and then it all snowballed
and then we kept going after i got back from dinner anyway djghsdkjfg
caddyl: YO I AM BACK
caddyl: let's keep going
adam: OKAY
adam: so Vriska keeps like eight pet tarantulas and they get out all the time
adam: and they ALWAYS wind up in Karkat’s bed
caddyl: oh my god spiders in karkat's bed
caddyl: he would scream
adam: he wakes up
adam: HOLY FUCKING GOD HELP ME
adam: OH MY GOD THEY BIT ME I'M GONNA DIE
adam: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
adam: and Vriska calmly comes in and retrieves her 8a8ies
caddyl: oh my god i bet
caddyl: she would love those things to death
caddyl: speak to them in a baby voice
adam: OH GOD SHE DOES
caddyl: ask kanaya to make them tiny sweaters in winter
adam: she comes home from work
adam: "Did my 8a8ies miss me?"
adam: they crawl all over her and she kisses their widdle a8domens
caddyl: karkat just shudders
caddyl: he threatens to stomp on them
caddyl: "You crush my spiders I crush your nuts, Vaaaaaaaantas!"
adam: She comes to dinner with a tarantula on her shoulder
adam: Karkat is in an apron holding a spoon with sauce on it
adam: "NO. I WILL NOT HAVE THOSE MONSTROSITIES AT MY TABLE"
caddyl: "MY TABLE."
caddyl: i bet he ends up buying half the shit in the flat
caddyl: so he can lord it over everybody
caddyl: YOU ARE RECLINING ON MY SOFA
adam: HE TOTALLY DID WITH THE REC ROOM
adam: everything downstairs
adam: he bought at a yardsale or at salvation army
adam: the couch is threadbare and sags in the middle
caddyl: terezi makes them covers, like with old sheets
caddyl: that she paints
caddyl: karkat gets a little teary at how beautiful his couches are
adam: XDDDDDD
adam: I now have at least a half dozen fics to bang out
adam: all because of this conversation
adam: so good
caddyl: oh hell yes!
caddyl: i bet karkat is the kind that attracts cats mainly because he hates them
caddyl: like they sense he hates them so they *come to him*
caddyl: they have flat cats
adam: FFFFFF
adam: He is constantly trying to get rid of them
adam: Kanaya complains about the hair
caddyl: but terezi feeds them
caddyl: so they keep coming back
adam: YES
caddyl: TROLOLOLOL
caddyl: PROBLEM KARKAT
caddyl: cats everywhere
caddyl: like he's making out with her and they flop back onto the bed and - cat
adam: "HOLY FUCK GO AWAY"
caddyl: MOOD RUINED
adam: "K4RK4T DON'T TR34T MR. WH1SK3RS TH4T W4Y"
adam: "YOU FUCKING NAMED HIM?!"
adam: "GODDAMNIT NOW HE'L NEVER LEAVE!"
adam: In the middle of the night, Karkat gets up and calls Gamzee
adam: "HEY, CLOWN FACE, GET OVER HERE"
adam: doesn't tell him why
adam: so gamzee shows up, skateboard, blunt in hand
adam: Karkat comes out in his pajamas, holding the cat
adam: "HERE"
adam: "Wait, what I supposed to"
adam: *SLAM*
adam: Gamzee's left holding a cat and a blunt
adam: and skateboards home with cat under his arm
adam: gives it a dish of warm milk before he goes back to bed
adam: "There you go, motherfucker"
adam: Nepeta is overjoyed in the morning
adam: TROLL BIRTHDAY
adam: None of them remember when their actual birthdays are
adam: so they all celebrate on june 12th in a giant nieghborhood birthday party
adam: it's like THE place to be
adam: Vicious Marauders perform
adam: Karkat insists they get in their outfits
adam: and Sollux is like, "Thith ithn't a big deal, KK."
caddyl: they take requests from the crowd
caddyl: "NO NEPETA WE'RE NOT SINGING IN JAPANESE"
adam: THEY DO PARTY POISON BY MCR
adam: which has gratuitous japanese. seriously, look it up
caddyl: they all get completely wasted
caddyl: and terezi makes out with vriska
adam: ASDFGHJKL
caddyl: and karkat is too turned on to care for a second
adam: OH MY GOD YES
adam: TROLL 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY
caddyl: HOLY SHIT
caddyl: THE PARTY TO END ALL PARTIES
adam: THEY ALMOST BURN DOWN THE HOUSE
caddyl: the cops come and break it up but they just reconvene in another few hours, different location
adam: ERIDAN DISAPPEARS FOR A FEW HOURS
adam: KARKAT FINDS HIM WITH SOME GIRL IN HIS ROOM
adam: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!"
adam: "kar stop don't ruin this for me"
adam: "GET THE FUCK OUT! AND TAKE THE HIPSTER SLUT WITH YOU!"
caddyl: oh my god eridan hahahaha
caddyl: he would be the unfortunate victim of so many drunk makeout sessions
caddyl: and he'd call them all the next day
caddyl: and they'd be like "um... I WAS SO DRUNK..."
