Fic: The Sea After a Storm (18/?)
Title: The Sea After a Storm, Chapter 18
Rating: R
Warnings: Language, some violence
Spoilers: Season Two thru Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2x01) plus Fragments (2x12)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©’s to Chris Chibnall for situations borrowed from Fragments. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Jack finally fesses up and Ianto tries to help…
Notes: Sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm found here. Thanks to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thrace_adams for all the help and support; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Eighteen
On Monday, Jack was snappish and cranky. By Wednesday, he was downright impossible. Gwen and Tosh cornered Ianto more than once to ask him what Jack's problem was, but try as he might, Ianto was unable to find out what was causing Jack's lack of sleep and his increasing lack of patience. Finally, on Thursday night, Ianto was finishing a rather depressing late dinner of Weetabix and a banana, when his mobile rang. He almost choked on his cereal when Jack's name appeared on the display. He answered immediately, not even pausing to swallow.
"Hello?"
"It's me. Are - what's that crunching?"
"Sorry," Ianto mumbled and swallowed. He had a quick sip of juice and then continued. "Caught me finishing my dinner."
"Sorry, I should have thought… I'll let you go. Don't want your dinner to get cold," Jack said.
Ianto laughed and set his bowl in the sink, rinsing it quickly. "It was a bowl of cereal. It started out cold and I'm finished so don't worry about it. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, I… I need… shit, I need to… I really can't sleep, Ianto. It's driving me mad."
Ianto grabbed his juice and moved to the sofa. "Well, you know they say the first step is admitting you have a problem," he teased, trying to keep things light. "When was the last time you had a full night's sleep?"
"1892," Jack answered promptly.
"Jesus, Jack!" Ianto sputtered as his juice went down the wrong way. He coughed for a few moments and then added, "I used to think you were joking when you said things like that."
"I know," Jack said sadly.
"Why then? What happened?" Ianto could hear Jack shifting around on the other end of the phone and wondered where he was.
"I died. First time after Rose… changed me. First time I came back. After that? Waking up from a deep sleep was… uncomfortable, too similar. I, well, I went on a bender, actually. I found that passing out was a lot easier than falling asleep. It made all the dying and coming back more bearable as well."
"How long?"
Jack was quiet for a second. "Seven years."
Ianto bit back his exclamation of dismay, knowing his shock and his pity would both be unwelcome. "Why did you stop?"
"Torchwood. They found me after a bar fight in 1899, added a few more things that wouldn't kill me to my list and then 'recruited' me."
"1899…" Ianto mused. "Holroyd, right?"
"Yeah, she was in charge then. Her and that nutcase Alice Guppy. They were enough to give anyone nightmares."
"Is that it, Jack?" Ianto asked, picking up on Jack's tone. "Is that why you can't sleep now?"
"Because of Alice and Emily? I don't think so, that was a long time ago, Ianto," Jack said trying to laugh it off, but Ianto could tell he'd hit on the problem.
"True, but God knows you've had plenty of nightmare-worthy things happen to you recently."
There was a long silence. Ianto was afraid Jack had just hung up when he heard his voice.
"It's stupid," Jack muttered softly.
"Stupid?" Ianto repeated.
Jack sighed. "Every time I fall asleep, I'm back there, on the Valiant just… waiting. All I did for that whole damn year was wait. Wait for the Doctor's big plan to work, wait for that bastard to show up and kill me. Hoping… Hoping it'll be something quick." Jack's voice broke.
"Jack," Ianto whispered.
"And I can't tell… I'm afraid that..." Jack took a deep, shuddering breath. "It feels like I'm still there. That I never got out. It feels like this is the dream and that's real and I'll never make it home."
"Where are you, Jack? At the Hub?" Ianto asked as he stood up and began hunting for his shoes. "I'm coming to get you."
"Ianto - "
"No, Jack. I know you think you can do this alone, but you can't. You always say that you sleep better with me, so let's at least try. You can sleep on the sofa if you don't want to be in the same bed with me, or I can. But at least I'll be there, if you - "
"Ianto!"
"What?"
"I'm outside your flat."
