Fic: (Not) Living in Competition (Adam/Kris/Katy+ ; American Idol)
Title: (Not) Living in Competition
Summary: Katy figures there's enough love to go around.
Pairings: Kris/Adam/Katy + Drake/others
Rating: NC-17
Notes: The sequel to Here There Be Dragons. Thanks to tw_love and emiliemariah for reassuring me about my tenses. Word count ~3,500.
(Not) Living in Competition
She doesn't know how Kris can always tell what Adam wants from him - sometimes, when Adam's arm lands heavy around Kris's shoulders, Kris just grins up at him and it's them being them, but sometimes... sometimes Kris shivers slightly and she can actually see him sliding into that headspace where he doesn't do anything without Adam's permission. He never seems to guess wrong, not when it comes to Adam.
Adam tried to explain it to her, on one of those early nights when they'd all managed to get together. Kris had fallen asleep first - he always did - and Adam liked to talk. He especially liked talking about Kris. It was something that he felt like he had to play down in public, so it all came out when they were alone.
“It's about the attitude,” he'd told her, his hand slowly stroking up and down Kris's thigh. Katy kinda loved the way Adam behaved after sex, languid and sensual, like every moment was a gift. “It's about projecting control. It'll come to you with time.”
That night, Kris's back had been flush up against Adam, his head laying on Adam's arm, but his hand was still resting on Katy's hip from the last time he'd kissed her. It had been the first night they'd tried restraining Kris using the padded handcuffs that Adam had asked Cassidy to have made especially for him, black leather embossed with Adam's on one cuff and Katy's on the other, and he'd been completely exhausted afterwards. At the time, Katy had felt a little guilty - a little dirty - about thinking that it was hot, but it was tame in comparison with a lot of what they'd done since.
“Oh, but I couldn't-”
“Of course, you can.” Adam had reached over and brushed her hair back over her shoulder, hand lingering on her skin for a moment afterwards. “He's just as much yours as he is mine. He'd like it.”
“Why?” It had been something that she'd been wondering about since that first night. Kris was a team player, didn't like to put himself forward that much, but he was so incredibly strong. Why would he want something like this? “Why does he like it?”
“Does it matter?” Adam was stroking Kris's stomach now, repetitive touches that seemed almost unconscious, like maybe Adam didn't even know he was doing it because it was just... natural. “If I knew why, would it really make a difference? He'd still need it. I mean, I could ask you why watching Kris have sex with other guys turns you on, but why does it matter?”
So, she's been working on the whole attitude thing for about eight months now and it still doesn't work for her. When she tells Kris to do something, he generally does it, but first he'll cock his head slightly for a second, nose wrinkling up in confusion. Occasionally, she even gets the feeling that he's humoring her and that... that he doesn't think she's serious about any of it.
There was a lot that they hadn't been able to take into account, the night that Adam first came into their bed - for starters, with both Kris and Adam doing promotion, there wasn't a lot of free time. And since this was a relationship that they'd all agreed should be kept out of the press - Katy still has shudders at the thought that her momma might pick up a tabloid one day to find out that her baby girl is sharing her husband around - and that cut down on their together time even more. In a lot of ways, it's good that Adam has Drake in his life to pick up that slack when she and Kris can't be there.
She continues to like Drake more and more, even if he is of the opinion that they're all crazy.
“He doesn't want to fuck you,” he'd told her once, while Adam was doing something sanitary with Kris in the bathroom - at the time, she hadn't wanted to know the details. “Not long-term. It's doomed to failure.”
“That's not what I want from Adam,” she'd said, with a small shrug. Then she'd put a hand on her hip and cocked a challenging eyebrow. “Or are you trying to say that Kris isn't enough of a man to satisfy?”
Drake had laughed, light and sweet. “Oh, I'd never argue with you on that point.”
