say farewell to the places you know (jonghyun/taeyeon)
say farewell to the places you know
jonghyun/taeyeon; pg-13; 6,674 words
general au
"I’ve never had a girl friend before," Kim Jonghyun gurgled through sips of his juice box He was five years old - with wide, wondering eyes and fingers stained from the oil paint he’d gotten himself into before lunch started.
"Maybe you’re boring," Kim Taeyeon (six years old and questioning why she was hanging around with someone younger than her) had spoken over his gurgles, crushing her matching juice box before tossing it up over the the top of his head toward the trash can at his back.
Taeyeon had cringed as it bounced off of his crown - the little droplets of apple juice that had remained in the straw traveling down the front of his hair as his face twisted to go along with the sob that escaped his mouth.
Her gaze had remained fixated on his face, fixated on the way his head bobbed back and forth like one of those bobble head toys that her dad loved so much. He did have a rather large head for his age - or just in general - she’d realized in that moment before a firm grip to her shoulder brought her back into reality.
"Kim Taeyeon, did you do that on purpose? Apologize to him right this instant." The voice of their daycare provider echoed around her as the pressure on her shoulder disappeared - leaving Taeyeon completely focused on the still blubbering situation in front of her.
Taeyeon had ever really understood why things ended up going the way they did that day. Why Taeyeon had cupped either side of Jonghyun’s face (with as much force as she could muster) in an attempt to draw his attention completely back on her. Why Jonghyun had settled down almost perfectly in sync with the moment Taeyeon pulled him into a tight hug, and especially why Taeyeon hadn’t shrugged Jonghyun off at all when he started to follow her around for the remainder of the day.
Jonghyun had written it off jokingly as “destiny" at a later point in their life, which Taeyeon found not only to be ridiculous but disgusting. What sick and twisted kind of destiny would’ve decided to align her a douche bag like him?
-
He was fifteen, and her sixteen, when they willed Yuri to steal a piece of piercing equipment from her father’s tattoo and piercing parlor to help them achieve their goal of that specific summer: matching piercings.
It was a sentiment that had come up in passing and never really been elaborated on - but the idea was still there.
"I can take it - just… just get it over with." Jonghyun had tried to pass off his shaking hands as the aftershock of an energy drink he’d downed a good hour earlier.
Taeyeon knew better than that - but she’d went along with his blatant lie, because that was what a good friend did.
She’d masked the roll of her eyes with a cough after he’d reached forward to grab her hand - gripping to it like his life depended on it as Yuri’s untrained fingers slipped against the metal of the piercing gun, narrowly missing clipping off the tip of Jonghyun’s ear in the process.
Another cough had come from her not long after as she had turned Jonghyun, using a sterilized piece of cotton to wipe down his fresh piercing, hoping that it’d been enough to cover over his small whimpers and sniffles.
He’d always been quite the crier - it just wasn’t to the point where she found a strange sort of satisfaction in seeing him turn into a sobbing mess.
He was too small back then, too pocket sized - it made her pity him, above anything else.
She’d liked it better when things were like that with him. It was easier back then - all around.
-
Taeyeon was nineteen the first time that Jonghyun threw her for a loop.
"Noona," he’d slurred into her ear, breath reeking of the three bottles of soju he’d slammed down before she could even bottom out her first. His fingers had trailed across her waist in a way that maybe would have made her think twice about taking advantage of the otherwise unoccupied dorm room she’d scored for herself that night if she hadn’t spotted out an incredibly unattractive line of saliva leading toward the bottom of his chin.
"Jonghyun," she’d squinted toward him, hands moving upward to cup either side of his face. “You smell terrible."
He’d chuckled. “I feel terrible - but you look really pretty so it kind of evens out."
"Stop flirting, you know that freaks me out"
He’d tried to maintain his innocence with a bat of his eyelashes, like he did every other time he pulled a stunt like that with her. “I’m not, I’m jus…, I’m… -"
Knowing how a night out with their friends usually ended for the two of them, Taeyeon had chastised herself later for not be wiser - for not remembering to prepare for the ungodly loud, disgusting upchucking that came from him more often than not.
She’d frowned at her reflection in the mirror of her small dorm bathroom, cleaning herself up as Jonghyun had moaned and groaned into the toilet, trying her hardest to filter out the unnatural noises coming out of his mouth.
“Noona," his voice had been raw - strained - as Taeyeon turned to look at him, her frown only deepening further at his beet red cheeks and tear rimmed eyes. “Noona…"
His voice had played on like a broken recorded, calling out to her even after she found her way to his side - five fingers massaging at his scalp while the others splayed against his chest. “Breathe, Jesus, you’re dry heaving."
"I think I’m gonna die."
"You’re not going to die."
"I’m… gonna…" His cheek pressed firm against the toilet seat, Jonghyun had whined before throwing himself back into her lap. “My throat feels like… sandpaper and I think my tongue touch-…" He’d gagged.
"Don’t you even fucking think about throwing up again if your face isn’t over the hole - I already had to wipe vomit off of me once tonight, I’m not doing it ag-…"
"Thank you."
"… For?"
Her gaze had turned down to meet his, his eyes as bulbous as ever but filled to the brim with something that was neither more tears waterfalling out of him or a drunken glaze. “For being there for me."
Taeyeon groaned. “Don’t pull this sentimental shit on me, you know I don’t mind doi-…"
"I love you, noona."
She’d sighed. “I love you too, you already know th-…"
"No, you don’t understand," he’d fidgeted against her, a whine escaping from the back of his throat. “I love you."
All things considered, he hadn’t remembered the next morning - so, neither did she.
-
"I think I lost my snapback."
It was how five out of ten of their conversations begun.
"Boo hoo," she gave a shake of her head as she dropped against the back cushioning of her sofa, ignoring the scowl that Jonghyun shot in her direction.
"That’s the second one this month."
"And I should care why…?"
"I’m not saying you should care, I’m just…" Jonghyun trailed off. “I’m just saying."
Time could change a person. Of course, age came into play with that also but what seemed to influence someone more than time itself was the people you chose to associate with. Looking back on how her (and, in prospect, Jonghyun’s also) life had been during their first few years of high school, it almost felt as if she were peeking into another world altogether.
The Kim Jonghyun that Taeyeon had grown to know (and, reluctantly, love) hadn’t completely disappeared, no. Generally, he was still there; physically, emotionally, personality wise.
Even with his new found, persistent need to “bulk up", he could still pull off the softest eyes, adjacent to that of a wet puppy’s. It made her want to vomit, usually, as much as his big, toothy smile (which hadn’t gone away) either did, and the his laugh - that matched that of an obnoxious cartoon character’s. He laughed at all his own jokes (which were still pretty awful) and laughed even harder at hers; especially when she took a turn for the sarcastic. He’d always pointed out his preference for the “darker" side of humor - it bummed him out that he couldn’t get a grasp on it, apparently.
"Have you tried asking one of those scummy friends of yours if they’ve seen it?" Taeyeon felt herself soften up immediately at her thoughts - mentally scolding herself as Jonghyun turned to look at her.
"Scummy friends," he repeated with a roll of his eyes as his raised a hand to grab (at what she presumed) was his missing snapback out of habit. “I don’t know, man. I know Hongki found my last one floating in one of his cooler’s, so…, anything’s possible, I guess."
Pursing her lips together, Taeyeon rose to her feet, pulling at a loose string on her sleeve in the process as she traveled toward her kitchen, swinging open the door to her fridge in search for something to eat or drink. “Maybe they’re withholding it from you, ever think about that?" She joked as she slammed the door back shut again (no luck) and settled for a back of unrolled chips on the nearby counter top.
Leaning against the wooden lining of the counter, her eyes fixated upon Jonghyun as he seemed to switch into “thought" mode, beginning an attempt to read his expression just as he popped back onto his feet. “I think you… might have hit the nail on the head there," he started as he made his way toward the exit of her apartment.
Taeyeon laughed around her mouthful of chips. “Dude, I was kidding," she yelled in his direction, voice muffled through the snack. “You guys could open up your own shop if you combined the snapbacks between you all, I highly doubt that anyone wants anything to do with any of the oth…"
The door to her apartment slammed shut - the sound ricocheting around her, masking the crinkling of chip bag in her hands, before she shrugged, shoving another handful into her mouth.