"Oh." Ianto dropped his shoes. He walked to the door and pulled it open, spotting the SUV parked a few doors down. "Why are you sitting in the car?"
Jack chuckled self-deprecatingly. "I meant to come in, I just couldn't."
"Well, come in now. Okay?"
"Okay."
Ianto ended the call and waited for Jack at the door. He watched Jack haul himself out of the SUV, moving as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. He took his coat and hung it up, ushering Jack to the sofa.
"Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee seems counterproductive at this point. A cup of tea, then. Let me just get the kettle on - " Ianto stopped as Jack grabbed his wrist.
"Stop fussing and just sit down," Jack ordered.
Ianto did as instructed and found himself enveloped in Jack's arms. He let himself relax and simply enjoyed holding Jack. They sat like that for some time, not speaking just drawing comfort from one another's presence. Ianto felt Jack grow heavy against him and remained perfectly still, not wanting to disturb him.
Suddenly Jack jerked awake and looked around with haunted eyes.
"Jack, you're in my flat, it's okay," Ianto said quickly.
Jack shuddered and scrubbed his hand over his face. He sighed.
"Is that what it's like every time?" Ianto asked as he stroked Jack's back.
Nodding, Jack pulled away and stood up. "This isn't going to work," he said miserably.
"You don't know that. We weren't even trying yet. Maybe if I'm here every time you wake up, your mind will start to trust that this is real. Come to bed," Ianto said.
Jack allowed himself to be led to Ianto's bedroom. Ianto left him to wash up while he locked the doors and turned off the lights. He switched on the small lamp on his dressing table and then shut off the overhead in the bedroom as well. When Jack emerged from the bath, his shirt was unbuttoned and his shoes were off, but other than that he was still fully dressed.
"I wasn't sure…" Jack said, waving at his clothes.
"Get comfortable, Jack," Ianto said with a shake of his head. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."
Jack smiled, a hint of his old grin peeking out from behind the tiredness. He pulled off his shirt and trousers, leaving on his pants and undershirt. Ianto did the same.
"We could… that is," Ianto said awkwardly. "If you wanted to have sex, I mean, if you think it would help, we - "
Jack glared at him, his eyes blue eyes burning. "No."
"It's not like - "
"No!" he said again. Jack strode over to Ianto and grabbed his arms. "Not like this. Not some kind of pity fuck, Ianto."
"I didn't mean - " Ianto broke off and bit his lip. "I'm sorry," he said more quietly. "I didn't mean it that way."
Jack's hands gentled. "Sorry, I yelled." He stepped over to the bed and picked up the book on the table. "Tennyson?" he asked as he slid under the covers.
"Rereading Idylls of the King and other things," Ianto said, following Jack. "Did you want a book?"
Jack shook his head. "No, I just want to sleep. But you can't be tired yet it's only - " Jack glanced at the clock, " - God, a quarter of ten."
"Here," Ianto said as he arranged himself comfortably in a sitting position, with Jack curled around him. "If you start to dream, I'll be here."
"Read to me?" Jack asked sleepily. "Want to hear your beautiful Welsh vo-ow-" The rest of the word was lost in a jaw-cracking yawn.
Ianto nodded and flipped to a new poem. He slid his hand through Jack's hair, coming to rest on his back. He stroked his thumb along Jack's neck absently as he started to read.
"On either side the river lie, long fields of barley and of rye, that clothe the wold and meet the sky; and thro' the field the road runs by to many-tower'd Camelot…"
After he finished The Lady of Shallot, Ianto's sense of dramatic irony insisted that he read The Lotos-Eaters. Whether it was the choice of poetry, the sound of Ianto's voice, or pure exhaustion, Jack drifted off almost immediately. Whenever he woke, Ianto would reassure him with a word, a touch, and Jack would fall back asleep. Around midnight, Ianto found himself nodding over his book. He decided to leave the light on, it was dim enough in the room for him to sleep and he didn't want Jack to wake up in the dark. He scooted down carefully, trying his best not to disturb Jack. He snuggled against Jack's warm back and followed his Captain into slumber.
