Fic: Melt Into Time (2/3)
Part One
Afterwards, Kris sought out Matt and introduced himself.
"I think we're roommates," Kris said, with a soft, fast grin, and this, this was easy, the way talking to Matt always was. "I heard them say that you're a dueling piano player. Sounds like a blast."
The thing was, there had to be a downside. Wishes didn't just get granted and then life was perfect. There was always a catch. Okay, sure, he wasn't allowed to tell anyone, but that couldn't be it. So far, everything was working out better than it had before - Simon even seemed to like his singing.
Had Kris really changed that much after eight years in the music business? Enough that he'd earned Simon's approval so easily?
He didn't have much time to think about it, though. Hollywood week was a crazy, busy time. He and Matt formed White Chocolate again and that seemed to go just as well as it had the first time - though Kara's eyes seemed to be following him this time, not Matt. For the first time in years, he found himself missing the reassuring weight of his wedding ring and the way it warded off most women.
He called Katy that night, while Matt was still downstairs mingling with the after-dinner crowd.
“I'm just... I'm so glad that we're still friends,” he told her, tucking his feet under the covers. “I was afraid, when I told you- not that I ever thought you were... but we'd been together a really long time. You had the right to feel betrayed.”
“Oh, Kris, you still haven't even dated a guy yet,” Katy said, with a laugh. “I'm just glad you figured it out before... before things could get even more serious. I was starting to think that you might propose soon.”
"Guess it's good that didn't happen," Kris said, and his voice was a little rough, a little shaky. "But I- actually, I've kinda met someone. Here."
"That's wonderful," Katy said and he couldn't hear anything but happiness in her voice. "Well, I'm sure he's very cute. What's his name?"
"Adam," Kris said. "Adam Lambert."
"Oh, you do like him," Katy said. "Your voice got all soft. Is he... is he gay?"
"Yeah," Kris said, suppressing a laugh. "No doubt about that."
"You think he's going to make it through to the semifinals?" Katy asked.
"Definitely," Kris said. "Katy - he's amazing. His voice is... phenomenal. He's an incredible performer. He'll make it through."
"Well, I'll vote for him," Katy said, perky and sweet. "So that you guys can get to know each other better."
"Vote for him if you like his singing," Kris said. "And I promise that you will. What about you? Seeing anyone?"
There was a slight pause.
"Actually." Katy laughed, but it sounded awkward. "Kris, I don't want this to be weird."
"What is it?"
"Daniel asked me out," she said.
"My brother?"
"Yeah," she said. "It's nothing serious. I'm still dating other people, too. It's very casual. But you should know. Even if you aren't- because it's a little weird, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Kris agreed, before thinking. "I mean. No. It's fine."
This was the first big change that wasn't about him, really - as far as he knew, Katy and Daniel had never so much as gone on a single date in the original time line. It was weird, but it was also... absolutely none of his business.
It hadn't been for a long time.
"It's fine," Kris said again, certain this time. "I want you to be happy, no matter how that happens. I do love you, Katy. I always will."
"I know. I love you, too," Katy said. "I've gotta go now, sweetie. I've got a date tonight. Call me tomorrow?"
"It's a promise," Kris said.
He was still sitting there when Matt came into the room, vibrant and buzzing with excitement.
"Did you see how we ruled?" Matt asked, tossing his hat onto the crowded dresser on his side of the hotel room. "We were the best group. First and best. We are going to sail through this competition together, my friend."
Matt flopped down on his own bed with a bounce, letting out a low laugh. He was practically the same as the guy that Kris knew in the future, minus an identity crisis or two in the middle. Maybe Kris could... could help more with that, this time around, since he knew it was coming.
For now, though, he just twisted around to face Matt and relaxed, let himself shoot the shit with an old friend. He did a lot more listening than talking, but that had always been the case. Rooming with Matt had been so easy and uncomplicated - not that rooming with Adam hadn't been easy, but even in the beginning, there had been that tiny kernel of awareness that he was getting a kind of pleasure out of spending time with Adam that... that wasn't entirely appropriate. With Matt, there wasn't anything hiding underneath the words - just friendship.
It was easy, after that, to settle into the remembered routine of Hollywood. Right up until they sent him to the wrong room. He didn't even realize it until he got to the door and saw Adam and Danny - among others who'd ended up in the Top 13 with him - waiting already.
He'd gotten sent to the heavy hitters' room. The room of the sure things.
Adam waved at him and Kris made his way over there, legs a little shaky. He collapsed next to Adam and said, "They just like to mess with our heads, right? Because it makes for good tv." Adam laughed and he was close enough to touch.
Hyper-aware of the cameras all around, Kris was careful to keep that little bit of space between them.
When the judges came in and told them they were staying, though, Adam hugged him impulsively - just for a second, not nearly long enough - and it was hard to let him go again.
"The next phase is... what, the judges' mansion?" Matt asked later, poking around Kris's half-packed bag. "And they'll figure out the final people there. Man. This competition is so much more stressful than I was expecting, you know?"
Kris tucked his hands behind his knees and shrugged.
It was at the judges' mansion that things got a little complicated again.
"Blonde girl, sitting with your parents - sister or girlfriend?" Ryan asked him, off-camera.
"Friend," Kris said and Ryan frowned a bit. "Is she not allowed to be here?"
"No, she's- she's cute," Ryan said. "One of the producers noticed her - great hair. We were thinking that she should hug you first when you come out after they tell you whether or not you made it to the semifinals. She looks good on camera."
"Oh," Kris said, and he looked over at where Katy was sitting - Daniel was there, too, and gave Kris a thumbs-up with a bit of an uncertain look. They hadn't really had a chance to talk since Katy had told him that she and Daniel were seeing each other, and Daniel would probably be a little nervous about it until they did. "Ryan, I'm not pretending she's my girlfriend."
"No one is asking that - hell, it's better for you that you're single, at least when it comes to the voting," Ryan said. "But she's very pretty and she seems to like the camera."
"She used to want to act," Kris said. It had been nearly four years since Katy had filmed anything at all. Kris had wondered, sometimes, whether they might have stayed married if she'd found success in Hollywood. If they'd both been happy in their jobs, maybe other things would have slipped through the cracks. But Katy had gotten tired of trying to break into an industry that had a surplus of cute blondes and had started wanting to settle down. "Yeah. Sure - she can be the first person to hug me."
A tall, dark-haired woman that Kris didn't really remember came over from the area of the cameras and whispered something in Ryan's ear. He nodded and waved at Kris. "I'll let her know - they're ready for you in there."
No sing-off this time, though Simon and the others tried to string him along for the sake of the cameras. It was still a relief to be told that he'd made it, of course, and he didn't have to fake anything when he thanked them.
Katy barreled into him when he came out and he had to laugh as he told them it was a 'yes'.
Then he slipped away to find Adam, who had gotten through earlier.
It was never hard to locate Adam - everyone knew what he looked like and he talked to everyone, so there was always a trail. This time, it led Kris down to the place the smokers had gathered - though Adam never smoked much, he was talking animatedly to a couple of other contestants who did. Kris hovered at the edge of the group and let himself stare a little, since Adam was distracted.
After Adam spotted him, Kris flashed a grin at him and then slipped off to the side, farther along in the yard.
"So," Adam asked, catching up to Kris pretty quickly. "What are your holiday plans? Going home for... I'm going to guess... Christmas?"
"I'm not sure," Kris said, and he hadn't even really thought about it. Too caught up thinking about other things. He slowed down a little, glanced over at Adam. "I could stay here in L.A., but it's expensive in California."
"Why don't you want to go back home?" Adam asked quietly. Kris bit his lip and looked away, trying to think of something to say that didn't make him sound like a psycho stalker. Then Adam sighed, long and weary. "Never mind, I can think of a few reasons."
Kris shook his head, because he didn't want Adam thinking- "My parents are fine with... me. I mean. They know."
"Your parents aren't the only people in Arkansas," Adam said, and the understanding in his voice made Kris want to hug him for- for being him.
"It's not about that," Kris said. "It's- when I'm here, I feel like I'm getting something done."
"Tell you what," Adam said, turning slightly and giving Kris a considering look. "Stay with me. I'll show you my L.A. You can meet my friends, maybe check out the shows that I've got coming up. If you can afford to give me a little somethin-"
"I can," Kris said, his mouth working before his brain, which was busy saying too soon, over and over. "I have some money saved up. Not much, but maybe there's a chance I can find some work, too."
Living with Adam - sleeping on his couch, as it turned out - was something of a slow torture. Adam was more casual around his own place than he'd been when he'd first roomed with Kris on Idol, with an alarming tendency to walk out of the shower naked. Kris had the vague suspicion that, much as he'd wanted to slowly seduce Adam, he was the one actually being seduced.
Katy thought the entire thing was hilarious and just what he needed.
"I mean, you've got a crush on the guy and he invited you into his home," she told him. "Come on, what are you waiting for?"
"We were together for over six years," Kris said. "Never once did you bring up sex. Now that we've broken up, our conversations are all about sex all the time - what's that about, do you think?"
"Don't avoid the question, Kristopher," Katy said. "Just jump the guy."
"I don't want- it's not about sex," Kris said. Katy laughed and... okay, maybe he'd talked up Adam's physical attributes a bit in some of their talks, but he'd mentioned other things, too. "I like him, Katybug. Not just because he's hot. I don't want some Hollywood one-night stand."
"Well, you're living with him, so it would really be more of a month-long fling," Katy said.
"That's not helping," he said. "How are things with you and Daniel?"
"Fine," she said. "Things are fine."
"Still dating?"
"We've gone on several dates, thank you," Katy said, slightly prim.
"One date would be more than I've gone on with Adam," Kris said. "But I'm not asking you about your sex life."
"Oh, I assumed that was because he's your brother," Katy said. "Because I can alway-"
"No! Good call," Kris said, hurriedly. "I don't need to know."
Katy laughed, sharp and triumphant.
That night, Adam invited Kris to go watch him perform "Kiss and Tell".
Everyone has a breaking point. Apparently, right now, Kris's was Adam in black pants that could have been spray-painted on. Kris had always adored Adam's voice, more so when he was being himself, fierce and sexual, but tonight he couldn't take his eyes off Adam's hips, off the way the two dancers on stage with Adam rubbed up against him.
A couple of hours later - too long - Kris slammed Adam against the door of his apartment, tired of waiting and so fucking hard he felt like he'd die if someone didn't touch him.
"We really can't do this," Kris said, and Adam grinned down at him, and then Kris pushed up to his toes and kissed Adam, finally. The voice in his head telling him that everything was moving too fast had been drowned out by the way Adam had moved tonight on stage, sleek and sexy.
"Yeah, I feel how much you don't want me," Adam said, his hand slipping down to press against where Kris was straining against his zipper. Kris bit back a whimper and dragged Adam's head down for another kiss.
They didn't make it to Adam's bed - they didn't even manage to get most of their clothes off, hands too busy with other things.
