Declaration of independence.
The process of growing up is proving to be a more painful process than I thought.
Change is inevitable in a lifetime, but growing is the biggest change that no matter what we do, we just cannot avoid. One can choose to remain young at heart, but beneath that, we humans are constantly evolving and dealing with the burdens that growing brings with it.
When I was young and naive, I used to wish to grow up fast, so that I can be independent, and work for my own needs. A decade later, I am into adulthood, and all I want is to be a child again.
Growing up makes me look back, and I can't help but count the number of people who have left me; whether they have gone on with their own life without me in it, or whether they have moved on to the afterlife. How many people have left me in the past few years? How many more will be leaving me?
This December my sister will be getting married. I am currently busy with helping her out with her preparations and feeling happy for her. But in between my busy schedule, when I start to breathe, I start to realise how growing up is going to take another person from my life. Not literally, of course, but everything is going to change. Sure, I may quarrel with my sister, and hate her at times, but she's the best sister. We grew up together and I appreciate having her as my sister. We are pretty close as sisters. But growing up created rifts in our relationship. We are no longer as close as we used to be because of our busy schedule. And after she is married, we are probably just going to drift apart a lot more.
Growing up also means that I have to rely on myself a lot more than I like. I'm not needy or dependent; it's just that even as an adult, you can become lost and all you need is someone to bring you through the rough times, but it hits you that you are terribly alone. Sure, you can always ask for help, but that grown up part of you will whisper "You are all grown up now. Stop being such a wimp and deal with this shit on your own like a grown up."
Growing up made me realise a lot. It took away the perfect, rainbow, happy little bubble impression I had of the world and replaced it with dark, twisted views of humanity. Suddenly everyone had a motive, most of which are selfish. The number of people I could trust and depend on reduced to 1 in a million. And then I realise that I am more alone in this world than ever.
And we're just running a race against time.