Fic: Vizzini's Rule (79/105)
Title: Vizzini's Rule, Chapter 79
Rating: R
Warnings: Language and pure, unadulterated car!porn
Spoilers: Season One thru Out of Time (1x10)
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to Russell T. Davies and the Mighty Beeb. Just goofin' around!
Summary: In which Ianto and Brendan go car shopping…
Notes: This chapter is utter fluff - hot boys looking at hot cars. I’m tempted to put up a poll to see which car Ianto should buy. Hmm… might have to think about that! Enjoy!
Previous Chapters
Vizzini's Rule: Chapter Seventy-Nine
After lunch, Brendan drove them to the dealership. He was practically humming with excitement which Ianto couldn’t understand.
“It’s like we’re shopping for you and not me,” he observed.
Brendan laughed out loud. “I’m a mechanic, Ianto. I love cars. All cars. New cars, old cars, someone else’s car, doesn’t matter. I can’t figure out why you’re not more excited.”
“I don’t know.” Ianto stared out the window. “I really loved my car. It was my first car. I don’t know, I just feel like… like I’m getting a new puppy to replace one that died.”
“Well, as someone who loves cars and dogs, let me say that it’s okay to move on,” Brendan said in a comforting voice. “Your Audi would want you to be happy, even if it’s with another car.”
Ianto narrowed his eyes at Brendan. “Are you making fun of me?”
Brendan chuckled. “Little bit, yeah. Here we are,” he said as he pulled into the lot. He parked and looked around at the cars and the sparkling glass wall of the showroom. “Christ, maybe I should put on my tie.”
It was Ianto’s turn to laugh. “No bother, I’ll just introduce you as my personal mechanic. That should impress them enough that you don’t need the tie.”
They walked up to the showroom and were greeted by an older gentlemen with silver-white hair and a beautifully cut suit.
“You must be Mr. Jones!” he said, enthusiastically shaking Ianto’s hand. “You fit Captain Harkness’s description perfectly. I’m Elliot Ramsey.”
“Mr. Ramsey,” Ianto said formally. “This is my friend and mechanic, Brendan Spenser.”
“Mr. Spenser, excellent, excellent,” Mr. Ramsey said, shaking Brendan’s hand as well. “Will Captain Harkness not be joining us then?”
“No, I’m sorry. Something came up at the… er… office.”
“Too bad, too bad. Quite the charmer, your Captain Harkness. He was most interested in finding you the perfect vehicle. I do hope you’ll find something here.”
“Thank you, Mr. Ramsey. He mentioned that you’d set up a small selection?”
“Yes, yes indeed! Right this way, gentlemen.” Mr. Ramsey led the two men back outside. As they walked across the lot, he explained that they had taken the information Jack had given them about Ianto’s Audi and found several different cars of similar style, size, power, features, etc. They had also, he said with a wink, taken the Captain’s assertion that “money was not an object” to heart and found a few more luxurious models as well.
“And this is your row,” Mr. Ramsey said, waving a hand at a line of seven shiny black cars parked next to one another.
“My… row?” Ianto said slowly.
“Yes, indeed. We narrowed down our extensive selection to these seven cars. We can, of course, find just about anything you would like, either on our lot today or from another dealership. This was merely our… oh, let’s be vulgar and say our ‘gut reaction’ from Captain Harkness’s requirements.” Mr. Ramsey smiled at the rather dumbfounded looks on Ianto and Brendan’s faces. “Well, gentlemen, please take your time. Poke around, see how they feel. Oh! The keys are in the ignition of each vehicle. Please feel free to drive whichever ones you fancy, just be sure you don’t lock the doors. I’ll leave you to explore. If you need me, I’ll be just inside the showroom.” Mr. Ramsey smiled again and shooed them towards the cars before walking back to the building.
“Jesus, Ianto, what do you suppose Jack told them?”
“I have no idea,” Ianto said slowly. “Did he say we can drive whichever ones we want? Alone?”
“That’s what I heard,” Brendan said. He gave himself a shake and grinned. “Well, let’s see what they’ve got for you!” He walked to one end of the line and started to work his way down, telling Ianto a little something about the makes and models. “Audi A4 - just like yours except this one is a 3.2 FSI Quattro, couple of notches up from your old one. Four wheel drive, automatic headlights and wipers, good for around here.”
Ianto pulled open the driver’s side door and peered in, but before he could comment, Brendan had moved onto the next car.
“Oh… I think I’m in love!” Brendan called.
Ianto stood up and looked across the bonnet of the Audi. “What is it?”
