Meme response, round 1
Thanks for all the prompts, my dear f'list! You know, I googled around for some *responses* to this meme and I didn't find a single one, so I'm just going to present this my way. There's too many of them to go in one post, and it would take FOREVER to finish them up, so I'm going to do one round of drabbles, one round of question-answering, and one last round of drabbles...at least that's the current plan!
Also, I make no apologies for OOC-ness, as I consider that *your* fault. XP
Okay! First off, a prompt from dandywonderous!
If 1 and 7 had a baby, what would its gender be, and what would they name it?
"But, Nami, it's not fair, why don't I get a chance to name the baby?" Luffy whined.
Nami was too tired to point out that Luffy's unfortunate history of naming attempts made him eminently unsuitable for the task. "Tell you what," she compromised. "If it's a girl, I'll name her, and if it's a boy, you can name him." After all, Chopper had already assured her that the ultrasound showed it was going to be a girl...she stroked her bulging belly, imagining how tiny Bellemere would look. Would she have the red hair of her mother or the black hair of her father? Either way, she was going to be a strong, happy, healthy baby with two doting parents and a loving extended family to care for her, and that was all Nami could ask for.
The strong, healthy baby chose that moment to give her a vicious kick, which triggered a series of violent contractions. "Luffy! I think the baby's coming!" Nami gasped. "Quick, call Chopper!"
Luffy's eyes widened. "Right! I'll go right away! Hang on, Nami!"
...Nami slumped back into the bed, exhausted from the pain, yet eager to hold her bawling baby daughter for the first time. "How is she?" she whispered.
She felt an extended rubber arm wipe the sweat away from her forehead gently. "He's wonderful, Nami." She had never heard such tenderness in Luffy's voice. "You did a great job."
Nami sighed in relief, then stiffened when she replayed what Luffy had said in her head. "He? Did you say he, Luffy?"
Luffy nodded enthusiastically, taking the baby from Robin's arms and placing them in Nami's. Nami took a cautious peek under the swaddling cloths.
"CHOPPER!"
Nami looked around the infirmary and found Chopper hiding the wrong way behind the door. "Er, congratulations, Nami!" he quavered. "You have a healthy baby boy!" And began to sneak away.
"Get back here, Chopper!" Nami demanded. "You told me she was going to be a girl!"
"No, I didn't!" Chopper's voice rose to a terrified squeak. "I said there was a 99.9% chance it was going to be a girl!"
Nami groaned and hid her face in her hands. Only Luffy's child could overcome such odds.
"So, that means I get to name him, right? I've been thinking about it all this while, and I've come up with the perfect name!" Luffy beamed proudly.
And thus Monkey D Ace Treasure Katana Nosepp Curlicue Reindeer Poneglyph Robot Binks came into the world.
(A/N: Yet another reason Luffy/Nami doesn't quite work in my own imagination :-P )
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Next up, zelda_addict!
3 discovers that 11 and 9 have a secret relationship. Would they be able to keep it a secret?
Smoker looked down in deep satisfaction at the chained and battered form of the Supernova. Trafalgar Law. 200 million beli. It wasn't quite as deeply satisfying as capturing Monkey D Luffy would have been, but then Law wasn't very far behind Strawhat in terms of bounty, and it was good to see that self-satisfied smirk wiped off the rookie's face. Besides, once he'd extracted all of Law's secrets, he would be within reach. Psychologically and physically damaged, there was no way Strawhat could escape Smoker's clutches this time.
"Let's continue the interrogation," he grunted around his two cigars. "Where is Strawhat?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Law replied stubbornly, but he sounded deeply exhausted after two days of non-stop questioning, not to mention the continuous draining feeling that came from the seastone cuffs.
"Cut the shit, Law," Smoker snapped. "Everyone in Marineford saw you take Monkey D Luffy away in that yellow submarine of yours. Of course you must know."
"Tossed him overboard," Law stuck to the lie he'd been wearily repeating for the last 48 hours. "Why the hell would I save Strawhat, when he's a rival of mine? Just another obstacle on the path to One Piece."
