Lapin, Seven
One Two Three Four Five Six
[ 9(nine) Irrelevent sections discarded]
VoiceBEGIN
========[UTC: 04:07:44.0 11/04/2361]
VoicRec:
Captains Log. Stardate... Hell knows. Lets call it a Friday, then we've got the weekend to relax in.
Things you find when you're doing Suit maintanance in the middle of a long and boring watch.
Hi box, must be years Huh ?
Never really did enjoy talking to a little cube with nothing to show for it but a slowly blinking red light.
Well, you'll just have to do. Vito's still out like a light, asleep in his Suit again!
Geb's making the most vile noises.
I tell you now box, no girl should snore like a warthog sucking jelly through a hosepipe even when she has got a crystal reader plugged into her face.
Restoring her backups I hope, she was the only one I could make old jokes with and get a laugh instead of a puzzled look. Remember the Wicked Witch of the West Geb, please...
Arianne, well, Arianne's splat out beside me looking like some adolescent's wet dream, buck nekkid and sprawled across the pad in a pose that I reckon would have got her jail time in some of the more uptight bits of history.
Not much of a damn audience are you box...
You're spozed to chuckle and say "lucky dog!" or "I say! old fruit, those are the most incredible tits I've seen in my entire life".
Admittedly box, if you did that I'd have to kill you, because she's mine, all mine. In ways your pointy little silicon head can't even imagine. Wanna know why ?
Well fuck you, ya ungrateful piece of shit, I'm gonna tell you anyhow.
I read her damn specs again, and young Ari here makes Vito look like a stone axe next to a scalpel, an old colt .45 to a MASER rifle, physcailly state of the art. He's probably stronger, but she's a lot, lot faster and more accurate. That counts, it really does.
Perfect solider material, all I have to do is give her one drop of my blood and say the the right words she's mine to command. Totally and utterly, if I activated her loyalty conditioning and told her to walk into a line pylon, she'd do it, no questions.
Which means, by my own twisted set of morals and ethics, those words are exactly the ones I can't say. It would make getting the daft bitch to behave a thousand times easier, but would make her a slave, and that...
Well, lets just say I've seen slaves, real ones, not that historical bullshit with the black guys in collars and the white guys with whips, fuck, call that slavery ?
Those guys were free as fucking birds compared to some of the shit that I've had to scrape...
----Sarge ? You not sleeping ? You ok ?
Yeah, S'ok, sweetheart just catching up on myself. Get back to sleep.
----Ok Sarge, G'night.
Night Ari, sweet dreams.
----Sweet memories more like, MmmmMmmm I can barely fucking move... Damn you're good.
(laugh) You're not so bad yourself gorgeous. Now get back to sleep.
Or do I have to give you an order ?
----Ooh Sir! Yes Sir.
----Sweet dreams Sarge...
(sound identified: human footsteps)
(sound identified: perimeter guard detector sound. All Clear)
Which brings me back to business.
Fucking big rock, damn hard place.
Tau Ceti's a wreck. The Mechs either knew what they were doing or got lucky, Meridian spaceport's a glass zone and I'm pretty certain there's not a working factory left on the entire cock sucking mudball. Well not one that's capable of putting togther a warp coil anyhow. Central Command nuked most of them once they realised how badly we'd screwed up and the rest were already scrap iron or new mechs by the time we got there.
If Cen-Com hadn't been blown into yet another wisp of radioactive vapour, or if a certain Combat Major Charles Entarion Destrier had managed to stop the damn mechs before they got a solid foothold in a geothermal station we might have had a chance.
Bit of a moot point now though, we're fucked, mechs don't like humans for some reason, no damn idea why. Hell, no damn clue who to ask either, only people who know what the fuck started this shitstorm were damn sure to be the first to get shredded.
Face it, Charlie boy, you and these other yellow bellies here may well be all that's left of the human race in this part of the sky. Which is a fucking joke in itself, 'cos Ari and Vito are about as far from homo sapiens as anything we've ever seen in all our crawl across this tiny patch of the galaxy.
Four fucktards against the entire world...
One, a "coward" who'll get shot for deserting his post if we ever get back to civilisation.
Hi.
Two, Vito, the only one of my entire close squad who made it out of there in even nearly one piece. Eleven years we've been together, there isn't a word for the level of trust between us.
Three, Gebren, My first technician for the last half a year. Techno witch extrodinaire thanks to the metalwork in her skull. She told our skimmer to burn out its thrust turbines so we'd get away from the drone swarm, nice job.
Four, Arianne. Who's been running with us for a month or so, since we pulled her out of a heap of shredded corpses where she was hiding, all that was left of her old squad. Injured a week before we met her, and sensitive bastards that we are, we find out yesterday.