adam: drunk Gamzee turns out to be the same as sober gamzee, he's really angry and violent when he's drunk
adam: someone casually takes his skateboard and he flips his shit, starts beating the poor guy
adam: it takes three people to restrain him
caddyl: oh my god
adam: and then he just crashes
adam: passes out in a heap on the kitchen floor, wakes up the next morning to Karkat poking him with a spatula
caddyl: dfjkghldsjfk
caddyl: "DO YOU THINK HE'S DEAD."
adam: "Hey best friend, what's up?"
adam: "OMIGOD!"
adam: "Wha...fuck I got one killer headache"
adam: "what the motherfuck happened last night?"
caddyl: nobody has the heart to tell him
caddyl: gamzee'd feel bad
caddyl: my god can you imagine tavros at a party
adam: SO AWKWARD
caddyl: he'd try to dance with all the girls
adam: THE AWKEST
caddyl: step on their feet
caddyl: oh my god i bet vriska would convince him it was costume party when it wasn't
caddyl: he comes in platform shoes, and like disco attire
adam: he gets some alcohol in him and he turns into the coolest motherfucker
adam: he can have any lady at the party he wants
caddyl: oh hell yes
adam: Dave is dancing with some chick and he's like "cAN i cUT IN?"
adam: and totally STEALS HER
caddyl: dave just STARES
caddyl: dave and him totally initiate a dance off in the middle of the floor
caddyl: which should end up with one of them breaking something
adam: OH MY GOD THAT'S HOW THEY ALMOST BURN DOWN THE HOUSE
caddyl: LOL
adam: Gamzee is making burgers and one of them knocks over the grill
adam: FLAMING COALS EVERYWHERE
adam: because gamzee don't use no shitty gas grills
caddyl: yeah!
caddyl: gotta get the heat evenly through, motherfucker
adam: He puts wood in the season the smoke
adam: hickory smoked bratwursts
adam: they're to fucking die for
caddyl: holy shit people would cue for that
adam: OH MAN THE THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN WITH DRUNK TROLLS
caddyl: HOLY SHIT
adam: Equius refuses at first and then he tries just a little
adam: turns out he a total leightweight, he's a giggling mess inside two beers
caddyl: i bet nepeta can hold her liquor man
caddyl: like a boss
adam: He starts like singing opera or something
adam: oh she totally can, she has to drag Equius inside for some water
adam: Kanaya and Rose are sharing
adam: they keep saying to each other not too much, not too much
adam: not too mu--SLOPPY LESBIAN MAKEOUTS
caddyl: EVERYWHERE
adam: someone videos it
adam: it goes up on youtube
caddyl: SHAAAAAAME
caddyl: the principal would be like
caddyl: THOSE DAMN KIDS
caddyl: EVERY FUCKING DAY SOMETHING IS BROKEN
adam: DAMN ALIENS
caddyl: SOMETHING IS SET ON FIRE
caddyl: SOME STUDENT COMES IN HERE TRAUMATIZED
adam: WHY DID I MAKE THAT AGREEMENT WITH NASA
adam: CUZ IN MY HEADCANON
adam: this is like specifically after they've beaten the game and go back to Earth
adam: everything hunky dory
adam: Bro and Mom and Dad come back
adam: they all move into a quiant suburb
adam: YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF AU
adam: WHERE WACKY HIJINKS ENSUE REGULARLY
caddyl: YES
caddyl: SO MANY WACKY HIJINKS
adam: OH MY GOD THE ANIME CLUB TRIP TO OTAKON
adam: THAT WOULD BE SO GOOD
adam: NEPETA ORGANIZES A SKIT EVERY YEAR
caddyl: IT WOULD BE
caddyl: SO SERIOUS BUSINESS
caddyl: like people would laugh, but if you don't take it seriously
caddyl: you get kicked out
adam: it falls apart every year but THIS IS HER LAST YEAR SO IT IS GOING TO WORK PURRFECT
adam: and through some BIZARRE TURN OF EVENTS
adam: THEY ALL END UP IN BALTIMORE
caddyl: is that where otakon is idek
adam: yeah
caddyl: cheers
adam: SHIT I FORGOT YOU LIVE IN NEW ZEALAND
adam: Gamzee just kind of wanders around
adam: he tries to light up but the staff keep stopping him
adam: "sir, you'll have to go outside"
adam: "Oh, sure, my motherfucker"
adam: he kind of hovers outside all the photoshoots
adam: Tavros goes dressed as a Pokemon trainer, he is so srs business about it
caddyl: he goes on about how accuracy is key
caddyl: vriska "accidentally" spills coffee on his hat the day before
caddyl: he nearly cries
adam: Vriska goes as...something spider related
adam: SHE DRESSES UP AS LOLTH
adam: SPIDER GODDESS FROM DnD
adam: NOBODY BUT THE CREEPY NECKBEARDS KNOW WHO SHE IS
caddyl: she just macks on john the whole day anyway
adam: John comes as a drow
adam: SHE INSISTED
adam: THEY GET PEOPLE TAKING PICTURES OF THEM
adam: CREEPY PEOPLE
caddyl: vriska is not new to fanservice
adam: Dave just wears his Kamina shades
adam: Jade goes as Riza hawkeye
caddyl: oh my god
caddyl: bec
caddyl: goes as the dog
adam: YES
adam: whatever it's called
adam: i can't remember
caddyl: I DON'T KNOW
caddyl: black hayate??