The time after that, they did make it to the bed, though not under the covers, and Adam had blown Kris, mouth wet and sweet around Kris's cock. Kris had returned the favor, Adam's fingers gently pressing his head down.
Kris had felt too sleepy to move afterwards and Adam hadn't seemed to care much, so he'd dozed off, brain too full of Adam to think much about regrets.
When he woke up, it was still dark out, and Adam was warm and big and wrapped around him. Kris brushed a kiss against the corner of Adam's mouth and started to pull away - Adam's hand caught his wrist and Adam's eyes were just barely open.
"Baby?" Adam sounded happy, still half-caught in sleep. It was a familiar sound that hit Kris's heart in just the right way and he smiled down helplessly at Adam, momentarily overcome. Adam tugged him back and Kris went willingly. "Oh, baby, you came back? Missed you so much." Adam's mouth was on his and Kris had to strain to hear the next words, his heart starting to pound uncomfortably. "Honey, promise you'll never leave again, 'kay? It's not home when you're not here." One last kiss and Adam slipped back into sleep.
Kris pulled away, feeling sick to his stomach, and he'd known - he should have remembered - that Adam wasn't over Brad yet. He knew that. That was the whole point of the delay built into the plan. And he'd gone and slept with Adam anyway, like the biggest idiot in the world.
By the time Adam woke up, Kris was dressed and making breakfast, silently rehearsing what he wanted to say. But when Adam wandered out in nothing but black underwear, skin-tight, all of Kris's words disappeared and he stood there, staring with his mouth open, until Adam came over and placed possessive fingers under Kris's chin, angling his face up and then kissing him until Kris was panting and desperate.
"I love that you know how to cook," Adam said cheerfully, taking a seat as if nothing had changed. "You're a great roommate. It's a shame we can't pick our own on the show, because I'd definitely go with you."
Kris made a vague noise of agreement.
"You can move your stuff - that entire tiny suitcase - into my room if you want," Adam continued. Kris flipped over the eggs, trying to force his hand to stop trembling. "I've got another show tonight and I'd love for it to end the same way."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Kris said, without turning around. He could hear Adam getting up again, chair legs scraping lightly against the floor. Adam's hand slid along Kris's shoulders, fingers flexing gently. Kris shrugged away from Adam's touch, but regretted it a second later when Adam pulled away.
"Why not?" Adam asked, leaning sideways against the counter. "We both had fun. Are you getting uptight on me, Arkansas?"
"It's not about that," Kris said.
"Didn't you enjoy yourself?" Adam asked.
"Of course, I-" and Adam was tugging on Kris's belt loop and Kris's arm brushed against Adam's bare stomach and he shivered, still primed from the kiss that Adam had given him earlier.
"Come on, let's have some fun," Adam said, voice low, his hands working on Kris's belt.
"The eggs," Kris yelped, but his hands were resting on Adam's waist now. Adam leaned down and licked Kris's shoulder, one of his hands reaching past Kris - there was a click as Adam turned the burner off. Kris tried to think of another objection, of anything that could slow this down without giving Adam the impression that Kris wasn't interested in him.
"I think," Adam said, sinking down to his knees and pulling Kris's jeans down around his thighs. "That you should let me finger you open and fuck you. It'll relax you, take some of that stress off." He licked a long stripe up Kris's cock. "How's that sound?"
Kris slid his fingers into Adam's thick hair, still tousled and messy from sleep, and he gave a quick nod, his eyes shutting as Adam's mouth went back on his dick.
He'd figure out how to fix things later.
"It was a horrible idea," Kris said, switching his phone to the other ear as he finally got around to cleaning up the eggs that had congealed in the pan. Adam had gone off about half an hour ago, but it had taken Kris that long to pull himself back out of bed. "He just sees me as sex. I mean, I think he also thinks of me a friend, but it's not a relationship."
"Well, he's not going to buy the cow if you give him the milk for free," Cale said.
"That is such a stupid expression," Kris said. "How does that even make sense?"
"Hey, you called me up and started talking about gay sex. Any clichés I spout are your own fault."
"Whatever, fuck you," Kris said. "Also, your hand has been on my dick, so you probably shouldn't be throwing any gay stones from your big gay glass house."
"Bi-curious glass house," Cale said. "I looked it up. But I still don't get it - what's wrong with a little friendly sex? You didn't freak out after our little experiment."
Kris could think of anything to say that wasn't either insulting to Cale or something that would break the bounds of his agreement, so he just changed the subject. He considered it a mark of their friendship that Cale let him do it so easily.
He'd never really thought before about how much sex Adam was used to having - he and Katy hadn't gone all the way until their wedding night and, even then, sex hadn't ever been a major part of their relationship, and his previous experiences with men had remained strictly handjob and blowjob affairs. Not that Adam wasn't into those, too, and he was good at them, but what he really seemed to love was opening Kris up until he was begging for it, and then fucking him senseless. And he wanted it a lot.
Kris probably had more sex in the break between Hollywood week and the start of semifinals than he'd had all the previous years of his life.
He wasn't sure if that meant Adam was something of a sex addict right now or if it meant that Kris's previous sex life was just that pathetic.
Maybe a little of both.
Adam had actually told him about this time period - had mentioned throwing himself into sex after his break-up with Brad. Just now, instead of it happening with a lot of random strangers, it was all happening with Kris.
Unfortunately, Kris was sickeningly aware that that didn't make it any more meaningful.
The one time that he'd tried to ask Adam out on a real date, Adam had looked at him like he was nuts and they'd ended up fucking on the kitchen table. Kris figured he could pretty much class that as a complete failure.
And while Adam was pleased to introduce Kris to some of his friends, he'd been hesitant about Kris meeting any of his family, telling Kris that he'd get to know them soon enough since they'd be coming to watch Adam on Idol. And it wasn't like Kris could tell Adam that he knew Adam was holding back on the introductions to his very closest friends.
It was better than the year he'd spent waiting but... in some ways, he felt like he was still waiting for Adam to show up. Kris had to constantly bite his tongue to keep from talking about things that Adam wouldn't remember, and to stop himself from revealing that he already knew a lot more about Adam than he should.
New Year's Eve, Adam invited Kris to his show and Kris had to say 'no', because he knew what that night was about for Adam - he'd seen the video. Adam was going to be singing about Brad like his heart was breaking all over again and Kris just... he couldn't be there for that. He couldn't.
After Adam got back that night, he fucked Kris fast and rough, biting down on Kris's shoulder when he came, and Kris was pretty sure that it was to keep another name from slipping out.
Kris couldn't sleep that night, untangling himself from Adam and getting out of bed as soon as Adam was asleep. He got dressed and went outside for a walk, needing to breathe somewhere that wouldn't smell like Adam.
Nothing was going according to plan. And it was his own fault; he could own up to that. He never should have agreed to stay with Adam in L.A. and he definitely shouldn't have slept with Adam that first time.
He just wasn't sure how he could have avoided it. He and Adam had never gotten into the habit of telling each other 'no'.
Going back for the semifinals was a blessing and a curse. Because, honestly, Kris did love the sex and being able to spend most of his time with Adam, and he knew that he'd be back with Matt until group two performed, so that was going to be hard to adjust to, but it would also be good to get a little space between him and Adam. Give them a chance to maybe become more than sex buddies.
"We should cool things off," Adam said, that last night before. Kris blinked, still feeling a little hazy from his orgasm. Adam's hand cupped his ass, fingers dipping in, pressing into where Kris was relaxed and still wet with lube. "Not that this hasn't been great - you're an amazing fuck, Kris, seriously - but we both need to concentrate on the competition."
Kris murmured agreement, hips reflexively pushing back against Adam's fingers.
"Okay, after this, we'll stop," Adam said, thrusting his fingers deeper, making Kris moan. "Come on, sweetheart, let's get the neighbors to complain again."
The first night after they were all back into the hotel rooms, Kris stared up at the ceiling, listening to Matt snore in the other bed. Adam had conditioned him or something, because he was aching and jerking off just wasn't doing it for him.
Adam took one look at him the next morning, while everyone was heading in for breakfast, and dragged him off to the bathroom, flicking the lock up after checking to see if it was clear.
"You look like shit," Adam said, blunt but friendly. "Didn't you get any sleep last night? You always seemed to fall asleep so easily."
"Yeah, I was just... I don't know, having a hard time adjusting," Kris said, trying - and failing - to keep his eyes from wandering down to check out Adam's crotch. "We don't have to sing today, though, so it's okay. I have time."
"Fuck," Adam said, looking Kris over carefully. Kris shifted from foot to foot, not entirely comfortable with the light in Adam's eyes. "It's not about adjusting at all. You've got needy new gay written all over you. You miss being fucked. One night off, and you already miss it."
Kris licked his lips. "I just- that's not it."
"Bullshit," Adam said, and his hand was on Kris's shoulder, turning him slightly. "Look, it's not that strange. Some guys, once they finally get regular sex, it eats at them when the source gets cut off. Not a big deal."
And Kris was being pushed back against the mirror and- okay, he'd fix things tomorrow, sometime when Adam's hand wasn't on his dick.
He ignored the fact that he'd told himself that all through the break, too.
"Group three," Kris said flatly, squinting at the piece of paper on the wall. "I'm in group three?"
"If that's what the paper says, then that's what's true," Shelby said, raising an elegantly-shaped eyebrow and motioning for him to move away. "I don't write it; I just pin it up."
"Hey, roomie," Matt said, draping his arm over Kris's shoulders. "Ah, I'm in group two. Well, hmm. Looks like Adam's in that group. He's getting through for sure. And that Megan chick - shit, she's hot as hell. She's got a good chance. Other than that, I think I'm safe."
"You don't think any of the other girls have a shot?" Kris asked, double-checking and, yeah, Allison was still in group two. "I thought you liked Mishavonna."
"I do, but I have this feeling that she's going to fold under pressure," Matt said, steering them away from the lists. "Call it an instinct. Did you figure out what you wanted to sing over the break? Because I was talking to someone and you'll want to check to make sure it gets cleared. Rules are different now that all of us are getting on camera."
Kris had cycled "Man in the Mirror" in and out of his tour set and, blasphemous as it would be to say it out loud, the song almost felt more his than Michael's after all those years. Hell, some of his fans - the younger ones - were surprised when they learned that it was a cover.
Not his fans anymore, he reminded himself - or... not his fans yet.
Group one night went the same as it had the first time - it was Scott that had switched places with him, Kris discovered after he went back to look at the lists again.
The night before group two went on, Katy called him to tease. "So, your not-boyfriend is performing tonight, right? Caught him in the audition episodes. You were right. He's good. And he's really hot."
"He is," Kris agreed miserably. That morning, Adam had tapped on Kris's door, probably after watching Matt leave, and then he'd laid Kris out on the bed, face-down, and rimmed him until Kris had needed to muffle his screams with a pillow. Then he'd jerked off on Kris's back - Nice, Kris had said sarcastically, Now I need to shower again. - and gone to the bathroom to use Kris's mouthwash.