“Whatever."
-
"Never…,"
Five hours had gone by since Jonghyun’s sudden exit from her apartment - it was nothing too strange. It wasn’t like he lived with her or hadn’t gone missing in action for that long before; sometimes he vanished for days on end. The exasperated sighing and rapping of knuckles against her door had surprised Taeyeon more than anything. It was late and she was tired and not either ready or willing to change out of her pajamas for anyone - especially Jonghyun.
"… trust…,"
Taeyeon had stared at him, incredulously, as he threw a small duffle bag, that she knew he’d bought for his snapback’s and tank tops alone, in her direction. The strap of the bag had narrowly missed slapping her across the face, which he’d barely been able to apologize for before setting off into the “rant of the century".
(It felt like a good title, considering Jonghyun had never really been one for ranting. Talking on for long periods of time, sure, but ranting? Not necessarily.)
"… a bro."
Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows together as Jonghyun unzipped another one of his many bags, digging out a small zip lock bag that contained his toothbrush and a nearly empty container of toothpaste. “Sorry to say, bro, but you’re a… bro also."
"Yeah, maybe," Jonghyun started, removing the toothbrush and paste from the bag and unzipping the top of the tube. “But I’m not like those jerk off’s."
Pondering for a moment, Taeyeon shrugged. “True, but do you actually have proof that they stole it or are you just going off of that…," she paused as Jonghyun squeezed the paste onto his brush and brought it up to his teeth, beginning to brush at the them… in the middle of her living room with no… "… you do know that you’re not…"
Shaking her head, Taeyeon stood up from her seat on the ground, hand moving toward the collar of Jonghyun’s shirt, yanking upward. Ignoring his gag (served him right for being that brainless), he took the hint and followed her to the bathroom where she turned on the faucet, taking seat on the edge of her bathtub as he started to properly brush his teeth.
"I was joking about that withholding thing, you know that, right?"
Jonghyun rolled his eyes (he really had to stop doing that, she thought, it was rude as all fuck). “Of course I knew you were joking," he mumbled, mouth foaming, before spitting into the sink. “You were right, thou…," he spit again, "… though."
"Was I?"
"It was layingonhisbed," Jonghyun gurgled, spitting a final time before rinsing off his brush and setting it up against the mirror.
"Uh…," Taeyeon trailed off, standing up as he made his way out of the bathroom, bare feet slapping against the floor of her living room as his direction changed toward her bedroom. “Didn’t you consider that maybe you left it there? You lose shit all the time when you get dru…, hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing…?"
Her eyes turned into little slits as he swung open the door to her bedroom, discarding himself of his shirt in the process. Taeyeon scowled down at the shirt as it hit her bedroom floor - a scowl that only deepened as he plopped down onto her bed, like it was his…
"Home!" Jonghyun exclaimed with a deep sigh, stretching his arms out behind his head, muscles flexing throughout the action. Taeyeon did her best to divert her attention with a mock of his earlier eye roll.
"No," she huffed, moving forward and grabbing at his wrist, pulling him forward. “I never said you could stay here, let alone sleep in my bed."
"But I’m your best friend," Jonghyun pouted up at her, and she could tell from the action alone what was probably coming next, and… yeah, there came the puppy dog eyes.
Letting go of his wrist, Taeyeon started down at Jonghyun, pondering what letting him live with her would have entailed exactly. They’d been friends for almost twenty years but never had they once lived with each other - was that overstepping a boundary, even for friends? Probably not, but he was… who he was and that was an annoying prick.
"We used to have sleepovers all the time when we were younger, Taeng, what’s so different about this?" Jonghyun continued, shattering her thought process as he rolled onto his stomach, positioning both hands underneath his chin - shooting her, what assumed, was supposed to pass as a look of innocence. As aegyo. (Gross)
Taeyeon groaned.
"Whatever, you can stay here. Not live - stay. Two months, tops."
Jonghyun smiled up at her and she groaned a second time, readying herself to turn her back on him as he reached up to grab her hand.
"You won’t regret it, swear to God," his smiled widened up at her. She yanked her hand away.
"I better not."
"No, really, I’ll make you, like… pancakes for breakfast tomorrow." It was a tempting proposition, she couldn’t deny that. “And other stuff too, but we can sleep on that."
"Right," Taeyeon started. “We can - meaning: you can sleep on it out on the couch, and I’ll sleep on it here." Jonghyun frowned. “Sorry, man, but the last time we slept in the same bed, you started grinding on my leg in your sleep. I’d rather than deal with that again."
He scoffed.
----
Taeyeon had never considered herself much of a “bro” - mainly because the connotations that came along with the stereotype were not only gross, but annoying as hell. She’d experienced it all first hand - the “bro effect”, that is. It didn’t really involve a step-by-step process; it was all about coming on way too strong - an art that Jonghyun had mastered at an early age.
The difference between Jonghyun and his (now former, which was something he insisted at least twice a day through a full mouth of snack food) “friends” was Jonghyun’s ability to not only empathize with everyone around him, but empathize intensely. Taeyeon could remember, at least, four different nights after he’d moved in with the “guys” that Jonghyun had showed up at the door to her apartment, reeking of soju, chest heaving from sobs as he started off on another tale about how “guilty” he felt living with everyone there. By the next morning, he always acted as if he had no idea what had happened the night before as he nursed a throbbing headache and heavy stomach ache.
Taeyeon never bothered to push the subject either. She left her verbal punches for when he was really irritating her, and even then, she was usually pretty tame with what she said. He had some strange sort of emotional attachment to that bro den that she’d never been able to understand - so, she avoided trying to, period.
It wasn’t like she associated with them, anyway. He had his friends on the side, and she had hers. In the end (which she regretfully had to admit to herself), they always ended back up at the other’s side anyway. It wasn’t like it really mattered who they hung out with on the down low.
Taeyeon sighed, wondering if she was thinking far too deeply on the subject as Jonghyun stole the spot next to her on her mattress, sending her a smile before plopping one of his many, many (many) snapbacks over the top of her head.
“Bro,” he started, pulling at the rim of the hat - up and down, up and down -, shielding her eyes for a few seconds before pulling it back up again and repeating. “You’re my number one bro now, you know that, right?”
Taeyeon stared up at him, grabbing at his wrist to stop him as she sent off a tight smile. “Are you implying that I wasn’t always your number one?” She questioned, dropping his wrist - feeling a bubble of offense rising in her stomach at the possible implication that she could have ever been second to anyone from that house. As much as she didn’t want to be considered remotely similar to any of those tool bag’s, she also didn’t want... well, that.
“Of course you are,” he cooed, tickling lightly under her chin - sending Taeyeon into an automatic fidget fit. Falling back against the mattress to escape whatever else he may have had up his sleeve, she turned her back to him, snapback tipping off of her head, gaze fixated on the vanity mirror diagonal to the bed. “Come on, don’t be like that, you know you’re my forever... girl... lady person. You come before all the rest, man.”
Taeyeon rolled her eyes as she felt the bed shift, letting out a small groan as she felt Jonghyun’s arm wrap around her waist, pulling her closer as he rested his chin against her shoulder. She softened slightly into his touch before a thought struck her.
“Are you trying to butter me up so I don’t give you the boot from here?”
It’d only been a week since he’d started to “crash” with her. His “trial run” (she wouldn’t tell him that she’d been thinking of it as that, no way in hell, she didn’t want to put any ideas into his head) still had about five weeks left to go, but who had ever said that planning early for the inevitable was a bad idea?
Jonghyun shifted her, bringing them closer (if that were even possible, Taeyeon thought), lips ghosting against her shoulder before nuzzling his nose into the nape of her neck. “No,” he mumbled. “I just... like cuddling with you, you know that.”
“I...,” Taeyeon started, not really sure where her reply was headed, swiftly removing Jonghyun’s arm from around her waist as she rolled off of the bed. Landing on the floor below the mattress with a smacking sound, she groaned at the instant throbbing in her thighs, in her ass, averting making eye contact with him as she stood up and made her way out of the room. “I’m not in the mood,” she called back after him, stepping toward the nearby counter of her kitchen, sighing as she rested against it’s corner.