Ianto awoke an hour later to find the covers on the floor and Jack moving restlessly beside him. He pulled the duvet off the floor and settled it over Jack. As soon as the blankets touched his body, Jack began to struggle against an unseen foe. When he caught Ianto across the cheek with his fist, Ianto grabbed his wrists to hold his arms still.
The effect was instantaneous.
"NO!" Jack screamed and pulled his hands free. He shoved Ianto down on the mattress, his fingers wrapping around Ianto's throat as he muttered under his breath, the sound angry and unintelligible.
"Jack," Ianto gasped, struggling for air. He clawed ineffectually at Jack's hands, lights sparking behind his eyes. "Jack!"
"No, no, no!" Jack kept repeating the word, eyes open but fixed on something that existed only in his mind.
Ianto beat on Jack's chest and shoulders, the blows getting weaker as Jack squeezed tighter. His vision started to tunnel as the ringing in his ears increased, his lungs screaming for air.
Just before the world went black, Jack finally woke up. Ianto registered the horror in his eyes when he realised what was happening. With an agonised cry, Jack loosened his grip on Ianto's throat and scrambled back, falling off the bed in his haste to get away.
Ianto reached for him, coughing and gagging as he tried to draw breath.
"No, no, nonono." Jack was still muttering, an eerie echo of his dream as he crawled across the floor to his trousers and fumbled for his mobile. He dialled with shaking fingers. "Owen! Ianto's flat, now!" he barked into the phone. He snapped it shut and let it clatter to the floor as he bolted for the bath. He returned a moment later with a glass of water which he held to Ianto's lips.
Ianto took one sip and then pushed the glass away. He was still coughing and wheezing, trying to get enough air. He leaned on Jack, too dazed to do anything but breathe.
It seemed only seconds later that Owen was pounding on the door. Jack rushed to let him in and Ianto could hear Owen scolding him as they walked back to the bedroom.
"…middle of the night because you got carried away in one of your weird sex games."
"Shut the fuck up and do your job, Owen," Jack said tersely.
Owen opened his mouth to reply, but paused when he stepped inside the door and saw Ianto. "Christ," he breathed. He stepped over to the bed, all traces of snark and humour gone. "Sit back, don't lie down. Jack, bring me a damp towel. Let the water run for a few minutes so it's as cold as it can get."
Jack headed for the bath, only stopping long enough to snatch his trousers off the floor.
"What's the towel for?" Ianto croaked.
"Good, you can still talk. He didn't damage your larynx or hyoid. The towel is to keep Jack out of my hair while I take a look at you." Owen examined his throat thoroughly, inside and out, pronouncing him extremely lucky. "There'll be some bruising and I wouldn't recommend anything stronger than tea for a few days. You might want to stick to soup until the swelling goes down. And just what the fuck happened here?" he asked quietly.
Ianto's eyes darted to Jack who was waiting in the doorway to the bath, a wet towel clenched in his hands. He shook his head. "It's not what you think," he said roughly.
"And it won't happen again," Jack added, his voice like ice.
Owen held Ianto's eyes for another moment and then shook his head. "I hope you know what you're doing," he muttered as he put his instruments away. "Prop some pillows up when you go to sleep, it'll help keep your airway open. You want anything for the pain?"
Ianto shook his head and Owen snorted.
"Figured as much," he said. "I don't want to see you at the Hub until Monday. Cold compresses for the bruising. Coming, Jack?" The implication was clear - there was no way Owen was letting Jack stay.
Without tearing his eyes from Ianto, Jack replied, "In a minute. Wait outside for me."
Owen rolled his eyes, gave Ianto a quick smile and left them alone.
"Jack - " Ianto started but Jack just shook his head.
"It was a mistake. I meant what I said. It won't happen again. I'll sort this out myself. I - " Jack cleared his throat and pushed off of the doorframe. He handed Ianto the damp towel and ran his hand over Ianto's tousled hair. He dropped a soft kiss on Ianto's forehead and hurried from the room before Ianto could say another word.