Sorry Ari, I was busy, I can pencil you in after "get the fuck away from killer mechs", Ok ?
And Arianne thinks she's the fuck up in this merry band.
Sheer stroke of luck we're even alive now. Four weeks running on foot, staying mostly one step ahead of an ever growing army of tin plated meatfuckers and we find an Elder artefact just sat up against a rock. Archeological find of the year just fucking sat there out in the rain. I mean we'd seen plenty before, everyone on TC has, but this one wasn't all melted or burned to shit.
If it was peacetime we'd have called it in and got rich off the finder's fee, but with a war on we just about had time to take five and look it over.
Hope was that it'd be some kind of superweapon so we'd actually get out of there alive. Not a fucking chance, firstly Elders didn't leave any weapons, and secondly the damn thing looked like a fridge, but all covered in copper green crap, shoulda taken pictures.
We're just about to piss off when Vito gives the piece of shit thing a good kick for wasting our time, and something inside it goes beep. That's surprise number two.
So Geb goes all apeshit, gets out her little notebook, pokes and prods it for a minute and the fucking thing powers up, smooth and sweet as a freshly waxed snatch.
Fuck me, I nearly shat. Archeological find of the lifetime of the damn universe and we were just gonna have to leave it there for the fucking mechs!
Bastard thing puts up a screenfull of those shitty Elder symbols that make you wanna tear out your own eyes and Geb nearly burns out her suit mic turning whole goddamn world upside down.
"It's a door, it's a fucking door, oh shit fuck me backwards it's a fucking door!" she says, well, shouts, screams, pisses herself and stands there with a look on her face like someone stuck a dildo in her ass and turned it up to eleven.
"Well get the fucking thing open then!" we all scream back, like some fucking comedy gold moment on channel 23.
Surprise number three and we're all out of surprises.
Bastard thing fucking worked too.
Ok, that can be surprise number four, wanna piss off hassling me about it ? No-one expects the spanish fucking inquisition...
Not a fucking mech within five kliks according to the scanners.
Nanolathe... Yeah, nice green light on the, erm, thingy, hope that means it's getting warmed up to make me the first cup of coffee I've had in a month, oh and repair all our busted kit as a sideline. That would be pretty cool.
So us four left alive, but if it's us four against the world.
We may not win in the end, but fuck me if we don't go down fighting...
VoiceEND
< Internal Monitoring Data
Originating Station: Hub Uplink Dispatch 2587.2344.0060.8888
Consistency Checking: Central Core 0000.0000.0001.1111
Continue:
>
Sarge: fuck me if we don't go down fighting...
Vito: (unintelligable)
Sarge: Hey Vito, you back with us Caveman ? Best keep it down a little, the others are asleep...
Vito: Christ on a crutch Sarge so was I. You let me sleep in my fucking Suit you sadistic son of a bitch?
Sarge: You looked like you needed it, spark out on the floor as soon as things calmed down. How're you feeling ?
Vito: Like I've been lying flat on a solid metal floor without fucking moving for fucking hours and every fucking muscle in my fucking body hates me.
Sarge: That's one whole lotta hate for one guy...
Vito: I can handle it, so long as I get some decent breakfast. We got any of that left over bear still left over ?
Sarge: Fuck, you actually want more of that vile slop ? Christ, It's as much as I can do to stomach my regulation three meals a day.
Vito: I'm a big guy Sarge, I need big meals... Oh yeah, and Permission to crack Suit Sir ? it fucking stinks in here.
Sarge: yeah, go to it, we're all naked at once, which is a flagrant breach of regs, but since we've got the perimiter up and powered, who gives a fuck ?
Vito: You really want to set me up with a feedline like that Sarge ? I mean there's Arianne on your pad with her legs, well, yeah, and you getting a hardon just looking in her general direction and you say "who gives a fuck" I mean...
Sarge: yeah, yeah, whatever. Sounds like it's time for you to take another blue pill with your breakfast.
Vito: Aww fuck, fucking hormone supressants! You piece of shit!
Sarge: Quit bitching and take the damn pill, unless you think a fatal heart attack or a ruptured blood vessel in what's left of your brain makes a great start to the day ?
Vito: Yeah, fucking thanks Sarge. Here I am, seven foot two of firmly muscled Adonis and I'm hung like a freaking infant 'cos some dickweed in a biolab someplace screws up one lousy chromosome. I know why you made us sterile, but can't we at least enjoy a good fuck. Lousy bastard breeders.
Sarge: (laugh) seven foot two of hary gorilla man with a bad attitude and psychotic tendancies. Now crack your Suit, get cleaned up as best you can and eat your slop. I'm gonna go walkabout as soon as you're ready to go on watch.
Vito: Ok Sarge, but watch your step out there ok ? I didn't see a damn thing earlier but well, perimiter or not, this place still gives me the creeps...
