Fic: The Sea After a Storm (64/?)
Title: The Sea After a Storm, Chapter 64
Rating: R
Warnings: Just a bit of language
Spoilers: Season Two thru Adam (2x05) plus information from Doctor Who: The Doctor Dances (1x10)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood, Doctor Who and all their wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©'s to Catherine Tregenna for situations and dialogue borrowed from Adam and to Steven Moffat for situations and dialogue borrowed from The Doctor Dances. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Ianto learns more about Jack's past... and about his innermost feelings...
Notes: Thank you to everyone who's reading and and SPECIAL THANK YOU to everyone leaving comments. Y'all are gold! You can find all the previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm here. This is a sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Thanks again and forever to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thraceadams for all the help and support and beta work; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Sixty-Four
Previously on The Sea After a Storm: Ianto's embarrassment over Jack reading his diary was eclipsed by Jack's need to make sure Ianto's all right after he found a disturbing note written during their missing days…
"Surely…" Ianto panted, reaching half-heartedly for the duvet that had fallen on the floor and then giving up with a groan when he realised he would have to move to get to it. "Surely that… must've… convinced you that I'm fine."
Jack lifted his head from Ianto's shoulder and grinned at him, his breath just as uneven. "Dunno… might need round… three to… to be a… hundred percent… And don't call me Shirley."
Ianto groaned and flapped his hand at Jack, too worn out to give him the smack that joke deserved.
They lay there for several minutes, just holding each other and letting their breathing slow to normal. At some point, Jack rolled away to successfully snag the duvet off the floor and settle it over them. It didn't take long for the warmth and exhaustion and Jack's closeness to lull Ianto into a doze.
"Time's it?" Jack asked sleepily a while later.
"Still early, I think," Ianto replied. He cracked open his eyes long enough to glance at the clock. "Half past four."
"Feels later."
"Definitely. How much of that is the Retcon?" Ianto asked around a yawn, stretching sinuously against Jack.
Jack groaned and ran his hand down Ianto's side. "Don't do that unless you really want me to go for round three." He paused for a moment and then answered Ianto's question. "The disorientation? Probably all Retcon. The longer you erase, the more it fucks with your head."
Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You don't sound like you're a big fan of Retcon all of a sudden."
"It's not all of a sudden," Jack said in clipped tones.
"But…" Ianto shifted so he was sitting up against the headboard and Jack moved with him, ending up with his head resting on Ianto's thigh. "Jack, Torchwood has dosed over two thousand people with it. You dosed us with it."
"I know. Just because it gets the job done, doesn't mean I have to like it."
"I…" Ianto made a helpless noise. "I'm lost."
Jack sighed deeply and then sat up. He ran a hand through his hair and looked Ianto squarely in the eye but his voice was hesitant. "When I was working for the Time Agency…"
When Jack paused, Ianto prompted, "With John Hart?" He wasn't really sure he wanted to hear the answer.
Jack shook his head. "No, this was long after we'd parted company. I was working alone. They sent me… well, I don't actually know where they sent me. I'd just punched in the coordinates into my wriststrap, activated the teleport and… and I woke up in a rat-hole of a hotel room on the dark side of a very nasty moon colony orbiting a prison planet. I had what felt like the worst hangover of my life and a newspaper on the pillow next to me on the bed. The date was circled in red marker. Two years had passed and I still don't remember a minute of it."
"Two years?" Ianto gasped.
"Yeah. Well, the newspaper was a pretty big clue that it wasn't accidental, so I teleported back to the Agency as soon as I could stand up for more than thirty seconds without puking but they refused to tell me anything - my file had been classified and redacted until nothing was left but my name and the date I started my last mission. Two years… just gone."
"Jesus, Jack."
"Yeah, I, uh… I didn't take it well," Jack said wryly. "Told them I quit. Clocked my supervisor and took down two aides, made such a ruckus that security had to remove me from the premises. As soon as I was out the front door, I teleported." When Ianto frowned in confusion at the satisfaction in Jack's voice, Jack explained, "You can't teleport inside the Time Agency Headquarters. Against regulations plus there's a field dampener on the whole building. Technically you're supposed to surrender your wriststrap and psychic paper when you leave the Agency but I figured they owed me so I got them to toss me out and teleported before they could take anything else from me."
Ianto reached out to clasp Jack's hand.
"After that, I… well, I tried every avenue I could think of to get back those two years but I never had any luck. I finally gave up on direct channels and started running cons on other Time Agents, one's who been recruited during those missing years who didn't know me. First I tried for intel, but when I figured out that was a lost cause, well, I was damned sure gonna get some revenge. I… er… that's what I was doing when I bumped into The Doctor and Rose during the Blitz and… well, you know the story from there."
