Fic: The Sea After a Storm (32/?)
Title: The Sea After a Storm, Chapter 32
Rating: R
Warnings: None really, just don’t feel like changing the rating :)
Spoilers: Season Two thru To the Last Man (2x03)
Pairings: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Torchwood and all its wonderfulness belong to the Mighty Beeb and He Who Must Not Be Named. All ©'s to Helen Raynor for situations borrowed from To the Last Man. No infringement, only worship intended!
Summary: In which Ianto says goodbye to Brendan…
Notes: SO SORRY this is so late, my lovelies! Last week got pretty awful at work culminating in an office-wide meeting on Friday where we found out that rumblings and rumors were true - our biggest project just went on hold. The upshot of that fun news is that ¼ of our office is now on a 20-hour-a-week-furlough. I'm one of the lucky ones, though, I just got a 15% paycut. :( Top that off with a family obligation Friday night that included my been-divorced-since-1963 grandparents and you've got the best week ever! *sigh* Previous chapters found here. Sequel to Vizzini’s Rule and To The Pain. Thanks to my amazing beta and wonderful friend thrace_adams for all the help and support; any mistakes are mine!
The Sea After a Storm: Chapter Thirty-Two
Previously on The Sea After a Storm:
Ianto had to tell Brendan that Jack was back and just what that meant for them…
After Ianto got Brendan settled in the garage with the freshly washed SUV, he headed to the Tourist Office. His hand hovered over the blue button behind the counter for a good thirty seconds before he sighed and stepped back to his office instead of joining Jack in the Hub. He dropped down into his chair and rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.
He tried to marshal his scattered thoughts into to some semblance of sense. He liked Brendan, he respected him and enjoyed his company, his humour, his enthusiasm. Ianto was strongly attracted to him as well, he couldn't deny it, but he was in love with Jack. No matter how hard he tried to pretend otherwise, he'd known it for months before Jack had disappeared.
All's fair in love and war. Jack's words from earlier suddenly popped into Ianto's mind.
He scrubbed his face with his hand, refusing to let himself dwell too much on that phrase. Did Jack mean… Ianto shook his head, unable to accept that Jack would ever return his feelings. Ianto knew that Jack cared for him, he'd proven it time and again, and recently Ianto had started to let himself believe Jack's assurances that he held a special place in Jack's life, that he was more than just another member of the team. But… love? It just didn't seem possible. Even if Jack felt it, Ianto couldn't imagine him ever saying it out loud.
Ianto leant back in his chair, spinning in idle circles. I know I promised Jamie, but it doesn't really matter if he never says it, Ianto decided. Or even feels it. I love him and… that's all. And Brendan… I would have fallen for Brendan if I'd never met Jack, but I did. Sometimes I wish… Ianto sighed.
"If wishes were horses," he sneered aloud at himself, putting an end to that train of thought. He sat up straight, pulled his file basket to the edge of the desk and got to work.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
It seemed like only a few minutes later that Ianto heard the bell over the Tourist Office door. He glanced at his watch and realised he'd been sorting files for almost an hour. He stood up and quickly pushed through the hideous beaded curtain. As he expected, Brendan was there, leaning his elbow on a stack of Snowdonia brochures.
"Hey," Ianto said quietly as he stepped around the counter.
"Hey," Brendan answered. "I…" He let out a deep sigh. "I'm all finished. If you could just sign off here?" he added, handing his clipboard to Ianto.
"Of course." Ianto grabbed a pen and scrawled his name in the usual spot, taking the Torchwood copy without even thinking about it. He folded the paper, studying the sharp crease intently as he asked, "I don't suppose, I mean… I guess it's a little late for lunch but we usually go… well…" Ianto trailed off, flushing miserably.
He glanced up to see Brendan give him a sad smile. "I have to get back," Brendan said with real regret in his voice. "It has nothing to do with… everything. I couldn't go to lunch even if I wanted to - oh God, I didn't mean it like that! I just have to - orders, you know. I do want to stay, I just… fuck. I'm sorry."
Ianto bit back his own apology and tried to stifle his body's reaction to the sight of Brendan biting his lip, the pink of his skin showing off his slightly crooked front tooth. Ianto took a deep breath. "I know it's selfish but can't… can we just… I don't know, start again? I - I don't have many friends, Brendan, and I don't want to lose you."
"You won't," Brendan said, suddenly fierce. "You can't. It's, well, it's probably best I can't stay today. Need time to readjust my thinking and all that? Especially before I run into Jack again. But, yeah, friends. Friends is - " Brendan swallowed audibly and gave Ianto a shaky smile. "Friends is good," he added softly.
"Thank you," Ianto said, relief clear in the quiet words. "I'm so sor-" Ianto couldn't hold back the regret this time but Brendan cut him off with a shake of his head.
"Don't!" he ordered, a hitch in his voice threatening to become a sob. "Just… just kiss me goodbye and I'll go," he whispered.
Ianto groaned softly and pulled Brendan into his arms. They held each other for a long moment, Ianto's cheek resting on Brendan's curly hair. Then he tilted Brendan's face and kissed him gently, a soft press of lips that was almost a benediction.