adam: IM NOT REALLY INTO FM-YES THAT'S IT
caddyl: TEAMWORK
caddyl: TEREZI GOES AS DRAGONITE
caddyl: DUOS WITH TAVROS
caddyl: HE IS SO HAPPY
adam: YES, YES FOREVER
caddyl: KARKAT GOES AS KRABBY
caddyl: terezi and nepeta work together to make it and they stuff him into it
caddyl: he bitches the entire time but they hide his clothes so it's the krabby gjinka or NOTHING
adam: YES
adam: OH MY GOD SO GOOD
caddyl: Kanaya and Rose go in this elegant victorian lolita shit
caddyl: gorgeous dresses and lace umbrellas
adam: OH MAN
caddyl: they get ALL THE STARES
adam: They position themselves in good lighting so people will walk by and take random pictures
caddyl: oh they are those cosplayers who fucking know how to take pictures
caddyl: like what is their best angle
caddyl: they practice smiling
adam: They sit and have a random tea party on the concourse
adam: and meanwhile Nepeta is corraling the anime club
adam: "okay guys remember we have the panel at four, so be sure to arrive at 3.45!"
adam: "and don't forget some of us are attending the ouran host club welcoming party on the third floor at two!"
adam: "there's cake, so I encourage you to come!"
adam: and Equius is following her around and making the club nervous
adam: he's dressed as the heavy from TF2
caddyl: OH YES
adam: Sollux Feferi and Aradia have superhero outfits
adam: Sollux is Robin, Feferi is starfire and Aradia is Raven
adam: most cheerful raven ever
adam: they wanted Gamzee to be beast boy, but he kept forgetting to come over
adam: and Eridan...what is eridan?
caddyl: eridan is aquaman
adam: YES WE WERE THINKING THE SAME THING
caddyl: they all just piss themselves laughing
caddyl: he is not amused
caddyl: orange is not his colour
adam: he tries to join the DC shoot
adam: they all look at him funny
adam: and he's constantly elbowing people to get closer to the front of the shots
caddyl: he would try to pick up girls like
caddyl: "your eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, i'm lost at sea"
caddyl: in his aquaman costume
caddyl: they would just stare
adam: OH GOD YES
adam: eventually he hits on a mara jade
adam: and some random members of the 501st take him into custody
adam: John sees eridan getting marched away by stormtroopers and has to follow
adam: Vriska wants none of it, but goes with him
adam: but get stopped five times for pictures and lose sight of him
caddyl: that is beautiful
caddyl: a night to remember
caddyl: being kicked out of the con by star wars fans
caddyl: terezi gets in trouble for overstepping personal boundaries
caddyl: like licking other cosplayers
adam: OH MY GOD YES
adam: "uH, tEREZI, DRAGONITE DOES NOT KNOW LICK"
caddyl: oh my god you know how she flirts with karkat
caddyl: all the time
caddyl: she would forget she's in the stupid dragonite costume
caddyl: and like, try to be sexy
caddyl: and karkat like "UHHHHH..."
adam: XDDDDDDD
caddyl: yes the rave
caddyl: feferi would have all of the glowstick bracelets
caddyl: ALL OF THEM
adam:: ALL OF THEM YES OMIGOD
caddyl: she would be lit up like a lighthouse
caddyl: people are blinded when they get too close
caddyl: she's just jumping up and down on the spot, hair going everywhere
caddyl: "T)(IS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!!"
adam: Vriska's so sick of wearing Lolth that she's basically wearing nothing now
caddyl: oh my god
adam: and John's just like HORMONES
adam: Wanna daaaaaaaance, John?
adam: "YES DEAR!"
adam: UNS UNS UNS UNS
adam: Vriska and John get down and dirty
adam: EVERYONE IS STARING AT THEM
adam: "shit man, that girl is HOT"
adam: "did you that guy she was with?"
adam: "he looked like a total loser..."
