no one touches my chicken
Pairing: Bandfic, slight!OnTaeKey family (where Taemin is the son of course)
Rating: PG
Genre: crack, humor
Words: 1,807
Summary: Onew wants chicken. Onew gets chicken. Taemin is an evil dongsaeng.
A/N: This kinda sucks, but it was the first Kpop fic I ever wrote, so don't hate on it, okay?
***
Onew woke up, groggily rolling over in his bed, and looked at the clock. It was already eleven. He sat up, scratching his head, and looked at the two beds around him. They were both empty. He wasn't surprised; it was one of the few days SHINee had off, and all the other members had probably all gone somewhere. Sitting up, he grabbed his phone, and hit the number two on his speed dial.
"Hello?" He said. "Mexicana Chicken?"
***
Half an hour later, Onew was sitting on the couch in front of the tv, happily munching on some fried chicken. Some show was on the tv, but he wasn't really paying attention. The only thing he could focus on was the box in front of him, filled to the brim with delicious chicken. Another box sat in front of him on the table, waiting to be eaten.
He picked up a wing, tearing off the skin and meat with his teeth. Oblivious to the world around him, he ate bite after bite of the chicken. He was in heaven; this was pure bliss. No one was around. It was just him, and his chicken.
"Mmm," he said, his mouth full, and smiled.
Suddenly, Onew heard a stomach growl, and it wasn't his. It startled him out of his trance-like state, and he looked around. Taemin was sitting right next to him, looking extremely hungry.
Onew edged away from Taemin a little. "Oh hey," he greeted. "I thought everyone was gone."
"Everyone else is," Taemin replied. "Minho hyung and Jonghyun hyung are at the gym, and Key hyung is shopping. They said they won't be back until late." He got a sad look in his eyes.
"So it's just you and me here all day?" Onew asked. Taemin nodded, and Onew shrugged. Whatever. He had his chicken, so he didn't care if anyone else was here or not. He picked a chicken leg up out of the box.
"Hyung," Taemin said.
"What?"
Taemin hesitated. "Can I have a piece of your chicken?"
Onew looked at Taemin's sad face and paused, chicken leg in his mouth. He took a bite, and chewed. After swallowing, he answered briefly, "No." He turned his attention back to the chicken.
"But hyung," Taemin whined, pouting.
Onew glanced at him. "That cute face might work on Key, but it's not going to work on me."
"But I thought you were supposed to be my appa."
"Well then, you should know never to come between appa and his chicken."
Taemin inched closer, putting his hand on Onew's shoulder. "But I haven't eaten anything at all today. Are you going to let me starve?"
Onew moved his shoulder out of Taemin's grasp, keeping his chicken out of Taemin's reach. "You're an adult now. Go get some food from the kitchen."
"There's nothing to eat."
"Then call Mexicana Chicken and order your own food! This is mine." He turned his back to Taemin, shielding his precious chicken from the maknae's grasp.
"I can't, I lost my wallet."
Onew turned around a little, getting annoyed. "Again? Aish, did you look under your bed?"
"It's not there. I found my old phone though."
"Are you serious? Taemin..." He shook his head. The maknae was always losing everything.
"Can't I please just have a piece?" Taemin begged.
"I said no."
"Hyung, please..."
"Taemin, I said no! Stop being annoying!" Onew said firmly.
Taemin's eyes narrowed, glaring at Onew. He stared at him for a minute, then got up and stormed out of the room.
"Aish, kids..." Onew muttered to himself, finally getting back to enjoy his chicken.
Soon he was again lost in his previous world of bliss, only thinking of the chicken. He finished his first box, placing it on the table, and picking up the second box. He opened it, and when he saw all the chicken inside, his eyes lit up, and he smiled.
"Ah, chicken! I love you," he said to the chicken, picking up a piece.
"I love you too, oppa," a small voice said out of nowhere.
"What? Who's there?" Onew asked, looking around, clutching the box of chicken to his chest.