"I don't know what messed-up thoughts go through that twisted brain of yours, Mister 'Surgeon of Death', but if you'd just wanted to kill him you should have just let him fall into the sea instead of breaking into Marineford. Now, WHERE IS STRAWHAT?"
At that moment, there came a brief knock at the door and Tashigi entered, looking flustered. "Excuse me, Commodore Smoker, but we've just received some fresh intelligence!"
Smoker sighed. "I'm over here. You're talking to the prisoner."
"Ah!" Tashigi pulled her glasses down over her eyes. "I'm deeply sorry!" she bowed to a very confused Law.
"You're apologising to a pirate?" Smoker said acidly.
"Oh! No! I just..." Tashigi cast a pitying glance on her fellow swordsman, then turned to Smoker and whispered some words into his ear.
A smile spread slowly across Smoker's face as he listened to her news, his eyes fixed maliciously on Law.
Law swallowed as best he could, with his throat as raw as it was, and desperately hoped it wasn't news that his crew had been captured. He was sure they couldn't have been. Bepo wouldn't let that happen, surely. Or...could they have found out about him? Surely they couldn't have! He'd been so careful!
Finally Tashigi finished her whispering and stood back at attention, and Smoker turned back to Law. He stared at Law for a few unnerving moments, then began. "In Water 7."
Law's heart sank, and it showed on his face.
"Or perhaps...not quite in Water 7." Smoker was enjoying dragging this out. "At the Sea Train station between Water 7 and St. Poplar."
Law began to sweat.
"You entrusted him to the care of a little girl..."
Smoker smirked as Law crumpled up before his very eyes. He enjoyed seeing a strong pirate wilt when he knew he was defeated.
"Please," Law muttered. "So long as you don't touch him..." His voice was broken.
Smoker leaned forward, puffing his cigar in the prisoner's face. "If you'll only tell me where Strawhat is, Law, I'll make sure your darling pet rabbit remains unharmed and happy."
Law slumped in his chains, his entire posture one of defeat. "All right," he choked out. "Strawhat Luffy is in Am..."
(A/N: What in hell possessed me to put GONBE on the list??? And yes, I know Smoker's woefully OOC...)
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slowsunrise asked...
6 is a famous actor, and 8 is his/her biggest fan. How would a meeting turn out?
"Excuse me, Iceburg-san."
The blue-haired man glanced up at his ever-efficient secretary. "Yes, Califa. What is it?"
"There's a man here to see you, the famous actor Mr. Drogue. He says you wrote and invited him to visit."
Iceburg's eyes brightened. "Nmaa, that's wonderful! Show him in!"
"Of course." Califa went to the door. "Drogue-san, Iceburg-san will see you now," she said in her usual cool voice.
"Thank you, my dear," the red-haired actor drawled, giving her a charming wink out of his non-eyepatched eye as he entered the room.
Iceburg hurried forward to shake the great actor's hand. "Drogue-sama! Welcome! Welcome! I am so honoured that you could come!" he said effusively, leading Shanks to an easy chair.
"It's not everyday I get invited to the office of the mayor of so important a city as Water 7, not to mention the owner of a great shipbuilding company. Of course I had to accept," the man said with the easy, friendly manner that had endeared him to his fans across the world.
"I apologise for not coming to see you in person, and making you come and see me. I suppose my mentor Tom would scold me if he saw me now and tell me to admit my ardent admiration for you with a DON, but as you say, I am the Mayor of Water 7. It wouldn't do to let the public know about my more...frivolous pursuits," Iceburg said apologetically.
"Of course, I understand your predicament," Drogue replied with a dismissive gesture.
"Ah, Califa, would you bring in some tea?" Iceburg called.
"At once," Califa replied, carrying in a tray laden with two steaming cups.
"My word, what efficiency," the actor exclaimed. The blond-haired woman gave him a quick smile at the compliment.
"That's Califa for you," Iceburg said. "Thank you, Califa, you may leave us." She inclined her head and went to the door.
"And who is this little fellow?" Drogue asked.
"Nmaa, this is Tyrannosaurus. We've watched every single one of your films together..." Iceburg drew out his sentence as Califa gave a last glance around the room, checking for anything else they might require her for, and bowed herself out.