"How can you stand to use Retcon on anyone after what they did to you?"
Jack shrugged. "Torchwood already had the formula - from some other Time Agent along the way I'm sure - it's not like I gave it to them. It's a necessary tool of the job, I get that. Plus I've refined the recipe a bit over the years, making it more effective, more focussed so no one ends up with a huge chunk of memory lost by mistake. Not that I think that's what happened to me. They took those two years on purpose, I just wish…" His voice trailed off, uncertainty almost pouring off of him.
"C'mere," Ianto murmured, pulling Jack into his arms, his heart almost breaking at the lost look in Jack's eyes. "What?"
Jack shuddered in Ianto's embrace. After a long moment he whispered, "I just wish I could believe that I didn't deserve it."
Ianto's hand, which had been stroking Jack's neck, froze at Jack's words. He hugged Jack even closer. "I don't know what they think you did, but you listen to me, Captain. Whatever may have happened then, whoever you may have been, you've more than made up for anything you may have done wrong. You've had how many lifetimes of saving people? Making amends? Trust me," he added, pulling back so he could see Jack's face. He smiled and gave Jack a soft kiss. "Your karmic ledger is in the black. Paid in full."
A ghost of a smile flitted over Jack's lips. "You think?"
"I know. And you know, I know everything," Ianto teased.
Jack chuckled softly. "How could I forget?"
They both stared at each other for moment and then burst into laughter.
"Forget!" Jack chortled. "That's great."
Ianto grinned at his lover, reaching over to run his hand through Jack's hair. "How about a shower and some dinner?" he offered, not wanting to derail Jack's laughter by steering the conversation back to his missing years or even just their missing days.
Jack kissed him soundly and then nodded, rolling off the bed. "You order pizza, I'll get the water hot."
Ianto watched Jack saunter into the bath, admiring the fine view of his backside. After Jack disappeared through the door, Ianto gave himself a mental shake and wiped what he was sure was a very foolish grin off his face. He pulled his dressing gown off the floor and back over his shoulders, picking up Jack's coat as he headed back to the front room. He dialled their usual pizza place and ordered - two pizzas, one with everything and one vegetarian, a salad and some garlic bread - while he hung up Jack's coat in the front closet. A crumpled piece of paper fell out of one of the pockets and he scooped it up, intending toss it in the bin, when his own name caught his eye.
"What? Oh, yes," he answered the guy on the other end of the phone. "The card on file, please. Great, thank you." He ended the call and tossed his phone on the sofa, smoothing the paper as best he could.
Jack - damn, these things are always awkward. OK, so you've realised about the Retcon by now. It was necessary, you're gonna have to trust me on that. And who better to trust than yourself? Heh. Anyway, just let it go. Rhys knows a tiny bit of it but he it didn't touch him and he's out on a run for one of his drivers so Retconning him would be tricky and I simply don't have time. I've just got off the phone with him and he knows that if he wants to keep Gwen safe then he better keep his mouth shut, no matter how much she whines or even if you ask - so don't ask. If you need some extra incentive, here you go: if any of you remember it will be very bad…especially for Ianto. Very BAD. Now that I've got your attention DO NOT MESS WITH THE RETCON. I know better than anyone how much we you hate this but I also know better than anyone what he means to us. We almost lost him tonight. He's worth more than knowing. Keep him safe.
- Jack
Ianto stared at the note for a long moment. A wave of dizziness hit him as he re-read the line about how "it didn't touch" Rhys. There was a word that Jack scribbled out before the "it" - Ianto would've sworn it was the word "he" but he didn't dwell on it, his eyes drawn to the end of the note. "I also know better than anyone what he means to us." Ianto swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, suddenly glad that Jack had read his journal. We may never say it aloud but… we both feel it, he thought, warmth flooding through him. "He's worth more than knowing." Having just heard the story about how and why Jack hated Retcon, those words had more resonance than Ianto could have imagined.
He took another long look at the last few sentences, running his thumb over the bold scrawl that was Jack's signature, and then carefully re-crumpled the note, placing it back in Jack's pocket. He jumped when he heard Jack yell for him.
"Ianto! I'm gonna start round three all by myself if you don't get your pale Welsh ass in here!"
"You're one to talk," Ianto shouted back. He smiled and gave the pocket of Jack's coat one last pat before heading towards the bath. "You'd think they'd've perfected some kind of permanent all-over-tan by the 51st Century."
Jack stuck his head out of the shower, his hair shampooed into a white, foamy Mohawk. "They did. But as I've said before, you don't mess with this level of perfection," he said with a grin.
Ianto rolled his eyes and then returned Jack's grin and climbed in the shower with his lover.
TBC…
.