"No one, just me, oppa," the voice said again.
Onew put the piece of chicken he was holding back into the box, beginning to be a little freaked out. "Taeminnie? Is that you? Stop talking in that weird voice," he said. Where was that voice even coming from? He looked around again. Taemin was nowhere to be seen. It was just him in the room. Him... and the chicken.
He stared down at the box, and the voice spoke again, "Oppa, I'm not Taeminnie." It sounded exactly like it was coming from the chicken.
Onew screamed, nearly dropping the box. "What the hell? Chicken doesn't talk!" He placed the still full box on the table, standing up. "Jinki, you're losing it... Imagining chicken talking..." He placed his hand on his head and began to search around the room. "There has to be someone here. I'm not insane." He said to himself. "Come out, I know you're there," he spoke louder.
All of a sudden he heard an evil giggle coming from behind him, and spun around to find Taemin holding his box of chicken, a sinister smile on his face. Onew felt his anger rise rapidly.
"Ha, I got your chicken! Now what, hyung?" Taemin laughed, and dashed out of the room.
As Taemin dashed out of the room, Onew erupted, "TAEMIN, YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!" The leader started to run after the maknae, but as luck would have it, he tripped, falling backwards. As his head hit the floor, everything became black.
***
Taemin awoke abruptly in his bed. It was still dark outside.
"Mmm," came a noise from the bed next to him. Taemin lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to feel tired.
After a few moments, the person in the bed next to him began rolling around fitfully. "No," he suddenly said, his voice piercing the still night.
Taemin sat up, pulling his blankets off. He got up and walked across the room, sitting on a third bed that was in the room. He gently shook the person sleeping there. "Key hyung," he whispered.
Key rolled over and opened his eyes halfway. "What is it, Minnie?"
"Onew hyung is rolling around and muttering in his sleep again."
Key sighed. "He does that sometimes. I'm sure he's fine. Go back to bed." He rolled over to his original position.
Taemin was about to get up, when Onew muttered, "Taemin..."
Taemin froze. He shook Key again. "Did you hear that? He just said my name." Key grunted.
"I said no." Onew said clearly, and Key stirred in his bed.
"Taemin, I said no! Stop being annoying!" Onew spoke quite loudly. Key's eyes shot open, and Taemin got up, moving over to Onew's bed.
"Hyung...?" Taemin started to say, getting a little nervous. He saw that Onew's eyes were still closed, and turned back to Key. "I guess he's still sleeping..."
Key laughed. "He must be dreaming about you annoying him," he said sleepily, closing his eyes again. Taemin pouted, and looked at Onew again.
Onew rolled over and smiled, eyes still closed, mumbling something that sounded like, "Ah, chicken! I love you..." Key laughed again, and Taemin smiled too, knowing their leader's obsession with chicken.
"Go to bed, Taeminnie," Key told him, drifting back into sleep.
Taemin started to climb back in bed, when suddenly Onew screamed. Key immediately sat up in his bed, and Taemin rushed over to Onew.
"What the hell?" Key exclaimed.
"He's still just dreaming..." Taemin told him, sitting down on the bed next to his leader. "What do you think he's dreaming about?" He asked Key.
Key turned to Taemin. "I have no idea..."
There was a moment of silence, and then a shout from Onew pierced the air: "TAEMIN, YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!"
Startled, Taemin fell off the edge of Onew's bed. Key, completely awake now, angrily pulled his blankets off and walked towards Onew's bed. "Oh hell no! Lee Jinki, you did NOT just call Taemin a bastard!"
Taemin ran over to Key and grabbed his arm. "Hyung! He's still sleeping! It's just a dream!"
Key removed Taemin's hand from his arm. "Dream or no dream, I am going to kick his ass!" He walked over to Onew and began to shake him awake. "Jinki, wake up! I want a word with you!"