Adam had swept out of the bathroom then, towing Kris behind him by the wrist. Kris had still been slightly damp in places, water clinging to the curve of his hip. “So, tonight?” Adam had been excited, practically bouncing on his toes. Kris had been wearing a tiny, dazed smile and there'd been a dark bloom of color on his shoulder that Katy hadn't remembered seeing earlier, so they'd had some fun in there in addition to whatever else Adam had been doing. “Tonight, my dearest darling Katy, you are going to learn about rimming. It's going to be fantastic. Rimming is... it's like one of the seven wonders of the world.”
“Right up there with the Great Pyramids,” Drake had said, and he'd leaned back against the wall, smirking. “So, I'm guessing I got asked over for my expert advice.”
“Ding-ding - we have a winner,” Adam had said. He'd leaned towards Katy. “He's got an amazing tongue. Next time he's in the mood for pussy, I'll try to remember to push him in your direction.”
Katy had still been stuck on the first thing that Adam had said. “Rimming is the thing where you put-”
“And that's why Kris just had the most thorough shower of his life, in case you wanted to get squeamish on me.” And Adam had reached out and tugged on Katy's hair, looking so much like a little kid about to get away with a really good prank. “C'mon. It'll be fun.”
Adam's almost always right about these things, she's learning.
Kris had squirmed and moaned that night, utterly out of control of every part of himself. Adam had held him, whispered things into his ear that Katy hadn't been able to hear, while Drake had shown Katy what to do. Fingering Kris was something that she'd gotten used to, something that she'd grown to really enjoy, but it had still taken a lot to screw up her courage to actually lick her husband's asshole.
She'd jerked back after the first try, not out of some horrible taste - there hadn't been one, just the faint taste of soap - but out of fear of one. And then Drake had spent about a minute laughing at her before they could get on with it.
In the end, as promised, she'd loved it - she'd loved the way it made Kris jerk and whimper, and it was... it was fascinating, because this was the sort of thing that the porn she watched couldn't quite capture. The way Kris's skin shivered, and the way he relaxed to let her tongue press inside, was like nothing she could have imagined.
She bounced up from it after Kris had come, feeling successful and giddy, wanting to kiss and touch more, and Adam had placed a firm finger against her mouth. "Mouthwash, darling," he'd said and she'd seen Kris giggling against the side of Adam's neck, still overcome.
If there's anything she might want to change, she'd kinda like to switch the balance of power more towards herself and a little further from Adam. Not that she isn't- isn't grateful to Adam for opening up this new world to her, and it isn't that she doesn't adore Adam but, sometimes...
She can remember her mother saying once, "Never be second place in your own marriage." It had been years before she'd married Kris; she'd just been a young girl watching her mom put on makeup for a night out with dad. Her mom had met her eyes in the mirror and nodded sharply. "I won't be second to your father's job, not ever, and he won't be second to mine. Take that as a lesson, baby. Always insist on coming first."
That had been her mom's one objection to Katy marrying Kris - her mom hadn't been sure that Katy was more important than the music and it had taken Kris promising to get a serious, responsible job to convince her otherwise. Up until Kris had started doing really well on the show, her mom had actually been disappointed that he'd gotten on Idol.
Sometimes... sometimes she does worry that Kris loves other things - maybe even other people - more than he loves her. But she isn't her mom, and Katy figures... she figures that there's enough love to go around.
And Kris does need this. She hadn't realized that in the beginning, but it becomes clearer and clearer as time goes on - when he goes out on tour or into his head for his music, he needs something to pull him out again afterwards. This complicated relationship web never seems at all complicated to Kris; that's the part that Katy still can't make fit right in her head, how it comes to him so naturally. Before all this, sex had always just been sex to her - it was fun, relaxing, and would come in handy one day, in the future.
Now, though, sex means a million different things, all at the same time.
"He's scared," Adam said to her on another occasion - Kris hadn't been asleep that time; he'd been on his hands and knees on the bed, lazily licking Adam's stomach clean. He ducked his head down slightly at Adam's words, but didn't tried to refute them. Adam's hand rested in Kris' hair, but lightly. "Some part of him worries that his fans love the image more than they love his music; that if any of this came out, all those people cheering him on would turn their backs."