This entry was originally posted at http://buttononthetop.dreamwidth.org/107364.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Rating: R
Warnings: Just a bit of language
Spoilers: Season Two thru Adam (2x05) plus information from Doctor Who: The Doctor Dances (1x10)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood, Doctor Who and all their wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©'s to Catherine Tregenna for situations and dialogue borrowed from Adam and to Steven Moffat for situations and dialogue borrowed from The Doctor Dances. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Ianto learns more about Jack's past... and about his innermost feelings...
Notes: Thank you to everyone who's reading and and SPECIAL THANK YOU to everyone leaving comments. Y'all are gold! You can find all the previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm here. This is a sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Thanks again and forever to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thraceadams for all the help and support and beta work; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Sixty-Four
Previously on The Sea After a Storm: Ianto's embarrassment over Jack reading his diary was eclipsed by Jack's need to make sure Ianto's all right after he found a disturbing note written during their missing days…
"Surely…" Ianto panted, reaching half-heartedly for the duvet that had fallen on the floor and then giving up with a groan when he realised he would have to move to get to it. "Surely that… must've… convinced you that I'm fine."
Jack lifted his head from Ianto's shoulder and grinned at him, his breath just as uneven. "Dunno… might need round… three to… to be a… hundred percent… And don't call me Shirley."
Ianto groaned and flapped his hand at Jack, too worn out to give him the smack that joke deserved.
They lay there for several minutes, just holding each other and letting their breathing slow to normal. At some point, Jack rolled away to successfully snag the duvet off the floor and settle it over them. It didn't take long for the warmth and exhaustion and Jack's closeness to lull Ianto into a doze.
"Time's it?" Jack asked sleepily a while later.
"Still early, I think," Ianto replied. He cracked open his eyes long enough to glance at the clock. "Half past four."
"Feels later."
"Definitely. How much of that is the Retcon?" Ianto asked around a yawn, stretching sinuously against Jack.
Jack groaned and ran his hand down Ianto's side. "Don't do that unless you really want me to go for round three." He paused for a moment and then answered Ianto's question. "The disorientation? Probably all Retcon. The longer you erase, the more it fucks with your head."
Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You don't sound like you're a big fan of Retcon all of a sudden."
"It's not all of a sudden," Jack said in clipped tones.
"But…" Ianto shifted so he was sitting up against the headboard and Jack moved with him, ending up with his head resting on Ianto's thigh. "Jack, Torchwood has dosed over two thousand people with it. You dosed us with it."
"I know. Just because it gets the job done, doesn't mean I have to like it."
"I…" Ianto made a helpless noise. "I'm lost."
Jack sighed deeply and then sat up. He ran a hand through his hair and looked Ianto squarely in the eye but his voice was hesitant. "When I was working for the Time Agency…"
When Jack paused, Ianto prompted, "With John Hart?" He wasn't really sure he wanted to hear the answer.
Jack shook his head. "No, this was long after we'd parted company. I was working alone. They sent me… well, I don't actually know where they sent me. I'd just punched in the coordinates into my wriststrap, activated the teleport and… and I woke up in a rat-hole of a hotel room on the dark side of a very nasty moon colony orbiting a prison planet. I had what felt like the worst hangover of my life and a newspaper on the pillow next to me on the bed. The date was circled in red marker. Two years had passed and I still don't remember a minute of it."
"Two years?" Ianto gasped.
"Yeah. Well, the newspaper was a pretty big clue that it wasn't accidental, so I teleported back to the Agency as soon as I could stand up for more than thirty seconds without puking but they refused to tell me anything - my file had been classified and redacted until nothing was left but my name and the date I started my last mission. Two years… just gone."
"Jesus, Jack."
"Yeah, I, uh… I didn't take it well," Jack said wryly. "Told them I quit. Clocked my supervisor and took down two aides, made such a ruckus that security had to remove me from the premises. As soon as I was out the front door, I teleported." When Ianto frowned in confusion at the satisfaction in Jack's voice, Jack explained, "You can't teleport inside the Time Agency Headquarters. Against regulations plus there's a field dampener on the whole building. Technically you're supposed to surrender your wriststrap and psychic paper when you leave the Agency but I figured they owed me so I got them to toss me out and teleported before they could take anything else from me."
Ianto reached out to clasp Jack's hand.
"After that, I… well, I tried every avenue I could think of to get back those two years but I never had any luck. I finally gave up on direct channels and started running cons on other Time Agents, one's who been recruited during those missing years who didn't know me. First I tried for intel, but when I figured out that was a lost cause, well, I was damned sure gonna get some revenge. I… er… that's what I was doing when I bumped into The Doctor and Rose during the Blitz and… well, you know the story from there."
"How can you stand to use Retcon on anyone after what they did to you?"
