(no subject)
Almost a week ago, someone who is related to me passed away. Something inevitable, something strange. I felt the loss of someone who is close to me rather than actually mourned, as I didn't really spend time with him. My grandfather. The one who greeted me warmly on the road burnt hot by sunlight that day. We rarely spoke to each other, my memories stayed ever vague.
The day before, someone whom I knew passed away. Something unexpected, something breaking in my mind. I felt the loss of someone whom I fortunately came across on this vast world, whom made me think and surprised at times. Though again, we didn't really talk.
Then I recall the loss of someone whom I only knew through retelling, who was related to someone important to me. Years ago. Things have changed since then, but we remember. We still remember, by the slightest reminder of our remembrance.
In my daydream, I'm used to the concept of death more than that of life. Last night, it came and haunted me in form of a nightmare, incurred the brutal death of someone who is related and dearly close to me. I was no exception to escape, should have, but it spared me. Constantly asking why, I ran to deliver my vengeance. All I had at the end was the face of my fear.
Soon enough, they said my grandmother will be taken away as well.
Soon enough, I can't physically protect people who are dear to me at the moment it calls for.
One thing recently came out in concrete words to me, a principle I knew and act subconsciously upon years ago. I don't really need to be close, as I'm not made for that; I need them to be safe and happy. As much as they can. I'm always crying at the dread of distance, because I can't make sure of their safety and happiness with my own eyes, with my own hands.
That is, too much to ask.
Therefore, I continue praying.
The day before, someone whom I knew passed away. Something unexpected, something breaking in my mind. I felt the loss of someone whom I fortunately came across on this vast world, whom made me think and surprised at times. Though again, we didn't really talk.
Then I recall the loss of someone whom I only knew through retelling, who was related to someone important to me. Years ago. Things have changed since then, but we remember. We still remember, by the slightest reminder of our remembrance.
In my daydream, I'm used to the concept of death more than that of life. Last night, it came and haunted me in form of a nightmare, incurred the brutal death of someone who is related and dearly close to me. I was no exception to escape, should have, but it spared me. Constantly asking why, I ran to deliver my vengeance. All I had at the end was the face of my fear.
Soon enough, they said my grandmother will be taken away as well.
Soon enough, I can't physically protect people who are dear to me at the moment it calls for.
One thing recently came out in concrete words to me, a principle I knew and act subconsciously upon years ago. I don't really need to be close, as I'm not made for that; I need them to be safe and happy. As much as they can. I'm always crying at the dread of distance, because I can't make sure of their safety and happiness with my own eyes, with my own hands.
That is, too much to ask.
Therefore, I continue praying.