The coiling in her stomach was indisputable. Maybe that was why she was so wary about just letting him move in with her: she didn’t feel like complicating things any more than they already had been.
----
At the surface, everything seemed as good as gold between her and Jonghyun - and maybe things were. It wasn’t like anything had really gone wrong with them, it was just... things did change with time, as much as some (ie: Jonghyun) people refused to admit.
Taeyeon connected it back to an unmentionable evening..., the way she dealt with the events that had occurred that night inside her head could have lead someone she explained them out loud to believe that something absolutely horrible had happened, when really..., it was just Jonghyun’s declaration of love that had thrown her off. They said that you were at your truest form when wasted out of your mind, right? Sometimes, at least, and he wasn’t the type to tell someone that he was in love with them unless he honest to god meant it.
She hadn’t spoken of it since; never, not even once. Neither had he. Taeyeon was a hundred percent convinced that he was clueless about what he’d said to her anyway.
It was probably for the best. There were other things for them to mull over - or, for her to mull over.
Like trying to figure out why they’d slept together the first time they had. Taeyeon easily could have blamed it on the alcohol again if the both of them hadn’t been as sober as sober came. It also didn’t explain the second, or third, or even the fourth time...
It was the look in his eyes that always made her wonder; that intense gazing that turned her legs into gelatine and made her heart pound harshly against her chest. That look, the way he’d lace their fingers together and how he made sure to leave not even an inch of her body unkissed - those were the things that threw her for a loop.
It was in those moments that she truly, deeply believed that what he’d said to her that night had been the cold, hard truth.
Dragging the edge of her spoon across her bottom lip, Taeyeon squinted her eyes toward the romantic comedy she’d settled on watching, clutching her half pint of ice cream to chest with her free arm. Jonghyun was in the kitchen, finishing off the toppings to some disgusting looking recipe for some American snack food (nachos, was it?) and Taeyeon did all she could to keep herself from looking over at him too often.
She couldn’t do that - not now, not when she was plagued with... the thoughts she was plagued with.
It dawned on her as a rather dramatic scene in the film came to a close (a lot of screaming, crying, punching and a slam of an apartment door by the time the female lead had gotten in the final word - typical romantic comedy stuff) that, maybe, she’d started to think what she’d been thinking because the movie she’d chosen was quite... similar in plot to... whatever was going on between her and Jonghyun.
Two good friends decide to start sleeping together - all is well until one falls for the other, the other either doesn’t know how to reciprocate the feelings of their friend or doesn’t feel the same way, the second party is hurt and... the ending is yet to be determined.
Frowning at the realization, Taeyeon sat her ice cream down onto the surface of the coffee table in front of her just as Jonghyun hopped over the top half of the couch, bouncing against the cushion at her side before sitting his bowl next to her ice cream container.
“You done with that already?” He questioned as he grabbed a glob of chips and cheese, shoving it toward his mouth - the tortilla chips crunching under his teeth, and a string of a cheese hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
Taeyeon started at him, a mixture of confusion and disgust as she reached forward, impulsively, for the top of her spoon, digging it deep into the ice cream before bringing it back up to her mouth forcefully. “No, never,” she tilted her head back to keep the ice cream from running out onto her chin, cringing slightly as she was hit with (the inevitable) brain freeze.
“Okay then,” Jonghyun chuckled, leaning back into the cushion behind him before moving an arm upward and slithering it around Taeyeon’s shoulder. She stiffened at the action. “So..., is this movie even any good?”
“Of course it fucking is, I wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t,” Taeyeon blurted out (lied, even, because honestly, it wasn’t that fantastic of a movie), eying him (and his arm) from the side. “It has all the basic fundamentals that any good romantic comedy should have, I... completely appreciate...,” she paused as Jonghyun angled himself to get a better look at her. “... I appreciate it completely,” she finished with a stammer.
“Completely?” He questioned as his arm slid off her shoulder to curve around her waist instead, pulling her closer to his chest with the motion. Taeyeon sighed. “You looked pretty disinterested from where I was standing.”
Ugh.
Taeyeon could feel her eye start to twitch in sync with the quickening beating of her heart - it was surely an attractive sight, but she wasn’t there to attract anyone.
“Jonghyun,” she started, retrieving an arm that had been crushed between them to cup the side of his face. “Jonghyun, Jonghyun, Jonghyun,” she continued, examining him as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Leaning forward, she pressed a quick peck to the tip of his nose, “I’m not in the mood,” she repeated for the second time that week.
Bending back away from him, attempting to detach herself from his grip and get off the couch, she sent him a small shrug, darting toward her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Exhaling sharply, she dropped face first into her nearby bed, groaning into the blanket, heart still thumping against her chest.
Honestly, the problem was that she was in the mood.
----
“What are you doing?!”
Taeyeon started to ask herself the same question as she turned back from the scene of her “crime” to Jonghyun, examining his wide eyes before pulling her hand out of her sink. Gripped between her fingers was one of his (dozens, dozens of dozens) snapbacks, brim soaked from the droplets of water still lingering around at the bottom of the sink from a half full glass she’d discarded of just moments before... starting off on whatever she’d been doing.
She frowned down at the side of the brim, which she had taken the edge of a butter knife to before deciding to turn on the garbage disposal. It was frayed a little more than the factory manufactured pre-fray it’d been bought with and that miniscule detail made her stomach churn with guilt.
“I... don’t know...,” she trailed off, shoving the hat toward his chest before taking off to her room - her solace, her haven at that point.
She listened to Jonghyun grumble behind the doorway about “having to go and find another one” before sliding her back down the wooden paneling of the door. Pulling her knees up toward her chest, she sighed, resting her forehead against her kneecaps.
It was a dick move, on her part, trying to ruin something that Jonghyun loved so much. It was dickish and petty, and the only explanation she had for it was even more petty.
She was pissed off - furious, even - at him for putting her in such an awkward position, for thinking that he could waltz into her apartment and settle down on her couch like he paid half of the rent. For believing that he could get away with moving in with her without having to pick up any of that slack. But, more so, she was pissed off at him for making her feel the way he did:
For all those looks he gave her (they varied by situation and mood, but none was more effective than any other).
For the way he held her hand. (He’d started to lace their fingers together even if it wasn’t before or after sex - not that they’d done that since he’d moved in, she refused, it’d just make things harder).
For everything, for existing.
… except, not really, because living without him was even more terrifying of a thought than living with him.
Four weeks down, two to go. Trial error? She wasn’t even sure anymore.
----
“I forgive you.”
Taeyeon crunched down into the edge of her toast, eyes narrowing as Jonghyun seat next to her on the couch. “For what?” She questioned, mouth full.
“For ruining my hat.”
Swallowing, Taeyeon rolled her eyes, sitting the toast down onto a napkin as she stood up to go to... who knew where, the bathroom, maybe. She’d find somewhere to hide. “I don’t need your “forgiveness”, Jonghyun. Thanks for the sentiment though, I guess,” she finished off, tone laced with blatant sarcasm as Jonghyun stared up at her, confusion clear as day. She raised her eyebrow as she waited for him to say something back to her - to bite back, like he usually would have, but his simply shrugged, shoulders falling as she turned her back on him.
“Okay then,” she hear him mumble as she entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
----
“If I ask you something...”
Taeyeon peeked an eye out from under her comforter, groaning as she registered the person hovering over the side of her bed. Moving a hand out from under the covers to brush a chunk of bangs out of her eyes, she motioned for Jonghyun to keep on speaking as she face planted back into her pillow.
She heard him clear his throat above her. “If I ask you something,” he repeated, “will you be completely honest with me?”
Taeyeon gave a noncommittal shrug. “Maybe, maybe not, depends,” she mumbled.
Feeling the weight at the edge of the bed, and just inches from her side, shift, “are you mad at me?”
It was a simple question; simple, but not easy enough for her to answer, Taeyeon thought. She wasn’t being honest enough to herself, she thought.
“Do you want me to leave or something? You’ve been acting really, really weird - and I’ve been trying to be a good room-...” he cut himself off. “... Guest. I do the dishes and stuff.”