"I don't- I don't understand," Katy said. This was the kind of thing that had first concerned her, back when Kris was on the show, how it seemed even from the start that Adam understood Kris better than she did.
"From what Kris says, you were always pretty popular," Adam said and Katy shrugged because, yeah, well, why did that matter? Adam ruffled Kris's hair and pressed lightly on the back of his neck and Kris slid up to give Adam a soft kiss before tucking himself against Adam's side. He hadn't met her eyes yet, which Katy had learned was a sign that Adam was sharing something that Kris wasn't altogether comfortable with her knowing, but would permit because it was Adam doing the sharing.
She was almost finding out more about her husband from his gay lover than she'd ever learned first-hand.
"You don't know what it's like to be the kid sitting alone in his room, looking in the mirror and wondering if anyone outside his family will ever love him," Adam said, and Katy was about to open her mouth and protest, because of course she'd had days like that, and that's when she'd gotten it. She remembered now, before she'd realized how cute Kris was, hearing Daniel complain about his older brother hiding out in his room 'like he always does' with a roll of the eyes and sometimes a private laugh just for her.
She brushed her fingers against Kris's hip and waited out the tiny flinch, sliding her hand along his side as she pressed up against his back. She couldn't think of what to say, so she just kissed his shoulder, her gaze flicking up to meet Adam's. He reached over Kris and settled his hand on her back, stretching over slightly to drop a tiny kiss on her forehead.
Katy's learned a lot about Kris in the last few months, but she's learned even more about herself.
She knows that being in love doesn't have to involve sex, because she is definitely in love with Adam Lambert and the furthest they've gotten in all this time is a drunken blowjob and some fingering.
Which was something of a funny story. Kris had been out of town - in retrospect, that was hilariously cliché, really - and Adam had been making vague rumblings about going out to find Drake for some relief and she'd basically said, well, why bother when she was right there?
There had been the comedic ineptitude caused by the size difference - Katy hadn't ever been dissatisfied with Kris's size and, really, after her up-close-and-personal with Adam's, she probably wouldn't ever be in the future, either - that had led to Katy nearly giving up and saying that it just wouldn't fit before she'd figured out a different approach. Then Adam had grabbed her hair and yanked, which had led to her pulling off and telling him to 'never, ever do that again, what are you even thinking?' and pushing his hands down to the sheets and making him keep them there until she was done. And, at the end, he'd come in her mouth and she'd been completely unprepared - Kris had always been really good about warning her and giving her enough time to back off before coming.
But he'd kissed her afterwards, and rubbed his fingers down between her legs, and he'd been a little clumsy but it had worked well enough.
There were a million horny fans who would probably die of joy if they got to have that mildly awkward sexual encounter, which is something that cracks Katy up a little. Because it had been fun, all things considered, but certainly not life-altering. If she could do it without, well, without looking like a hedonist slut, she'd tell all those Adam fans that, no, sex with a man who is pretty much gay is not better than watching him be fabulous and amazing in concert and it's definitely not better than cuddling with him on a lazy night and watching Gossip Girl.
Though they probably wouldn't believe her anyway.
There are definitely quibbles that she could raise about her arrangement with Adam and Kris, but she does like having a partner in crime. If Adam and Kris can bond over being the odd kid out, she and Adam can bond over other things, like acting.
He did what she hadn't quite had the guts to do - he'd gone out and just... put it out there, with no holding back just in case. Katy loves her parents a lot, but she kinda hates them sometimes for talking her out of following her dreams. Her parents have always had smaller dreams for her, dreams about a business that she and Kris could own together, in Arkansas. Dreams about a white picket fence and a house for two - until a baby made three. Katy isn't even sure how a kid would work at all, with the arrangement that they have going on, and it certainly wouldn't work now, with all of them trying to put their careers into place.
Katy's only managed the odd commercial here and there, but it's a start.
Kris and Adam, of course, had a head-start because of Idol, but Drake's in pretty much the same boat she is, job-wise. He's not quite able to do what he wants to do, so he does other stuff and then bitches to her about it on the phone. And there are definitely things that she finds herself telling Drake that she can't quite imagine telling either Kris or Adam, petty annoyances to get off her chest.