"Oh, bad news," Katy said. Kris made a sympathetic noise. "Daniel and I decided to call it quits."
"Huh, what happened?" Kris asked.
"It was more what didn't happen," Katy said. "Just not enough of a spark. Still, I'm not going to give up."
"You'll find the right guy," Kris said, firmly. "Give it time."
"You give it time, too," Katy said. "He'll fall in love with you. I mean, sure, you've got your faults, but you're worth loving."
"Thanks a lot," Kris said and Katy laughed.
Adam got through - of course - and so did Allison. Matt bombed, again, though Kris had tried, gently, to suggest that he change his song. Matt had insisted that it was perfect and Megan got through instead.
Matt was probably going to be put through to the Wild Card round anyway, Kris figured.
With both of their roommates gone - because Matt was staying in L.A., but couldn't stay with the Idol group anymore - Kris found himself effectively moved into Adam's room, though he had to admit that he hadn't fought it very hard. The pictures of Adam with Brad came out, like they had before, and Adam's aggressiveness during sex spiked, though he managed to keep the hickeys and marks low enough that no one else would see them.
If Kris had actually needed time to rehearse his song, he'd have been a little screwed.
After Kris made it through to the finals, Adam asked him if he wanted to celebrate, probably thinking that Kris would ask for something sex-related.
"I want to meet your family," Kris said, and his nerves were showing in the shakiness of his voice, but, damn it, he already knew that they would like him. They had liked him, so Adam's skittishness over Kris meeting them was intensely frustrating. "And... and my parents came up to see me perform. I want them to meet you."
"Oh, honey," Adam said, and Adam had never, ever pitied him. Not in all the years they'd known each other.
But they didn't. He'd been sleeping with Adam for over two months and Adam still didn't really know him. He barely heard Adam's excuses about why a family get-together was a bad idea, a kind of white noise filling his head up.
How was Adam ever going to be able to know him when there were eight years that Kris couldn't breathe a word about?
He came back to himself in time to catch Adam's hands as he started easing Kris's shirt over his head. Kris pulled Adam's hands away and tugged the shirt back down, taking an extra second to breathe before looking up to meet Adam's eyes.
"You've already decided that this isn't ever going to be a real relationship, haven't you?" Kris asked. Adam sighed and the last thing that Kris could take right now was being let down easy. He pressed his finger against Adam's lips, shook his head, asked for silence every way but out loud. Kris dragged his finger down, pulling on Adam's lip for a second, but then continuing, tracing a line down Adam's face and neck until his finger snagged on Adam's necklaces. He twisted his hand into the cords, his knuckles brushing against Adam's skin.
Then Kris loosened his grip, leaned forward, and just... rested his cheek against Adam's chest, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you," he said, barely moving his lips, much too quiet for Adam to hear him. He looked up, and he hated the way Adam was looking at him, like he was some kid who didn't understand the way the world worked.
"I can't do this tonight," Kris said, but he couldn't keep himself from kissing Adam again, just a brush of the lips. "But I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"
Adam reached out, the palm of his hand cupping Kris's cheek and he was maybe on the verge of saying something that Kris really didn't want to hear right now.
Kris pulled away and snagged his old keycard and his guitar. "See you in the morning," he said, and then he was hurrying away. He needed to think and his head would never stay clear if he was with Adam, that much was obvious.
The room that he was still technically staying in was clean and empty, and he put his guitar on the couch and skimmed out of his shirt, taking his phone out of his pants' pocket and putting it on the nightstand. It could go another day without being recharged.
He flopped backwards on the bed and tried to work out how he was going to fix things.
"Lenny, I don't know if you can hear me," Kris said, softly. "But is this the way it generally works? Or is this my fault for not having enough self-control?"
He waited for a few minutes, but no answer came.
Of course not.
Then he sat up on the bed and reached out for the handle on the nightstand. There, in the drawer, was the standard Gideon Bible - King James version. Kris stroked his hand along the smooth cover, taking in a few deep breaths. He'd been avoiding this - not just since all this happened, but since before the divorce.
Maybe it was time for him to stop running.
He pulled out the Bible and flipped it open, not looking at the page numbers or the chapters, moving until it felt right.
Job.
"For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he hath gained, when God taketh away his soul?" Kris read aloud, his finger certain. He reflected on the sentence for a moment, but the meaning seemed clear enough to him. "I took away Adam's happiness in favor of trying to find my own."
He'd let himself ignore that, let himself believe that, since most of him hadn't believed Lenny had any true power, that it was all right to wish away Nick's presence in Adam's life. Adam had been happy, in the old future, genuinely happy and in love. And Kris had taken that away for his own selfish gain.
"I didn't have the right."
And it didn't matter that he hadn't really believed Lenny when he'd said what he could do. Kris had the power, right now, to make all this stop. All he had to do was tell the truth. All he'd ever needed to do was tell the truth.
Kris's sleep that night was restless, filled with half-remembered dreams of reaching out and never quite making it. He figured that it didn't take a professional to figured out what they meant.
He didn't go back to Adam's room, going down to the lobby for breakfast instead. Allison was there, her mom with her, and she was chatting loudly with Megan and eating messily. Kris leaned up against the wall and just watched them for a minute. So young. They were all so incredibly young and unjaded.
"Not hungry?" The voice was Danny's and Kris turned to see him standing next to Kris, shifting nervously, eyes darting from the diners to the breakfast items on display. "You should eat even if you aren't. Breakfast is the foundation of the day."
He sounded like he was quoting someone - he was, Kris recalled suddenly. He was quoting Sophia. "Yeah," Kris agreed, softly. "You want to eat together?"
Danny perked up, looked a little less lost. "That's- are you a sausage guy? I love sausage."
Kris laughed and headed for the plates, Danny half a step behind him. "I'm fond of meat, yes," Kris agreed, knowing that Danny would never hear the potential double-meaning.
After breakfast, Kris slipped out of the room and pulled out his phone, calling his parents - asking them to meet him for lunch. He spent the rest of the morning dodging Adam, which was harder than he'd have thought it would be.
"Congratulations again, son," his dad said when he met up with his parents, folding him up in a tight hug. No one knew who he was right now, so Kris took the opportunity to take his parents out to eat at a nearby restaurant that he and Adam had gone to a few times before it shut down a few years back... well, a few years into the future, now.
When his mom went for the check, Kris stopped her. "Let me take care of it this time." She fussed a little, but let him pay.
Afterwards, he took them up to his room in the hotel.
"I've been writing this song," he said, tuning his guitar up. "I wanted to play it for you guys because... well, it's about you. About what you've given me."
He'd written the song three years ago, about a month after his father had passed away. There was a wistful quality to the song, because there had still been so much that he wished that his dad had gotten a chance to see, but there was joy as well. His parents had helped turn him into the man he was and - he hoped - thinking of them would help guide him to making the right choice today.
"That's a gorgeous song, baby," his mom said, wiping at her eyes. After he put his guitar back into its case, he sat next to her on the bed and she pulled him into a hug. "Such a pretty melody."
"Thank you, mama," he said, softly. He looked over at his dad, sitting in the chair by the window.
"What'd you think, Dad?" Kris asked.
"I loved it." His dad came over and Kris hugged him tight, and most people never got a second chance at saying goodbye. "I'm so proud of you." His dad's voice was a little choked up.
"I love you," Kris said, hands clenching briefly in his father's shirt before he made himself relax them. "I love both of you so much. Thank you."
"We love you, too," his dad said, sounding slightly puzzled at Kris's forcefulness. "Is something wrong, Kristopher?"
"No," Kris said, pulling away. He stared at his dad for a long moment, fixing this moment in his memory. "And you guys probably should get going if you want to make your flight."
"We can stay if you need us," his mom said. Kris shook his head.
"Don't worry about me," he said.
"Well, we'll see you next week," his mom said, sounding a bit uncertain about leaving still. "We're thinking of bringing someone with us - everyone's clamoring to come see you perform live on a big stage.
"Surprise me," Kris said. He walked them to the door and gave them each one last hug. "Goodbye."
He watched them walk down the hallway, kept watching until they turned the corner.
It was time for him to do what he needed to do but, even now, he was something of a procrastinator. Instead of seeking out Adam, Kris found himself picking out a new melody on his guitar, humming and occasionally finding a word or two that fit with the sound.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing that when there was a sharp knock on the door and then Adam entered, looking pissed off.
"Quick tip, sweetheart - if you really don't want to see someone, remember to take both of your keycards," Adam said, a little snidely.
"I'm not avoiding you," Kris said, setting his guitar to the side. "I mean, not right now." He shrugged. "I was avoiding you earlier, I guess."
"I noticed," Adam said and he was pacing a little, in front of the bed where Kris was sitting. He stopped abruptly, waving his hand at Kris. "Okay. You can meet my parents. Does that make you happy?"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Kris said. Adam pressed his lips together and - wow, he was really annoyed.
"You pretend to be low-maintenance, but you aren't," Adam said and, if he were a cat, his tail would be lashing around right about now. "You ask for things and you don't even know what they mean. What do you even want?"
"You," Kris said, and Adam's eyes narrowed, but he seemed to be edging toward being thoughtful now instead of angry. "That's all, Adam. That was my big agenda. I wanted you."
"No, there's more to it than that," Adam said. He took a step closer. "You have a secret, Kris Allen. The way you look at me... the way you've always looked at me... there's something you're not telling me."
"Do you believe in wishes?" Kris asked. Adam's brow furrowed and he tilted his head, moving another step closer. "I don't mean... hoping. I mean magic."
"I don't know," Adam said. Kris leaned down to slip his guitar back in its case and then he shifted back on the bed, looking up at Adam hopefully. Adam still seemed suspicious and not all that thrilled, but he sat down next to Kris anyway. "What you do mean when you say 'magic'?"
"I made a wish and it came true," Kris said and he was waiting now, aware that at any moment he could cross whatever line might have been set up for him. "You were the wish."
"You're telling me that I'm your dream man?" Adam asked, turning sideways on the bed, pulling his legs up and crossing them. "We barely know each other, Kris. However wonderful you think I am, I'm not that great. I can promise you that."
"That's not-" Kris broke off, tried to think of another way of telling Adam. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked if you believed in magic. Maybe I should have asked if you believe in time travel."
Adam laughed, clearly startled. "Not really. Are you... what are you saying?"
"I'm from the future," Kris said, and Adam raised a skeptical eyebrow. "It doesn't really matter if you believe me. I've broken the rules by telling you at all."
"What does that mean?" Adam asked, resting his hand on Kris's knee. It was heavy and warm and Kris had to take a deep breath before he could answer.
"I'm going back, I think," Kris said. "I'm not really sure how it works, but I think it means that I'm going back."
Kris shifted around on the bed so that he was facing Adam. He reached out and stroked the side of Adam's face, smiling a little at the feeling of foundation and make-up and all that crap that Adam thought he needed to look beautiful. Adam was watching him very carefully right now - maybe because Adam figured that he was crazy or something.