TBC in Chapter Nineteen
Rating: R
Warnings: Language, some violence
Spoilers: Season Two thru Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2x01) plus Fragments (2x12)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©’s to Chris Chibnall for situations borrowed from Fragments. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Jack finally fesses up and Ianto tries to help…
Notes: Sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Previous chapters of The Sea After a Storm found here. Thanks to my amazing beta and wonderful friend
thrace_adams for all the help and support; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Eighteen
On Monday, Jack was snappish and cranky. By Wednesday, he was downright impossible. Gwen and Tosh cornered Ianto more than once to ask him what Jack's problem was, but try as he might, Ianto was unable to find out what was causing Jack's lack of sleep and his increasing lack of patience. Finally, on Thursday night, Ianto was finishing a rather depressing late dinner of Weetabix and a banana, when his mobile rang. He almost choked on his cereal when Jack's name appeared on the display. He answered immediately, not even pausing to swallow.
"Hello?"
"It's me. Are - what's that crunching?"
"Sorry," Ianto mumbled and swallowed. He had a quick sip of juice and then continued. "Caught me finishing my dinner."
"Sorry, I should have thought… I'll let you go. Don't want your dinner to get cold," Jack said.
Ianto laughed and set his bowl in the sink, rinsing it quickly. "It was a bowl of cereal. It started out cold and I'm finished so don't worry about it. Did you need something?"
"Yeah, I… I need… shit, I need to… I really can't sleep, Ianto. It's driving me mad."
Ianto grabbed his juice and moved to the sofa. "Well, you know they say the first step is admitting you have a problem," he teased, trying to keep things light. "When was the last time you had a full night's sleep?"
"1892," Jack answered promptly.
"Jesus, Jack!" Ianto sputtered as his juice went down the wrong way. He coughed for a few moments and then added, "I used to think you were joking when you said things like that."
"I know," Jack said sadly.
"Why then? What happened?" Ianto could hear Jack shifting around on the other end of the phone and wondered where he was.
"I died. First time after Rose… changed me. First time I came back. After that? Waking up from a deep sleep was… uncomfortable, too similar. I, well, I went on a bender, actually. I found that passing out was a lot easier than falling asleep. It made all the dying and coming back more bearable as well."
"How long?"
Jack was quiet for a second. "Seven years."
Ianto bit back his exclamation of dismay, knowing his shock and his pity would both be unwelcome. "Why did you stop?"
"Torchwood. They found me after a bar fight in 1899, added a few more things that wouldn't kill me to my list and then 'recruited' me."
"1899…" Ianto mused. "Holroyd, right?"
"Yeah, she was in charge then. Her and that nutcase Alice Guppy. They were enough to give anyone nightmares."
"Is that it, Jack?" Ianto asked, picking up on Jack's tone. "Is that why you can't sleep now?"
"Because of Alice and Emily? I don't think so, that was a long time ago, Ianto," Jack said trying to laugh it off, but Ianto could tell he'd hit on the problem.
"True, but God knows you've had plenty of nightmare-worthy things happen to you recently."
There was a long silence. Ianto was afraid Jack had just hung up when he heard his voice.
"It's stupid," Jack muttered softly.
"Stupid?" Ianto repeated.
Jack sighed. "Every time I fall asleep, I'm back there, on the Valiant just… waiting. All I did for that whole damn year was wait. Wait for the Doctor's big plan to work, wait for that bastard to show up and kill me. Hoping… Hoping it'll be something quick." Jack's voice broke.
"Jack," Ianto whispered.
"And I can't tell… I'm afraid that..." Jack took a deep, shuddering breath. "It feels like I'm still there. That I never got out. It feels like this is the dream and that's real and I'll never make it home."
"Where are you, Jack? At the Hub?" Ianto asked as he stood up and began hunting for his shoes. "I'm coming to get you."
"Ianto - "
"No, Jack. I know you think you can do this alone, but you can't. You always say that you sleep better with me, so let's at least try. You can sleep on the sofa if you don't want to be in the same bed with me, or I can. But at least I'll be there, if you - "
"Ianto!"
"What?"
"I'm outside your flat."