Immediately the two men relaxed. "Nmaa, do we have to do this everytime we meet?" Iceburg complained. "Califa's going to think I've gone bonkers, going obsessed over an actor at my age."
Shanks lifted his eyepatch lazily and regarded Iceburg with an amused gaze. "Well, this town is crawling with agents for the World Government. You can't blame me for taking precautions."
"Precautions, my foot," Iceburg snorted. "Can't you come up with any better alter ego than an actor? I'm surprised the Marines haven't already come barging into one of your production sites to arrest you, with only an eyepatch's difference between your movie and bounty posters. How many red-haired men are there with only one arm? And your name! A shank is a part of an anchor; a drogue is a kind of anchor. Haven't they put two and two together?"
"Spoken like a true shipwright," Shanks said with what had been dubbed a "droguish" grin by fangirls the world over. "I assure you, it's opaque to most people."
"I'm sure some Marine shipwright will put two and two together someday," Iceburg said drily.
"Someday, perhaps. But for the time being, it's working. My crew are surprisingly versatile, and the scripts Benn comes up with are something amazing."
"Nmaa, I wish Benn could have come up with a less tedious way to communicate your plans to us than through your latest movie," Iceberg complained. "I admit it was ingenious of you to build a dry prototype yourself and stage your film on it so that we could deduce its design from the set, but we took a ton of flak from the citizens for being so obsessed with 'Journey to the New World' as to build a working replica of your ship. And my foremen nearly went crazy watching it thirty times over trying to pin down every detail. The plot was fine on the first go, but after suffering through your film that many times, its appeal did pall."
"I'll have to tell Benn that," Shanks chortled. "He'll be crushed. Anyway, I expect the ship's ready?"
Iceburg nodded towards the shipyard. "All it needs is a crew and a name."
"A name, huh? I'll have to discuss it with the men. Anyway, here's the cash for it, courtesy of Drogue Productions." Shanks picked up the briefcase he'd brought and placed it on the table.
Iceburg put up his hands in a gesture of refusal. "It's fine."
"Oh, but I insist," Shanks said. "We make a mint of money on these films, which is great for us pirates who don't much care for looting and pillaging. And there's a limit to how much we can spend on booze."
"And I still refuse. It's enough of an honour for us to have built a ship for the next Pirate King."
"The World Government can't know that," Shanks said pointedly. "And besides, who says I'm going to be the next Pirate King?"
"Nmaa, I assumed that was your purpose in returning to the Grand Line. Apparently I was wrong." Iceburg furrowed his brow.
"I'm leaving One Piece for a new generation to discover," Shanks said, subconsciously feeling his empty sleeve, his tone wistful. "The freedom of the seas is enough for me and my crew."
"I understand," Iceburg said solemnly. "In that case, I will accept the payment."
Both men got to their feet, Shanks slipping the eyepatch down over his scarred eye. He looked out of Iceburg's window at the magnificent ship. "I wonder what adventures she'll carry us on," he said thoughtfully.
"Whatever adventures they are, I hope they'll be safe ones," Iceburg remarked.
Shanks threw back his head and laughed. "What fun is there in a safe adventure?"
"That may be so, but I hope to see my ship, Benn and you back in one piece someday, Shanks. In that order," Iceburg said, shaking hands.
Shanks grinned, as Iceburg moved over to the desk and buzzed for Califa. "We will, surely."
"It was wonderful to meet you, Drogue-sama," Iceburg slipped back into his obsessive fanboy persona as she re-entered the room. "Do come and visit again, and I look so much forward to your next visit."
"And it was a pleasure to visit with one of my faithful fans," 'Drogue' replied. "And, of course, such a lovely lady as yourself, Califa-san."
Perhaps Shanks deserved his reputation as a great actor, Iceburg thought as he took the blond-haired woman's hand in his own and kissed it in a gallant gesture, eliciting a surprising flush of colour in his normally icy secretary's face. With a last wink and a grin, Shanks slipped out, on his way to a new ship, new adventures - and new movies.
(A/N: Yes, this should have been AU. No, I couldn't make it work. I'm sorry :-( )
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quarantineabra's brilliant brain came up with this doozy...