adam: john's in a t-shirt and shorts
adam: but still in his drow makeup, so gray skin and ears
caddyl: john is in one of those stupid anime shirts
caddyl: with a big kanji on the front, that he doesn't know
adam: yeah, he didn't have any extra clothes, so he bought a random shirt in the dealers room
adam: Nepeta knows what it says but won't tell him, it's something embarrassing
caddyl: holy shit nepeta is like
caddyl: jingling by that point
caddyl: all the bells she bought and the charmsand the merch
caddyl: she is so kawaii desu
adam: AND SHE'S WEATRING LIKE SIX CAT TAILS
caddyl: OMG YES
caddyl: PINK AND FLUFFY AND MORE BELLS
caddyl: SO MUCH JINGLING
caddyl: SHE MAKES A COMMOTION
caddyl: everybody is like SWAY TO THE BEAT AT LEAST
adam: Sollux bought this huge ass Gundam figure
adam: cost like 200 dollars
adam: Karkat bought one of those replica swords
adam: he's like "I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO USE THIS FUCKER"
adam: and TEREZI OH GOD
adam: she goes to the artist alley AND STARTS LICKING THE PRINTS AND THEN ASKING FOR PRICES
caddyl: OH MY GOD
caddyl: SHE COMMISSIONS THE WEIRDEST SHIT
caddyl: "CAN YOU JUST SMEAR RED ALL OVER A PAGE"
adam: RIDICULOUSLY TACKY DRAGON STUFF
caddyl: YYYYYY
adam: DAGRONS ERWHERE
caddyl: oh my god do you know what she finds on the internet one day
caddyl: trogdor
caddyl: he is her new idol
adam: SHE DEMANDS THAT VICIOUS MARAUDERS PERFORM IT
caddyl: KALDJHFGKJSDFHGSDF
caddyl: THEY DO TOO
adam: OR SHE IS LEAVING AND BREAKING UP WITH KARKAT
caddyl: KARKAT IS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS BULLSHIT
caddyl: IF YOU WERE ANYBODY ELSE TZ
caddyl: I WOULDN'T DO THIS
caddyl: they do it
adam: TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
caddyl: sollux is disgusted
adam: TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
caddyl: TEREZI DOES A MEAN DRUM SOLO
adam: AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
caddyl: oh my god i can't breathe i'm laughing so hard
adam: THIS IS THE BEST AU
caddyl: IT CERTAINLY IS
adam: I AM SO GLAD I HAVE WASTED FOUR HOURS COMING UP WITH THIS
caddyl: ME TOO
adam: and then after the rave they all go back to the hotel rooms and get shit drunk
caddyl: they do shots
caddyl: they play a drinking game
adam: AN ANIME DRINKING GAME
caddyl: OH SJKDFHLJKSAHDF
caddyl: YES
adam: NEPETA INSISTS
adam: Dave challenges Terezi to shots
caddyl: oh my god, bad idea
adam: she beats him so bad
caddyl: jello shots, she only drinks the red ones
adam: XDDDDD
adam: while everyone is distracted Gamzee steals a bottle of southern comfort and it's half gone before anyone notices
caddyl: OH FUCK
adam: and he flies off the handle
adam: remembers some random dude that told him not to light up in the convention center and goes to find him
adam: even though it's like 4 AM
adam: they go chasing him though the hotel, outside, around the complex
adam: he's vicious, beating people who get in his way
adam: finally they ctach up and haul him back to the room
adam: tie him to a chair
adam: he passes out, wakes up next morning
caddyl: oh my god gamzee
adam: "Whoa...how the motherfuck...?"
caddyl: poor guy remembers shit
adam: it's like the incredible hulk
caddyl: they come home from that con
caddyl: and sleep for DAYS, they just pass out the moment they get in the door
caddyl: karkat accidentally ends up cuddling one of the flat cats
adam: he wakes up with a hairball
caddyl: vriska snaps a pic on her iphone
caddyl: onto facebook it goes
adam: XDDDD
caddyl: nepeta comments with like OMG YOUR SO CUUUUTE KARKAT :) :) :)
caddyl: 15 likes
caddyl: everybody saves that picture
caddyl: they will bust it out at his 21st
caddyl: oh wait at THE 21st
adam: YES
caddyl: oh my god they would sit around talking about awkward moments, for hours
adam: this is less just a "troll in high school" AU than it is a "trolls as teenagers" AU
adam: EVERYTHING
adam: EVERYTHING
adam: SO GOOD
caddyl: YES
caddyl: IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL
caddyl: I LOVE IT
adam: WE NEED TO MAKE AN RP OF THIS
adam: I WANT EVERYONE FILLED
adam: I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN
caddyl: ME TOO
adam: OH MY GOD AT BATTLE OF THE BANDS
adam: have you ever seen a live performance by Green Day? just like, a video or something?
caddyl: no
adam: billie does this call and response thing like ALL THE FUCKING TIME
adam: I SAY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO C'MON!
adam: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
adam: like every spare measure he's got
adam: Karkat does that too and Sollux gets really pissed at him
adam: "KK, quit pretending to be your fucking man crush and jutht play the damn muthic"
adam: "FUCK YOU CAPTOR I'M A GODDAMN ROCKSTAR"
caddyl: vriska would be like omg you guys suck so much
caddyl: but nepeta would be their biggest fan
caddyl: she would handprint t-shirts with the band name on them and wear them all the time
caddyl: karkat would bitch at her for being uncool but inside he'd be so fucking pleased
adam: and the best part is that they're actually REALLY GOOD
caddyl: TOTALLY
adam: like karkat just shreds and Sollux plays that bass like a beast and terezi kills
adam: oh my god, so Rose does this play
adam: SHE DOES THE LAST FIVE YEARS
adam: you know that play?
caddyl: no!