Without a word, Brendan slowly pulled away until they were only linked by their hands. Another step and the connection was broken, leaving Ianto feeling suddenly bereft. He summoned up a small smile and watched as Brendan opened the door. After the cheery ring of the bell faded, Brendan turned and looked at Ianto again.
"Are you sure you can't…?" The question faded, almost as if Brendan already knew the answer.
Ianto's thoughts were immediately full of blue eyes and dark hair and strong arms and the confusing but addictive feeling of being protected and protective at the same time that Jack always inspired in him. "I'm sure," he said, his voice quiet but certain.
Brendan nodded and, with one last look at Ianto, closed the door behind him.
Ianto's shoulders slumped with the thump of the door. He stood there for a long moment, taking a moment to mourn what might have been with Brendan. He heard the wall swing open behind him and straightened up, schooling his face into a suitably calm expression before he turned to face Jack.
"You okay?" Jack asked gently.
"Yeah. Thanks for… for letting me do that alone."
Jack shrugged and leant on the counter. "Wasn't any of my business," he said. "And I didn't think you'd appreciate me going all caveman on your friend," he added ruefully.
Ianto laughed softly and moved to stand in front of Jack. "No, that wouldn't have been good. And he is still my friend, which really is good. But," he said, rubbing his hands over Jack's arms. "You could go all caveman on me," he suggested archly.
"Oh, I could, could I?" Jack replied.
"Mmmhmm." Ianto leant in and sort of rubbed against Jack like a cat. "I have that rain check from this morning, you know."
"Yeah, I remember," Jack said.
Ianto wound his arms around Jack's neck and kissed him, slowly at first, as if trying to erase Brendan's touch, and then with more intensity until they were straining against each other. When Ianto finally freed his mouth, it was to kiss a path down Jack's throat as he dropped to his knees. He nuzzled his face into Jack's groin and reached up to unfasten his belt.
"God… no, Ianto, stop!" Jack groaned.
Ianto pulled back in confusion and looked up at Jack. "Stop?" he parroted. "Why?"
"Because… just… c'mere," Jack said roughly, tugging Ianto to his feet. Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto and held him close. "Not like this," he whispered, his lips so close to Ianto's ear that he could feel the words. "Not - I've been dreaming about you for a year. I don't want to be wondering if you're really with me or… or thinking about someone else."
Ianto jerked in Jack's arms but Jack didn't let him go and kept talking.
"I remember. That talk on the roof after I got back from 1941, I remember every word. I played it over in my mind a hundred times, just like I did every other time I hurt you, tried to make it right, to be better. I know I can't change any of that, I know that, but I wish I could. All I can do is try not to make the same mistakes."
Ianto moved again and this time Jack let him go.
"This isn't about… Brendan," Ianto protested weakly. "It's… I just want to be with you. This morning everything was fine and… and I want you," Ianto whispered.
Jack groaned. "Everything is still fine, we just got interrupted. Again," he added with a regretful smile.
Ianto want to argue some more, but that little niggling voice in the back of his head kept whispering that maybe Jack was right. Everything with Brendan was still fresh in his mind and he didn't want to hurt Jack as well - he'd had enough of that for a lifetime. He sighed and nodded, slouching as the fight went out of him. Fiddling with the sleeve of his t-shirt, he asked, "Do you want me to clear out?"
"Do you want to go home?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes.
After a moment, Ianto shook his head mutely, raising his eyes to meet Jack's.
Jack blew out a breath he'd been holding and smiled. He slid his arm around Ianto's shoulders and gave his forehead a quick kiss. "Good. Why don't we order some take-away, have a picnic on the sofa and maybe set the alarms and go back to yours tonight? Sleep in a real bed?"
"Sounds good," Ianto agreed.
"Great. Oh, and remind me to text everyone later. Friday is Tommy so I'll need everyone back before the weekend."
Ianto had pulled away from Jack to find the stack of take-away menus. He paused in his search to say, "Tommy? Oh, Tommy Brockless." He grimaced. "That'll be fun to explain to Gwen," he said. It had taken him a bit to wrap his mind around Tommy's story last summer right after he'd been hired, and he was a lot more knowledgeable about the rift than Gwen was.
"Yeah, I got the box out this morning. Still locked, of course. I'm sure we'll just have to put him back Friday night as usual, poor lad," Jack said with real sympathy.
"Does he know about you?" Ianto asked.
"What do you mean?" Jack asked. "Oh, Indian, if that sounds good to you," he added pointing to a yellow menu.
"That's fine. I mean, have you been here every time he's woken up? Doesn't he wonder?"
Jack shook his head. "I don't really know. I haven't been around every time he's been unfrozen, but there've been quite a few scattered over the years. Maybe he thinks I'm just another impossible thing from the rift." Jack smiled, but something in his eyes made Ianto reach out and touch his hand.
"You're not an impossible thing," he said softly. "You're… Jack."
Ianto got a smile and a wink. "Your Jack," he deliberately misinterpreted. "I kinda like the sound of that. C'mon, order. I'm starving."
"Yes, Jack," Ianto said with a roll of his eyes and a smile. My Jack, he thought as he reached for his mobile. He kind of liked the sound of that as well.
TBC in Chapter Thirty-Three