She's not sure what sort of diagram their relationships would all make - a square is far too neat and boring a shape for everything that they've gotten up to, and even a parallelogram seems too straight-edge. And none of those took into account Kris's birthday, when Adam must have pulled in every gay or bisexual man he knew who could keep his mouth shut, all to fulfill the fantasy that Kris had whispered to them two months prior.
That memory can make Katy shiver, even now, Kris blindfolded in the middle of the room, not having any idea who was touching him at any given moment. She'd watched the whole thing, since Kris knew her hands, and Adam had stayed next to her, rubbing her back. She'd been vaguely aware that it was the same kind of comfort that he and Kris were always sharing, especially during sex, which had been amusing, but she hadn't been able to take her eyes off Kris.
Condoms, no violence, no humiliation - those had been the rules that Adam had set down at the beginning but, apart from that, anything was allowed.
It had been in the middle of that, watching as Kris pushed down against three fingers in his ass while some other man that she didn't know was kissing him, that Katy had asked Adam, "What if it's too much? What if he changes his mind?"
It had been a shock to realize that she'd never thought of it before, but she hadn't really known about those things. She'd only then been learning about all kinds of sex that she'd never heard of before, and beginning to put labels to some of what they'd already done.
"That's why I'm staying," Adam said, simply. "If Kris doesn't want something, he'll let us know."
"That seems too easy," Katy said, because she was pretty sure that there were all sorts of rules to make things safer.
"Kris and I spent a lot of time talking about sex," Adam said, which was definitely not a surprise. "Neither of us gets off on someone saying 'no'. If he wants it to stop, he'll say so or he'll start making a fuss. And, if necessary, I'll take care of it."
"But he's... he's not-"
"He's been uncertain," Adam said, firmly. "But willing. He knows I'm not going to hurt him, same way that I know he likes a little bossing around."
"Because you talk," Katy said and she wasn't sure whether she was coming across as flippant or resigned or some odd place in between. One of the things that made all this work was that Adam never... he never seemed to judge her for the moments when she found it all overwhelming. He gave her time to get used to it, didn't treat her like a stupid small-town girl with a narrow mind.
He'd been right again, like he generally was when it came to Kris - and it wasn't that she was jealous, it was just that, for once, it would be nice if she knew her husband a little bit better than Adam did - because Kris had been glowing when the night was over, had practically buried both of them in grateful kisses. He hadn't asked about the men - he'd already been wearing the blindfold when they'd arrived and had kept it on until after even Brad had left - or really seemed to care about them at all. It had been entirely about the act.
Honestly, Katy still doesn't get it, but it'd made Kris absurdly happy for weeks, so she'd decided she was okay with not understanding.
Acceptance is the key to the whole arrangement. It all started because Adam could have taken Kris from her - because she does know that, in the hidden places of herself that she wouldn't confess even to Drake - and instead of doing that, he gave them this.
She knows that her parents wouldn't approve. Bondage, anal sex, orgies - for all that Kris's parents adore Adam, she knows that they wouldn't approve, either. The kinkiest that she and Kris had ever gotten before this was almost getting caught fucking in a dugout. This is, without a doubt, the craziest thing she's ever done in her life.
Maybe that's even part of what makes it so amazing.
Because it is. Because that's why she agreed to it all in the first place - seeing Kris get on his knees for Adam or for any guy does things to her; she gets shaky and hot and wet, without even needing to touch herself. She's still not the best at ordering Kris around, but when it works, it gives her a buzz that makes the sex even better than it used to be.
And she really loves sharing a bed with Adam when they get the chance. He's snuggly and wonderful and it means that Kris ends up lying on him instead of her, which is good because Adam can take more weight than she can. She likes having a friend to talk to after Kris drifts off to sleep. She thinks about what she could maybe have if she walked away - a guy all to herself, sure, but no Kris to chase around the kitchen in the mornings or Adam to argue about the bathroom over, and... it's not worth it. She can't imagine that trade ever being worth it.
