn't answer right away, and he doesn't push. She thinks about her day.
"Butterflies."
prompt: 5. …But why is desire suffering?
Because want leaves a world in tatters?
How else but in tatters should a world be?
Maria Elena Cruz Varela
--
The first day is a whirlwind. For one, Cassie's been anticipating, planning, envisioning the first day for months. Maybe years. Maybe forever. Lots of little girls grow up without a father. It doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
For another, she wants to forget the drama. Space is a relative concept when your friends have super speed but it's enough to trick her mind. Especially here. The air and the light and the history imbue her with a very welcome weightlessness of spirit. She is focused on what she is doing and why she is here and she is able to close the door on the arguments and worries that can plague her. She skips from ruin to ruin and rock to rock with purpose and pleasure, dragging Tim willingly behind her and keeping up a steady stream of dialogue. He listens attentively and with a smile; the mostly one sided conversation is a far cry better than the tearful and/or temper-filled exclamations of the last few days.
The first night is also a whirlwind and also a far cry better than tears and temper.
The second day is quieter. The whirlwind has calmed her. Now she walks more than skips and she thinks more than talks. She is looking for something. Maybe not something concrete, but something real. Lots of little girls grow up without a history. It doesn't mean it doesn't matter.
She is looking for something, but finds her mind wandering away from it.
The second night is also quieter. She lies in Tim's arms, not sleeping. Since she woke after the attack she has not been sleeping easily. Home, the nights find her staring at the ceiling and listening to the noise of nothing. Sometimes she writes her lists to try and focus her thoughts. Sometimes she exercises until she hurts to have an excuse to try and kill the pain. Sometimes it works.
"We're not really broken."
Cassie rolls herself over and up until she's straddling Tim and meets his eyes. He brushes her shoulder with a finger, tracing a scratch, barely visible because she's hard to bruise. She knows that he can't hear her thoughts but she knows he understands because she knows he's done it too. All of it.
"If we are, it's so we can fit together."
Cassie answers with a smile that becomes a grin and finally she laughs aloud. Tim's eyes twinkle and he leans up to kiss her neck and jaw and ear and anywhere he can and still hear her laugh.
"That is one of the mushiest things I've ever heard and I dated Kon." She hears herself say it and stiffens but if it can't be said here, how will it ever be okay? Tim's arms tighten around her and he presses his lips to hers and laughter turns to passion and over and over back again until it is okay.
"I can come up with a better answer."
She shakes her head as they prepare to fit together. "There isn't one."
The last day she asks Tim to let her wander alone. He agrees with some hesitation; there is something in her eyes. But he trusts her, completely, and watches her walk off. She tries to focus. She came here for something and this is her last day to find it.
She looks for hours.
The last night he asks her what she saw. She doesn't answer right away, and he doesn't push. She thinks about her day.
"Butterflies."