"Oh." Ianto dropped his shoes. He walked to the door and pulled it open, spotting the SUV parked a few doors down. "Why are you sitting in the car?"
Jack chuckled self-deprecatingly. "I meant to come in, I just couldn't."
"Well, come in now. Okay?"
"Okay."
Ianto ended the call and waited for Jack at the door. He watched Jack haul himself out of the SUV, moving as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. He took his coat and hung it up, ushering Jack to the sofa.
"Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee seems counterproductive at this point. A cup of tea, then. Let me just get the kettle on - " Ianto stopped as Jack grabbed his wrist.
"Stop fussing and just sit down," Jack ordered.
Ianto did as instructed and found himself enveloped in Jack's arms. He let himself relax and simply enjoyed holding Jack. They sat like that for some time, not speaking just drawing comfort from one another's presence. Ianto felt Jack grow heavy against him and remained perfectly still, not wanting to disturb him.
Suddenly Jack jerked awake and looked around with haunted eyes.
"Jack, you're in my flat, it's okay," Ianto said quickly.
Jack shuddered and scrubbed his hand over his face. He sighed.
"Is that what it's like every time?" Ianto asked as he stroked Jack's back.
Nodding, Jack pulled away and stood up. "This isn't going to work," he said miserably.
"You don't know that. We weren't even trying yet. Maybe if I'm here every time you wake up, your mind will start to trust that this is real. Come to bed," Ianto said.
Jack allowed himself to be led to Ianto's bedroom. Ianto left him to wash up while he locked the doors and turned off the lights. He switched on the small lamp on his dressing table and then shut off the overhead in the bedroom as well. When Jack emerged from the bath, his shirt was unbuttoned and his shoes were off, but other than that he was still fully dressed.
"I wasn't sure…" Jack said, waving at his clothes.
"Get comfortable, Jack," Ianto said with a shake of his head. "It's nothing I haven't seen before."
Jack smiled, a hint of his old grin peeking out from behind the tiredness. He pulled off his shirt and trousers, leaving on his pants and undershirt. Ianto did the same.
"We could… that is," Ianto said awkwardly. "If you wanted to have sex, I mean, if you think it would help, we - "
Jack glared at him, his eyes blue eyes burning. "No."
"It's not like - "
"No!" he said again. Jack strode over to Ianto and grabbed his arms. "Not like this. Not some kind of pity fuck, Ianto."
"I didn't mean - " Ianto broke off and bit his lip. "I'm sorry," he said more quietly. "I didn't mean it that way."
Jack's hands gentled. "Sorry, I yelled." He stepped over to the bed and picked up the book on the table. "Tennyson?" he asked as he slid under the covers.
"Rereading Idylls of the King and other things," Ianto said, following Jack. "Did you want a book?"
Jack shook his head. "No, I just want to sleep. But you can't be tired yet it's only - " Jack glanced at the clock, " - God, a quarter of ten."
"Here," Ianto said as he arranged himself comfortably in a sitting position, with Jack curled around him. "If you start to dream, I'll be here."
"Read to me?" Jack asked sleepily. "Want to hear your beautiful Welsh vo-ow-" The rest of the word was lost in a jaw-cracking yawn.
Ianto nodded and flipped to a new poem. He slid his hand through Jack's hair, coming to rest on his back. He stroked his thumb along Jack's neck absently as he started to read.
"On either side the river lie, long fields of barley and of rye, that clothe the wold and meet the sky; and thro' the field the road runs by to many-tower'd Camelot…"
After he finished The Lady of Shallot, Ianto's sense of dramatic irony insisted that he read The Lotos-Eaters. Whether it was the choice of poetry, the sound of Ianto's voice, or pure exhaustion, Jack drifted off almost immediately. Whenever he woke, Ianto would reassure him with a word, a touch, and Jack would fall back asleep. Around midnight, Ianto found himself nodding over his book. He decided to leave the light on, it was dim enough in the room for him to sleep and he didn't want Jack to wake up in the dark. He scooted down carefully, trying his best not to disturb Jack. He snuggled against Jack's warm back and followed his Captain into slumber.