It's nothing like what her parents ever wanted for her.
But she thinks it might be better.
~the end~
Summary: Katy figures there's enough love to go around.
Pairings: Kris/Adam/Katy + Drake/others
Rating: NC-17
Notes: The sequel to Here There Be Dragons. Thanks to tw_love and emiliemariah for reassuring me about my tenses. Word count ~3,500.
(Not) Living in Competition
She doesn't know how Kris can always tell what Adam wants from him - sometimes, when Adam's arm lands heavy around Kris's shoulders, Kris just grins up at him and it's them being them, but sometimes... sometimes Kris shivers slightly and she can actually see him sliding into that headspace where he doesn't do anything without Adam's permission. He never seems to guess wrong, not when it comes to Adam.
Adam tried to explain it to her, on one of those early nights when they'd all managed to get together. Kris had fallen asleep first - he always did - and Adam liked to talk. He especially liked talking about Kris. It was something that he felt like he had to play down in public, so it all came out when they were alone.
“It's about the attitude,” he'd told her, his hand slowly stroking up and down Kris's thigh. Katy kinda loved the way Adam behaved after sex, languid and sensual, like every moment was a gift. “It's about projecting control. It'll come to you with time.”
That night, Kris's back had been flush up against Adam, his head laying on Adam's arm, but his hand was still resting on Katy's hip from the last time he'd kissed her. It had been the first night they'd tried restraining Kris using the padded handcuffs that Adam had asked Cassidy to have made especially for him, black leather embossed with Adam's on one cuff and Katy's on the other, and he'd been completely exhausted afterwards. At the time, Katy had felt a little guilty - a little dirty - about thinking that it was hot, but it was tame in comparison with a lot of what they'd done since.
“Oh, but I couldn't-”
“Of course, you can.” Adam had reached over and brushed her hair back over her shoulder, hand lingering on her skin for a moment afterwards. “He's just as much yours as he is mine. He'd like it.”
“Why?” It had been something that she'd been wondering about since that first night. Kris was a team player, didn't like to put himself forward that much, but he was so incredibly strong. Why would he want something like this? “Why does he like it?”
“Does it matter?” Adam was stroking Kris's stomach now, repetitive touches that seemed almost unconscious, like maybe Adam didn't even know he was doing it because it was just... natural. “If I knew why, would it really make a difference? He'd still need it. I mean, I could ask you why watching Kris have sex with other guys turns you on, but why does it matter?”
So, she's been working on the whole attitude thing for about eight months now and it still doesn't work for her. When she tells Kris to do something, he generally does it, but first he'll cock his head slightly for a second, nose wrinkling up in confusion. Occasionally, she even gets the feeling that he's humoring her and that... that he doesn't think she's serious about any of it.
There was a lot that they hadn't been able to take into account, the night that Adam first came into their bed - for starters, with both Kris and Adam doing promotion, there wasn't a lot of free time. And since this was a relationship that they'd all agreed should be kept out of the press - Katy still has shudders at the thought that her momma might pick up a tabloid one day to find out that her baby girl is sharing her husband around - and that cut down on their together time even more. In a lot of ways, it's good that Adam has Drake in his life to pick up that slack when she and Kris can't be there.
She continues to like Drake more and more, even if he is of the opinion that they're all crazy.
“He doesn't want to fuck you,” he'd told her once, while Adam was doing something sanitary with Kris in the bathroom - at the time, she hadn't wanted to know the details. “Not long-term. It's doomed to failure.”
“That's not what I want from Adam,” she'd said, with a small shrug. Then she'd put a hand on her hip and cocked a challenging eyebrow. “Or are you trying to say that Kris isn't enough of a man to satisfy?”
Drake had laughed, light and sweet. “Oh, I'd never argue with you on that point.”
Adam had swept out of the bathroom then, towing Kris behind him by the wrist. Kris had still been slightly damp in places, water clinging to the curve of his hip. “So, tonight?” Adam had been excited, practically bouncing on his toes. Kris had been wearing a tiny, dazed smile and there'd been a dark bloom of color on his shoulder that Katy hadn't remembered seeing earlier, so they'd had some fun in there in addition to whatever else Adam had been doing. “Tonight, my dearest darling Katy, you are going to learn about rimming. It's going to be fantastic. Rimming is... it's like one of the seven wonders of the world.”