adam: it's about a man and a woman and their marriage and how it crumbles and the gimmick is that the girl starts at the end of the relationship, and the boy at the beginning
adam: but anyway
adam: So Rose gets cast in this play
adam: musical, actually, my bad
adam: and Kanaya gets UBER JEALOUS AND UNCOMFORTABLE
adam: BECAUSE THAT IS HER GIRLFRIEND UP THERE PRETENDING TO BE WITH THAT GUY
adam: SHE DOES NOT EVEN SWING THAT WAY I MEAN REALLY
adam: so she keeps calling Rose back to "fit her" for things, even though the costumes are just normal clothes
adam: and Rose gets sick of it and calls her out, and thinks it's ridiculous and they get mad at each other
adam: and don't speak for like a week
caddyl: a-aw ):
caddyl: everybody is involved in this fight too
adam: fuck yes they are
caddyl: i bet when two of them have fights
caddyl: they all fucking take sides
caddyl: like, two people fights become everybody fights
adam: Vriska is teasing Kanaya about how she's all alone at night
caddyl: and then somebody tries to mediate
adam: Dave is like 'Fuck that bitch"
adam: Jade and Feferi are trying to get everyone to CALM THE FUCK DOWN, PLEASE
adam: Kanaya goes to Karkat for advice and he's all "DUMP HER SHIT"
adam: but they don't really WANT to
adam: anyway HALLOWEEN
adam: HUGE COSTUME PARTY
caddyl: OH GOD YES
adam: Kanaya and Rose were going to go as vampire seductress and unwitting-but-completely-in-control-of-the-situation love interest
adam: but they kind of just show up as nothing and see each other
adam: and they start sniping at one another
adam: and it turns into GIANT SHOUTING MATCH
adam: they're yelling at each other, and everyone is starting at them, and it ends with them kissing really passionately and dead silence and then Kanaya turns bright green while Rose leads her away
adam: so they can return to the party in style
adam: Perhaps after some make up sex
caddyl: OH HELL YES
caddyl: they know how to make an entrance too
adam: oh fuck yeah
caddyl: these two gorgeous women, walking back in all smug
caddyl: everybody knows what they've been at
caddyl: karkat dribbles a little
adam: FFFFFFFF
adam: Karkat is surrounded by gorgeous ladies 24/7
adam: he does not know why the universe decided to do this
adam: Terezi make out bombs Karkat sometimes with Vriska
adam: John is not amused
adam: it's one of like three things that does not amuse him about Vriska
caddyl: yes
caddyl: what are the other things
adam: when she manipul8es people
caddyl: can one of them be her insisting to use spiders on him
caddyl: like letting them crawl over him
adam: FFFFFFF YES
caddyl: she thinks it's hot
caddyl: john just screams like a girl
adam: he's terrified
adam: but in the end he lets her
caddyl: oh my god so whipped
adam: because he has managed to hook up with the hottest living thing in a 100 mile radius and damn if he is going to screw that up
adam: he's 0kay with being whipped though
adam: it kind of fits into his whole overly romantic relationship worldview
adam: MORE RANDOM SIDE BITS
adam: Sollux is sitting at the dining room table, grousing about his shitty day
adam: some guy hit on Aradia, and Sollux does not like that because he more than most of the other trolls got picked on by humans when they were still young
adam: so he's kind of got a grudge and he and Aradia had a small fight
adam: not a big thing, just enough to make him feel like crap
adam: and Feferi comes in and she's all "Glub to me about your day"
adam: massaging his shoulders and shit
adam: and he tells her and she starts kissing him
adam: a half hour later Aradia gets back from the gym all sweaty
adam: and finds they didn't even make it to the bedroom, they're fucking on the living room floor
adam: and then she chastises them before joining in
caddyl: oh my god
caddyl: skjadlhfgdjsfghsfkg
caddyl: YES
caddyl: BEST ENDING
adam: DO I CONCEPTUALIZE GOOD PORN OR WHAT?!
caddyl: YOU CERTAINLY DO
caddyl: CHEERS TO YOU
caddyl: FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE
adam: Also, Aradia and Sollux frequently have shower sex in the morning
adam: because Sollux is not a morning person
adam: oh my god it is 6 AM
caddyl: what is the name of this AU anyway
caddyl: trollsarefuckinginsanewhendrunkstuck
adam: I don't really have a title
adam: it's really just a high school AU
adam: that I've put WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO
caddyl: YO I AM BACK
caddyl: let's keep going
adam: OKAY
adam: so Vriska keeps like eight pet tarantulas and they get out all the time
adam: and they ALWAYS wind up in Karkat’s bed
caddyl: oh my god spiders in karkat's bed
caddyl: he would scream
adam: he wakes up
adam: HOLY FUCKING GOD HELP ME
adam: OH MY GOD THEY BIT ME I'M GONNA DIE
adam: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
adam: and Vriska calmly comes in and retrieves her 8a8ies
caddyl: oh my god i bet
caddyl: she would love those things to death
caddyl: speak to them in a baby voice
adam: OH GOD SHE DOES
caddyl: ask kanaya to make them tiny sweaters in winter
adam: she comes home from work
adam: "Did my 8a8ies miss me?"
adam: they crawl all over her and she kisses their widdle a8domens
caddyl: karkat just shudders
caddyl: he threatens to stomp on them
caddyl: "You crush my spiders I crush your nuts, Vaaaaaaaantas!"
adam: She comes to dinner with a tarantula on her shoulder
adam: Karkat is in an apron holding a spoon with sauce on it
adam: "NO. I WILL NOT HAVE THOSE MONSTROSITIES AT MY TABLE"
caddyl: "MY TABLE."