She held back a laugh - the dishes, of course.
“So, I don’t know if you’re annoyed or you want me to start paying to stay here or maybe you want to be alone more. I... don’t know. I’ve went through a million different possibilities in my head and any of them could fit, I just need some sort of clarification from you,” he cleared his throat.
Rolling onto her back, knee knocking against Jonghyun in the process, Taeyeon opened a single eye to look up at him, taking in those awful..., sad, wide puppy dog eyes as her lips turned down into a frown. “You want me to be honest with you?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Completely?”
“Yes.”
“You’re starting to make things really difficult..”
Jonghyun squinted at her. “Difficult?”
“Yeah, difficult.”
“Like... what kind of difficult? Did I use your toothbrush or eat something I wasn’t supposed to?”
“No,” Taeyeon raised herself onto her elbows, voice coming out louder than expected. Jonghyun jolted slightly at her tone - visibly surprised as her face stoned. “It’s not like that, it’s not that simple, it’s... complicated. It has nothing to do with toothbrushes or food or... laundry or your awful snapbacks or those terrible Asics Gels of your, it’s...,” she trailed off, “... it’s you.”
It came out harsher than she intended it too - and she regretted it the second she realized that. Without response, she watched as Jonghyun stood up from the side of her bed, facing seeming to fall further. “It’s me,” he mumbled. “Okay, I’ll start packing then.”
Taeyeon continued to stare at him, at a loss for words - at a loss for how to correct herself - because it wasn’t... totally untrue. She caught his gaze for a split second as he walked - at an agonizingly (or annoyingly, but that wasn’t the point) slow pace - out of her room.
“Wai-..,” her voice caught in her throat as he shut the door to her bedroom.
----
“I feel like shit.”
Burrowing herself deeper into her comforter, Taeyeon gazed down at the screen of her phone, set to speaker, narrowing her eyes at the precipitation that formed at her breath. “He “Charlie Brown” sauntered out of my room, Yuri, how the fuck am I supposed to not feel awful about that?”
Yuri snickered on the other line. “Yeah, I guess I know what you mean, he’s pulled that with me before too.” Her voice sounded distorted around the pillow barrier Taeyeon had created to keep the conversation from echoing further than she wanted it to. Despite the fact that he’d said he was going to go pack his things up, Taeyeon knew better. She knew him - he could’ve been pressing his ear against her bedroom door right then. Asshole. “The difference between then and... this, though, is that I’d jacked an entire bag of those sour gummy words from him - and he also hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“He hated me then,” she could hear Yuri grunt dismissively on the other end. “He loves you though.”
Taeyeon groaned, bringing a hand up to rub at her temples. “He doesn’t love me.”
“Oh, come on. He’s so soft on you.”
“Don’t put it like that.”
Yuri laughed. “Okay, whatever you say, I’m jus-...” A loud bang from the other end of the apartment drew Taeyeon up from under her blankets, missing the last half of her friend’s sentence as she threw her legs over the side of the bed.
Reaching back for her phone, she brought it up to her ear. “I have to go.” Ending the call before Yuri could reply back to her, Taeyeon placed her phone onto her night stand, feet smacking against her floor as she stood up, heading toward the door. Turning the handle, she peeked out.
“Why the hell is it so dark out here?” She spoke up, more to herself than the jackass lurking somewhere out in the living room. Stepping past the door frame, she squinted through the darkness, beginning to examine her surroundings before her eyes settled on the couch.
Taeyeon sighed as she took in Jonghyun’s limp body - arm hanging off the edge of the cushion, empty bottle of... some disgusting malt liquor at the ground below him. Stepping forward, she stopped above him, staring downward before bringing a hand to his face, patting his cheek. “Wake up, asshole,” she patted once more, harder, leaning down and putting the bottle onto the coffee table.
Hand still resting against his cheek, Taeyeon felt Jonghyun stir as she leaned forward to turn on the lamp behind his head, narrowly missing elbowing him in the face as he groaned. “Noona,” he mumbled, arm wrapping around her waist. Taeyeon tried to wiggle out of his grasp, almost accomplishing the task before his grip tightened, pulling her down on top of him.
“What the fuck,” Taeyeon mumbled as she rolled over, body fitting into the small space between his side and the back cushions.
“Noona,” he repeated, breathing heavily against her face as he shifted to look her in the eye. Taeyeon tried not to the gag at the alcohol he reeked of - she could do him one good and save him that embarrassment, at least. “Noona,” he continued and Taeyeon felt the slightest bit of curiosity at what he was trying to go on about. Annoyance, sure, but curiosity also.
“What?”
“Don’t make me leave.” Taeyeon stilled as his hand moved away from her hip, finger tracing a line up her spine before finding it’s way to the side of her face, cupping a cheek as he closed the space between them. Taeyeon felt her eyes flutter shut instinctively, hand gripping his forearm as she allowed herself to sink into the kiss.
Exhaling deeply when he pulled away from her, she opened an eye to him staring back at her - rather intensely for her liking. She frowned.
“We...,” she trailed off, sitting up slowly before carefully climbing her way off of him, straightening herself up at the side of the couch. “We can talk about it in the morning, okay?” She nodded to herself as she reached downward, grabbing for his hand. “Until then, we can... sleep. You have to help me with this one though, you’re kind of dead weight when you get like this.”
Jonghyun chuckled lowly as he sat up, hand gripping tighter around Taeyeon’s. “Okay, okay,” he sighed, eyes closing as he stood up, tilting to the side somewhat. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder to stabilize him, Taeyeon started them in the direction of her bedroom. “You’re spinning.”
“No, I’m not,” Taeyeon shot down his drunken statement as they crossed through her doorway, gently giving him a push toward the edge of the bed. Sighing to herself as he crawled toward the center of her mattress, head smacking against her mountain of pillows.
“Come be my big spoon,” she heard him mumble against her pillowcase and it took everything she had in her not to scoff at the comment.
Taeyeon shook her head, turning to flick off the lights. Making her way to the opposite side of her bed (the side she never, ever slept on; of fucking course he’d choose her favorite side), she crawled onto the mattress, grabbing her comforter to throw over Jonghyun’s body before curling up against him.
She heard him hum in appreciation as her arm curved around his waist, chin settling against the blade of his shoulder.
“Don’t throw up on my bed,” Taeyeon whispered. His response was a mere chuckle and slow nod of his head as she pressed a quick peck to his neck, feeling herself settle deeper into him and sleep.
----
Taeyeon appreciated a lot of different things: a good pancake, those big sweaters that you could lose yourself in during autumn and winter, when a drama didn’t fall too deeply into an amnesia storyline. None of the things were too complicated, or too much to ask for, and the same went for a little extra bit of silence just after waking up. She absorbed those few minutes after waking from a good night of sleep - being curled up underneath her comforter, face smooshed into her the fluff of her pillow, any duties set for that day pushed to the back of her mind.
She could also appreciate waking up curled into another person - a hand wrapped around her waist, someone’s fingers laced with her own, watching the rise and fall of a slumbering chest. This is what she’d anticipated for herself when finally falling to sleep the evening before. She hadn’t really expected the strong spearmint odor that wafted around her. It wasn’t bothersome, it was just... different.
Peeking an eye open, Taeyeon met Jonghyun’s gaze - eyes wide, expression soft and thoughtful. “Did you brush your teeth already?” She asked, voice hoarse from sleep. She cleared her throat as Jonghyun opened up his mouth, tongue flopping out to reveal a thick wad of green gum balancing at the center of it.
“Hangover. It helps,” he started to go back to chewing. “Did you elbow me last night or something because my head is...,” he trailed off with a sigh.
Taeyeon opened her other eye. “I wish,” she chuckled softly. “Serves you right though, downing a bottle like that. You’re such a dumb...”
Her blatant insult was put to an end when Jonghyun closed the space between them, his lips crushing hers with his own, the taste of spearmint overpowering her as their tongues overlapped. And, as always, they lips seemed to fit together impeccably well - annoying well. Like he was the missing piece to her puzzle. It wasn’t like he’d ever really gone missing, though. He’d always been there, she was just too stubborn to admit it.
jonghyun/taeyeon; pg-13; 6,674 words
general au
"I’ve never had a girl friend before," Kim Jonghyun gurgled through sips of his juice box He was five years old - with wide, wondering eyes and fingers stained from the oil paint he’d gotten himself into before lunch started.