“Right up there with the Great Pyramids,” Drake had said, and he'd leaned back against the wall, smirking. “So, I'm guessing I got asked over for my expert advice.”
“Ding-ding - we have a winner,” Adam had said. He'd leaned towards Katy. “He's got an amazing tongue. Next time he's in the mood for pussy, I'll try to remember to push him in your direction.”
Katy had still been stuck on the first thing that Adam had said. “Rimming is the thing where you put-”
“And that's why Kris just had the most thorough shower of his life, in case you wanted to get squeamish on me.” And Adam had reached out and tugged on Katy's hair, looking so much like a little kid about to get away with a really good prank. “C'mon. It'll be fun.”
Adam's almost always right about these things, she's learning.
Kris had squirmed and moaned that night, utterly out of control of every part of himself. Adam had held him, whispered things into his ear that Katy hadn't been able to hear, while Drake had shown Katy what to do. Fingering Kris was something that she'd gotten used to, something that she'd grown to really enjoy, but it had still taken a lot to screw up her courage to actually lick her husband's asshole.
She'd jerked back after the first try, not out of some horrible taste - there hadn't been one, just the faint taste of soap - but out of fear of one. And then Drake had spent about a minute laughing at her before they could get on with it.
In the end, as promised, she'd loved it - she'd loved the way it made Kris jerk and whimper, and it was... it was fascinating, because this was the sort of thing that the porn she watched couldn't quite capture. The way Kris's skin shivered, and the way he relaxed to let her tongue press inside, was like nothing she could have imagined.
She bounced up from it after Kris had come, feeling successful and giddy, wanting to kiss and touch more, and Adam had placed a firm finger against her mouth. "Mouthwash, darling," he'd said and she'd seen Kris giggling against the side of Adam's neck, still overcome.
If there's anything she might want to change, she'd kinda like to switch the balance of power more towards herself and a little further from Adam. Not that she isn't- isn't grateful to Adam for opening up this new world to her, and it isn't that she doesn't adore Adam but, sometimes...
She can remember her mother saying once, "Never be second place in your own marriage." It had been years before she'd married Kris; she'd just been a young girl watching her mom put on makeup for a night out with dad. Her mom had met her eyes in the mirror and nodded sharply. "I won't be second to your father's job, not ever, and he won't be second to mine. Take that as a lesson, baby. Always insist on coming first."
That had been her mom's one objection to Katy marrying Kris - her mom hadn't been sure that Katy was more important than the music and it had taken Kris promising to get a serious, responsible job to convince her otherwise. Up until Kris had started doing really well on the show, her mom had actually been disappointed that he'd gotten on Idol.
Sometimes... sometimes she does worry that Kris loves other things - maybe even other people - more than he loves her. But she isn't her mom, and Katy figures... she figures that there's enough love to go around.
And Kris does need this. She hadn't realized that in the beginning, but it becomes clearer and clearer as time goes on - when he goes out on tour or into his head for his music, he needs something to pull him out again afterwards. This complicated relationship web never seems at all complicated to Kris; that's the part that Katy still can't make fit right in her head, how it comes to him so naturally. Before all this, sex had always just been sex to her - it was fun, relaxing, and would come in handy one day, in the future.
Now, though, sex means a million different things, all at the same time.
"He's scared," Adam said to her on another occasion - Kris hadn't been asleep that time; he'd been on his hands and knees on the bed, lazily licking Adam's stomach clean. He ducked his head down slightly at Adam's words, but didn't tried to refute them. Adam's hand rested in Kris' hair, but lightly. "Some part of him worries that his fans love the image more than they love his music; that if any of this came out, all those people cheering him on would turn their backs."
"I don't- I don't understand," Katy said. This was the kind of thing that had first concerned her, back when Kris was on the show, how it seemed even from the start that Adam understood Kris better than she did.