Fourteen wants chocolate ice-cream but is experiencing explosive, unpredictable flatulence. They have four, ten, and eleven on their speed dial. Who do they call and why?
Chopper looked unhappily between his herbs and his chocolate ice cream. The ice cream was melting fast in the heat, and he desperately wanted to taste its cool sweetness, but...
A sudden uncomfortable fullness welled up within him and he scrunched up his face in dread as his body expelled a huge quantity of gas in a loud and extremely unpleasant way.
Apparently the herbal concoction he'd just made hadn't done the trick. Three tooting farts followed in close succession, confirming the fact.
Chopper hated having a four-chambered stomach sometimes.
It also confirmed that ice cream was definitely out of the question. Chopper toddled sadly over to the fridge and put it back in the freezer, then slumped back into his chair, looking contemplatively at the Den Den Mushi. Who could he call for help?
"Bartholomew Kuma," he instructed the telephonic snail, and immediately it began to ring, connecting with a loud click.
"Er, hi, Kuma...how's it going with the, er, brain transplant?"
Chopper's inquiry was met with silence, and he checked the Den Den Mushi to see if the line was still connected. Its eyes were still open, but glazed over and vacant.
"I guess the answer is...not too well." Chopper kicked himself. What had he been thinking? Brilliant as the man once was, there was no way Kuma had recovered enough from the transplant to answer questions about flatulence! "I'll just let you get on with, er, recovering then. Bye!" The Den-Den Mushi went to sleep.
Chopper thought for a moment. What about Benn? He was super-smart, and pretty worldly-wise. He would surely have a solution...but Chopper's courage failed him just as he was about to instruct the Den Den Mushi to place the call. If he told Benn, Shanks would find out, and if Shanks knew about something with as much potential for juvenile toilet humour as this, the whole world would soon find out.
Maybe calling Benn was a bad idea.
Then what about Trafalgar Law? As a doctor, he'd probably have plenty of remedies to prescribe...but the very thought made Chopper stiffen up indignantly. No way was Law a better doctor than him. Anyway, if anything, he needed a vet familiar with the internal rumblings of four-chambered stomachs rather than a doctor. It sometimes escaped him that he wasn't quite human.
Speaking of not being quite human...
Chopper's face brightened, and he wondered why he hadn't thought about it from the start. He eagerly grabbed the Den Den Mushi and placed a call to the shipyards. If there was one person in the world with a deep, intimate acquaintance with exploding farts, it was Cyborg Franky.
(A/N: Why Chopper would have Bartholomew Kuma, Benn Beckman and Trafalgar Law on speed dial escapes me. XP)
...........................................................................mishagirl asked for this one...
4 watches as 12 gets out of the shower and realises they like the view.
Bartholomew Kuma sucked in his breath as his bathing companion emerged from the water.
He was beautiful, tiny rivulets of water droplets parting ways as they coursed over the curves of a body quite unlike anything Kuma had ever seen before, before reforming into a single pool that rippled slowly outwards from beneath his feet.
It was true that he wasn't exactly what human beings looked for in a mate. But human standards of beauty were partly based on the need for biological reproduction and partly based on cultural standards, and as an emotionless cyborg who had had all his reproductive bits replaced to make room for a central processing unit, Kuma hardly cared for either.
He was just perfect, from the goggles atop his head to the tips of his yellow-feathered wings and down to the webbed feet. Kuma glanced at his own padded paws, his electronic brain making a distant connection between the two sets of appendages. Ducks used their webbed feet to swim faster. Bears walked better on their padded feet. It was as if this was all a part of some grand evolution-scale conspiracy. Kuma's internal processors began overclocking at the realisation.
At that moment, Carue caught sight of the blank-faced but slowly steaming cyborg and gave a loud alarmed quack, upsetting the water barrel that hung around his neck so that even more liquid washed over his body.
Kuma tingled in pleasure somewhere in the depths of his half-human, half-mechanical body.
Apparently there was just something about water rolling off a duck's back that was perfectly calculated to turn a cyborg on.
(A/N: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...by golly it is a duck :-P Yes, I put down Carue and Gonbe on my list. Two animals that don't talk. Plus Kuma, who now hardly talks. No, I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Sorry for the fail!character choices...next time I'm gonna go for all Strawhats plus random choices, that would be funnier. And so much easier!)