"Maybe you’re boring," Kim Taeyeon (six years old and questioning why she was hanging around with someone younger than her) had spoken over his gurgles, crushing her matching juice box before tossing it up over the the top of his head toward the trash can at his back.
Taeyeon had cringed as it bounced off of his crown - the little droplets of apple juice that had remained in the straw traveling down the front of his hair as his face twisted to go along with the sob that escaped his mouth.
Her gaze had remained fixated on his face, fixated on the way his head bobbed back and forth like one of those bobble head toys that her dad loved so much. He did have a rather large head for his age - or just in general - she’d realized in that moment before a firm grip to her shoulder brought her back into reality.
"Kim Taeyeon, did you do that on purpose? Apologize to him right this instant." The voice of their daycare provider echoed around her as the pressure on her shoulder disappeared - leaving Taeyeon completely focused on the still blubbering situation in front of her.
Taeyeon had ever really understood why things ended up going the way they did that day. Why Taeyeon had cupped either side of Jonghyun’s face (with as much force as she could muster) in an attempt to draw his attention completely back on her. Why Jonghyun had settled down almost perfectly in sync with the moment Taeyeon pulled him into a tight hug, and especially why Taeyeon hadn’t shrugged Jonghyun off at all when he started to follow her around for the remainder of the day.
Jonghyun had written it off jokingly as “destiny" at a later point in their life, which Taeyeon found not only to be ridiculous but disgusting. What sick and twisted kind of destiny would’ve decided to align her a douche bag like him?
-
He was fifteen, and her sixteen, when they willed Yuri to steal a piece of piercing equipment from her father’s tattoo and piercing parlor to help them achieve their goal of that specific summer: matching piercings.
It was a sentiment that had come up in passing and never really been elaborated on - but the idea was still there.
"I can take it - just… just get it over with." Jonghyun had tried to pass off his shaking hands as the aftershock of an energy drink he’d downed a good hour earlier.
Taeyeon knew better than that - but she’d went along with his blatant lie, because that was what a good friend did.
She’d masked the roll of her eyes with a cough after he’d reached forward to grab her hand - gripping to it like his life depended on it as Yuri’s untrained fingers slipped against the metal of the piercing gun, narrowly missing clipping off the tip of Jonghyun’s ear in the process.
Another cough had come from her not long after as she had turned Jonghyun, using a sterilized piece of cotton to wipe down his fresh piercing, hoping that it’d been enough to cover over his small whimpers and sniffles.
He’d always been quite the crier - it just wasn’t to the point where she found a strange sort of satisfaction in seeing him turn into a sobbing mess.
He was too small back then, too pocket sized - it made her pity him, above anything else.
She’d liked it better when things were like that with him. It was easier back then - all around.
-
Taeyeon was nineteen the first time that Jonghyun threw her for a loop.
"Noona," he’d slurred into her ear, breath reeking of the three bottles of soju he’d slammed down before she could even bottom out her first. His fingers had trailed across her waist in a way that maybe would have made her think twice about taking advantage of the otherwise unoccupied dorm room she’d scored for herself that night if she hadn’t spotted out an incredibly unattractive line of saliva leading toward the bottom of his chin.
"Jonghyun," she’d squinted toward him, hands moving upward to cup either side of his face. “You smell terrible."
He’d chuckled. “I feel terrible - but you look really pretty so it kind of evens out."
"Stop flirting, you know that freaks me out"
He’d tried to maintain his innocence with a bat of his eyelashes, like he did every other time he pulled a stunt like that with her. “I’m not, I’m jus…, I’m… -"
Knowing how a night out with their friends usually ended for the two of them, Taeyeon had chastised herself later for not be wiser - for not remembering to prepare for the ungodly loud, disgusting upchucking that came from him more often than not.
She’d frowned at her reflection in the mirror of her small dorm bathroom, cleaning herself up as Jonghyun had moaned and groaned into the toilet, trying her hardest to filter out the unnatural noises coming out of his mouth.
“Noona," his voice had been raw - strained - as Taeyeon turned to look at him, her frown only deepening further at his beet red cheeks and tear rimmed eyes. “Noona…"
His voice had played on like a broken recorded, calling out to her even after she found her way to his side - five fingers massaging at his scalp while the others splayed against his chest. “Breathe, Jesus, you’re dry heaving."
"I think I’m gonna die."
"You’re not going to die."
"I’m… gonna…" His cheek pressed firm against the toilet seat, Jonghyun had whined before throwing himself back into her lap. “My throat feels like… sandpaper and I think my tongue touch-…" He’d gagged.
"Don’t you even fucking think about throwing up again if your face isn’t over the hole - I already had to wipe vomit off of me once tonight, I’m not doing it ag-…"
"Thank you."
"… For?"
Her gaze had turned down to meet his, his eyes as bulbous as ever but filled to the brim with something that was neither more tears waterfalling out of him or a drunken glaze. “For being there for me."
Taeyeon groaned. “Don’t pull this sentimental shit on me, you know I don’t mind doi-…"
"I love you, noona."
She’d sighed. “I love you too, you already know th-…"
"No, you don’t understand," he’d fidgeted against her, a whine escaping from the back of his throat. “I love you."
All things considered, he hadn’t remembered the next morning - so, neither did she.
-
"I think I lost my snapback."
It was how five out of ten of their conversations begun.
"Boo hoo," she gave a shake of her head as she dropped against the back cushioning of her sofa, ignoring the scowl that Jonghyun shot in her direction.
"That’s the second one this month."
"And I should care why…?"
"I’m not saying you should care, I’m just…" Jonghyun trailed off. “I’m just saying."
Time could change a person. Of course, age came into play with that also but what seemed to influence someone more than time itself was the people you chose to associate with. Looking back on how her (and, in prospect, Jonghyun’s also) life had been during their first few years of high school, it almost felt as if she were peeking into another world altogether.
The Kim Jonghyun that Taeyeon had grown to know (and, reluctantly, love) hadn’t completely disappeared, no. Generally, he was still there; physically, emotionally, personality wise.
Even with his new found, persistent need to “bulk up", he could still pull off the softest eyes, adjacent to that of a wet puppy’s. It made her want to vomit, usually, as much as his big, toothy smile (which hadn’t gone away) either did, and the his laugh - that matched that of an obnoxious cartoon character’s. He laughed at all his own jokes (which were still pretty awful) and laughed even harder at hers; especially when she took a turn for the sarcastic. He’d always pointed out his preference for the “darker" side of humor - it bummed him out that he couldn’t get a grasp on it, apparently.
"Have you tried asking one of those scummy friends of yours if they’ve seen it?" Taeyeon felt herself soften up immediately at her thoughts - mentally scolding herself as Jonghyun turned to look at her.
"Scummy friends," he repeated with a roll of his eyes as his raised a hand to grab (at what she presumed) was his missing snapback out of habit. “I don’t know, man. I know Hongki found my last one floating in one of his cooler’s, so…, anything’s possible, I guess."
Pursing her lips together, Taeyeon rose to her feet, pulling at a loose string on her sleeve in the process as she traveled toward her kitchen, swinging open the door to her fridge in search for something to eat or drink. “Maybe they’re withholding it from you, ever think about that?" She joked as she slammed the door back shut again (no luck) and settled for a back of unrolled chips on the nearby counter top.
Leaning against the wooden lining of the counter, her eyes fixated upon Jonghyun as he seemed to switch into “thought" mode, beginning an attempt to read his expression just as he popped back onto his feet. “I think you… might have hit the nail on the head there," he started as he made his way toward the exit of her apartment.
Taeyeon laughed around her mouthful of chips. “Dude, I was kidding," she yelled in his direction, voice muffled through the snack. “You guys could open up your own shop if you combined the snapbacks between you all, I highly doubt that anyone wants anything to do with any of the oth…"
The door to her apartment slammed shut - the sound ricocheting around her, masking the crinkling of chip bag in her hands, before she shrugged, shoving another handful into her mouth.