“‘What is it’ he asks.” Brendan ran a reverent hand along the top of the car. “This, my friend, is a BMW 335i. And I think…” he hurried around to the window with the specs. “Yeah, it’s a Sport too. God, what a car. Twin-turbo 3.0-litre engine, zero to sixty in less than seven seconds, smooth, quiet and fucking gorgeous.”
“You do realize I have no idea what you just said, right?” Ianto asked as he walked up behind Brendan who groaned.
“Yes, I do. Trust me, you’re gonna love driving it. Let’s take it out,” he suggested excitedly.
Ianto shook his head. “Not yet, I want to see them all first.”
“Okay,” Brendan said reluctantly stepping away from the BMW. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“Volvo S80,” Ianto read on the next car. “Opinion?”
“Solid choice. Safe. Reliable. This one has pretty good power, nice strong engine. It’s a Volvo,” he said, shrugging his shoulders dismissively.
“Not a fan, I see,” Ianto grinned.
“Hey, they’re great cars, don’t get me wrong. My grandmother drives a very nice one.”
Ianto laughed. “Okay, would a Mercedes be more to your liking, sir?” he asked as they moved to the next car, a Mercedes-Benz C280.
“This one is pretty sweet, although the CLS down there after the Lexus is more my cup of tea,” Brendan said, pointing to the second to last car. “This one is comparable to your Audi or the BMW for speed and power. Sporty, sleek, I like what they’ve done with the star, that’s new.”
“What’s new?”
“Oh come on, Ianto. They’re usually on top of the bonnet? Right here?” Brendan tapped the top of the car. “But this one has in on the grille. Nice. More aerodynamic.”
“It seems smaller, somehow.”
“Smaller than what?” Brendan asked.
“Than the Audi or the BMW or the Volvo, for that matter.”
“Hm. It does look narrower, doesn’t it? And the others are more squared off in the front, this one slopes down. You might actually like it better. You’ll just have to drive it and see.”
Ianto laughed. “We’ll get to that.” He moved down the line to the next car. “You know, I’ve never been a big fan of Lexus…s. Lex-i?”
Brendan snorted. “Just don’t buy two and you won’t have that problem.”
Chuckling, Ianto whistled at the next car. “This is the Mercedes you like? Sexy.”
“Oh, yeah,” Brendan said, running his hand up the sharply curved back. “The CLS Saloon. They should really just admit it’s a two-door, but other than that? Niiiice.”
Ianto turned around to face the last car. He stood for a moment and just stared. The side of the car had no markings, so he had no idea what he was looking at he just knew he liked it. He saw Brendan out of the corner of his eye, looking at him with a small smile on his face.
“What?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the car.
“You like this one?”
Ianto swallowed hard. “It’s nice.”
“‘Nice’ he says. What do you like about it?”
“It’s… well’s it’s… the front is longer than the others. It has a presence, you know? I like the way the back is curved and it… it’s… I don’t know, but it’s gorgeous.”
Brendan reached up to clap him on the shoulder. “Ianto, you may know bugger all about cars, but you do have taste, I’ll give you that. This, my friend, is a Maserati Quattroporte Saloon. 4.2-litre V8 engine, serious power, zero to sixty in 5.6 seconds and it purrs like a kitten. This is what Mr. Ramsey was winking about when he said Jack insisted that money was no object.”
“How -” Ianto swallowed. “How much would this one cost?”
Brendan laughed. “About £50,000…”
“That’s not so bad for -”
“More,” Brendan finished. “£50,000 more than the rest of your options here, except maybe the CLS.”
“Christ,” Ianto breathed.
“Oh yes. My recommendation? Drive it, just to have driven it. But,” he warned. “Don’t set a toe behind that wheel until you’ve compared all the others, because trust me, they won’t compare to this."
Ianto nodded slowly as he walked around the Maserati. “Good thinking,” he said. “Quite right.”
Brendan laughed again. “Of course, Jack did say money is no object…”
“Don’t tempt me,” Ianto groaned. He ran a tentative finger down the bonnet. “God, it’s like -”
“Sex,” Brendan said firmly.
Ianto looked startled and Brendan smiled.
“It’s the spark. When you just click with someone? Great cars are like that.” He walked around the car until he was standing in front of Ianto. “And it’s different for every person,” he murmured, running his hand up the bonnet until his fingers were just barely touching Ianto’s. “You never know when that spark will light up.”
Ianto looked down into Brendan’s green eyes and swallowed hard again. His voice was rough when he finally spoke. “Well… what do you say we give the Beemer a try?”
Brendan looked down at their hands for a moment and then took a step back, saying, “Sounds good. Oh, and Ianto?” he added mildly, looking up again. “Call it a Beemer again and I will have to hit you.”
They both laughed, the tension between them set neatly aside once again, and walked back to the BMW.