"It's the right thing to do, though," Kris added. "You were happy. It took me too long to remember that that's what's supposed to matter the most."
He started to pull his hand away and Adam caught him by the wrist. "You weren't," Adam said. Then he nodded a little, as if he'd decided something, pulling Kris's hand into his lap and just holding onto it. "Okay, let's pretend I believe you. Tell me about the future."
"It doesn't-"
"Indulge me," Adam said, and his thumb was stroking over Kris's pulse-point now, steady and slow. "If you want to make me happy, indulge me a little."
"Okay," Kris said, licking his lips, trying to think of where to start. "You were engaged." Adam's gaze flew up to meet his, eyes startled and wide. Kris laughed a little. "Yeah. That's sorta what- you got engaged and I realized that your relationship with... with Nick was more solid than I'd given it credit for."
"You wanted me for yourself," Adam said, cautiously. "Why not just tell me?"
"After eight years of friendship?" Kris asked. Adam let out a tiny, surprised huff of breath. "I wasn't sure what to say."
"So, you turned to magic," Adam said, sounding skeptical. "I gotta say, you don't strike me as the sort of guy who goes in for magic."
"It was an accident," Kris started, and he kept talking, Adam prompting him whenever he slowed down. He still couldn't tell if Adam believed him, but it meant something that he kept listening. At some point in the conversation, Adam leaned back on the bed, tugging Kris down into his arms.
Kris closed his eyes, just let Adam's warmth surround him, taking in the familiar scent - Adam hadn't worn Dior Homme in years, but Kris still associated it with him, with comfort.
"Why are you telling me now?" Adam asked, his hand lightly caressing Kris's arm. "If you've kept this secret for over a year already, why tell me at all?"
Kris covered Adam's hand with his own, studied Adam's fingers a little - he wasn't wearing any rings right now, so he and Kris matched.
"Because you weren't my friend anymore," Kris said, and the longing in his own voice was enough to make him want to wince. "And because I don't think you can be happy with someone who can never tell you the whole truth."
There was another moment of silence, then Adam flipped his hand over, slid his fingers in between Kris's, locking them together.
"You're still here," Adam said. "Aren't you supposed to... I don't know, get whisked away to the future?"
"I'm not sure what's going to happen," Kris said. "Last time, I was asleep when things changed. Maybe it won't happen until I go to sleep." Kris paused. "Maybe he was lying about the consequences. Fuck. Maybe I really am crazy and I imagined all of it."
"Well, if you're still here in the morning..." Adam tipped Kris's head back and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'll take you to meet my mom. How's that sound?"
"Like you're the crazy one," Kris said, dryly. He caught Adam's mouth, pressed his tongue inside for a moment before backing away again to study the curve of his cheek. "But I've always liked you that way."
Adam's hand slid down, tugged at Kris's shirt. Kris let Adam pull it off him, shivering slightly under the weight of the look Adam was giving him. This wasn't like the way Adam had been touching him the last couple of months, was closer to the way he'd dreamed of Adam being with him, an edge of surprise in his eyes. "Gotta figure," Adam said, thumb brushing against one of Kris's nipples. "You either stalked the hell of me or what you told me is true. Either way... that's kinda a big compliment."
"If I'm a stalker, you should be scared, not flattered," Kris said, reaching back to fumble at Adam's belt. "Moron."
Adam grabbed Kris's arm lazily, stopping him, then he pushed himself up and over Kris, looming a little. He was smiling, just wide enough for Kris to see a glint of white. "I think I could take you."
"If that's what you want," Kris said, breathy, arching his hips up.
Adam pinned his hips down with an arm and, honestly, Kris could probably break his hold if he wanted, but instead of doing that, he just wriggled a little, hips bucking up enough to make Adam feel him move. Then Adam was yanking open Kris's jeans and hauling them down, spreading Kris's legs and nuzzling into the bend between his thigh and pelvis.
"If you were a close friend in the future, then you know... you know what happened..." Adam faltered, and Kris stroked a hand over his shoulders.
"With you and Brad?" Kris pressed his thumb in a little, massaging, comforting in a way that he knew Adam liked. "I know."
"I was so in love with him," Adam said, and Kris wondered if he'd noticed that he'd said was. "Maybe too much. And I never wanted to be that vulnerable again. Am I? With this... Nick guy?"
"He makes you laugh," Kris said, and it was hard to concentrate on Adam's relationship with Nick when he could actually feel Adam's breath ghosting over his cock. "I- until you asked him to marry you, though, I hadn't realized you guys were serious. Even after four years, I hadn't thought-"
"Long time," Adam said, pulling down Kris's briefs. He'd taken Kris's shoes off, too, and Kris was naked under him now. "You said we've been friends eight years? How long have you been waiting for me?"
"All my life," Kris said, before he thought about it. But Adam didn't seem to think it was too sappy, leaning back down to lick at Kris's belly, just next to his cock. Kris reached out to Adam's cheek and tried to encourage him to move over, just enough, but Adam laughed and pinned his hand down to the covers.
"Come on, tell me the serious answer," Adam said. "Or you definitely aren't getting your cock sucked."
"Fuck you," Kris said. He shook his head slightly, trying to remember the details. "I've always loved you. Didn't realize what kind of love until five years ago."
Adam took just the head of Kris's cock into his mouth, tongue circling around the slit. Kris clenched his free hand in the sheets, biting down on his lip.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Adam asked, pulling back again. "If we're as close as you say we are - why not just tell me?"
"Yeah, it's as easy as that," Kris said, with a snort of laughter. "Besides, I was still married. I couldn't- not while I was with Katy."
"You were married to a girl?" Adam asked and that seemed to throw him as much as talking about time travel had. "You aren't fucking with me on that?"
"Guess I don't come off as a hundred percent straight this time around," Kris said and if he was a little smug about it, he figured he'd earned that. "Which, by the way, I never told you. You - the other you - assumed that."
"Don't blame me for him being stupid," Adam said, and he went down on Kris again, taking more of Kris's dick into his mouth this time. Kris shifted, brought his leg up onto Adam's shoulder so that he could get closer. He couldn't actually thrust up, not with Adam leaning on him the way he was, but he could roll up into Adam's touch.
Adam seemed to be done talking now, which Kris really appreciated. He pressed his fingers against the bed, closed his eyes, and let his legs fall wider open. One of Adam's fingers rubbed against his hole and then he heard Adam cursing, quiet but sharp.
"Wha- what's wrong?" Kris asked, blinking his eyes open again.
"The lube and condoms are in the other hotel room," Adam said. "Whatever, we'll improvise."
Before Kris could ask what that meant, Adam rolled him over, pressing kisses against his back. Adam was still mostly dressed and his clothes had all sorts of zips and dangles on them that were irritating him now that Adam wasn't sucking his cock.
"You should be naked," Kris told him, flailing his hand back to yank on Adam's jacket.
Adam pulled away and Kris could hear the rustling that meant he was shedding clothes, so Kris sighed in satisfaction. Adam's voice was muffled for a second when he started talking again. "So, all this time, when I thought you were just overwhelmed by being in L.A. and taking the chance to spread your wings for the first time... you were trying to make me fall in love with you."
"Don't remind me," Kris said, twisting onto his side so that he could watch Adam. "Believe me, I noticed how badly I failed at that."
Adam's shirt was off and Kris could spot the line where his make-up blended away and his freckles reappeared. He was just now stripping off everything else, throwing his clothes behind himself to add to the mess on the floor. "I just... you wanted me that much," Adam said, and Kris could hear the question in his voice. "It was never just attraction."
Kris reached forward to take Adam's hand, tugging him down onto the bed. "When we knew each other - the first time around - I didn't even know I was attracted to you. I think... looking back, I think I was, but I didn't realize it. But the attraction is so much bigger than... than the physical. We were roommates during the competition and it's- it's crazy how quickly talking to you every night became the best part of my day."
"We haven't really done much talking," Adam said, settling between Kris's legs. He slid his hand along the outside of Kris's thigh, encouraging him to lift his leg up around Adam's back. Adam had lined up their cocks, then he licked at his hand and wrapped it around both of them. They hadn't actually done it like this before and it was... it was nice. Not as distracting as Adam being inside him was, so Kris was able to watch Adam a little better, see the way his eyelashes fluttered as his hand stroked up. Adam's mouth quirked up in something between a smirk and a smile. "Tell me something nice about the future."
Kris held onto to Adam's shoulders and tried to think - there was something, something that he'd missed this year. "We've been doing - oh, please, don't stop - we've been doing the holidays together for the past few years. My mom knows- she knows how to make latkes because of your mom."
"We're naked and you're talking about our mothers," Adam said, leaning down to kiss Kris on the nose. "I'm not sure if that's sweet or horrifying. Maybe it's both."
Then Adam's grip tightened and Kris wasn't really talking about anything. It was only a few more short strokes before Kris was shuddering and coming, and Adam wasn't far behind.
"Not that it isn't nice," Kris said, wiping at his stomach with the damp washcloth that Adam had brought out. "But why do you believe me, anyway? If it were me, I don't know if- I might just think you'd lost your mind."
"Something you said when you were talking about what happened, " Adam said, tugging his briefs back on and then getting back into the bed, pulling Kris up against him. Kris debated getting up to take it back to the bathroom, but he was so comfortable where he was, so he tossed the washcloth onto the nightstand. One of Adam's hands was resting on his stomach and he could feel the soft bulge of Adam's cock against his ass, even through Adam's underwear. "You mentioned that this guy had weird, watery gray eyes. I've seen that before."
"You've met Lenny?" Kris asked, suppressing a yawn.
"No," Adam said and it was getting kinda hard for Kris to keep his eyes open. "The person I'm thinking of was a girl. It was... it was when I was fifteen. She was being chased by a- a big dog. Like a mastiff, I guess, but enormous. She was tiny. She looked about eight years old."
"Her eyes?" Kris prompted.
"After I got her away from the dog, she looked at me and asked if she could repay me," Adam said. "...and I've never seen eyes like that since. But I told her she didn't have to and asked her where her parents where, and she kinda laughed and said that she'd help me out when she got the chance. Then she ran away, around a corner, and she- she wasn't there when I followed her."
Adam hesitated, his fingers tensing slightly on Kris's stomach.
"So, yeah," Adam said, slow and thoughtful. "I think I believe you. And that means that I won't be here when you wake up, so Kris- " His voice sharpened slightly. "You need to promise me something."
"Anything for you," Kris said, patting Adam's hand. He could feel sleep pressing in on him, even though he didn't really want all this to go away. "You know that." He paused. "You will know that."
"Tell him," Adam said, urgently, and Kris tried to blink his eyes open, but everything was so heavy and dark. "Tell him how you feel. Even if you do think he's in love with someone else. Because- because I think you're my wish, too."
"Promise," Kris murmured. He could feel the press of Adam's mouth against the top of his head and then he couldn't keep his eyes open for another second.
He didn't dream. He only drifted in darkness, warm and comforting.
Part Three
Afterwards, Kris sought out Matt and introduced himself.