Round One, DOWN!
Also, I make no apologies for OOC-ness, as I consider that *your* fault. XP
Okay! First off, a prompt from dandywonderous!
If 1 and 7 had a baby, what would its gender be, and what would they name it?
"But, Nami, it's not fair, why don't I get a chance to name the baby?" Luffy whined.
Nami was too tired to point out that Luffy's unfortunate history of naming attempts made him eminently unsuitable for the task. "Tell you what," she compromised. "If it's a girl, I'll name her, and if it's a boy, you can name him." After all, Chopper had already assured her that the ultrasound showed it was going to be a girl...she stroked her bulging belly, imagining how tiny Bellemere would look. Would she have the red hair of her mother or the black hair of her father? Either way, she was going to be a strong, happy, healthy baby with two doting parents and a loving extended family to care for her, and that was all Nami could ask for.
The strong, healthy baby chose that moment to give her a vicious kick, which triggered a series of violent contractions. "Luffy! I think the baby's coming!" Nami gasped. "Quick, call Chopper!"
Luffy's eyes widened. "Right! I'll go right away! Hang on, Nami!"
...Nami slumped back into the bed, exhausted from the pain, yet eager to hold her bawling baby daughter for the first time. "How is she?" she whispered.
She felt an extended rubber arm wipe the sweat away from her forehead gently. "He's wonderful, Nami." She had never heard such tenderness in Luffy's voice. "You did a great job."
Nami sighed in relief, then stiffened when she replayed what Luffy had said in her head. "He? Did you say he, Luffy?"
Luffy nodded enthusiastically, taking the baby from Robin's arms and placing them in Nami's. Nami took a cautious peek under the swaddling cloths.
"CHOPPER!"
Nami looked around the infirmary and found Chopper hiding the wrong way behind the door. "Er, congratulations, Nami!" he quavered. "You have a healthy baby boy!" And began to sneak away.
"Get back here, Chopper!" Nami demanded. "You told me she was going to be a girl!"
"No, I didn't!" Chopper's voice rose to a terrified squeak. "I said there was a 99.9% chance it was going to be a girl!"
Nami groaned and hid her face in her hands. Only Luffy's child could overcome such odds.
"So, that means I get to name him, right? I've been thinking about it all this while, and I've come up with the perfect name!" Luffy beamed proudly.
And thus Monkey D Ace Treasure Katana Nosepp Curlicue Reindeer Poneglyph Robot Binks came into the world.
(A/N: Yet another reason Luffy/Nami doesn't quite work in my own imagination :-P )
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Next up, zelda_addict!
3 discovers that 11 and 9 have a secret relationship. Would they be able to keep it a secret?
Smoker looked down in deep satisfaction at the chained and battered form of the Supernova. Trafalgar Law. 200 million beli. It wasn't quite as deeply satisfying as capturing Monkey D Luffy would have been, but then Law wasn't very far behind Strawhat in terms of bounty, and it was good to see that self-satisfied smirk wiped off the rookie's face. Besides, once he'd extracted all of Law's secrets, he would be within reach. Psychologically and physically damaged, there was no way Strawhat could escape Smoker's clutches this time.
"Let's continue the interrogation," he grunted around his two cigars. "Where is Strawhat?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Law replied stubbornly, but he sounded deeply exhausted after two days of non-stop questioning, not to mention the continuous draining feeling that came from the seastone cuffs.
"Cut the shit, Law," Smoker snapped. "Everyone in Marineford saw you take Monkey D Luffy away in that yellow submarine of yours. Of course you must know."
"Tossed him overboard," Law stuck to the lie he'd been wearily repeating for the last 48 hours. "Why the hell would I save Strawhat, when he's a rival of mine? Just another obstacle on the path to One Piece."
"I don't know what messed-up thoughts go through that twisted brain of yours, Mister 'Surgeon of Death', but if you'd just wanted to kill him you should have just let him fall into the sea instead of breaking into Marineford. Now, WHERE IS STRAWHAT?"