caddyl: i bet he ends up buying half the shit in the flat
caddyl: so he can lord it over everybody
caddyl: YOU ARE RECLINING ON MY SOFA
adam: HE TOTALLY DID WITH THE REC ROOM
adam: everything downstairs
adam: he bought at a yardsale or at salvation army
adam: the couch is threadbare and sags in the middle
caddyl: terezi makes them covers, like with old sheets
caddyl: that she paints
caddyl: karkat gets a little teary at how beautiful his couches are
adam: XDDDDDD
adam: I now have at least a half dozen fics to bang out
adam: all because of this conversation
adam: so good
caddyl: oh hell yes!
caddyl: i bet karkat is the kind that attracts cats mainly because he hates them
caddyl: like they sense he hates them so they *come to him*
caddyl: they have flat cats
adam: FFFFFF
adam: He is constantly trying to get rid of them
adam: Kanaya complains about the hair
caddyl: but terezi feeds them
caddyl: so they keep coming back
adam: YES
caddyl: TROLOLOLOL
caddyl: PROBLEM KARKAT
caddyl: cats everywhere
caddyl: like he's making out with her and they flop back onto the bed and - cat
adam: "HOLY FUCK GO AWAY"
caddyl: MOOD RUINED
adam: "K4RK4T DON'T TR34T MR. WH1SK3RS TH4T W4Y"
adam: "YOU FUCKING NAMED HIM?!"
adam: "GODDAMNIT NOW HE'L NEVER LEAVE!"
adam: In the middle of the night, Karkat gets up and calls Gamzee
adam: "HEY, CLOWN FACE, GET OVER HERE"
adam: doesn't tell him why
adam: so gamzee shows up, skateboard, blunt in hand
adam: Karkat comes out in his pajamas, holding the cat
adam: "HERE"
adam: "Wait, what I supposed to"
adam: *SLAM*
adam: Gamzee's left holding a cat and a blunt
adam: and skateboards home with cat under his arm
adam: gives it a dish of warm milk before he goes back to bed
adam: "There you go, motherfucker"
adam: Nepeta is overjoyed in the morning
adam: TROLL BIRTHDAY
adam: None of them remember when their actual birthdays are
adam: so they all celebrate on june 12th in a giant nieghborhood birthday party
adam: it's like THE place to be
adam: Vicious Marauders perform
adam: Karkat insists they get in their outfits
adam: and Sollux is like, "Thith ithn't a big deal, KK."
caddyl: they take requests from the crowd
caddyl: "NO NEPETA WE'RE NOT SINGING IN JAPANESE"
adam: THEY DO PARTY POISON BY MCR
adam: which has gratuitous japanese. seriously, look it up
caddyl: they all get completely wasted
caddyl: and terezi makes out with vriska
adam: ASDFGHJKL
caddyl: and karkat is too turned on to care for a second
adam: OH MY GOD YES
adam: TROLL 21st BIRTHDAY PARTY
caddyl: HOLY SHIT
caddyl: THE PARTY TO END ALL PARTIES
adam: THEY ALMOST BURN DOWN THE HOUSE
caddyl: the cops come and break it up but they just reconvene in another few hours, different location
adam: ERIDAN DISAPPEARS FOR A FEW HOURS
adam: KARKAT FINDS HIM WITH SOME GIRL IN HIS ROOM
adam: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!"
adam: "kar stop don't ruin this for me"
adam: "GET THE FUCK OUT! AND TAKE THE HIPSTER SLUT WITH YOU!"
caddyl: oh my god eridan hahahaha
caddyl: he would be the unfortunate victim of so many drunk makeout sessions
caddyl: and he'd call them all the next day
caddyl: and they'd be like "um... I WAS SO DRUNK..."
adam: drunk Gamzee turns out to be the same as sober gamzee, he's really angry and violent when he's drunk
adam: someone casually takes his skateboard and he flips his shit, starts beating the poor guy
adam: it takes three people to restrain him
caddyl: oh my god
adam: and then he just crashes
adam: passes out in a heap on the kitchen floor, wakes up the next morning to Karkat poking him with a spatula
caddyl: dfjkghldsjfk
caddyl: "DO YOU THINK HE'S DEAD."
adam: "Hey best friend, what's up?"
adam: "OMIGOD!"
adam: "Wha...fuck I got one killer headache"
adam: "what the motherfuck happened last night?"
caddyl: nobody has the heart to tell him
caddyl: gamzee'd feel bad
caddyl: my god can you imagine tavros at a party
adam: SO AWKWARD
caddyl: he'd try to dance with all the girls
adam: THE AWKEST
caddyl: step on their feet
caddyl: oh my god i bet vriska would convince him it was costume party when it wasn't
caddyl: he comes in platform shoes, and like disco attire
adam: he gets some alcohol in him and he turns into the coolest motherfucker
adam: he can have any lady at the party he wants
caddyl: oh hell yes
adam: Dave is dancing with some chick and he's like "cAN i cUT IN?"