Just then, the door to their room opened, and in walked Jonghyun and Minho, rubbing their eyes. "Guys, what's with all the screaming?" Jonghyun asked. "Did Onew hyung call Taemin what I think he did?"
"Yes, and I am going to beat his ass!" Key yelled.
Onew suddenly woke, and saw Key standing above him, looking ready to kill. "Ah!" He yelled, pulling himself away from Key and falling on the floor. He looked up, and saw all the members staring at him. "Uh, what just happened?"
"Were you sleeping that whole time?" Minho asked incredulously.
"Yeah, did something happen? I was having a nightmare." Onew told them, shuddering.
"A nightmare? About me?" Taemin said.
"Uh, yeah actually, I think so," Onew told him, trying to recall the dream. "How do you know that?"
"You called him a bastard!" Key yelled. "You better explain quickly or you are in for it. I don't care if you're our leader, I will beat you so hard you won't be able to go to dance practice today!"
"I did??" Onew asked incredulously. He looked at Taemin, who averted his eyes. "Taemin, I'm very sorry, but in my dream... You stole my chicken."
The air was still for a moment as the other four members looked at each other. Then simultaneously they began laughing.
Onew glared at them. "What? It's not funny! It was awful!"
"I can't even be mad at you," Key said in between bouts of laughter. "Your face is so funny right now!"
"Okay... Fine... Maybe it's a little funny," Onew admitted. "But now I want chicken!"
Eventually they began to calm down, and their laughter subsided. "I'll buy you some chicken, hyung, when the store opens in the morning," Taemin said, smiling.
"Really? Thank you!" Onew said happily, then the smile immediately slid off his face, and he stared at Taemin. "If you steal it, though, I WILL kill you." Taemin's eyes became really big, and he looked genuinely afraid for a moment.
Key's shrill laughter broke the tense silence, and Minho and Jonghyun started laughing along with him.
"Uh, Key hyung, you won't really let him kill me will you?" Taemin tried to say, but was drowned out by the laughter. "Hyung?" Key didn't hear him, but Onew did, and just smiled brightly at Taemin.
Rating: PG
Genre: crack, humor
Words: 1,807
Summary: Onew wants chicken. Onew gets chicken. Taemin is an evil dongsaeng.
A/N: This kinda sucks, but it was the first Kpop fic I ever wrote, so don't hate on it, okay?
***
Onew woke up, groggily rolling over in his bed, and looked at the clock. It was already eleven. He sat up, scratching his head, and looked at the two beds around him. They were both empty. He wasn't surprised; it was one of the few days SHINee had off, and all the other members had probably all gone somewhere. Sitting up, he grabbed his phone, and hit the number two on his speed dial.
"Hello?" He said. "Mexicana Chicken?"
***
Half an hour later, Onew was sitting on the couch in front of the tv, happily munching on some fried chicken. Some show was on the tv, but he wasn't really paying attention. The only thing he could focus on was the box in front of him, filled to the brim with delicious chicken. Another box sat in front of him on the table, waiting to be eaten.
He picked up a wing, tearing off the skin and meat with his teeth. Oblivious to the world around him, he ate bite after bite of the chicken. He was in heaven; this was pure bliss. No one was around. It was just him, and his chicken.
"Mmm," he said, his mouth full, and smiled.
Suddenly, Onew heard a stomach growl, and it wasn't his. It startled him out of his trance-like state, and he looked around. Taemin was sitting right next to him, looking extremely hungry.
Onew edged away from Taemin a little. "Oh hey," he greeted. "I thought everyone was gone."
"Everyone else is," Taemin replied. "Minho hyung and Jonghyun hyung are at the gym, and Key hyung is shopping. They said they won't be back until late." He got a sad look in his eyes.
"So it's just you and me here all day?" Onew asked. Taemin nodded, and Onew shrugged. Whatever. He had his chicken, so he didn't care if anyone else was here or not. He picked a chicken leg up out of the box.
"Hyung," Taemin said.
"What?"
