My take on That Comic (XKCD)

[cabell]

Here's the thing that I feel like most people aren't considering in their discussion of the comic: the dude cannot shoulder 100% of the blame. In fact, while I agree wholeheartedly with rejections of the whole bogus "Nice Guy" bullshit--having been subject to it myself more than once--I feel like the situation that this comic describes is one

Comments

[goddess32585]

Personally, I'm fascinated by how I haven't really seen anyone calling out the ridiculous definition of 'friendship'. If you're just waiting around, undermining her past and present relationships and independence until you can get her [physically|mentally|emotionally] incapacitated enough to pity-fuck you? That's not friendship. Or does that all go without saying?

(Disclaimer: In theory, I do prefer the friends-first relationship model in some ways, but I'm hyper-aware of the potential for abusing closeness in the above ways, and if I find myself not actually interested in someone apart from UST, I drop the acquaintance.)

[fennel]

Wait, which ridiculous definition of "friendship" has gone uncriticized? The whole point of the strip is that the fantasy the male character describes is neither friendly nor respectful... right?

[If there's any question about the cartoonist's own perspective, I think the mouseover quote settles it: "Friends with detriments."]

[cos]

"apart from UST" - what's UST?

[gem225]

But she doesn't settle. The whole comic, excepting the last panel, is the man's wistful dream of how their friendship will turn into the romance he wants but can't damned well bring himself to declare to her. And the last panel, in my opinion, is his interpretation of her introducing a new boyfriend to him. He hears "I'm going to date this jerk."

I'm going off this blog post and comments and this other blog post and comments, FYI.

[cos]

I haven't seen people reacting to this comic by casting blame, one way or the other.

[cabell]

That's just been my interpretation of some of the comments from people relating it back to previous discussions of the problem of the "Nice Guy."

[kristophine]

It just made me really, really sad. Not for any really well-defined reason--I can't put my finger on exactly what bothers me... maybe the idea that love is never pure fairy-tale. I always wanted to be a princess. Or a prince. I wasn't picky that way. Anyway, I figured it would all always Make Sense, and it turns out it doesn't, at least for me; there's give and take, compromise, and when is compromise settling? I have a horror of settling, but at the same time, I have this feeling that holding out for Absolutely Perfect Everything is doomed, especially if I'm dating a man, because the best men are never the ones who look like fantasy heroes. Those guys are always assholes. Attractive men, like attractive women, have power, and power corrupts. Give me a reasonably attractive man over a Brad Pitt any day.

But yeah. I read it as creepy and awful, but so many things that people do in relationships are creepy and awful that I guess it barely registered as such on my radar. That probably says something bad about me.

[malaika02]

Do you mean the blame should be equally shared in the hypothetical dream-scenario where they get together? I think that's more or less true... it's not like the guy forced himself on her- she chose to settle, to the detriment of both.
However, I definitely agree with the above comment that this shows her no more respect than the supposed "jerk" she actually chose. "Nice" guys who believe they "know better" about my dating decisions drive me absolutely insane. Even my dad isn't that patronizing, assholes.