adam: and totally STEALS HER
caddyl: dave just STARES
caddyl: dave and him totally initiate a dance off in the middle of the floor
caddyl: which should end up with one of them breaking something
adam: OH MY GOD THAT'S HOW THEY ALMOST BURN DOWN THE HOUSE
caddyl: LOL
adam: Gamzee is making burgers and one of them knocks over the grill
adam: FLAMING COALS EVERYWHERE
adam: because gamzee don't use no shitty gas grills
caddyl: yeah!
caddyl: gotta get the heat evenly through, motherfucker
adam: He puts wood in the season the smoke
adam: hickory smoked bratwursts
adam: they're to fucking die for
caddyl: holy shit people would cue for that
adam: OH MAN THE THINGS THAT COULD HAPPEN WITH DRUNK TROLLS
caddyl: HOLY SHIT
adam: Equius refuses at first and then he tries just a little
adam: turns out he a total leightweight, he's a giggling mess inside two beers
caddyl: i bet nepeta can hold her liquor man
caddyl: like a boss
adam: He starts like singing opera or something
adam: oh she totally can, she has to drag Equius inside for some water
adam: Kanaya and Rose are sharing
adam: they keep saying to each other not too much, not too much
adam: not too mu--SLOPPY LESBIAN MAKEOUTS
caddyl: EVERYWHERE
adam: someone videos it
adam: it goes up on youtube
caddyl: SHAAAAAAME
caddyl: the principal would be like
caddyl: THOSE DAMN KIDS
caddyl: EVERY FUCKING DAY SOMETHING IS BROKEN
adam: DAMN ALIENS
caddyl: SOMETHING IS SET ON FIRE
caddyl: SOME STUDENT COMES IN HERE TRAUMATIZED
adam: WHY DID I MAKE THAT AGREEMENT WITH NASA
adam: CUZ IN MY HEADCANON
adam: this is like specifically after they've beaten the game and go back to Earth
adam: everything hunky dory
adam: Bro and Mom and Dad come back
adam: they all move into a quiant suburb
adam: YOU KNOW THAT KIND OF AU
adam: WHERE WACKY HIJINKS ENSUE REGULARLY
caddyl: YES
caddyl: SO MANY WACKY HIJINKS
adam: OH MY GOD THE ANIME CLUB TRIP TO OTAKON
adam: THAT WOULD BE SO GOOD
adam: NEPETA ORGANIZES A SKIT EVERY YEAR
caddyl: IT WOULD BE
caddyl: SO SERIOUS BUSINESS
caddyl: like people would laugh, but if you don't take it seriously
caddyl: you get kicked out
adam: it falls apart every year but THIS IS HER LAST YEAR SO IT IS GOING TO WORK PURRFECT
adam: and through some BIZARRE TURN OF EVENTS
adam: THEY ALL END UP IN BALTIMORE
caddyl: is that where otakon is idek
adam: yeah
caddyl: cheers
adam: SHIT I FORGOT YOU LIVE IN NEW ZEALAND
adam: Gamzee just kind of wanders around
adam: he tries to light up but the staff keep stopping him
adam: "sir, you'll have to go outside"
adam: "Oh, sure, my motherfucker"
adam: he kind of hovers outside all the photoshoots
adam: Tavros goes dressed as a Pokemon trainer, he is so srs business about it
caddyl: he goes on about how accuracy is key
caddyl: vriska "accidentally" spills coffee on his hat the day before
caddyl: he nearly cries
adam: Vriska goes as...something spider related
adam: SHE DRESSES UP AS LOLTH
adam: SPIDER GODDESS FROM DnD
adam: NOBODY BUT THE CREEPY NECKBEARDS KNOW WHO SHE IS
caddyl: she just macks on john the whole day anyway
adam: John comes as a drow
adam: SHE INSISTED
adam: THEY GET PEOPLE TAKING PICTURES OF THEM
adam: CREEPY PEOPLE
caddyl: vriska is not new to fanservice
adam: Dave just wears his Kamina shades
adam: Jade goes as Riza hawkeye
caddyl: oh my god
caddyl: bec
caddyl: goes as the dog
adam: YES
adam: whatever it's called
adam: i can't remember
caddyl: I DON'T KNOW
caddyl: black hayate??
adam: IM NOT REALLY INTO FM-YES THAT'S IT
caddyl: TEAMWORK
caddyl: TEREZI GOES AS DRAGONITE
caddyl: DUOS WITH TAVROS
caddyl: HE IS SO HAPPY
adam: YES, YES FOREVER
caddyl: KARKAT GOES AS KRABBY
caddyl: terezi and nepeta work together to make it and they stuff him into it
caddyl: he bitches the entire time but they hide his clothes so it's the krabby gjinka or NOTHING
adam: YES
adam: OH MY GOD SO GOOD
caddyl: Kanaya and Rose go in this elegant victorian lolita shit
caddyl: gorgeous dresses and lace umbrellas
adam: OH MAN
caddyl: they get ALL THE STARES
adam: They position themselves in good lighting so people will walk by and take random pictures
caddyl: oh they are those cosplayers who fucking know how to take pictures
caddyl: like what is their best angle
caddyl: they practice smiling
adam: They sit and have a random tea party on the concourse
adam: and meanwhile Nepeta is corraling the anime club
adam: "okay guys remember we have the panel at four, so be sure to arrive at 3.45!"