"From what Kris says, you were always pretty popular," Adam said and Katy shrugged because, yeah, well, why did that matter? Adam ruffled Kris's hair and pressed lightly on the back of his neck and Kris slid up to give Adam a soft kiss before tucking himself against Adam's side. He hadn't met her eyes yet, which Katy had learned was a sign that Adam was sharing something that Kris wasn't altogether comfortable with her knowing, but would permit because it was Adam doing the sharing.
She was almost finding out more about her husband from his gay lover than she'd ever learned first-hand.
"You don't know what it's like to be the kid sitting alone in his room, looking in the mirror and wondering if anyone outside his family will ever love him," Adam said, and Katy was about to open her mouth and protest, because of course she'd had days like that, and that's when she'd gotten it. She remembered now, before she'd realized how cute Kris was, hearing Daniel complain about his older brother hiding out in his room 'like he always does' with a roll of the eyes and sometimes a private laugh just for her.
She brushed her fingers against Kris's hip and waited out the tiny flinch, sliding her hand along his side as she pressed up against his back. She couldn't think of what to say, so she just kissed his shoulder, her gaze flicking up to meet Adam's. He reached over Kris and settled his hand on her back, stretching over slightly to drop a tiny kiss on her forehead.
Katy's learned a lot about Kris in the last few months, but she's learned even more about herself.
She knows that being in love doesn't have to involve sex, because she is definitely in love with Adam Lambert and the furthest they've gotten in all this time is a drunken blowjob and some fingering.
Which was something of a funny story. Kris had been out of town - in retrospect, that was hilariously cliché, really - and Adam had been making vague rumblings about going out to find Drake for some relief and she'd basically said, well, why bother when she was right there?
There had been the comedic ineptitude caused by the size difference - Katy hadn't ever been dissatisfied with Kris's size and, really, after her up-close-and-personal with Adam's, she probably wouldn't ever be in the future, either - that had led to Katy nearly giving up and saying that it just wouldn't fit before she'd figured out a different approach. Then Adam had grabbed her hair and yanked, which had led to her pulling off and telling him to 'never, ever do that again, what are you even thinking?' and pushing his hands down to the sheets and making him keep them there until she was done. And, at the end, he'd come in her mouth and she'd been completely unprepared - Kris had always been really good about warning her and giving her enough time to back off before coming.
But he'd kissed her afterwards, and rubbed his fingers down between her legs, and he'd been a little clumsy but it had worked well enough.
There were a million horny fans who would probably die of joy if they got to have that mildly awkward sexual encounter, which is something that cracks Katy up a little. Because it had been fun, all things considered, but certainly not life-altering. If she could do it without, well, without looking like a hedonist slut, she'd tell all those Adam fans that, no, sex with a man who is pretty much gay is not better than watching him be fabulous and amazing in concert and it's definitely not better than cuddling with him on a lazy night and watching Gossip Girl.
Though they probably wouldn't believe her anyway.
There are definitely quibbles that she could raise about her arrangement with Adam and Kris, but she does like having a partner in crime. If Adam and Kris can bond over being the odd kid out, she and Adam can bond over other things, like acting.
He did what she hadn't quite had the guts to do - he'd gone out and just... put it out there, with no holding back just in case. Katy loves her parents a lot, but she kinda hates them sometimes for talking her out of following her dreams. Her parents have always had smaller dreams for her, dreams about a business that she and Kris could own together, in Arkansas. Dreams about a white picket fence and a house for two - until a baby made three. Katy isn't even sure how a kid would work at all, with the arrangement that they have going on, and it certainly wouldn't work now, with all of them trying to put their careers into place.
Katy's only managed the odd commercial here and there, but it's a start.
Kris and Adam, of course, had a head-start because of Idol, but Drake's in pretty much the same boat she is, job-wise. He's not quite able to do what he wants to do, so he does other stuff and then bitches to her about it on the phone. And there are definitely things that she finds herself telling Drake that she can't quite imagine telling either Kris or Adam, petty annoyances to get off her chest.