TBC in Chapter Eighty
Rating: R
Warnings: Language and pure, unadulterated car!porn
Spoilers: Season One thru Out of Time (1x10)
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to Russell T. Davies and the Mighty Beeb. Just goofin' around!
Summary: In which Ianto and Brendan go car shopping…
Notes: This chapter is utter fluff - hot boys looking at hot cars. I’m tempted to put up a poll to see which car Ianto should buy. Hmm… might have to think about that! Enjoy!
Previous Chapters
Vizzini's Rule: Chapter Seventy-Nine
After lunch, Brendan drove them to the dealership. He was practically humming with excitement which Ianto couldn’t understand.
“It’s like we’re shopping for you and not me,” he observed.
Brendan laughed out loud. “I’m a mechanic, Ianto. I love cars. All cars. New cars, old cars, someone else’s car, doesn’t matter. I can’t figure out why you’re not more excited.”
“I don’t know.” Ianto stared out the window. “I really loved my car. It was my first car. I don’t know, I just feel like… like I’m getting a new puppy to replace one that died.”
“Well, as someone who loves cars and dogs, let me say that it’s okay to move on,” Brendan said in a comforting voice. “Your Audi would want you to be happy, even if it’s with another car.”
Ianto narrowed his eyes at Brendan. “Are you making fun of me?”
Brendan chuckled. “Little bit, yeah. Here we are,” he said as he pulled into the lot. He parked and looked around at the cars and the sparkling glass wall of the showroom. “Christ, maybe I should put on my tie.”
It was Ianto’s turn to laugh. “No bother, I’ll just introduce you as my personal mechanic. That should impress them enough that you don’t need the tie.”
They walked up to the showroom and were greeted by an older gentlemen with silver-white hair and a beautifully cut suit.
“You must be Mr. Jones!” he said, enthusiastically shaking Ianto’s hand. “You fit Captain Harkness’s description perfectly. I’m Elliot Ramsey.”
“Mr. Ramsey,” Ianto said formally. “This is my friend and mechanic, Brendan Spenser.”
“Mr. Spenser, excellent, excellent,” Mr. Ramsey said, shaking Brendan’s hand as well. “Will Captain Harkness not be joining us then?”
“No, I’m sorry. Something came up at the… er… office.”
“Too bad, too bad. Quite the charmer, your Captain Harkness. He was most interested in finding you the perfect vehicle. I do hope you’ll find something here.”
“Thank you, Mr. Ramsey. He mentioned that you’d set up a small selection?”
“Yes, yes indeed! Right this way, gentlemen.” Mr. Ramsey led the two men back outside. As they walked across the lot, he explained that they had taken the information Jack had given them about Ianto’s Audi and found several different cars of similar style, size, power, features, etc. They had also, he said with a wink, taken the Captain’s assertion that “money was not an object” to heart and found a few more luxurious models as well.
“And this is your row,” Mr. Ramsey said, waving a hand at a line of seven shiny black cars parked next to one another.
“My… row?” Ianto said slowly.
“Yes, indeed. We narrowed down our extensive selection to these seven cars. We can, of course, find just about anything you would like, either on our lot today or from another dealership. This was merely our… oh, let’s be vulgar and say our ‘gut reaction’ from Captain Harkness’s requirements.” Mr. Ramsey smiled at the rather dumbfounded looks on Ianto and Brendan’s faces. “Well, gentlemen, please take your time. Poke around, see how they feel. Oh! The keys are in the ignition of each vehicle. Please feel free to drive whichever ones you fancy, just be sure you don’t lock the doors. I’ll leave you to explore. If you need me, I’ll be just inside the showroom.” Mr. Ramsey smiled again and shooed them towards the cars before walking back to the building.
“Jesus, Ianto, what do you suppose Jack told them?”
“I have no idea,” Ianto said slowly. “Did he say we can drive whichever ones we want? Alone?”
“That’s what I heard,” Brendan said. He gave himself a shake and grinned. “Well, let’s see what they’ve got for you!” He walked to one end of the line and started to work his way down, telling Ianto a little something about the makes and models. “Audi A4 - just like yours except this one is a 3.2 FSI Quattro, couple of notches up from your old one. Four wheel drive, automatic headlights and wipers, good for around here.”
Ianto pulled open the driver’s side door and peered in, but before he could comment, Brendan had moved onto the next car.
“Oh… I think I’m in love!” Brendan called.
Ianto stood up and looked across the bonnet of the Audi. “What is it?”
“‘What is it’ he asks.” Brendan ran a reverent hand along the top of the car. “This, my friend, is a BMW 335i. And I think…” he hurried around to the window with the specs. “Yeah, it’s a Sport too. God, what a car. Twin-turbo 3.0-litre engine, zero to sixty in less than seven seconds, smooth, quiet and fucking gorgeous.”