“Whatever."
-
"Never…,"
Five hours had gone by since Jonghyun’s sudden exit from her apartment - it was nothing too strange. It wasn’t like he lived with her or hadn’t gone missing in action for that long before; sometimes he vanished for days on end. The exasperated sighing and rapping of knuckles against her door had surprised Taeyeon more than anything. It was late and she was tired and not either ready or willing to change out of her pajamas for anyone - especially Jonghyun.
"… trust…,"
Taeyeon had stared at him, incredulously, as he threw a small duffle bag, that she knew he’d bought for his snapback’s and tank tops alone, in her direction. The strap of the bag had narrowly missed slapping her across the face, which he’d barely been able to apologize for before setting off into the “rant of the century".
(It felt like a good title, considering Jonghyun had never really been one for ranting. Talking on for long periods of time, sure, but ranting? Not necessarily.)
"… a bro."
Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows together as Jonghyun unzipped another one of his many bags, digging out a small zip lock bag that contained his toothbrush and a nearly empty container of toothpaste. “Sorry to say, bro, but you’re a… bro also."
"Yeah, maybe," Jonghyun started, removing the toothbrush and paste from the bag and unzipping the top of the tube. “But I’m not like those jerk off’s."
Pondering for a moment, Taeyeon shrugged. “True, but do you actually have proof that they stole it or are you just going off of that…," she paused as Jonghyun squeezed the paste onto his brush and brought it up to his teeth, beginning to brush at the them… in the middle of her living room with no… "… you do know that you’re not…"
Shaking her head, Taeyeon stood up from her seat on the ground, hand moving toward the collar of Jonghyun’s shirt, yanking upward. Ignoring his gag (served him right for being that brainless), he took the hint and followed her to the bathroom where she turned on the faucet, taking seat on the edge of her bathtub as he started to properly brush his teeth.
"I was joking about that withholding thing, you know that, right?"
Jonghyun rolled his eyes (he really had to stop doing that, she thought, it was rude as all fuck). “Of course I knew you were joking," he mumbled, mouth foaming, before spitting into the sink. “You were right, thou…," he spit again, "… though."
"Was I?"
"It was layingonhisbed," Jonghyun gurgled, spitting a final time before rinsing off his brush and setting it up against the mirror.
"Uh…," Taeyeon trailed off, standing up as he made his way out of the bathroom, bare feet slapping against the floor of her living room as his direction changed toward her bedroom. “Didn’t you consider that maybe you left it there? You lose shit all the time when you get dru…, hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing…?"
Her eyes turned into little slits as he swung open the door to her bedroom, discarding himself of his shirt in the process. Taeyeon scowled down at the shirt as it hit her bedroom floor - a scowl that only deepened as he plopped down onto her bed, like it was his…
"Home!" Jonghyun exclaimed with a deep sigh, stretching his arms out behind his head, muscles flexing throughout the action. Taeyeon did her best to divert her attention with a mock of his earlier eye roll.
"No," she huffed, moving forward and grabbing at his wrist, pulling him forward. “I never said you could stay here, let alone sleep in my bed."
"But I’m your best friend," Jonghyun pouted up at her, and she could tell from the action alone what was probably coming next, and… yeah, there came the puppy dog eyes.
Letting go of his wrist, Taeyeon started down at Jonghyun, pondering what letting him live with her would have entailed exactly. They’d been friends for almost twenty years but never had they once lived with each other - was that overstepping a boundary, even for friends? Probably not, but he was… who he was and that was an annoying prick.
"We used to have sleepovers all the time when we were younger, Taeng, what’s so different about this?" Jonghyun continued, shattering her thought process as he rolled onto his stomach, positioning both hands underneath his chin - shooting her, what assumed, was supposed to pass as a look of innocence. As aegyo. (Gross)
Taeyeon groaned.
"Whatever, you can stay here. Not live - stay. Two months, tops."
Jonghyun smiled up at her and she groaned a second time, readying herself to turn her back on him as he reached up to grab her hand.
"You won’t regret it, swear to God," his smiled widened up at her. She yanked her hand away.
"I better not."
"No, really, I’ll make you, like… pancakes for breakfast tomorrow." It was a tempting proposition, she couldn’t deny that. “And other stuff too, but we can sleep on that."
"Right," Taeyeon started. “We can - meaning: you can sleep on it out on the couch, and I’ll sleep on it here." Jonghyun frowned. “Sorry, man, but the last time we slept in the same bed, you started grinding on my leg in your sleep. I’d rather than deal with that again."
He scoffed.
----
Taeyeon had never considered herself much of a “bro” - mainly because the connotations that came along with the stereotype were not only gross, but annoying as hell. She’d experienced it all first hand - the “bro effect”, that is. It didn’t really involve a step-by-step process; it was all about coming on way too strong - an art that Jonghyun had mastered at an early age.
The difference between Jonghyun and his (now former, which was something he insisted at least twice a day through a full mouth of snack food) “friends” was Jonghyun’s ability to not only empathize with everyone around him, but empathize intensely. Taeyeon could remember, at least, four different nights after he’d moved in with the “guys” that Jonghyun had showed up at the door to her apartment, reeking of soju, chest heaving from sobs as he started off on another tale about how “guilty” he felt living with everyone there. By the next morning, he always acted as if he had no idea what had happened the night before as he nursed a throbbing headache and heavy stomach ache.
Taeyeon never bothered to push the subject either. She left her verbal punches for when he was really irritating her, and even then, she was usually pretty tame with what she said. He had some strange sort of emotional attachment to that bro den that she’d never been able to understand - so, she avoided trying to, period.
It wasn’t like she associated with them, anyway. He had his friends on the side, and she had hers. In the end (which she regretfully had to admit to herself), they always ended back up at the other’s side anyway. It wasn’t like it really mattered who they hung out with on the down low.
Taeyeon sighed, wondering if she was thinking far too deeply on the subject as Jonghyun stole the spot next to her on her mattress, sending her a smile before plopping one of his many, many (many) snapbacks over the top of her head.
“Bro,” he started, pulling at the rim of the hat - up and down, up and down -, shielding her eyes for a few seconds before pulling it back up again and repeating. “You’re my number one bro now, you know that, right?”
Taeyeon stared up at him, grabbing at his wrist to stop him as she sent off a tight smile. “Are you implying that I wasn’t always your number one?” She questioned, dropping his wrist - feeling a bubble of offense rising in her stomach at the possible implication that she could have ever been second to anyone from that house. As much as she didn’t want to be considered remotely similar to any of those tool bag’s, she also didn’t want... well, that.
“Of course you are,” he cooed, tickling lightly under her chin - sending Taeyeon into an automatic fidget fit. Falling back against the mattress to escape whatever else he may have had up his sleeve, she turned her back to him, snapback tipping off of her head, gaze fixated on the vanity mirror diagonal to the bed. “Come on, don’t be like that, you know you’re my forever... girl... lady person. You come before all the rest, man.”
Taeyeon rolled her eyes as she felt the bed shift, letting out a small groan as she felt Jonghyun’s arm wrap around her waist, pulling her closer as he rested his chin against her shoulder. She softened slightly into his touch before a thought struck her.
“Are you trying to butter me up so I don’t give you the boot from here?”
It’d only been a week since he’d started to “crash” with her. His “trial run” (she wouldn’t tell him that she’d been thinking of it as that, no way in hell, she didn’t want to put any ideas into his head) still had about five weeks left to go, but who had ever said that planning early for the inevitable was a bad idea?
Jonghyun shifted her, bringing them closer (if that were even possible, Taeyeon thought), lips ghosting against her shoulder before nuzzling his nose into the nape of her neck. “No,” he mumbled. “I just... like cuddling with you, you know that.”
“I...,” Taeyeon started, not really sure where her reply was headed, swiftly removing Jonghyun’s arm from around her waist as she rolled off of the bed. Landing on the floor below the mattress with a smacking sound, she groaned at the instant throbbing in her thighs, in her ass, averting making eye contact with him as she stood up and made her way out of the room. “I’m not in the mood,” she called back after him, stepping toward the nearby counter of her kitchen, sighing as she rested against it’s corner.