"I think we're roommates," Kris said, with a soft, fast grin, and this, this was easy, the way talking to Matt always was. "I heard them say that you're a dueling piano player. Sounds like a blast."
The thing was, there had to be a downside. Wishes didn't just get granted and then life was perfect. There was always a catch. Okay, sure, he wasn't allowed to tell anyone, but that couldn't be it. So far, everything was working out better than it had before - Simon even seemed to like his singing.
Had Kris really changed that much after eight years in the music business? Enough that he'd earned Simon's approval so easily?
He didn't have much time to think about it, though. Hollywood week was a crazy, busy time. He and Matt formed White Chocolate again and that seemed to go just as well as it had the first time - though Kara's eyes seemed to be following him this time, not Matt. For the first time in years, he found himself missing the reassuring weight of his wedding ring and the way it warded off most women.
He called Katy that night, while Matt was still downstairs mingling with the after-dinner crowd.
“I'm just... I'm so glad that we're still friends,” he told her, tucking his feet under the covers. “I was afraid, when I told you- not that I ever thought you were... but we'd been together a really long time. You had the right to feel betrayed.”
“Oh, Kris, you still haven't even dated a guy yet,” Katy said, with a laugh. “I'm just glad you figured it out before... before things could get even more serious. I was starting to think that you might propose soon.”
"Guess it's good that didn't happen," Kris said, and his voice was a little rough, a little shaky. "But I- actually, I've kinda met someone. Here."
"That's wonderful," Katy said and he couldn't hear anything but happiness in her voice. "Well, I'm sure he's very cute. What's his name?"
"Adam," Kris said. "Adam Lambert."
"Oh, you do like him," Katy said. "Your voice got all soft. Is he... is he gay?"
"Yeah," Kris said, suppressing a laugh. "No doubt about that."
"You think he's going to make it through to the semifinals?" Katy asked.
"Definitely," Kris said. "Katy - he's amazing. His voice is... phenomenal. He's an incredible performer. He'll make it through."
"Well, I'll vote for him," Katy said, perky and sweet. "So that you guys can get to know each other better."
"Vote for him if you like his singing," Kris said. "And I promise that you will. What about you? Seeing anyone?"
There was a slight pause.
"Actually." Katy laughed, but it sounded awkward. "Kris, I don't want this to be weird."
"What is it?"
"Daniel asked me out," she said.
"My brother?"
"Yeah," she said. "It's nothing serious. I'm still dating other people, too. It's very casual. But you should know. Even if you aren't- because it's a little weird, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Kris agreed, before thinking. "I mean. No. It's fine."
This was the first big change that wasn't about him, really - as far as he knew, Katy and Daniel had never so much as gone on a single date in the original time line. It was weird, but it was also... absolutely none of his business.
It hadn't been for a long time.
"It's fine," Kris said again, certain this time. "I want you to be happy, no matter how that happens. I do love you, Katy. I always will."
"I know. I love you, too," Katy said. "I've gotta go now, sweetie. I've got a date tonight. Call me tomorrow?"
"It's a promise," Kris said.
He was still sitting there when Matt came into the room, vibrant and buzzing with excitement.
"Did you see how we ruled?" Matt asked, tossing his hat onto the crowded dresser on his side of the hotel room. "We were the best group. First and best. We are going to sail through this competition together, my friend."
Matt flopped down on his own bed with a bounce, letting out a low laugh. He was practically the same as the guy that Kris knew in the future, minus an identity crisis or two in the middle. Maybe Kris could... could help more with that, this time around, since he knew it was coming.
For now, though, he just twisted around to face Matt and relaxed, let himself shoot the shit with an old friend. He did a lot more listening than talking, but that had always been the case. Rooming with Matt had been so easy and uncomplicated - not that rooming with Adam hadn't been easy, but even in the beginning, there had been that tiny kernel of awareness that he was getting a kind of pleasure out of spending time with Adam that... that wasn't entirely appropriate. With Matt, there wasn't anything hiding underneath the words - just friendship.
It was easy, after that, to settle into the remembered routine of Hollywood. Right up until they sent him to the wrong room. He didn't even realize it until he got to the door and saw Adam and Danny - among others who'd ended up in the Top 13 with him - waiting already.
He'd gotten sent to the heavy hitters' room. The room of the sure things.
Adam waved at him and Kris made his way over there, legs a little shaky. He collapsed next to Adam and said, "They just like to mess with our heads, right? Because it makes for good tv." Adam laughed and he was close enough to touch.
Hyper-aware of the cameras all around, Kris was careful to keep that little bit of space between them.
When the judges came in and told them they were staying, though, Adam hugged him impulsively - just for a second, not nearly long enough - and it was hard to let him go again.
"The next phase is... what, the judges' mansion?" Matt asked later, poking around Kris's half-packed bag. "And they'll figure out the final people there. Man. This competition is so much more stressful than I was expecting, you know?"
Kris tucked his hands behind his knees and shrugged.
It was at the judges' mansion that things got a little complicated again.
"Blonde girl, sitting with your parents - sister or girlfriend?" Ryan asked him, off-camera.
"Friend," Kris said and Ryan frowned a bit. "Is she not allowed to be here?"
"No, she's- she's cute," Ryan said. "One of the producers noticed her - great hair. We were thinking that she should hug you first when you come out after they tell you whether or not you made it to the semifinals. She looks good on camera."
"Oh," Kris said, and he looked over at where Katy was sitting - Daniel was there, too, and gave Kris a thumbs-up with a bit of an uncertain look. They hadn't really had a chance to talk since Katy had told him that she and Daniel were seeing each other, and Daniel would probably be a little nervous about it until they did. "Ryan, I'm not pretending she's my girlfriend."
"No one is asking that - hell, it's better for you that you're single, at least when it comes to the voting," Ryan said. "But she's very pretty and she seems to like the camera."
"She used to want to act," Kris said. It had been nearly four years since Katy had filmed anything at all. Kris had wondered, sometimes, whether they might have stayed married if she'd found success in Hollywood. If they'd both been happy in their jobs, maybe other things would have slipped through the cracks. But Katy had gotten tired of trying to break into an industry that had a surplus of cute blondes and had started wanting to settle down. "Yeah. Sure - she can be the first person to hug me."
A tall, dark-haired woman that Kris didn't really remember came over from the area of the cameras and whispered something in Ryan's ear. He nodded and waved at Kris. "I'll let her know - they're ready for you in there."
No sing-off this time, though Simon and the others tried to string him along for the sake of the cameras. It was still a relief to be told that he'd made it, of course, and he didn't have to fake anything when he thanked them.
Katy barreled into him when he came out and he had to laugh as he told them it was a 'yes'.
Then he slipped away to find Adam, who had gotten through earlier.
It was never hard to locate Adam - everyone knew what he looked like and he talked to everyone, so there was always a trail. This time, it led Kris down to the place the smokers had gathered - though Adam never smoked much, he was talking animatedly to a couple of other contestants who did. Kris hovered at the edge of the group and let himself stare a little, since Adam was distracted.
After Adam spotted him, Kris flashed a grin at him and then slipped off to the side, farther along in the yard.
"So," Adam asked, catching up to Kris pretty quickly. "What are your holiday plans? Going home for... I'm going to guess... Christmas?"
"I'm not sure," Kris said, and he hadn't even really thought about it. Too caught up thinking about other things. He slowed down a little, glanced over at Adam. "I could stay here in L.A., but it's expensive in California."
"Why don't you want to go back home?" Adam asked quietly. Kris bit his lip and looked away, trying to think of something to say that didn't make him sound like a psycho stalker. Then Adam sighed, long and weary. "Never mind, I can think of a few reasons."
Kris shook his head, because he didn't want Adam thinking- "My parents are fine with... me. I mean. They know."
"Your parents aren't the only people in Arkansas," Adam said, and the understanding in his voice made Kris want to hug him for- for being him.
"It's not about that," Kris said. "It's- when I'm here, I feel like I'm getting something done."
"Tell you what," Adam said, turning slightly and giving Kris a considering look. "Stay with me. I'll show you my L.A. You can meet my friends, maybe check out the shows that I've got coming up. If you can afford to give me a little somethin-"
"I can," Kris said, his mouth working before his brain, which was busy saying too soon, over and over. "I have some money saved up. Not much, but maybe there's a chance I can find some work, too."
Living with Adam - sleeping on his couch, as it turned out - was something of a slow torture. Adam was more casual around his own place than he'd been when he'd first roomed with Kris on Idol, with an alarming tendency to walk out of the shower naked. Kris had the vague suspicion that, much as he'd wanted to slowly seduce Adam, he was the one actually being seduced.
Katy thought the entire thing was hilarious and just what he needed.
"I mean, you've got a crush on the guy and he invited you into his home," she told him. "Come on, what are you waiting for?"
"We were together for over six years," Kris said. "Never once did you bring up sex. Now that we've broken up, our conversations are all about sex all the time - what's that about, do you think?"
"Don't avoid the question, Kristopher," Katy said. "Just jump the guy."
"I don't want- it's not about sex," Kris said. Katy laughed and... okay, maybe he'd talked up Adam's physical attributes a bit in some of their talks, but he'd mentioned other things, too. "I like him, Katybug. Not just because he's hot. I don't want some Hollywood one-night stand."
"Well, you're living with him, so it would really be more of a month-long fling," Katy said.
"That's not helping," he said. "How are things with you and Daniel?"
"Fine," she said. "Things are fine."
"Still dating?"
"We've gone on several dates, thank you," Katy said, slightly prim.
"One date would be more than I've gone on with Adam," Kris said. "But I'm not asking you about your sex life."
"Oh, I assumed that was because he's your brother," Katy said. "Because I can alway-"
"No! Good call," Kris said, hurriedly. "I don't need to know."
Katy laughed, sharp and triumphant.
That night, Adam invited Kris to go watch him perform "Kiss and Tell".
Everyone has a breaking point. Apparently, right now, Kris's was Adam in black pants that could have been spray-painted on. Kris had always adored Adam's voice, more so when he was being himself, fierce and sexual, but tonight he couldn't take his eyes off Adam's hips, off the way the two dancers on stage with Adam rubbed up against him.
A couple of hours later - too long - Kris slammed Adam against the door of his apartment, tired of waiting and so fucking hard he felt like he'd die if someone didn't touch him.
"We really can't do this," Kris said, and Adam grinned down at him, and then Kris pushed up to his toes and kissed Adam, finally. The voice in his head telling him that everything was moving too fast had been drowned out by the way Adam had moved tonight on stage, sleek and sexy.
"Yeah, I feel how much you don't want me," Adam said, his hand slipping down to press against where Kris was straining against his zipper. Kris bit back a whimper and dragged Adam's head down for another kiss.
They didn't make it to Adam's bed - they didn't even manage to get most of their clothes off, hands too busy with other things.
The time after that, they did make it to the bed, though not under the covers, and Adam had blown Kris, mouth wet and sweet around Kris's cock. Kris had returned the favor, Adam's fingers gently pressing his head down.