“You do realize I have no idea what you just said, right?” Ianto asked as he walked up behind Brendan who groaned.
“Yes, I do. Trust me, you’re gonna love driving it. Let’s take it out,” he suggested excitedly.
Ianto shook his head. “Not yet, I want to see them all first.”
“Okay,” Brendan said reluctantly stepping away from the BMW. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“Volvo S80,” Ianto read on the next car. “Opinion?”
“Solid choice. Safe. Reliable. This one has pretty good power, nice strong engine. It’s a Volvo,” he said, shrugging his shoulders dismissively.
“Not a fan, I see,” Ianto grinned.
“Hey, they’re great cars, don’t get me wrong. My grandmother drives a very nice one.”
Ianto laughed. “Okay, would a Mercedes be more to your liking, sir?” he asked as they moved to the next car, a Mercedes-Benz C280.
“This one is pretty sweet, although the CLS down there after the Lexus is more my cup of tea,” Brendan said, pointing to the second to last car. “This one is comparable to your Audi or the BMW for speed and power. Sporty, sleek, I like what they’ve done with the star, that’s new.”
“What’s new?”
“Oh come on, Ianto. They’re usually on top of the bonnet? Right here?” Brendan tapped the top of the car. “But this one has in on the grille. Nice. More aerodynamic.”
“It seems smaller, somehow.”
“Smaller than what?” Brendan asked.
“Than the Audi or the BMW or the Volvo, for that matter.”
“Hm. It does look narrower, doesn’t it? And the others are more squared off in the front, this one slopes down. You might actually like it better. You’ll just have to drive it and see.”
Ianto laughed. “We’ll get to that.” He moved down the line to the next car. “You know, I’ve never been a big fan of Lexus…s. Lex-i?”
Brendan snorted. “Just don’t buy two and you won’t have that problem.”
Chuckling, Ianto whistled at the next car. “This is the Mercedes you like? Sexy.”
“Oh, yeah,” Brendan said, running his hand up the sharply curved back. “The CLS Saloon. They should really just admit it’s a two-door, but other than that? Niiiice.”
Ianto turned around to face the last car. He stood for a moment and just stared. The side of the car had no markings, so he had no idea what he was looking at he just knew he liked it. He saw Brendan out of the corner of his eye, looking at him with a small smile on his face.
“What?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the car.
“You like this one?”
Ianto swallowed hard. “It’s nice.”
“‘Nice’ he says. What do you like about it?”
“It’s… well’s it’s… the front is longer than the others. It has a presence, you know? I like the way the back is curved and it… it’s… I don’t know, but it’s gorgeous.”
Brendan reached up to clap him on the shoulder. “Ianto, you may know bugger all about cars, but you do have taste, I’ll give you that. This, my friend, is a Maserati Quattroporte Saloon. 4.2-litre V8 engine, serious power, zero to sixty in 5.6 seconds and it purrs like a kitten. This is what Mr. Ramsey was winking about when he said Jack insisted that money was no object.”
“How -” Ianto swallowed. “How much would this one cost?”
Brendan laughed. “About £50,000…”
“That’s not so bad for -”
“More,” Brendan finished. “£50,000 more than the rest of your options here, except maybe the CLS.”
“Christ,” Ianto breathed.
“Oh yes. My recommendation? Drive it, just to have driven it. But,” he warned. “Don’t set a toe behind that wheel until you’ve compared all the others, because trust me, they won’t compare to this."
Ianto nodded slowly as he walked around the Maserati. “Good thinking,” he said. “Quite right.”
Brendan laughed again. “Of course, Jack did say money is no object…”
“Don’t tempt me,” Ianto groaned. He ran a tentative finger down the bonnet. “God, it’s like -”
“Sex,” Brendan said firmly.
Ianto looked startled and Brendan smiled.
“It’s the spark. When you just click with someone? Great cars are like that.” He walked around the car until he was standing in front of Ianto. “And it’s different for every person,” he murmured, running his hand up the bonnet until his fingers were just barely touching Ianto’s. “You never know when that spark will light up.”
Ianto looked down into Brendan’s green eyes and swallowed hard again. His voice was rough when he finally spoke. “Well… what do you say we give the Beemer a try?”
Brendan looked down at their hands for a moment and then took a step back, saying, “Sounds good. Oh, and Ianto?” he added mildly, looking up again. “Call it a Beemer again and I will have to hit you.”
They both laughed, the tension between them set neatly aside once again, and walked back to the BMW.
TBC in Chapter Eighty