Fallen...Not Quite Yet...Wait...There I Go...

[c_rza]

Maybe I should strangle myself right now...Who knows...But I regretted not being able to go and see Eddie off to the bus as I usually always do. It's all again because I can't stand to fucCing argue and I just don't know what to do with myself half of the time. I really can't imagine being here for too much longer. This, I'd imagine, isn't too

Comments

[monsoonrain]

why are you joining the marines?

[c_rza]

It's truly a whole slew of reasons as to why I am. But running across a street, I can say that it's a step in my life that I may need to just give myself to feel like I'm going somewhere at this moment and time. I'm taking a step that I know many others wouldn't dare take in their lives and that makes me feel a little bit above the normal air because I know in any other situation, I'd be breathing the same ol' air as everyone else. But a plus that I'm seeking out of it is the payment of school off of my back. After this year of working my ass off to pay for school, it just showed me so much about people and how the world works. I guess in some way, this is an easy way out to me, though clearly, others don't seem to think so. But they are also people who don't contend to question my life everyday and how I'm doing, but expect me to do just that with them. Interaction between two people is a two-way street. Traffic isn't always gonna flow northbound. Basically, the marines will get what they want from me, and I'll get what I

[avid_dreamer]

I don't even know if you do have any options left (but that's just the disciplined me, no-backing-off stupid me). But now, when I think again, you DO have options and may be this is the time you set out your criterias in all serious earnest and find out as to what matters most: college (through part-time jobs and daily-struggling-survival) or college through this huge commitment of risking your life. This shall be your first battlefield. And the most important skill you need as a soldier is to decide quickly and wisely. Think A LOT and then stand by it. I try this exercixe by writing all the pros and cons very very honestly; the best thing about this is that you have an explanations for the doubts that creep in eventually. I wish you luck and I hope you are able to do whatever you need to or decide to do. God Bless!

[c_rza]

I question the validity of my life...For in all the good that people claim I've done...It doesn't reap many rewards. But I guess that's how all the martyrs felt. So who knows, maybe it'll be like that if I'd ever die...Listen I'm sorry if I sound dreary or morbid...it's just...well just forgive me...but thank you for supporting me in which ever decision I do make. Thank you...