She's not sure what sort of diagram their relationships would all make - a square is far too neat and boring a shape for everything that they've gotten up to, and even a parallelogram seems too straight-edge. And none of those took into account Kris's birthday, when Adam must have pulled in every gay or bisexual man he knew who could keep his mouth shut, all to fulfill the fantasy that Kris had whispered to them two months prior.
That memory can make Katy shiver, even now, Kris blindfolded in the middle of the room, not having any idea who was touching him at any given moment. She'd watched the whole thing, since Kris knew her hands, and Adam had stayed next to her, rubbing her back. She'd been vaguely aware that it was the same kind of comfort that he and Kris were always sharing, especially during sex, which had been amusing, but she hadn't been able to take her eyes off Kris.
Condoms, no violence, no humiliation - those had been the rules that Adam had set down at the beginning but, apart from that, anything was allowed.
It had been in the middle of that, watching as Kris pushed down against three fingers in his ass while some other man that she didn't know was kissing him, that Katy had asked Adam, "What if it's too much? What if he changes his mind?"
It had been a shock to realize that she'd never thought of it before, but she hadn't really known about those things. She'd only then been learning about all kinds of sex that she'd never heard of before, and beginning to put labels to some of what they'd already done.
"That's why I'm staying," Adam said, simply. "If Kris doesn't want something, he'll let us know."
"That seems too easy," Katy said, because she was pretty sure that there were all sorts of rules to make things safer.
"Kris and I spent a lot of time talking about sex," Adam said, which was definitely not a surprise. "Neither of us gets off on someone saying 'no'. If he wants it to stop, he'll say so or he'll start making a fuss. And, if necessary, I'll take care of it."
"But he's... he's not-"
"He's been uncertain," Adam said, firmly. "But willing. He knows I'm not going to hurt him, same way that I know he likes a little bossing around."
"Because you talk," Katy said and she wasn't sure whether she was coming across as flippant or resigned or some odd place in between. One of the things that made all this work was that Adam never... he never seemed to judge her for the moments when she found it all overwhelming. He gave her time to get used to it, didn't treat her like a stupid small-town girl with a narrow mind.
He'd been right again, like he generally was when it came to Kris - and it wasn't that she was jealous, it was just that, for once, it would be nice if she knew her husband a little bit better than Adam did - because Kris had been glowing when the night was over, had practically buried both of them in grateful kisses. He hadn't asked about the men - he'd already been wearing the blindfold when they'd arrived and had kept it on until after even Brad had left - or really seemed to care about them at all. It had been entirely about the act.
Honestly, Katy still doesn't get it, but it'd made Kris absurdly happy for weeks, so she'd decided she was okay with not understanding.
Acceptance is the key to the whole arrangement. It all started because Adam could have taken Kris from her - because she does know that, in the hidden places of herself that she wouldn't confess even to Drake - and instead of doing that, he gave them this.
She knows that her parents wouldn't approve. Bondage, anal sex, orgies - for all that Kris's parents adore Adam, she knows that they wouldn't approve, either. The kinkiest that she and Kris had ever gotten before this was almost getting caught fucking in a dugout. This is, without a doubt, the craziest thing she's ever done in her life.
Maybe that's even part of what makes it so amazing.
Because it is. Because that's why she agreed to it all in the first place - seeing Kris get on his knees for Adam or for any guy does things to her; she gets shaky and hot and wet, without even needing to touch herself. She's still not the best at ordering Kris around, but when it works, it gives her a buzz that makes the sex even better than it used to be.
And she really loves sharing a bed with Adam when they get the chance. He's snuggly and wonderful and it means that Kris ends up lying on him instead of her, which is good because Adam can take more weight than she can. She likes having a friend to talk to after Kris drifts off to sleep. She thinks about what she could maybe have if she walked away - a guy all to herself, sure, but no Kris to chase around the kitchen in the mornings or Adam to argue about the bathroom over, and... it's not worth it. She can't imagine that trade ever being worth it.
It's nothing like what her parents ever wanted for her.
But she thinks it might be better.
~the end~