Jack shrugged. "Torchwood already had the formula - from some other Time Agent along the way I'm sure - it's not like I gave it to them. It's a necessary tool of the job, I get that. Plus I've refined the recipe a bit over the years, making it more effective, more focussed so no one ends up with a huge chunk of memory lost by mistake. Not that I think that's what happened to me. They took those two years on purpose, I just wish…" His voice trailed off, uncertainty almost pouring off of him.
"C'mere," Ianto murmured, pulling Jack into his arms, his heart almost breaking at the lost look in Jack's eyes. "What?"
Jack shuddered in Ianto's embrace. After a long moment he whispered, "I just wish I could believe that I didn't deserve it."
Ianto's hand, which had been stroking Jack's neck, froze at Jack's words. He hugged Jack even closer. "I don't know what they think you did, but you listen to me, Captain. Whatever may have happened then, whoever you may have been, you've more than made up for anything you may have done wrong. You've had how many lifetimes of saving people? Making amends? Trust me," he added, pulling back so he could see Jack's face. He smiled and gave Jack a soft kiss. "Your karmic ledger is in the black. Paid in full."
A ghost of a smile flitted over Jack's lips. "You think?"
"I know. And you know, I know everything," Ianto teased.
Jack chuckled softly. "How could I forget?"
They both stared at each other for moment and then burst into laughter.
"Forget!" Jack chortled. "That's great."
Ianto grinned at his lover, reaching over to run his hand through Jack's hair. "How about a shower and some dinner?" he offered, not wanting to derail Jack's laughter by steering the conversation back to his missing years or even just their missing days.
Jack kissed him soundly and then nodded, rolling off the bed. "You order pizza, I'll get the water hot."
Ianto watched Jack saunter into the bath, admiring the fine view of his backside. After Jack disappeared through the door, Ianto gave himself a mental shake and wiped what he was sure was a very foolish grin off his face. He pulled his dressing gown off the floor and back over his shoulders, picking up Jack's coat as he headed back to the front room. He dialled their usual pizza place and ordered - two pizzas, one with everything and one vegetarian, a salad and some garlic bread - while he hung up Jack's coat in the front closet. A crumpled piece of paper fell out of one of the pockets and he scooped it up, intending toss it in the bin, when his own name caught his eye.
"What? Oh, yes," he answered the guy on the other end of the phone. "The card on file, please. Great, thank you." He ended the call and tossed his phone on the sofa, smoothing the paper as best he could.
Jack - damn, these things are always awkward. OK, so you've realised about the Retcon by now. It was necessary, you're gonna have to trust me on that. And who better to trust than yourself? Heh. Anyway, just let it go. Rhys knows a tiny bit of it but he it didn't touch him and he's out on a run for one of his drivers so Retconning him would be tricky and I simply don't have time. I've just got off the phone with him and he knows that if he wants to keep Gwen safe then he better keep his mouth shut, no matter how much she whines or even if you ask - so don't ask. If you need some extra incentive, here you go: if any of you remember it will be very bad…especially for Ianto. Very BAD. Now that I've got your attention DO NOT MESS WITH THE RETCON. I know better than anyone how much we you hate this but I also know better than anyone what he means to us. We almost lost him tonight. He's worth more than knowing. Keep him safe.
- Jack
Ianto stared at the note for a long moment. A wave of dizziness hit him as he re-read the line about how "it didn't touch" Rhys. There was a word that Jack scribbled out before the "it" - Ianto would've sworn it was the word "he" but he didn't dwell on it, his eyes drawn to the end of the note. "I also know better than anyone what he means to us." Ianto swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, suddenly glad that Jack had read his journal. We may never say it aloud but… we both feel it, he thought, warmth flooding through him. "He's worth more than knowing." Having just heard the story about how and why Jack hated Retcon, those words had more resonance than Ianto could have imagined.
He took another long look at the last few sentences, running his thumb over the bold scrawl that was Jack's signature, and then carefully re-crumpled the note, placing it back in Jack's pocket. He jumped when he heard Jack yell for him.
"Ianto! I'm gonna start round three all by myself if you don't get your pale Welsh ass in here!"
"You're one to talk," Ianto shouted back. He smiled and gave the pocket of Jack's coat one last pat before heading towards the bath. "You'd think they'd've perfected some kind of permanent all-over-tan by the 51st Century."
Jack stuck his head out of the shower, his hair shampooed into a white, foamy Mohawk. "They did. But as I've said before, you don't mess with this level of perfection," he said with a grin.
Ianto rolled his eyes and then returned Jack's grin and climbed in the shower with his lover.
TBC…
.
This entry was originally posted at http://buttononthetop.dreamwidth.org/107364.html. Please comment there using OpenID.