Kris had felt too sleepy to move afterwards and Adam hadn't seemed to care much, so he'd dozed off, brain too full of Adam to think much about regrets.
When he woke up, it was still dark out, and Adam was warm and big and wrapped around him. Kris brushed a kiss against the corner of Adam's mouth and started to pull away - Adam's hand caught his wrist and Adam's eyes were just barely open.
"Baby?" Adam sounded happy, still half-caught in sleep. It was a familiar sound that hit Kris's heart in just the right way and he smiled down helplessly at Adam, momentarily overcome. Adam tugged him back and Kris went willingly. "Oh, baby, you came back? Missed you so much." Adam's mouth was on his and Kris had to strain to hear the next words, his heart starting to pound uncomfortably. "Honey, promise you'll never leave again, 'kay? It's not home when you're not here." One last kiss and Adam slipped back into sleep.
Kris pulled away, feeling sick to his stomach, and he'd known - he should have remembered - that Adam wasn't over Brad yet. He knew that. That was the whole point of the delay built into the plan. And he'd gone and slept with Adam anyway, like the biggest idiot in the world.
By the time Adam woke up, Kris was dressed and making breakfast, silently rehearsing what he wanted to say. But when Adam wandered out in nothing but black underwear, skin-tight, all of Kris's words disappeared and he stood there, staring with his mouth open, until Adam came over and placed possessive fingers under Kris's chin, angling his face up and then kissing him until Kris was panting and desperate.
"I love that you know how to cook," Adam said cheerfully, taking a seat as if nothing had changed. "You're a great roommate. It's a shame we can't pick our own on the show, because I'd definitely go with you."
Kris made a vague noise of agreement.
"You can move your stuff - that entire tiny suitcase - into my room if you want," Adam continued. Kris flipped over the eggs, trying to force his hand to stop trembling. "I've got another show tonight and I'd love for it to end the same way."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Kris said, without turning around. He could hear Adam getting up again, chair legs scraping lightly against the floor. Adam's hand slid along Kris's shoulders, fingers flexing gently. Kris shrugged away from Adam's touch, but regretted it a second later when Adam pulled away.
"Why not?" Adam asked, leaning sideways against the counter. "We both had fun. Are you getting uptight on me, Arkansas?"
"It's not about that," Kris said.
"Didn't you enjoy yourself?" Adam asked.
"Of course, I-" and Adam was tugging on Kris's belt loop and Kris's arm brushed against Adam's bare stomach and he shivered, still primed from the kiss that Adam had given him earlier.
"Come on, let's have some fun," Adam said, voice low, his hands working on Kris's belt.
"The eggs," Kris yelped, but his hands were resting on Adam's waist now. Adam leaned down and licked Kris's shoulder, one of his hands reaching past Kris - there was a click as Adam turned the burner off. Kris tried to think of another objection, of anything that could slow this down without giving Adam the impression that Kris wasn't interested in him.
"I think," Adam said, sinking down to his knees and pulling Kris's jeans down around his thighs. "That you should let me finger you open and fuck you. It'll relax you, take some of that stress off." He licked a long stripe up Kris's cock. "How's that sound?"
Kris slid his fingers into Adam's thick hair, still tousled and messy from sleep, and he gave a quick nod, his eyes shutting as Adam's mouth went back on his dick.
He'd figure out how to fix things later.
"It was a horrible idea," Kris said, switching his phone to the other ear as he finally got around to cleaning up the eggs that had congealed in the pan. Adam had gone off about half an hour ago, but it had taken Kris that long to pull himself back out of bed. "He just sees me as sex. I mean, I think he also thinks of me a friend, but it's not a relationship."
"Well, he's not going to buy the cow if you give him the milk for free," Cale said.
"That is such a stupid expression," Kris said. "How does that even make sense?"
"Hey, you called me up and started talking about gay sex. Any clichés I spout are your own fault."
"Whatever, fuck you," Kris said. "Also, your hand has been on my dick, so you probably shouldn't be throwing any gay stones from your big gay glass house."
"Bi-curious glass house," Cale said. "I looked it up. But I still don't get it - what's wrong with a little friendly sex? You didn't freak out after our little experiment."
Kris could think of anything to say that wasn't either insulting to Cale or something that would break the bounds of his agreement, so he just changed the subject. He considered it a mark of their friendship that Cale let him do it so easily.
He'd never really thought before about how much sex Adam was used to having - he and Katy hadn't gone all the way until their wedding night and, even then, sex hadn't ever been a major part of their relationship, and his previous experiences with men had remained strictly handjob and blowjob affairs. Not that Adam wasn't into those, too, and he was good at them, but what he really seemed to love was opening Kris up until he was begging for it, and then fucking him senseless. And he wanted it a lot.
Kris probably had more sex in the break between Hollywood week and the start of semifinals than he'd had all the previous years of his life.
He wasn't sure if that meant Adam was something of a sex addict right now or if it meant that Kris's previous sex life was just that pathetic.
Maybe a little of both.
Adam had actually told him about this time period - had mentioned throwing himself into sex after his break-up with Brad. Just now, instead of it happening with a lot of random strangers, it was all happening with Kris.
Unfortunately, Kris was sickeningly aware that that didn't make it any more meaningful.
The one time that he'd tried to ask Adam out on a real date, Adam had looked at him like he was nuts and they'd ended up fucking on the kitchen table. Kris figured he could pretty much class that as a complete failure.
And while Adam was pleased to introduce Kris to some of his friends, he'd been hesitant about Kris meeting any of his family, telling Kris that he'd get to know them soon enough since they'd be coming to watch Adam on Idol. And it wasn't like Kris could tell Adam that he knew Adam was holding back on the introductions to his very closest friends.
It was better than the year he'd spent waiting but... in some ways, he felt like he was still waiting for Adam to show up. Kris had to constantly bite his tongue to keep from talking about things that Adam wouldn't remember, and to stop himself from revealing that he already knew a lot more about Adam than he should.
New Year's Eve, Adam invited Kris to his show and Kris had to say 'no', because he knew what that night was about for Adam - he'd seen the video. Adam was going to be singing about Brad like his heart was breaking all over again and Kris just... he couldn't be there for that. He couldn't.
After Adam got back that night, he fucked Kris fast and rough, biting down on Kris's shoulder when he came, and Kris was pretty sure that it was to keep another name from slipping out.
Kris couldn't sleep that night, untangling himself from Adam and getting out of bed as soon as Adam was asleep. He got dressed and went outside for a walk, needing to breathe somewhere that wouldn't smell like Adam.
Nothing was going according to plan. And it was his own fault; he could own up to that. He never should have agreed to stay with Adam in L.A. and he definitely shouldn't have slept with Adam that first time.
He just wasn't sure how he could have avoided it. He and Adam had never gotten into the habit of telling each other 'no'.
Going back for the semifinals was a blessing and a curse. Because, honestly, Kris did love the sex and being able to spend most of his time with Adam, and he knew that he'd be back with Matt until group two performed, so that was going to be hard to adjust to, but it would also be good to get a little space between him and Adam. Give them a chance to maybe become more than sex buddies.
"We should cool things off," Adam said, that last night before. Kris blinked, still feeling a little hazy from his orgasm. Adam's hand cupped his ass, fingers dipping in, pressing into where Kris was relaxed and still wet with lube. "Not that this hasn't been great - you're an amazing fuck, Kris, seriously - but we both need to concentrate on the competition."
Kris murmured agreement, hips reflexively pushing back against Adam's fingers.
"Okay, after this, we'll stop," Adam said, thrusting his fingers deeper, making Kris moan. "Come on, sweetheart, let's get the neighbors to complain again."
The first night after they were all back into the hotel rooms, Kris stared up at the ceiling, listening to Matt snore in the other bed. Adam had conditioned him or something, because he was aching and jerking off just wasn't doing it for him.
Adam took one look at him the next morning, while everyone was heading in for breakfast, and dragged him off to the bathroom, flicking the lock up after checking to see if it was clear.
"You look like shit," Adam said, blunt but friendly. "Didn't you get any sleep last night? You always seemed to fall asleep so easily."
"Yeah, I was just... I don't know, having a hard time adjusting," Kris said, trying - and failing - to keep his eyes from wandering down to check out Adam's crotch. "We don't have to sing today, though, so it's okay. I have time."
"Fuck," Adam said, looking Kris over carefully. Kris shifted from foot to foot, not entirely comfortable with the light in Adam's eyes. "It's not about adjusting at all. You've got needy new gay written all over you. You miss being fucked. One night off, and you already miss it."
Kris licked his lips. "I just- that's not it."
"Bullshit," Adam said, and his hand was on Kris's shoulder, turning him slightly. "Look, it's not that strange. Some guys, once they finally get regular sex, it eats at them when the source gets cut off. Not a big deal."
And Kris was being pushed back against the mirror and- okay, he'd fix things tomorrow, sometime when Adam's hand wasn't on his dick.
He ignored the fact that he'd told himself that all through the break, too.
"Group three," Kris said flatly, squinting at the piece of paper on the wall. "I'm in group three?"
"If that's what the paper says, then that's what's true," Shelby said, raising an elegantly-shaped eyebrow and motioning for him to move away. "I don't write it; I just pin it up."
"Hey, roomie," Matt said, draping his arm over Kris's shoulders. "Ah, I'm in group two. Well, hmm. Looks like Adam's in that group. He's getting through for sure. And that Megan chick - shit, she's hot as hell. She's got a good chance. Other than that, I think I'm safe."
"You don't think any of the other girls have a shot?" Kris asked, double-checking and, yeah, Allison was still in group two. "I thought you liked Mishavonna."
"I do, but I have this feeling that she's going to fold under pressure," Matt said, steering them away from the lists. "Call it an instinct. Did you figure out what you wanted to sing over the break? Because I was talking to someone and you'll want to check to make sure it gets cleared. Rules are different now that all of us are getting on camera."
Kris had cycled "Man in the Mirror" in and out of his tour set and, blasphemous as it would be to say it out loud, the song almost felt more his than Michael's after all those years. Hell, some of his fans - the younger ones - were surprised when they learned that it was a cover.
Not his fans anymore, he reminded himself - or... not his fans yet.
Group one night went the same as it had the first time - it was Scott that had switched places with him, Kris discovered after he went back to look at the lists again.
The night before group two went on, Katy called him to tease. "So, your not-boyfriend is performing tonight, right? Caught him in the audition episodes. You were right. He's good. And he's really hot."
"He is," Kris agreed miserably. That morning, Adam had tapped on Kris's door, probably after watching Matt leave, and then he'd laid Kris out on the bed, face-down, and rimmed him until Kris had needed to muffle his screams with a pillow. Then he'd jerked off on Kris's back - Nice, Kris had said sarcastically, Now I need to shower again. - and gone to the bathroom to use Kris's mouthwash.
"Oh, bad news," Katy said. Kris made a sympathetic noise. "Daniel and I decided to call it quits."
