I have been kinda blah and not posting much, well, at all lately. I haven't even been checking others' journals. I am a slacker to the nth degree. Forgive me
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I have never really cared what others think (I dated you didn't I? heh) or let it affect me all that much. I mean, I don't go out of my way to offend people (it just seems to come naturally). I just feel like, especially lately, that my thoughts and ideas will never mesh with those around me. It makes me angry because individualism is something feared in this society, rather than embraced. Though I do have to say that my close friends tend to appreciate me for who I am, whether they agree with me or not. I tend to make them think a little bit harder about what they are saying or doing or at least make them more 'aware'.
Still, there are times when I wish I could just not care for a few minutes and just fit in for a moment. Then I realize that would totally not be me and I would probably hate it because I would have to squelch who I am.
It's just weird that I feel this way right now...like a confused teenager at 38...
I frequently feel like this. It's come up a LOT in therapy and over the past two years since my common-law divorce.
Someone quite wise recently pointed out that maybe I don't have to "fit" anywhere, and maybe it's not about me trying to fit myself into things with this mental image of me being an extra puzzle piece, trying to find value for someone else. Instead, it's about me being this whole and holistic person, and instead of pushing pieces of myself into other places, I'm standing, here all of me, and gathering to the circle of my life the things and people and activities and ideas I value and cherish.
For some reason, that imagery really helps me when I'm feeling like I'm having trouble "fitting" into other people's lives or groups or what have you. Instead of puzzle pieces, some of us the odd ones out, I'm thinking of us like circles, some overlapping, spiraling, concentric, like a very complicated tapestry of venn diagrams.
YMMV, of course. But I thought it was a nice way to think about it, and so I thought I would
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Still, there are times when I wish I could just not care for a few minutes and just fit in for a moment. Then I realize that would totally not be me and I would probably hate it because I would have to squelch who I am.
It's just weird that I feel this way right now...like a confused teenager at 38...
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Someone quite wise recently pointed out that maybe I don't have to "fit" anywhere, and maybe it's not about me trying to fit myself into things with this mental image of me being an extra puzzle piece, trying to find value for someone else. Instead, it's about me being this whole and holistic person, and instead of pushing pieces of myself into other places, I'm standing, here all of me, and gathering to the circle of my life the things and people and activities and ideas I value and cherish.
For some reason, that imagery really helps me when I'm feeling like I'm having trouble "fitting" into other people's lives or groups or what have you. Instead of puzzle pieces, some of us the odd ones out, I'm thinking of us like circles, some overlapping, spiraling, concentric, like a very complicated tapestry of venn diagrams.
YMMV, of course. But I thought it was a nice way to think about it, and so I thought I would
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