At that moment, there came a brief knock at the door and Tashigi entered, looking flustered. "Excuse me, Commodore Smoker, but we've just received some fresh intelligence!"
Smoker sighed. "I'm over here. You're talking to the prisoner."
"Ah!" Tashigi pulled her glasses down over her eyes. "I'm deeply sorry!" she bowed to a very confused Law.
"You're apologising to a pirate?" Smoker said acidly.
"Oh! No! I just..." Tashigi cast a pitying glance on her fellow swordsman, then turned to Smoker and whispered some words into his ear.
A smile spread slowly across Smoker's face as he listened to her news, his eyes fixed maliciously on Law.
Law swallowed as best he could, with his throat as raw as it was, and desperately hoped it wasn't news that his crew had been captured. He was sure they couldn't have been. Bepo wouldn't let that happen, surely. Or...could they have found out about him? Surely they couldn't have! He'd been so careful!
Finally Tashigi finished her whispering and stood back at attention, and Smoker turned back to Law. He stared at Law for a few unnerving moments, then began. "In Water 7."
Law's heart sank, and it showed on his face.
"Or perhaps...not quite in Water 7." Smoker was enjoying dragging this out. "At the Sea Train station between Water 7 and St. Poplar."
Law began to sweat.
"You entrusted him to the care of a little girl..."
Smoker smirked as Law crumpled up before his very eyes. He enjoyed seeing a strong pirate wilt when he knew he was defeated.
"Please," Law muttered. "So long as you don't touch him..." His voice was broken.
Smoker leaned forward, puffing his cigar in the prisoner's face. "If you'll only tell me where Strawhat is, Law, I'll make sure your darling pet rabbit remains unharmed and happy."
Law slumped in his chains, his entire posture one of defeat. "All right," he choked out. "Strawhat Luffy is in Am..."
(A/N: What in hell possessed me to put GONBE on the list??? And yes, I know Smoker's woefully OOC...)
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slowsunrise asked...
6 is a famous actor, and 8 is his/her biggest fan. How would a meeting turn out?
"Excuse me, Iceburg-san."
The blue-haired man glanced up at his ever-efficient secretary. "Yes, Califa. What is it?"
"There's a man here to see you, the famous actor Mr. Drogue. He says you wrote and invited him to visit."
Iceburg's eyes brightened. "Nmaa, that's wonderful! Show him in!"
"Of course." Califa went to the door. "Drogue-san, Iceburg-san will see you now," she said in her usual cool voice.
"Thank you, my dear," the red-haired actor drawled, giving her a charming wink out of his non-eyepatched eye as he entered the room.
Iceburg hurried forward to shake the great actor's hand. "Drogue-sama! Welcome! Welcome! I am so honoured that you could come!" he said effusively, leading Shanks to an easy chair.
"It's not everyday I get invited to the office of the mayor of so important a city as Water 7, not to mention the owner of a great shipbuilding company. Of course I had to accept," the man said with the easy, friendly manner that had endeared him to his fans across the world.
"I apologise for not coming to see you in person, and making you come and see me. I suppose my mentor Tom would scold me if he saw me now and tell me to admit my ardent admiration for you with a DON, but as you say, I am the Mayor of Water 7. It wouldn't do to let the public know about my more...frivolous pursuits," Iceburg said apologetically.
"Of course, I understand your predicament," Drogue replied with a dismissive gesture.
"Ah, Califa, would you bring in some tea?" Iceburg called.
"At once," Califa replied, carrying in a tray laden with two steaming cups.
"My word, what efficiency," the actor exclaimed. The blond-haired woman gave him a quick smile at the compliment.
"That's Califa for you," Iceburg said. "Thank you, Califa, you may leave us." She inclined her head and went to the door.
"And who is this little fellow?" Drogue asked.
"Nmaa, this is Tyrannosaurus. We've watched every single one of your films together..." Iceburg drew out his sentence as Califa gave a last glance around the room, checking for anything else they might require her for, and bowed herself out.
Immediately the two men relaxed. "Nmaa, do we have to do this everytime we meet?" Iceburg complained. "Califa's going to think I've gone bonkers, going obsessed over an actor at my age."