"Huh, what happened?" Kris asked.
"It was more what didn't happen," Katy said. "Just not enough of a spark. Still, I'm not going to give up."
"You'll find the right guy," Kris said, firmly. "Give it time."
"You give it time, too," Katy said. "He'll fall in love with you. I mean, sure, you've got your faults, but you're worth loving."
"Thanks a lot," Kris said and Katy laughed.
Adam got through - of course - and so did Allison. Matt bombed, again, though Kris had tried, gently, to suggest that he change his song. Matt had insisted that it was perfect and Megan got through instead.
Matt was probably going to be put through to the Wild Card round anyway, Kris figured.
With both of their roommates gone - because Matt was staying in L.A., but couldn't stay with the Idol group anymore - Kris found himself effectively moved into Adam's room, though he had to admit that he hadn't fought it very hard. The pictures of Adam with Brad came out, like they had before, and Adam's aggressiveness during sex spiked, though he managed to keep the hickeys and marks low enough that no one else would see them.
If Kris had actually needed time to rehearse his song, he'd have been a little screwed.
After Kris made it through to the finals, Adam asked him if he wanted to celebrate, probably thinking that Kris would ask for something sex-related.
"I want to meet your family," Kris said, and his nerves were showing in the shakiness of his voice, but, damn it, he already knew that they would like him. They had liked him, so Adam's skittishness over Kris meeting them was intensely frustrating. "And... and my parents came up to see me perform. I want them to meet you."
"Oh, honey," Adam said, and Adam had never, ever pitied him. Not in all the years they'd known each other.
But they didn't. He'd been sleeping with Adam for over two months and Adam still didn't really know him. He barely heard Adam's excuses about why a family get-together was a bad idea, a kind of white noise filling his head up.
How was Adam ever going to be able to know him when there were eight years that Kris couldn't breathe a word about?
He came back to himself in time to catch Adam's hands as he started easing Kris's shirt over his head. Kris pulled Adam's hands away and tugged the shirt back down, taking an extra second to breathe before looking up to meet Adam's eyes.
"You've already decided that this isn't ever going to be a real relationship, haven't you?" Kris asked. Adam sighed and the last thing that Kris could take right now was being let down easy. He pressed his finger against Adam's lips, shook his head, asked for silence every way but out loud. Kris dragged his finger down, pulling on Adam's lip for a second, but then continuing, tracing a line down Adam's face and neck until his finger snagged on Adam's necklaces. He twisted his hand into the cords, his knuckles brushing against Adam's skin.
Then Kris loosened his grip, leaned forward, and just... rested his cheek against Adam's chest, squeezing his eyes shut. "I love you," he said, barely moving his lips, much too quiet for Adam to hear him. He looked up, and he hated the way Adam was looking at him, like he was some kid who didn't understand the way the world worked.
"I can't do this tonight," Kris said, but he couldn't keep himself from kissing Adam again, just a brush of the lips. "But I'll come back tomorrow, okay?"
Adam reached out, the palm of his hand cupping Kris's cheek and he was maybe on the verge of saying something that Kris really didn't want to hear right now.
Kris pulled away and snagged his old keycard and his guitar. "See you in the morning," he said, and then he was hurrying away. He needed to think and his head would never stay clear if he was with Adam, that much was obvious.
The room that he was still technically staying in was clean and empty, and he put his guitar on the couch and skimmed out of his shirt, taking his phone out of his pants' pocket and putting it on the nightstand. It could go another day without being recharged.
He flopped backwards on the bed and tried to work out how he was going to fix things.
"Lenny, I don't know if you can hear me," Kris said, softly. "But is this the way it generally works? Or is this my fault for not having enough self-control?"
He waited for a few minutes, but no answer came.
Of course not.
Then he sat up on the bed and reached out for the handle on the nightstand. There, in the drawer, was the standard Gideon Bible - King James version. Kris stroked his hand along the smooth cover, taking in a few deep breaths. He'd been avoiding this - not just since all this happened, but since before the divorce.
Maybe it was time for him to stop running.
He pulled out the Bible and flipped it open, not looking at the page numbers or the chapters, moving until it felt right.
Job.
"For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he hath gained, when God taketh away his soul?" Kris read aloud, his finger certain. He reflected on the sentence for a moment, but the meaning seemed clear enough to him. "I took away Adam's happiness in favor of trying to find my own."
He'd let himself ignore that, let himself believe that, since most of him hadn't believed Lenny had any true power, that it was all right to wish away Nick's presence in Adam's life. Adam had been happy, in the old future, genuinely happy and in love. And Kris had taken that away for his own selfish gain.
"I didn't have the right."
And it didn't matter that he hadn't really believed Lenny when he'd said what he could do. Kris had the power, right now, to make all this stop. All he had to do was tell the truth. All he'd ever needed to do was tell the truth.
Kris's sleep that night was restless, filled with half-remembered dreams of reaching out and never quite making it. He figured that it didn't take a professional to figured out what they meant.
He didn't go back to Adam's room, going down to the lobby for breakfast instead. Allison was there, her mom with her, and she was chatting loudly with Megan and eating messily. Kris leaned up against the wall and just watched them for a minute. So young. They were all so incredibly young and unjaded.
"Not hungry?" The voice was Danny's and Kris turned to see him standing next to Kris, shifting nervously, eyes darting from the diners to the breakfast items on display. "You should eat even if you aren't. Breakfast is the foundation of the day."
He sounded like he was quoting someone - he was, Kris recalled suddenly. He was quoting Sophia. "Yeah," Kris agreed, softly. "You want to eat together?"
Danny perked up, looked a little less lost. "That's- are you a sausage guy? I love sausage."
Kris laughed and headed for the plates, Danny half a step behind him. "I'm fond of meat, yes," Kris agreed, knowing that Danny would never hear the potential double-meaning.
After breakfast, Kris slipped out of the room and pulled out his phone, calling his parents - asking them to meet him for lunch. He spent the rest of the morning dodging Adam, which was harder than he'd have thought it would be.
"Congratulations again, son," his dad said when he met up with his parents, folding him up in a tight hug. No one knew who he was right now, so Kris took the opportunity to take his parents out to eat at a nearby restaurant that he and Adam had gone to a few times before it shut down a few years back... well, a few years into the future, now.
When his mom went for the check, Kris stopped her. "Let me take care of it this time." She fussed a little, but let him pay.
Afterwards, he took them up to his room in the hotel.
"I've been writing this song," he said, tuning his guitar up. "I wanted to play it for you guys because... well, it's about you. About what you've given me."
He'd written the song three years ago, about a month after his father had passed away. There was a wistful quality to the song, because there had still been so much that he wished that his dad had gotten a chance to see, but there was joy as well. His parents had helped turn him into the man he was and - he hoped - thinking of them would help guide him to making the right choice today.
"That's a gorgeous song, baby," his mom said, wiping at her eyes. After he put his guitar back into its case, he sat next to her on the bed and she pulled him into a hug. "Such a pretty melody."
"Thank you, mama," he said, softly. He looked over at his dad, sitting in the chair by the window.
"What'd you think, Dad?" Kris asked.
"I loved it." His dad came over and Kris hugged him tight, and most people never got a second chance at saying goodbye. "I'm so proud of you." His dad's voice was a little choked up.
"I love you," Kris said, hands clenching briefly in his father's shirt before he made himself relax them. "I love both of you so much. Thank you."
"We love you, too," his dad said, sounding slightly puzzled at Kris's forcefulness. "Is something wrong, Kristopher?"
"No," Kris said, pulling away. He stared at his dad for a long moment, fixing this moment in his memory. "And you guys probably should get going if you want to make your flight."
"We can stay if you need us," his mom said. Kris shook his head.
"Don't worry about me," he said.
"Well, we'll see you next week," his mom said, sounding a bit uncertain about leaving still. "We're thinking of bringing someone with us - everyone's clamoring to come see you perform live on a big stage.
"Surprise me," Kris said. He walked them to the door and gave them each one last hug. "Goodbye."
He watched them walk down the hallway, kept watching until they turned the corner.
It was time for him to do what he needed to do but, even now, he was something of a procrastinator. Instead of seeking out Adam, Kris found himself picking out a new melody on his guitar, humming and occasionally finding a word or two that fit with the sound.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been doing that when there was a sharp knock on the door and then Adam entered, looking pissed off.
"Quick tip, sweetheart - if you really don't want to see someone, remember to take both of your keycards," Adam said, a little snidely.
"I'm not avoiding you," Kris said, setting his guitar to the side. "I mean, not right now." He shrugged. "I was avoiding you earlier, I guess."
"I noticed," Adam said and he was pacing a little, in front of the bed where Kris was sitting. He stopped abruptly, waving his hand at Kris. "Okay. You can meet my parents. Does that make you happy?"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Kris said. Adam pressed his lips together and - wow, he was really annoyed.
"You pretend to be low-maintenance, but you aren't," Adam said and, if he were a cat, his tail would be lashing around right about now. "You ask for things and you don't even know what they mean. What do you even want?"
"You," Kris said, and Adam's eyes narrowed, but he seemed to be edging toward being thoughtful now instead of angry. "That's all, Adam. That was my big agenda. I wanted you."
"No, there's more to it than that," Adam said. He took a step closer. "You have a secret, Kris Allen. The way you look at me... the way you've always looked at me... there's something you're not telling me."
"Do you believe in wishes?" Kris asked. Adam's brow furrowed and he tilted his head, moving another step closer. "I don't mean... hoping. I mean magic."
"I don't know," Adam said. Kris leaned down to slip his guitar back in its case and then he shifted back on the bed, looking up at Adam hopefully. Adam still seemed suspicious and not all that thrilled, but he sat down next to Kris anyway. "What you do mean when you say 'magic'?"
"I made a wish and it came true," Kris said and he was waiting now, aware that at any moment he could cross whatever line might have been set up for him. "You were the wish."
"You're telling me that I'm your dream man?" Adam asked, turning sideways on the bed, pulling his legs up and crossing them. "We barely know each other, Kris. However wonderful you think I am, I'm not that great. I can promise you that."
"That's not-" Kris broke off, tried to think of another way of telling Adam. "Maybe I shouldn't have asked if you believed in magic. Maybe I should have asked if you believe in time travel."
Adam laughed, clearly startled. "Not really. Are you... what are you saying?"
"I'm from the future," Kris said, and Adam raised a skeptical eyebrow. "It doesn't really matter if you believe me. I've broken the rules by telling you at all."
"What does that mean?" Adam asked, resting his hand on Kris's knee. It was heavy and warm and Kris had to take a deep breath before he could answer.
"I'm going back, I think," Kris said. "I'm not really sure how it works, but I think it means that I'm going back."
Kris shifted around on the bed so that he was facing Adam. He reached out and stroked the side of Adam's face, smiling a little at the feeling of foundation and make-up and all that crap that Adam thought he needed to look beautiful. Adam was watching him very carefully right now - maybe because Adam figured that he was crazy or something.