The coiling in her stomach was indisputable. Maybe that was why she was so wary about just letting him move in with her: she didn’t feel like complicating things any more than they already had been.
----
At the surface, everything seemed as good as gold between her and Jonghyun - and maybe things were. It wasn’t like anything had really gone wrong with them, it was just... things did change with time, as much as some (ie: Jonghyun) people refused to admit.
Taeyeon connected it back to an unmentionable evening..., the way she dealt with the events that had occurred that night inside her head could have lead someone she explained them out loud to believe that something absolutely horrible had happened, when really..., it was just Jonghyun’s declaration of love that had thrown her off. They said that you were at your truest form when wasted out of your mind, right? Sometimes, at least, and he wasn’t the type to tell someone that he was in love with them unless he honest to god meant it.
She hadn’t spoken of it since; never, not even once. Neither had he. Taeyeon was a hundred percent convinced that he was clueless about what he’d said to her anyway.
It was probably for the best. There were other things for them to mull over - or, for her to mull over.
Like trying to figure out why they’d slept together the first time they had. Taeyeon easily could have blamed it on the alcohol again if the both of them hadn’t been as sober as sober came. It also didn’t explain the second, or third, or even the fourth time...
It was the look in his eyes that always made her wonder; that intense gazing that turned her legs into gelatine and made her heart pound harshly against her chest. That look, the way he’d lace their fingers together and how he made sure to leave not even an inch of her body unkissed - those were the things that threw her for a loop.
It was in those moments that she truly, deeply believed that what he’d said to her that night had been the cold, hard truth.
Dragging the edge of her spoon across her bottom lip, Taeyeon squinted her eyes toward the romantic comedy she’d settled on watching, clutching her half pint of ice cream to chest with her free arm. Jonghyun was in the kitchen, finishing off the toppings to some disgusting looking recipe for some American snack food (nachos, was it?) and Taeyeon did all she could to keep herself from looking over at him too often.
She couldn’t do that - not now, not when she was plagued with... the thoughts she was plagued with.
It dawned on her as a rather dramatic scene in the film came to a close (a lot of screaming, crying, punching and a slam of an apartment door by the time the female lead had gotten in the final word - typical romantic comedy stuff) that, maybe, she’d started to think what she’d been thinking because the movie she’d chosen was quite... similar in plot to... whatever was going on between her and Jonghyun.
Two good friends decide to start sleeping together - all is well until one falls for the other, the other either doesn’t know how to reciprocate the feelings of their friend or doesn’t feel the same way, the second party is hurt and... the ending is yet to be determined.
Frowning at the realization, Taeyeon sat her ice cream down onto the surface of the coffee table in front of her just as Jonghyun hopped over the top half of the couch, bouncing against the cushion at her side before sitting his bowl next to her ice cream container.
“You done with that already?” He questioned as he grabbed a glob of chips and cheese, shoving it toward his mouth - the tortilla chips crunching under his teeth, and a string of a cheese hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
Taeyeon started at him, a mixture of confusion and disgust as she reached forward, impulsively, for the top of her spoon, digging it deep into the ice cream before bringing it back up to her mouth forcefully. “No, never,” she tilted her head back to keep the ice cream from running out onto her chin, cringing slightly as she was hit with (the inevitable) brain freeze.
“Okay then,” Jonghyun chuckled, leaning back into the cushion behind him before moving an arm upward and slithering it around Taeyeon’s shoulder. She stiffened at the action. “So..., is this movie even any good?”
“Of course it fucking is, I wouldn’t have picked it if it wasn’t,” Taeyeon blurted out (lied, even, because honestly, it wasn’t that fantastic of a movie), eying him (and his arm) from the side. “It has all the basic fundamentals that any good romantic comedy should have, I... completely appreciate...,” she paused as Jonghyun angled himself to get a better look at her. “... I appreciate it completely,” she finished with a stammer.
“Completely?” He questioned as his arm slid off her shoulder to curve around her waist instead, pulling her closer to his chest with the motion. Taeyeon sighed. “You looked pretty disinterested from where I was standing.”
Ugh.
Taeyeon could feel her eye start to twitch in sync with the quickening beating of her heart - it was surely an attractive sight, but she wasn’t there to attract anyone.
“Jonghyun,” she started, retrieving an arm that had been crushed between them to cup the side of his face. “Jonghyun, Jonghyun, Jonghyun,” she continued, examining him as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Leaning forward, she pressed a quick peck to the tip of his nose, “I’m not in the mood,” she repeated for the second time that week.
Bending back away from him, attempting to detach herself from his grip and get off the couch, she sent him a small shrug, darting toward her bedroom and shutting the door behind her. Exhaling sharply, she dropped face first into her nearby bed, groaning into the blanket, heart still thumping against her chest.
Honestly, the problem was that she was in the mood.
----
“What are you doing?!”
Taeyeon started to ask herself the same question as she turned back from the scene of her “crime” to Jonghyun, examining his wide eyes before pulling her hand out of her sink. Gripped between her fingers was one of his (dozens, dozens of dozens) snapbacks, brim soaked from the droplets of water still lingering around at the bottom of the sink from a half full glass she’d discarded of just moments before... starting off on whatever she’d been doing.
She frowned down at the side of the brim, which she had taken the edge of a butter knife to before deciding to turn on the garbage disposal. It was frayed a little more than the factory manufactured pre-fray it’d been bought with and that miniscule detail made her stomach churn with guilt.
“I... don’t know...,” she trailed off, shoving the hat toward his chest before taking off to her room - her solace, her haven at that point.
She listened to Jonghyun grumble behind the doorway about “having to go and find another one” before sliding her back down the wooden paneling of the door. Pulling her knees up toward her chest, she sighed, resting her forehead against her kneecaps.
It was a dick move, on her part, trying to ruin something that Jonghyun loved so much. It was dickish and petty, and the only explanation she had for it was even more petty.
She was pissed off - furious, even - at him for putting her in such an awkward position, for thinking that he could waltz into her apartment and settle down on her couch like he paid half of the rent. For believing that he could get away with moving in with her without having to pick up any of that slack. But, more so, she was pissed off at him for making her feel the way he did:
For all those looks he gave her (they varied by situation and mood, but none was more effective than any other).
For the way he held her hand. (He’d started to lace their fingers together even if it wasn’t before or after sex - not that they’d done that since he’d moved in, she refused, it’d just make things harder).
For everything, for existing.
… except, not really, because living without him was even more terrifying of a thought than living with him.
Four weeks down, two to go. Trial error? She wasn’t even sure anymore.
----
“I forgive you.”
Taeyeon crunched down into the edge of her toast, eyes narrowing as Jonghyun seat next to her on the couch. “For what?” She questioned, mouth full.
“For ruining my hat.”
Swallowing, Taeyeon rolled her eyes, sitting the toast down onto a napkin as she stood up to go to... who knew where, the bathroom, maybe. She’d find somewhere to hide. “I don’t need your “forgiveness”, Jonghyun. Thanks for the sentiment though, I guess,” she finished off, tone laced with blatant sarcasm as Jonghyun stared up at her, confusion clear as day. She raised her eyebrow as she waited for him to say something back to her - to bite back, like he usually would have, but his simply shrugged, shoulders falling as she turned her back on him.
“Okay then,” she hear him mumble as she entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
----
“If I ask you something...”
Taeyeon peeked an eye out from under her comforter, groaning as she registered the person hovering over the side of her bed. Moving a hand out from under the covers to brush a chunk of bangs out of her eyes, she motioned for Jonghyun to keep on speaking as she face planted back into her pillow.
She heard him clear his throat above her. “If I ask you something,” he repeated, “will you be completely honest with me?”
Taeyeon gave a noncommittal shrug. “Maybe, maybe not, depends,” she mumbled.
Feeling the weight at the edge of the bed, and just inches from her side, shift, “are you mad at me?”
It was a simple question; simple, but not easy enough for her to answer, Taeyeon thought. She wasn’t being honest enough to herself, she thought.
“Do you want me to leave or something? You’ve been acting really, really weird - and I’ve been trying to be a good room-...” he cut himself off. “... Guest. I do the dishes and stuff.”
