One Public Entry
Today I got abducted by aliens on the way to work.
It was the most terrifying moment of my life, other than that time Kathy knocked on my door at about 7am in the morning. I wasnt ready for that.
Ahem. Anyway,
It was about 9am in the morning and I couldnt see through the thick layers of polluted air that usually means "Welcome to Stoke."
On my way through this cloud I heard weird sounds that actually reminded me of a dying animal of some kind, so naturally I went to investigate more. WRONG.
For inside the smoke their was a funny, weird, strange, really creepy looking man. Seriously. And it wasnt a hobo.
Anyway, I gazed closer wondering what this creature was and I realised that It had two, large black eyes and a big head.
So I was like
"Hey up Hayley." Then I realised it wasnt Hayley. But something more along the lines of THIS;
At this moment I breathed a sigh of relief, saying to the Alien "Sorry mate, thought you were someone else." Then it's harsh words hit me. And I was sort of like "FUCK!" and it was like "you cant escape US"
And I was like "SHIT! THEY'RE LIKE CHAVS THEY HANG IN GROUPS!"
And like. They also listened to 50 cent. And sometimes hung out with him for fun....Well...He was rich....
And anyway.
They were like "look into our eyes" with their superior mind control abilities which they'd obviously used over the weak 50 cent.
But it was too late to save him now(sucker!)
So I tried my best at haggling with them.
I even spoke fast like those people do on auctions.
I was like "just leave me alone you weird fuckers(Looking at 50 cent).
I'll give yer 20p for the phonebox and five bottles of white lightning!
At this the aliens were obviously offended. I guess Offering aliens five bottles of white lightning and two ten pence pieces is the wrong way to go about valuing your life.
At this point I was truly shitting myself. I didnt think there was going to be any way out of this one now. And 50 cent looked ANGRY.
I guess this is what comes of living in a big toxic ball of smoke. I thought, If I ever survive this. Stoke should be nuked.
Then! Out of nowhere I heard a sound. It was like sink plungers....Or something...
out of the smoked leaped NINJA JASON! And his giant squid.
I was like. "Its about time you effer."
And he was like "We live in the 21st century. You couldve just rung yer Mum."
And I was like "That bitch 50 cent nicked me phone."
And so Jason proper ninja kicked 50 cents head off with his size 12 New rocks and I was like. "Safe."
And he was like
"sound."
By this time the aliens were proper scared and the giant squid was bearing in on their faces.
And if Giant squids could talk I'm sure it wouldve said "Yer a dick. Yer face is mine."
Which all in all is pretty scary considering it's a Giant squid and all.
Anyway, I watched the squid proper munch on one of those Alien guys faces. And It also drank their cider.
And then me, Jason and the squid all went home to write about this in our livejournals.
Proper eventful day!