"It's the right thing to do, though," Kris added. "You were happy. It took me too long to remember that that's what's supposed to matter the most."
He started to pull his hand away and Adam caught him by the wrist. "You weren't," Adam said. Then he nodded a little, as if he'd decided something, pulling Kris's hand into his lap and just holding onto it. "Okay, let's pretend I believe you. Tell me about the future."
"It doesn't-"
"Indulge me," Adam said, and his thumb was stroking over Kris's pulse-point now, steady and slow. "If you want to make me happy, indulge me a little."
"Okay," Kris said, licking his lips, trying to think of where to start. "You were engaged." Adam's gaze flew up to meet his, eyes startled and wide. Kris laughed a little. "Yeah. That's sorta what- you got engaged and I realized that your relationship with... with Nick was more solid than I'd given it credit for."
"You wanted me for yourself," Adam said, cautiously. "Why not just tell me?"
"After eight years of friendship?" Kris asked. Adam let out a tiny, surprised huff of breath. "I wasn't sure what to say."
"So, you turned to magic," Adam said, sounding skeptical. "I gotta say, you don't strike me as the sort of guy who goes in for magic."
"It was an accident," Kris started, and he kept talking, Adam prompting him whenever he slowed down. He still couldn't tell if Adam believed him, but it meant something that he kept listening. At some point in the conversation, Adam leaned back on the bed, tugging Kris down into his arms.
Kris closed his eyes, just let Adam's warmth surround him, taking in the familiar scent - Adam hadn't worn Dior Homme in years, but Kris still associated it with him, with comfort.
"Why are you telling me now?" Adam asked, his hand lightly caressing Kris's arm. "If you've kept this secret for over a year already, why tell me at all?"
Kris covered Adam's hand with his own, studied Adam's fingers a little - he wasn't wearing any rings right now, so he and Kris matched.
"Because you weren't my friend anymore," Kris said, and the longing in his own voice was enough to make him want to wince. "And because I don't think you can be happy with someone who can never tell you the whole truth."
There was another moment of silence, then Adam flipped his hand over, slid his fingers in between Kris's, locking them together.
"You're still here," Adam said. "Aren't you supposed to... I don't know, get whisked away to the future?"
"I'm not sure what's going to happen," Kris said. "Last time, I was asleep when things changed. Maybe it won't happen until I go to sleep." Kris paused. "Maybe he was lying about the consequences. Fuck. Maybe I really am crazy and I imagined all of it."
"Well, if you're still here in the morning..." Adam tipped Kris's head back and kissed the corner of his mouth. "I'll take you to meet my mom. How's that sound?"
"Like you're the crazy one," Kris said, dryly. He caught Adam's mouth, pressed his tongue inside for a moment before backing away again to study the curve of his cheek. "But I've always liked you that way."
Adam's hand slid down, tugged at Kris's shirt. Kris let Adam pull it off him, shivering slightly under the weight of the look Adam was giving him. This wasn't like the way Adam had been touching him the last couple of months, was closer to the way he'd dreamed of Adam being with him, an edge of surprise in his eyes. "Gotta figure," Adam said, thumb brushing against one of Kris's nipples. "You either stalked the hell of me or what you told me is true. Either way... that's kinda a big compliment."
"If I'm a stalker, you should be scared, not flattered," Kris said, reaching back to fumble at Adam's belt. "Moron."
Adam grabbed Kris's arm lazily, stopping him, then he pushed himself up and over Kris, looming a little. He was smiling, just wide enough for Kris to see a glint of white. "I think I could take you."
"If that's what you want," Kris said, breathy, arching his hips up.
Adam pinned his hips down with an arm and, honestly, Kris could probably break his hold if he wanted, but instead of doing that, he just wriggled a little, hips bucking up enough to make Adam feel him move. Then Adam was yanking open Kris's jeans and hauling them down, spreading Kris's legs and nuzzling into the bend between his thigh and pelvis.
"If you were a close friend in the future, then you know... you know what happened..." Adam faltered, and Kris stroked a hand over his shoulders.
"With you and Brad?" Kris pressed his thumb in a little, massaging, comforting in a way that he knew Adam liked. "I know."
"I was so in love with him," Adam said, and Kris wondered if he'd noticed that he'd said was. "Maybe too much. And I never wanted to be that vulnerable again. Am I? With this... Nick guy?"
"He makes you laugh," Kris said, and it was hard to concentrate on Adam's relationship with Nick when he could actually feel Adam's breath ghosting over his cock. "I- until you asked him to marry you, though, I hadn't realized you guys were serious. Even after four years, I hadn't thought-"
"Long time," Adam said, pulling down Kris's briefs. He'd taken Kris's shoes off, too, and Kris was naked under him now. "You said we've been friends eight years? How long have you been waiting for me?"
"All my life," Kris said, before he thought about it. But Adam didn't seem to think it was too sappy, leaning back down to lick at Kris's belly, just next to his cock. Kris reached out to Adam's cheek and tried to encourage him to move over, just enough, but Adam laughed and pinned his hand down to the covers.
"Come on, tell me the serious answer," Adam said. "Or you definitely aren't getting your cock sucked."
"Fuck you," Kris said. He shook his head slightly, trying to remember the details. "I've always loved you. Didn't realize what kind of love until five years ago."
Adam took just the head of Kris's cock into his mouth, tongue circling around the slit. Kris clenched his free hand in the sheets, biting down on his lip.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Adam asked, pulling back again. "If we're as close as you say we are - why not just tell me?"
"Yeah, it's as easy as that," Kris said, with a snort of laughter. "Besides, I was still married. I couldn't- not while I was with Katy."
"You were married to a girl?" Adam asked and that seemed to throw him as much as talking about time travel had. "You aren't fucking with me on that?"
"Guess I don't come off as a hundred percent straight this time around," Kris said and if he was a little smug about it, he figured he'd earned that. "Which, by the way, I never told you. You - the other you - assumed that."
"Don't blame me for him being stupid," Adam said, and he went down on Kris again, taking more of Kris's dick into his mouth this time. Kris shifted, brought his leg up onto Adam's shoulder so that he could get closer. He couldn't actually thrust up, not with Adam leaning on him the way he was, but he could roll up into Adam's touch.
Adam seemed to be done talking now, which Kris really appreciated. He pressed his fingers against the bed, closed his eyes, and let his legs fall wider open. One of Adam's fingers rubbed against his hole and then he heard Adam cursing, quiet but sharp.
"Wha- what's wrong?" Kris asked, blinking his eyes open again.
"The lube and condoms are in the other hotel room," Adam said. "Whatever, we'll improvise."
Before Kris could ask what that meant, Adam rolled him over, pressing kisses against his back. Adam was still mostly dressed and his clothes had all sorts of zips and dangles on them that were irritating him now that Adam wasn't sucking his cock.
"You should be naked," Kris told him, flailing his hand back to yank on Adam's jacket.
Adam pulled away and Kris could hear the rustling that meant he was shedding clothes, so Kris sighed in satisfaction. Adam's voice was muffled for a second when he started talking again. "So, all this time, when I thought you were just overwhelmed by being in L.A. and taking the chance to spread your wings for the first time... you were trying to make me fall in love with you."
"Don't remind me," Kris said, twisting onto his side so that he could watch Adam. "Believe me, I noticed how badly I failed at that."
Adam's shirt was off and Kris could spot the line where his make-up blended away and his freckles reappeared. He was just now stripping off everything else, throwing his clothes behind himself to add to the mess on the floor. "I just... you wanted me that much," Adam said, and Kris could hear the question in his voice. "It was never just attraction."
Kris reached forward to take Adam's hand, tugging him down onto the bed. "When we knew each other - the first time around - I didn't even know I was attracted to you. I think... looking back, I think I was, but I didn't realize it. But the attraction is so much bigger than... than the physical. We were roommates during the competition and it's- it's crazy how quickly talking to you every night became the best part of my day."
"We haven't really done much talking," Adam said, settling between Kris's legs. He slid his hand along the outside of Kris's thigh, encouraging him to lift his leg up around Adam's back. Adam had lined up their cocks, then he licked at his hand and wrapped it around both of them. They hadn't actually done it like this before and it was... it was nice. Not as distracting as Adam being inside him was, so Kris was able to watch Adam a little better, see the way his eyelashes fluttered as his hand stroked up. Adam's mouth quirked up in something between a smirk and a smile. "Tell me something nice about the future."
Kris held onto to Adam's shoulders and tried to think - there was something, something that he'd missed this year. "We've been doing - oh, please, don't stop - we've been doing the holidays together for the past few years. My mom knows- she knows how to make latkes because of your mom."
"We're naked and you're talking about our mothers," Adam said, leaning down to kiss Kris on the nose. "I'm not sure if that's sweet or horrifying. Maybe it's both."
Then Adam's grip tightened and Kris wasn't really talking about anything. It was only a few more short strokes before Kris was shuddering and coming, and Adam wasn't far behind.
"Not that it isn't nice," Kris said, wiping at his stomach with the damp washcloth that Adam had brought out. "But why do you believe me, anyway? If it were me, I don't know if- I might just think you'd lost your mind."
"Something you said when you were talking about what happened, " Adam said, tugging his briefs back on and then getting back into the bed, pulling Kris up against him. Kris debated getting up to take it back to the bathroom, but he was so comfortable where he was, so he tossed the washcloth onto the nightstand. One of Adam's hands was resting on his stomach and he could feel the soft bulge of Adam's cock against his ass, even through Adam's underwear. "You mentioned that this guy had weird, watery gray eyes. I've seen that before."
"You've met Lenny?" Kris asked, suppressing a yawn.
"No," Adam said and it was getting kinda hard for Kris to keep his eyes open. "The person I'm thinking of was a girl. It was... it was when I was fifteen. She was being chased by a- a big dog. Like a mastiff, I guess, but enormous. She was tiny. She looked about eight years old."
"Her eyes?" Kris prompted.
"After I got her away from the dog, she looked at me and asked if she could repay me," Adam said. "...and I've never seen eyes like that since. But I told her she didn't have to and asked her where her parents where, and she kinda laughed and said that she'd help me out when she got the chance. Then she ran away, around a corner, and she- she wasn't there when I followed her."
Adam hesitated, his fingers tensing slightly on Kris's stomach.
"So, yeah," Adam said, slow and thoughtful. "I think I believe you. And that means that I won't be here when you wake up, so Kris- " His voice sharpened slightly. "You need to promise me something."
"Anything for you," Kris said, patting Adam's hand. He could feel sleep pressing in on him, even though he didn't really want all this to go away. "You know that." He paused. "You will know that."
"Tell him," Adam said, urgently, and Kris tried to blink his eyes open, but everything was so heavy and dark. "Tell him how you feel. Even if you do think he's in love with someone else. Because- because I think you're my wish, too."
"Promise," Kris murmured. He could feel the press of Adam's mouth against the top of his head and then he couldn't keep his eyes open for another second.
He didn't dream. He only drifted in darkness, warm and comforting.
Part Three