She held back a laugh - the dishes, of course.
“So, I don’t know if you’re annoyed or you want me to start paying to stay here or maybe you want to be alone more. I... don’t know. I’ve went through a million different possibilities in my head and any of them could fit, I just need some sort of clarification from you,” he cleared his throat.
Rolling onto her back, knee knocking against Jonghyun in the process, Taeyeon opened a single eye to look up at him, taking in those awful..., sad, wide puppy dog eyes as her lips turned down into a frown. “You want me to be honest with you?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Completely?”
“Yes.”
“You’re starting to make things really difficult..”
Jonghyun squinted at her. “Difficult?”
“Yeah, difficult.”
“Like... what kind of difficult? Did I use your toothbrush or eat something I wasn’t supposed to?”
“No,” Taeyeon raised herself onto her elbows, voice coming out louder than expected. Jonghyun jolted slightly at her tone - visibly surprised as her face stoned. “It’s not like that, it’s not that simple, it’s... complicated. It has nothing to do with toothbrushes or food or... laundry or your awful snapbacks or those terrible Asics Gels of your, it’s...,” she trailed off, “... it’s you.”
It came out harsher than she intended it too - and she regretted it the second she realized that. Without response, she watched as Jonghyun stood up from the side of her bed, facing seeming to fall further. “It’s me,” he mumbled. “Okay, I’ll start packing then.”
Taeyeon continued to stare at him, at a loss for words - at a loss for how to correct herself - because it wasn’t... totally untrue. She caught his gaze for a split second as he walked - at an agonizingly (or annoyingly, but that wasn’t the point) slow pace - out of her room.
“Wai-..,” her voice caught in her throat as he shut the door to her bedroom.
----
“I feel like shit.”
Burrowing herself deeper into her comforter, Taeyeon gazed down at the screen of her phone, set to speaker, narrowing her eyes at the precipitation that formed at her breath. “He “Charlie Brown” sauntered out of my room, Yuri, how the fuck am I supposed to not feel awful about that?”
Yuri snickered on the other line. “Yeah, I guess I know what you mean, he’s pulled that with me before too.” Her voice sounded distorted around the pillow barrier Taeyeon had created to keep the conversation from echoing further than she wanted it to. Despite the fact that he’d said he was going to go pack his things up, Taeyeon knew better. She knew him - he could’ve been pressing his ear against her bedroom door right then. Asshole. “The difference between then and... this, though, is that I’d jacked an entire bag of those sour gummy words from him - and he also hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“He hated me then,” she could hear Yuri grunt dismissively on the other end. “He loves you though.”
Taeyeon groaned, bringing a hand up to rub at her temples. “He doesn’t love me.”
“Oh, come on. He’s so soft on you.”
“Don’t put it like that.”
Yuri laughed. “Okay, whatever you say, I’m jus-...” A loud bang from the other end of the apartment drew Taeyeon up from under her blankets, missing the last half of her friend’s sentence as she threw her legs over the side of the bed.
Reaching back for her phone, she brought it up to her ear. “I have to go.” Ending the call before Yuri could reply back to her, Taeyeon placed her phone onto her night stand, feet smacking against her floor as she stood up, heading toward the door. Turning the handle, she peeked out.
“Why the hell is it so dark out here?” She spoke up, more to herself than the jackass lurking somewhere out in the living room. Stepping past the door frame, she squinted through the darkness, beginning to examine her surroundings before her eyes settled on the couch.
Taeyeon sighed as she took in Jonghyun’s limp body - arm hanging off the edge of the cushion, empty bottle of... some disgusting malt liquor at the ground below him. Stepping forward, she stopped above him, staring downward before bringing a hand to his face, patting his cheek. “Wake up, asshole,” she patted once more, harder, leaning down and putting the bottle onto the coffee table.
Hand still resting against his cheek, Taeyeon felt Jonghyun stir as she leaned forward to turn on the lamp behind his head, narrowly missing elbowing him in the face as he groaned. “Noona,” he mumbled, arm wrapping around her waist. Taeyeon tried to wiggle out of his grasp, almost accomplishing the task before his grip tightened, pulling her down on top of him.
“What the fuck,” Taeyeon mumbled as she rolled over, body fitting into the small space between his side and the back cushions.
“Noona,” he repeated, breathing heavily against her face as he shifted to look her in the eye. Taeyeon tried not to the gag at the alcohol he reeked of - she could do him one good and save him that embarrassment, at least. “Noona,” he continued and Taeyeon felt the slightest bit of curiosity at what he was trying to go on about. Annoyance, sure, but curiosity also.
“What?”
“Don’t make me leave.” Taeyeon stilled as his hand moved away from her hip, finger tracing a line up her spine before finding it’s way to the side of her face, cupping a cheek as he closed the space between them. Taeyeon felt her eyes flutter shut instinctively, hand gripping his forearm as she allowed herself to sink into the kiss.
Exhaling deeply when he pulled away from her, she opened an eye to him staring back at her - rather intensely for her liking. She frowned.
“We...,” she trailed off, sitting up slowly before carefully climbing her way off of him, straightening herself up at the side of the couch. “We can talk about it in the morning, okay?” She nodded to herself as she reached downward, grabbing for his hand. “Until then, we can... sleep. You have to help me with this one though, you’re kind of dead weight when you get like this.”
Jonghyun chuckled lowly as he sat up, hand gripping tighter around Taeyeon’s. “Okay, okay,” he sighed, eyes closing as he stood up, tilting to the side somewhat. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder to stabilize him, Taeyeon started them in the direction of her bedroom. “You’re spinning.”
“No, I’m not,” Taeyeon shot down his drunken statement as they crossed through her doorway, gently giving him a push toward the edge of the bed. Sighing to herself as he crawled toward the center of her mattress, head smacking against her mountain of pillows.
“Come be my big spoon,” she heard him mumble against her pillowcase and it took everything she had in her not to scoff at the comment.
Taeyeon shook her head, turning to flick off the lights. Making her way to the opposite side of her bed (the side she never, ever slept on; of fucking course he’d choose her favorite side), she crawled onto the mattress, grabbing her comforter to throw over Jonghyun’s body before curling up against him.
She heard him hum in appreciation as her arm curved around his waist, chin settling against the blade of his shoulder.
“Don’t throw up on my bed,” Taeyeon whispered. His response was a mere chuckle and slow nod of his head as she pressed a quick peck to his neck, feeling herself settle deeper into him and sleep.
----
Taeyeon appreciated a lot of different things: a good pancake, those big sweaters that you could lose yourself in during autumn and winter, when a drama didn’t fall too deeply into an amnesia storyline. None of the things were too complicated, or too much to ask for, and the same went for a little extra bit of silence just after waking up. She absorbed those few minutes after waking from a good night of sleep - being curled up underneath her comforter, face smooshed into her the fluff of her pillow, any duties set for that day pushed to the back of her mind.
She could also appreciate waking up curled into another person - a hand wrapped around her waist, someone’s fingers laced with her own, watching the rise and fall of a slumbering chest. This is what she’d anticipated for herself when finally falling to sleep the evening before. She hadn’t really expected the strong spearmint odor that wafted around her. It wasn’t bothersome, it was just... different.
Peeking an eye open, Taeyeon met Jonghyun’s gaze - eyes wide, expression soft and thoughtful. “Did you brush your teeth already?” She asked, voice hoarse from sleep. She cleared her throat as Jonghyun opened up his mouth, tongue flopping out to reveal a thick wad of green gum balancing at the center of it.
“Hangover. It helps,” he started to go back to chewing. “Did you elbow me last night or something because my head is...,” he trailed off with a sigh.
Taeyeon opened her other eye. “I wish,” she chuckled softly. “Serves you right though, downing a bottle like that. You’re such a dumb...”
Her blatant insult was put to an end when Jonghyun closed the space between them, his lips crushing hers with his own, the taste of spearmint overpowering her as their tongues overlapped. And, as always, they lips seemed to fit together impeccably well - annoying well. Like he was the missing piece to her puzzle. It wasn’t like he’d ever really gone missing, though. He’d always been there, she was just too stubborn to admit it.