so god damn confused... is love just an illusion we create so we don't feel alone and worthless? was

[butterflybaby08]

I'm so confused right now. Yesterday was a wakeup call for me. I love Matt. I've known this for a while but I thought that because I love him that being close to him would be enough. Now I'm not so sure. I'm hurting so bad. I kissed him yesterday without even thinking. I feel so stupid for doing it because he doesn't want me. Yeah he kissed me on

Comments

[udonobbsessed]

Dude I totally empathize. Marissa says Micah's engagement is tearing me up. I don't know about that for sure... But I totally get down on myself for not getting over him and/or finding someone new. Truth is, it takes time. I think it can take more time for girls to get over guys than it does for guys to get over girls.

As for the flirting thing... You may or may not have noticed on facebook that I told my ex I was a little freaked out by his flirting with me. But luckily for me it doesn't mean anything. But, yeah, I guess guys do that :/ It's weird. Like, I don't know how Matt is about it, but I have a hard time telling when a guy is for-real flirting or friend flirting. It's easy for girls to get down on themselves over guy stuff... So I guess I just hope you find inner peace. I know I'm looking for it >.

[butterflybaby08]

thanks ing. you're a good friend. I've missed you. I need you and my other buddies.

guy trouble

[anonymous]

I know how you feel. You have to be strong. You are better than this (self loathing). We have to be strong women and rise above all the shit they dish out. Yes it hurts but you will get over him. Just don't keep putting yourself in the situation. It's ok not to have a guy for a while. We all need to love ourselfs more. I know that when I am hurting I close myself off and that means I don't let anyone else love me. I have learned the hard way. I have been so tied up with the pain (and letting him hurt me over and over again)that I am unable to find real love. I have learned that I have to kick myself and tell myself "you are better than this" and better than this bastard. Please take advice from someone who knows. Go out and find real love. Someone who wants to love you the way you love him. Take it for what it is worth. I know we don't know each other but I just couldn't stand to see your pain. good luck and if you need to talk I can listen.

Re: guy trouble

[butterflybaby08]

thank you. I realize this too. I've never been the kind of girl to let a guy control her existence. but then again i never felt anything this strongly. it's scary. this is something that many of my friends dealt with over the years and i've always given them the same advice you gave me. it's smart advice i just never realized how hard it can be to follow.

Re: guy trouble

[anonymous]

That's it just remember that. And be strong. I don't know if you believe in God (or anything)and I don't mean to sound preachy but my faith has helped me through a lot of stuff. Well gtg stay strong and good luck.

Re: guy trouble

[udonobbsessed]

Hee hee! Katie is a strong believer in God. :) She tried to convert me. lol.

I miss you too, Katie. I want to come home so bad! School freaking sucks! I think we both need eachother right now

Its Kamber

[hookedondemonic]

I realize I'm a day late and a dollar short right now, but I just found the site again. First of all Katie, I'm sorry for what your goin through, but its normal after a relationship. Don't get down on yourself. Sometimes tearing yourself from the things you want like touch, communication, etc...IS for the better. At least till your over him, otherwise your just dragging yourself down with it. You are entittled to your own feelings and so is he, neither oof ya'll can make each other feel for the other. So let it roll, and don't surround yourself with his holding and stuff, i don't believe its healthy for you. But be strong babe, I'm here for you. Love you always!!!