Taemin hesitated. "Can I have a piece of your chicken?"
Onew looked at Taemin's sad face and paused, chicken leg in his mouth. He took a bite, and chewed. After swallowing, he answered briefly, "No." He turned his attention back to the chicken.
"But hyung," Taemin whined, pouting.
Onew glanced at him. "That cute face might work on Key, but it's not going to work on me."
"But I thought you were supposed to be my appa."
"Well then, you should know never to come between appa and his chicken."
Taemin inched closer, putting his hand on Onew's shoulder. "But I haven't eaten anything at all today. Are you going to let me starve?"
Onew moved his shoulder out of Taemin's grasp, keeping his chicken out of Taemin's reach. "You're an adult now. Go get some food from the kitchen."
"There's nothing to eat."
"Then call Mexicana Chicken and order your own food! This is mine." He turned his back to Taemin, shielding his precious chicken from the maknae's grasp.
"I can't, I lost my wallet."
Onew turned around a little, getting annoyed. "Again? Aish, did you look under your bed?"
"It's not there. I found my old phone though."
"Are you serious? Taemin..." He shook his head. The maknae was always losing everything.
"Can't I please just have a piece?" Taemin begged.
"I said no."
"Hyung, please..."
"Taemin, I said no! Stop being annoying!" Onew said firmly.
Taemin's eyes narrowed, glaring at Onew. He stared at him for a minute, then got up and stormed out of the room.
"Aish, kids..." Onew muttered to himself, finally getting back to enjoy his chicken.
Soon he was again lost in his previous world of bliss, only thinking of the chicken. He finished his first box, placing it on the table, and picking up the second box. He opened it, and when he saw all the chicken inside, his eyes lit up, and he smiled.
"Ah, chicken! I love you," he said to the chicken, picking up a piece.
"I love you too, oppa," a small voice said out of nowhere.
"What? Who's there?" Onew asked, looking around, clutching the box of chicken to his chest.
"No one, just me, oppa," the voice said again.
Onew put the piece of chicken he was holding back into the box, beginning to be a little freaked out. "Taeminnie? Is that you? Stop talking in that weird voice," he said. Where was that voice even coming from? He looked around again. Taemin was nowhere to be seen. It was just him in the room. Him... and the chicken.
He stared down at the box, and the voice spoke again, "Oppa, I'm not Taeminnie." It sounded exactly like it was coming from the chicken.
Onew screamed, nearly dropping the box. "What the hell? Chicken doesn't talk!" He placed the still full box on the table, standing up. "Jinki, you're losing it... Imagining chicken talking..." He placed his hand on his head and began to search around the room. "There has to be someone here. I'm not insane." He said to himself. "Come out, I know you're there," he spoke louder.
All of a sudden he heard an evil giggle coming from behind him, and spun around to find Taemin holding his box of chicken, a sinister smile on his face. Onew felt his anger rise rapidly.
"Ha, I got your chicken! Now what, hyung?" Taemin laughed, and dashed out of the room.
As Taemin dashed out of the room, Onew erupted, "TAEMIN, YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!" The leader started to run after the maknae, but as luck would have it, he tripped, falling backwards. As his head hit the floor, everything became black.
***
Taemin awoke abruptly in his bed. It was still dark outside.
"Mmm," came a noise from the bed next to him. Taemin lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to feel tired.
After a few moments, the person in the bed next to him began rolling around fitfully. "No," he suddenly said, his voice piercing the still night.
Taemin sat up, pulling his blankets off. He got up and walked across the room, sitting on a third bed that was in the room. He gently shook the person sleeping there. "Key hyung," he whispered.
Key rolled over and opened his eyes halfway. "What is it, Minnie?"
"Onew hyung is rolling around and muttering in his sleep again."
Key sighed. "He does that sometimes. I'm sure he's fine. Go back to bed." He rolled over to his original position.
Taemin was about to get up, when Onew muttered, "Taemin..."