[ 9(nine) Irrelevent sections discarded]
VoiceBEGIN
========[UTC: 04:07:44.0 11/04/2361]
VoicRec:
Captains Log. Stardate... Hell knows. Lets call it a Friday, then we've got the weekend to relax in.
Things you find when you're doing Suit maintanance in the middle of a long and boring watch.
Hi box, must be years Huh ?
Never really did enjoy talking to a little cube with nothing to show for it but a slowly blinking red light.
Well, you'll just have to do. Vito's still out like a light, asleep in his Suit again!
Geb's making the most vile noises.
I tell you now box, no girl should snore like a warthog sucking jelly through a hosepipe even when she has got a crystal reader plugged into her face.
Restoring her backups I hope, she was the only one I could make old jokes with and get a laugh instead of a puzzled look. Remember the Wicked Witch of the West Geb, please...
Arianne, well, Arianne's splat out beside me looking like some adolescent's wet dream, buck nekkid and sprawled across the pad in a pose that I reckon would have got her jail time in some of the more uptight bits of history.
Not much of a damn audience are you box...
You're spozed to chuckle and say "lucky dog!" or "I say! old fruit, those are the most incredible tits I've seen in my entire life".
Admittedly box, if you did that I'd have to kill you, because she's mine, all mine. In ways your pointy little silicon head can't even imagine. Wanna know why ?
Well fuck you, ya ungrateful piece of shit, I'm gonna tell you anyhow.
I read her damn specs again, and young Ari here makes Vito look like a stone axe next to a scalpel, an old colt .45 to a MASER rifle, physcailly state of the art. He's probably stronger, but she's a lot, lot faster and more accurate. That counts, it really does.
Perfect solider material, all I have to do is give her one drop of my blood and say the the right words she's mine to command. Totally and utterly, if I activated her loyalty conditioning and told her to walk into a line pylon, she'd do it, no questions.
Which means, by my own twisted set of morals and ethics, those words are exactly the ones I can't say. It would make getting the daft bitch to behave a thousand times easier, but would make her a slave, and that...
Well, lets just say I've seen slaves, real ones, not that historical bullshit with the black guys in collars and the white guys with whips, fuck, call that slavery ?
Those guys were free as fucking birds compared to some of the shit that I've had to scrape...
----Sarge ? You not sleeping ? You ok ?
Yeah, S'ok, sweetheart just catching up on myself. Get back to sleep.
----Ok Sarge, G'night.
Night Ari, sweet dreams.
----Sweet memories more like, MmmmMmmm I can barely fucking move... Damn you're good.
(laugh) You're not so bad yourself gorgeous. Now get back to sleep.
Or do I have to give you an order ?
----Ooh Sir! Yes Sir.
----Sweet dreams Sarge...
(sound identified: human footsteps)
(sound identified: perimeter guard detector sound. All Clear)
Which brings me back to business.
Fucking big rock, damn hard place.
Tau Ceti's a wreck. The Mechs either knew what they were doing or got lucky, Meridian spaceport's a glass zone and I'm pretty certain there's not a working factory left on the entire cock sucking mudball. Well not one that's capable of putting togther a warp coil anyhow. Central Command nuked most of them once they realised how badly we'd screwed up and the rest were already scrap iron or new mechs by the time we got there.
If Cen-Com hadn't been blown into yet another wisp of radioactive vapour, or if a certain Combat Major Charles Entarion Destrier had managed to stop the damn mechs before they got a solid foothold in a geothermal station we might have had a chance.
Bit of a moot point now though, we're fucked, mechs don't like humans for some reason, no damn idea why. Hell, no damn clue who to ask either, only people who know what the fuck started this shitstorm were damn sure to be the first to get shredded.
Face it, Charlie boy, you and these other yellow bellies here may well be all that's left of the human race in this part of the sky. Which is a fucking joke in itself, 'cos Ari and Vito are about as far from homo sapiens as anything we've ever seen in all our crawl across this tiny patch of the galaxy.
Four fucktards against the entire world...
One, a "coward" who'll get shot for deserting his post if we ever get back to civilisation.
Hi.
Two, Vito, the only one of my entire close squad who made it out of there in even nearly one piece. Eleven years we've been together, there isn't a word for the level of trust between us.
Three, Gebren, My first technician for the last half a year. Techno witch extrodinaire thanks to the metalwork in her skull. She told our skimmer to burn out its thrust turbines so we'd get away from the drone swarm, nice job.
Four, Arianne. Who's been running with us for a month or so, since we pulled her out of a heap of shredded corpses where she was hiding, all that was left of her old squad. Injured a week before we met her, and sensitive bastards that we are, we find out yesterday.
Sorry Ari, I was busy, I can pencil you in after "get the fuck away from killer mechs", Ok ?