Ianto awoke an hour later to find the covers on the floor and Jack moving restlessly beside him. He pulled the duvet off the floor and settled it over Jack. As soon as the blankets touched his body, Jack began to struggle against an unseen foe. When he caught Ianto across the cheek with his fist, Ianto grabbed his wrists to hold his arms still.
The effect was instantaneous.
"NO!" Jack screamed and pulled his hands free. He shoved Ianto down on the mattress, his fingers wrapping around Ianto's throat as he muttered under his breath, the sound angry and unintelligible.
"Jack," Ianto gasped, struggling for air. He clawed ineffectually at Jack's hands, lights sparking behind his eyes. "Jack!"
"No, no, no!" Jack kept repeating the word, eyes open but fixed on something that existed only in his mind.
Ianto beat on Jack's chest and shoulders, the blows getting weaker as Jack squeezed tighter. His vision started to tunnel as the ringing in his ears increased, his lungs screaming for air.
Just before the world went black, Jack finally woke up. Ianto registered the horror in his eyes when he realised what was happening. With an agonised cry, Jack loosened his grip on Ianto's throat and scrambled back, falling off the bed in his haste to get away.
Ianto reached for him, coughing and gagging as he tried to draw breath.
"No, no, nonono." Jack was still muttering, an eerie echo of his dream as he crawled across the floor to his trousers and fumbled for his mobile. He dialled with shaking fingers. "Owen! Ianto's flat, now!" he barked into the phone. He snapped it shut and let it clatter to the floor as he bolted for the bath. He returned a moment later with a glass of water which he held to Ianto's lips.
Ianto took one sip and then pushed the glass away. He was still coughing and wheezing, trying to get enough air. He leaned on Jack, too dazed to do anything but breathe.
It seemed only seconds later that Owen was pounding on the door. Jack rushed to let him in and Ianto could hear Owen scolding him as they walked back to the bedroom.
"…middle of the night because you got carried away in one of your weird sex games."
"Shut the fuck up and do your job, Owen," Jack said tersely.
Owen opened his mouth to reply, but paused when he stepped inside the door and saw Ianto. "Christ," he breathed. He stepped over to the bed, all traces of snark and humour gone. "Sit back, don't lie down. Jack, bring me a damp towel. Let the water run for a few minutes so it's as cold as it can get."
Jack headed for the bath, only stopping long enough to snatch his trousers off the floor.
"What's the towel for?" Ianto croaked.
"Good, you can still talk. He didn't damage your larynx or hyoid. The towel is to keep Jack out of my hair while I take a look at you." Owen examined his throat thoroughly, inside and out, pronouncing him extremely lucky. "There'll be some bruising and I wouldn't recommend anything stronger than tea for a few days. You might want to stick to soup until the swelling goes down. And just what the fuck happened here?" he asked quietly.
Ianto's eyes darted to Jack who was waiting in the doorway to the bath, a wet towel clenched in his hands. He shook his head. "It's not what you think," he said roughly.
"And it won't happen again," Jack added, his voice like ice.
Owen held Ianto's eyes for another moment and then shook his head. "I hope you know what you're doing," he muttered as he put his instruments away. "Prop some pillows up when you go to sleep, it'll help keep your airway open. You want anything for the pain?"
Ianto shook his head and Owen snorted.
"Figured as much," he said. "I don't want to see you at the Hub until Monday. Cold compresses for the bruising. Coming, Jack?" The implication was clear - there was no way Owen was letting Jack stay.
Without tearing his eyes from Ianto, Jack replied, "In a minute. Wait outside for me."
Owen rolled his eyes, gave Ianto a quick smile and left them alone.
"Jack - " Ianto started but Jack just shook his head.
"It was a mistake. I meant what I said. It won't happen again. I'll sort this out myself. I - " Jack cleared his throat and pushed off of the doorframe. He handed Ianto the damp towel and ran his hand over Ianto's tousled hair. He dropped a soft kiss on Ianto's forehead and hurried from the room before Ianto could say another word.
TBC in Chapter Nineteen