Taemin froze. He shook Key again. "Did you hear that? He just said my name." Key grunted.
"I said no." Onew said clearly, and Key stirred in his bed.
"Taemin, I said no! Stop being annoying!" Onew spoke quite loudly. Key's eyes shot open, and Taemin got up, moving over to Onew's bed.
"Hyung...?" Taemin started to say, getting a little nervous. He saw that Onew's eyes were still closed, and turned back to Key. "I guess he's still sleeping..."
Key laughed. "He must be dreaming about you annoying him," he said sleepily, closing his eyes again. Taemin pouted, and looked at Onew again.
Onew rolled over and smiled, eyes still closed, mumbling something that sounded like, "Ah, chicken! I love you..." Key laughed again, and Taemin smiled too, knowing their leader's obsession with chicken.
"Go to bed, Taeminnie," Key told him, drifting back into sleep.
Taemin started to climb back in bed, when suddenly Onew screamed. Key immediately sat up in his bed, and Taemin rushed over to Onew.
"What the hell?" Key exclaimed.
"He's still just dreaming..." Taemin told him, sitting down on the bed next to his leader. "What do you think he's dreaming about?" He asked Key.
Key turned to Taemin. "I have no idea..."
There was a moment of silence, and then a shout from Onew pierced the air: "TAEMIN, YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!"
Startled, Taemin fell off the edge of Onew's bed. Key, completely awake now, angrily pulled his blankets off and walked towards Onew's bed. "Oh hell no! Lee Jinki, you did NOT just call Taemin a bastard!"
Taemin ran over to Key and grabbed his arm. "Hyung! He's still sleeping! It's just a dream!"
Key removed Taemin's hand from his arm. "Dream or no dream, I am going to kick his ass!" He walked over to Onew and began to shake him awake. "Jinki, wake up! I want a word with you!"
Just then, the door to their room opened, and in walked Jonghyun and Minho, rubbing their eyes. "Guys, what's with all the screaming?" Jonghyun asked. "Did Onew hyung call Taemin what I think he did?"
"Yes, and I am going to beat his ass!" Key yelled.
Onew suddenly woke, and saw Key standing above him, looking ready to kill. "Ah!" He yelled, pulling himself away from Key and falling on the floor. He looked up, and saw all the members staring at him. "Uh, what just happened?"
"Were you sleeping that whole time?" Minho asked incredulously.
"Yeah, did something happen? I was having a nightmare." Onew told them, shuddering.
"A nightmare? About me?" Taemin said.
"Uh, yeah actually, I think so," Onew told him, trying to recall the dream. "How do you know that?"
"You called him a bastard!" Key yelled. "You better explain quickly or you are in for it. I don't care if you're our leader, I will beat you so hard you won't be able to go to dance practice today!"
"I did??" Onew asked incredulously. He looked at Taemin, who averted his eyes. "Taemin, I'm very sorry, but in my dream... You stole my chicken."
The air was still for a moment as the other four members looked at each other. Then simultaneously they began laughing.
Onew glared at them. "What? It's not funny! It was awful!"
"I can't even be mad at you," Key said in between bouts of laughter. "Your face is so funny right now!"
"Okay... Fine... Maybe it's a little funny," Onew admitted. "But now I want chicken!"
Eventually they began to calm down, and their laughter subsided. "I'll buy you some chicken, hyung, when the store opens in the morning," Taemin said, smiling.
"Really? Thank you!" Onew said happily, then the smile immediately slid off his face, and he stared at Taemin. "If you steal it, though, I WILL kill you." Taemin's eyes became really big, and he looked genuinely afraid for a moment.
Key's shrill laughter broke the tense silence, and Minho and Jonghyun started laughing along with him.
"Uh, Key hyung, you won't really let him kill me will you?" Taemin tried to say, but was drowned out by the laughter. "Hyung?" Key didn't hear him, but Onew did, and just smiled brightly at Taemin.