Shanks lifted his eyepatch lazily and regarded Iceburg with an amused gaze. "Well, this town is crawling with agents for the World Government. You can't blame me for taking precautions."
"Precautions, my foot," Iceburg snorted. "Can't you come up with any better alter ego than an actor? I'm surprised the Marines haven't already come barging into one of your production sites to arrest you, with only an eyepatch's difference between your movie and bounty posters. How many red-haired men are there with only one arm? And your name! A shank is a part of an anchor; a drogue is a kind of anchor. Haven't they put two and two together?"
"Spoken like a true shipwright," Shanks said with what had been dubbed a "droguish" grin by fangirls the world over. "I assure you, it's opaque to most people."
"I'm sure some Marine shipwright will put two and two together someday," Iceburg said drily.
"Someday, perhaps. But for the time being, it's working. My crew are surprisingly versatile, and the scripts Benn comes up with are something amazing."
"Nmaa, I wish Benn could have come up with a less tedious way to communicate your plans to us than through your latest movie," Iceberg complained. "I admit it was ingenious of you to build a dry prototype yourself and stage your film on it so that we could deduce its design from the set, but we took a ton of flak from the citizens for being so obsessed with 'Journey to the New World' as to build a working replica of your ship. And my foremen nearly went crazy watching it thirty times over trying to pin down every detail. The plot was fine on the first go, but after suffering through your film that many times, its appeal did pall."
"I'll have to tell Benn that," Shanks chortled. "He'll be crushed. Anyway, I expect the ship's ready?"
Iceburg nodded towards the shipyard. "All it needs is a crew and a name."
"A name, huh? I'll have to discuss it with the men. Anyway, here's the cash for it, courtesy of Drogue Productions." Shanks picked up the briefcase he'd brought and placed it on the table.
Iceburg put up his hands in a gesture of refusal. "It's fine."
"Oh, but I insist," Shanks said. "We make a mint of money on these films, which is great for us pirates who don't much care for looting and pillaging. And there's a limit to how much we can spend on booze."
"And I still refuse. It's enough of an honour for us to have built a ship for the next Pirate King."
"The World Government can't know that," Shanks said pointedly. "And besides, who says I'm going to be the next Pirate King?"
"Nmaa, I assumed that was your purpose in returning to the Grand Line. Apparently I was wrong." Iceburg furrowed his brow.
"I'm leaving One Piece for a new generation to discover," Shanks said, subconsciously feeling his empty sleeve, his tone wistful. "The freedom of the seas is enough for me and my crew."
"I understand," Iceburg said solemnly. "In that case, I will accept the payment."
Both men got to their feet, Shanks slipping the eyepatch down over his scarred eye. He looked out of Iceburg's window at the magnificent ship. "I wonder what adventures she'll carry us on," he said thoughtfully.
"Whatever adventures they are, I hope they'll be safe ones," Iceburg remarked.
Shanks threw back his head and laughed. "What fun is there in a safe adventure?"
"That may be so, but I hope to see my ship, Benn and you back in one piece someday, Shanks. In that order," Iceburg said, shaking hands.
Shanks grinned, as Iceburg moved over to the desk and buzzed for Califa. "We will, surely."
"It was wonderful to meet you, Drogue-sama," Iceburg slipped back into his obsessive fanboy persona as she re-entered the room. "Do come and visit again, and I look so much forward to your next visit."
"And it was a pleasure to visit with one of my faithful fans," 'Drogue' replied. "And, of course, such a lovely lady as yourself, Califa-san."
Perhaps Shanks deserved his reputation as a great actor, Iceburg thought as he took the blond-haired woman's hand in his own and kissed it in a gallant gesture, eliciting a surprising flush of colour in his normally icy secretary's face. With a last wink and a grin, Shanks slipped out, on his way to a new ship, new adventures - and new movies.
(A/N: Yes, this should have been AU. No, I couldn't make it work. I'm sorry :-( )
...........................................................................
quarantineabra's brilliant brain came up with this doozy...
Fourteen wants chocolate ice-cream but is experiencing explosive, unpredictable flatulence. They have four, ten, and eleven on their speed dial. Who do they call and why?