And Arianne thinks she's the fuck up in this merry band.
Sheer stroke of luck we're even alive now. Four weeks running on foot, staying mostly one step ahead of an ever growing army of tin plated meatfuckers and we find an Elder artefact just sat up against a rock. Archeological find of the year just fucking sat there out in the rain. I mean we'd seen plenty before, everyone on TC has, but this one wasn't all melted or burned to shit.
If it was peacetime we'd have called it in and got rich off the finder's fee, but with a war on we just about had time to take five and look it over.
Hope was that it'd be some kind of superweapon so we'd actually get out of there alive. Not a fucking chance, firstly Elders didn't leave any weapons, and secondly the damn thing looked like a fridge, but all covered in copper green crap, shoulda taken pictures.
We're just about to piss off when Vito gives the piece of shit thing a good kick for wasting our time, and something inside it goes beep. That's surprise number two.
So Geb goes all apeshit, gets out her little notebook, pokes and prods it for a minute and the fucking thing powers up, smooth and sweet as a freshly waxed snatch.
Fuck me, I nearly shat. Archeological find of the lifetime of the damn universe and we were just gonna have to leave it there for the fucking mechs!
Bastard thing puts up a screenfull of those shitty Elder symbols that make you wanna tear out your own eyes and Geb nearly burns out her suit mic turning whole goddamn world upside down.
"It's a door, it's a fucking door, oh shit fuck me backwards it's a fucking door!" she says, well, shouts, screams, pisses herself and stands there with a look on her face like someone stuck a dildo in her ass and turned it up to eleven.
"Well get the fucking thing open then!" we all scream back, like some fucking comedy gold moment on channel 23.
Surprise number three and we're all out of surprises.
Bastard thing fucking worked too.
Ok, that can be surprise number four, wanna piss off hassling me about it ? No-one expects the spanish fucking inquisition...
Not a fucking mech within five kliks according to the scanners.
Nanolathe... Yeah, nice green light on the, erm, thingy, hope that means it's getting warmed up to make me the first cup of coffee I've had in a month, oh and repair all our busted kit as a sideline. That would be pretty cool.
So us four left alive, but if it's us four against the world.
We may not win in the end, but fuck me if we don't go down fighting...
VoiceEND
< Internal Monitoring Data
Originating Station: Hub Uplink Dispatch 2587.2344.0060.8888
Consistency Checking: Central Core 0000.0000.0001.1111
Continue:
>
Sarge: fuck me if we don't go down fighting...
Vito: (unintelligable)
Sarge: Hey Vito, you back with us Caveman ? Best keep it down a little, the others are asleep...
Vito: Christ on a crutch Sarge so was I. You let me sleep in my fucking Suit you sadistic son of a bitch?
Sarge: You looked like you needed it, spark out on the floor as soon as things calmed down. How're you feeling ?
Vito: Like I've been lying flat on a solid metal floor without fucking moving for fucking hours and every fucking muscle in my fucking body hates me.
Sarge: That's one whole lotta hate for one guy...
Vito: I can handle it, so long as I get some decent breakfast. We got any of that left over bear still left over ?
Sarge: Fuck, you actually want more of that vile slop ? Christ, It's as much as I can do to stomach my regulation three meals a day.
Vito: I'm a big guy Sarge, I need big meals... Oh yeah, and Permission to crack Suit Sir ? it fucking stinks in here.
Sarge: yeah, go to it, we're all naked at once, which is a flagrant breach of regs, but since we've got the perimiter up and powered, who gives a fuck ?
Vito: You really want to set me up with a feedline like that Sarge ? I mean there's Arianne on your pad with her legs, well, yeah, and you getting a hardon just looking in her general direction and you say "who gives a fuck" I mean...
Sarge: yeah, yeah, whatever. Sounds like it's time for you to take another blue pill with your breakfast.
Vito: Aww fuck, fucking hormone supressants! You piece of shit!
Sarge: Quit bitching and take the damn pill, unless you think a fatal heart attack or a ruptured blood vessel in what's left of your brain makes a great start to the day ?
Vito: Yeah, fucking thanks Sarge. Here I am, seven foot two of firmly muscled Adonis and I'm hung like a freaking infant 'cos some dickweed in a biolab someplace screws up one lousy chromosome. I know why you made us sterile, but can't we at least enjoy a good fuck. Lousy bastard breeders.
Sarge: (laugh) seven foot two of hary gorilla man with a bad attitude and psychotic tendancies. Now crack your Suit, get cleaned up as best you can and eat your slop. I'm gonna go walkabout as soon as you're ready to go on watch.
Vito: Ok Sarge, but watch your step out there ok ? I didn't see a damn thing earlier but well, perimiter or not, this place still gives me the creeps...