Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
Title: Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of.
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Implied rape and alcohol abuse, attempted suicide.
Words: 350
Disclaimer: This is all fake, never happened and never meant to insult anyone.
A/N: Sequel to: The Final Straw , need to read this to understand it all.
Title stolen from U2.
Jensens POV
15 minutes to get home.
10 seconds to finish his first drink.
3 days of binging.
1 stomach pump.
1 short phonecall.
1 now unemployed loser.
5 days binging
3 lectures.
1 overdose.
1 month since he first fucked everything up completely.
Jensen knew that what he was doing wasn't helping anyone, not Jared and certainly not himself. Lying in hospital with alcohol poisoning and a bandaged wrist was proof of that and having no one at his bedside showed just how much everyone hated him. Hell, he hated himself, hated how his dependence on alcohol caused him all this trouble and heartache.
He never tried to contact Jared and not because he didn't want to. He wanted to hug Jared and tell him they'll get through it all, tell Jared that he'll get the help he needs so they can move past it but Jensen's not an idiot; he knew that he couldn't fix it. So why even try? Jared didn't want him and his family had stopped talking to him after discovering the real Jensen. He had no one, so what was the point in even trying to get better? To live alone and not with the person you love, to look in the mirror and see a reminder of everything that went wrong with the bags under your eyes and the paleness of your skin.
He didn't even remember who called the ambulance, didn't remember even having anyone at his dirty flat. He didn't remember much of the last month actually, only the moments at the hospital when he was sober and that wasn’t on his own accord. He didn't really care nor was he thankful. He just wanted to leave and get another drink.
He didn't even know how Jared was doing. Whether he was getting help or just bottling everything up inside. He wanted to know if Jared was getting the help he deserved. He'd rung Jared's cell once, the number was disconnected. Jensen took that as a sign. A sign that it was done, that he was done. Jensen honestly didn't mean to do what he did but it’s done and you can't change the past, only learn from it.
Sometimes he hated Jared. Hated how he made him leave. Sometimes he blamed Jared for his now extreme level of drinking. But mostly he blamed himself and drank to the hell that was his life.
Now all Jensen could do was try and stop the cravings for the next 24 hours so he could convince the Psych Consult that he didn't need to be on suicide watch. And he knew he could do it, he'd done it before at the different hospitals. Just smile that smile and get the story straight so then he could sign himself out a few hours later.
Sign himself out so he could get another drink flowing though his veins and forget about the fuck up this he was.
Continued here:
This Is How It Feels
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: Implied rape and alcohol abuse, attempted suicide.
Words: 350
Disclaimer: This is all fake, never happened and never meant to insult anyone.
A/N: Sequel to: The Final Straw , need to read this to understand it all.
Title stolen from U2.
Jensens POV
15 minutes to get home.
10 seconds to finish his first drink.
3 days of binging.
1 stomach pump.
1 short phonecall.
1 now unemployed loser.
5 days binging
3 lectures.
1 overdose.
1 month since he first fucked everything up completely.
Jensen knew that what he was doing wasn't helping anyone, not Jared and certainly not himself. Lying in hospital with alcohol poisoning and a bandaged wrist was proof of that and having no one at his bedside showed just how much everyone hated him. Hell, he hated himself, hated how his dependence on alcohol caused him all this trouble and heartache.
He never tried to contact Jared and not because he didn't want to. He wanted to hug Jared and tell him they'll get through it all, tell Jared that he'll get the help he needs so they can move past it but Jensen's not an idiot; he knew that he couldn't fix it. So why even try? Jared didn't want him and his family had stopped talking to him after discovering the real Jensen. He had no one, so what was the point in even trying to get better? To live alone and not with the person you love, to look in the mirror and see a reminder of everything that went wrong with the bags under your eyes and the paleness of your skin.
He didn't even remember who called the ambulance, didn't remember even having anyone at his dirty flat. He didn't remember much of the last month actually, only the moments at the hospital when he was sober and that wasn’t on his own accord. He didn't really care nor was he thankful. He just wanted to leave and get another drink.
He didn't even know how Jared was doing. Whether he was getting help or just bottling everything up inside. He wanted to know if Jared was getting the help he deserved. He'd rung Jared's cell once, the number was disconnected. Jensen took that as a sign. A sign that it was done, that he was done. Jensen honestly didn't mean to do what he did but it’s done and you can't change the past, only learn from it.
Sometimes he hated Jared. Hated how he made him leave. Sometimes he blamed Jared for his now extreme level of drinking. But mostly he blamed himself and drank to the hell that was his life.
Now all Jensen could do was try and stop the cravings for the next 24 hours so he could convince the Psych Consult that he didn't need to be on suicide watch. And he knew he could do it, he'd done it before at the different hospitals. Just smile that smile and get the story straight so then he could sign himself out a few hours later.
Sign himself out so he could get another drink flowing though his veins and forget about the fuck up this he was.
Continued here:
This Is How It Feels