Chopper looked unhappily between his herbs and his chocolate ice cream. The ice cream was melting fast in the heat, and he desperately wanted to taste its cool sweetness, but...
A sudden uncomfortable fullness welled up within him and he scrunched up his face in dread as his body expelled a huge quantity of gas in a loud and extremely unpleasant way.
Apparently the herbal concoction he'd just made hadn't done the trick. Three tooting farts followed in close succession, confirming the fact.
Chopper hated having a four-chambered stomach sometimes.
It also confirmed that ice cream was definitely out of the question. Chopper toddled sadly over to the fridge and put it back in the freezer, then slumped back into his chair, looking contemplatively at the Den Den Mushi. Who could he call for help?
"Bartholomew Kuma," he instructed the telephonic snail, and immediately it began to ring, connecting with a loud click.
"Er, hi, Kuma...how's it going with the, er, brain transplant?"
Chopper's inquiry was met with silence, and he checked the Den Den Mushi to see if the line was still connected. Its eyes were still open, but glazed over and vacant.
"I guess the answer is...not too well." Chopper kicked himself. What had he been thinking? Brilliant as the man once was, there was no way Kuma had recovered enough from the transplant to answer questions about flatulence! "I'll just let you get on with, er, recovering then. Bye!" The Den-Den Mushi went to sleep.
Chopper thought for a moment. What about Benn? He was super-smart, and pretty worldly-wise. He would surely have a solution...but Chopper's courage failed him just as he was about to instruct the Den Den Mushi to place the call. If he told Benn, Shanks would find out, and if Shanks knew about something with as much potential for juvenile toilet humour as this, the whole world would soon find out.
Maybe calling Benn was a bad idea.
Then what about Trafalgar Law? As a doctor, he'd probably have plenty of remedies to prescribe...but the very thought made Chopper stiffen up indignantly. No way was Law a better doctor than him. Anyway, if anything, he needed a vet familiar with the internal rumblings of four-chambered stomachs rather than a doctor. It sometimes escaped him that he wasn't quite human.
Speaking of not being quite human...
Chopper's face brightened, and he wondered why he hadn't thought about it from the start. He eagerly grabbed the Den Den Mushi and placed a call to the shipyards. If there was one person in the world with a deep, intimate acquaintance with exploding farts, it was Cyborg Franky.
(A/N: Why Chopper would have Bartholomew Kuma, Benn Beckman and Trafalgar Law on speed dial escapes me. XP)
...........................................................................mishagirl asked for this one...
4 watches as 12 gets out of the shower and realises they like the view.
Bartholomew Kuma sucked in his breath as his bathing companion emerged from the water.
He was beautiful, tiny rivulets of water droplets parting ways as they coursed over the curves of a body quite unlike anything Kuma had ever seen before, before reforming into a single pool that rippled slowly outwards from beneath his feet.
It was true that he wasn't exactly what human beings looked for in a mate. But human standards of beauty were partly based on the need for biological reproduction and partly based on cultural standards, and as an emotionless cyborg who had had all his reproductive bits replaced to make room for a central processing unit, Kuma hardly cared for either.
He was just perfect, from the goggles atop his head to the tips of his yellow-feathered wings and down to the webbed feet. Kuma glanced at his own padded paws, his electronic brain making a distant connection between the two sets of appendages. Ducks used their webbed feet to swim faster. Bears walked better on their padded feet. It was as if this was all a part of some grand evolution-scale conspiracy. Kuma's internal processors began overclocking at the realisation.
At that moment, Carue caught sight of the blank-faced but slowly steaming cyborg and gave a loud alarmed quack, upsetting the water barrel that hung around his neck so that even more liquid washed over his body.
Kuma tingled in pleasure somewhere in the depths of his half-human, half-mechanical body.
Apparently there was just something about water rolling off a duck's back that was perfectly calculated to turn a cyborg on.
(A/N: If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...by golly it is a duck :-P Yes, I put down Carue and Gonbe on my list. Two animals that don't talk. Plus Kuma, who now hardly talks. No, I have no idea what I was thinking at the time. Sorry for the fail!character choices...next time I'm gonna go for all Strawhats plus random choices, that would be funnier. And so much easier!)
Round One, DOWN!