adam: "and don't forget some of us are attending the ouran host club welcoming party on the third floor at two!"
adam: "there's cake, so I encourage you to come!"
adam: and Equius is following her around and making the club nervous
adam: he's dressed as the heavy from TF2
caddyl: OH YES
adam: Sollux Feferi and Aradia have superhero outfits
adam: Sollux is Robin, Feferi is starfire and Aradia is Raven
adam: most cheerful raven ever
adam: they wanted Gamzee to be beast boy, but he kept forgetting to come over
adam: and Eridan...what is eridan?
caddyl: eridan is aquaman
adam: YES WE WERE THINKING THE SAME THING
caddyl: they all just piss themselves laughing
caddyl: he is not amused
caddyl: orange is not his colour
adam: he tries to join the DC shoot
adam: they all look at him funny
adam: and he's constantly elbowing people to get closer to the front of the shots
caddyl: he would try to pick up girls like
caddyl: "your eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, i'm lost at sea"
caddyl: in his aquaman costume
caddyl: they would just stare
adam: OH GOD YES
adam: eventually he hits on a mara jade
adam: and some random members of the 501st take him into custody
adam: John sees eridan getting marched away by stormtroopers and has to follow
adam: Vriska wants none of it, but goes with him
adam: but get stopped five times for pictures and lose sight of him
caddyl: that is beautiful
caddyl: a night to remember
caddyl: being kicked out of the con by star wars fans
caddyl: terezi gets in trouble for overstepping personal boundaries
caddyl: like licking other cosplayers
adam: OH MY GOD YES
adam: "uH, tEREZI, DRAGONITE DOES NOT KNOW LICK"
caddyl: oh my god you know how she flirts with karkat
caddyl: all the time
caddyl: she would forget she's in the stupid dragonite costume
caddyl: and like, try to be sexy
caddyl: and karkat like "UHHHHH..."
adam: XDDDDDDD
caddyl: yes the rave
caddyl: feferi would have all of the glowstick bracelets
caddyl: ALL OF THEM
adam:: ALL OF THEM YES OMIGOD
caddyl: she would be lit up like a lighthouse
caddyl: people are blinded when they get too close
caddyl: she's just jumping up and down on the spot, hair going everywhere
caddyl: "T)(IS IS SO MUCH FUN!!!!"
adam: Vriska's so sick of wearing Lolth that she's basically wearing nothing now
caddyl: oh my god
adam: and John's just like HORMONES
adam: Wanna daaaaaaaance, John?
adam: "YES DEAR!"
adam: UNS UNS UNS UNS
adam: Vriska and John get down and dirty
adam: EVERYONE IS STARING AT THEM
adam: "shit man, that girl is HOT"
adam: "did you that guy she was with?"
adam: "he looked like a total loser..."
adam: john's in a t-shirt and shorts
adam: but still in his drow makeup, so gray skin and ears
caddyl: john is in one of those stupid anime shirts
caddyl: with a big kanji on the front, that he doesn't know
adam: yeah, he didn't have any extra clothes, so he bought a random shirt in the dealers room
adam: Nepeta knows what it says but won't tell him, it's something embarrassing
caddyl: holy shit nepeta is like
caddyl: jingling by that point
caddyl: all the bells she bought and the charmsand the merch
caddyl: she is so kawaii desu
adam: AND SHE'S WEATRING LIKE SIX CAT TAILS
caddyl: OMG YES
caddyl: PINK AND FLUFFY AND MORE BELLS
caddyl: SO MUCH JINGLING
caddyl: SHE MAKES A COMMOTION
caddyl: everybody is like SWAY TO THE BEAT AT LEAST
adam: Sollux bought this huge ass Gundam figure
adam: cost like 200 dollars
adam: Karkat bought one of those replica swords
adam: he's like "I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO USE THIS FUCKER"
adam: and TEREZI OH GOD
adam: she goes to the artist alley AND STARTS LICKING THE PRINTS AND THEN ASKING FOR PRICES
caddyl: OH MY GOD
caddyl: SHE COMMISSIONS THE WEIRDEST SHIT
caddyl: "CAN YOU JUST SMEAR RED ALL OVER A PAGE"
adam: RIDICULOUSLY TACKY DRAGON STUFF
caddyl: YYYYYY
adam: DAGRONS ERWHERE
caddyl: oh my god do you know what she finds on the internet one day
caddyl: trogdor
caddyl: he is her new idol
adam: SHE DEMANDS THAT VICIOUS MARAUDERS PERFORM IT
caddyl: KALDJHFGKJSDFHGSDF
caddyl: THEY DO TOO
adam: OR SHE IS LEAVING AND BREAKING UP WITH KARKAT
caddyl: KARKAT IS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS BULLSHIT
caddyl: IF YOU WERE ANYBODY ELSE TZ
caddyl: I WOULDN'T DO THIS
caddyl: they do it
adam: TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
caddyl: sollux is disgusted
adam: TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
caddyl: TEREZI DOES A MEAN DRUM SOLO
adam: AND THE TROGDOR COMES IN THE NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
caddyl: oh my god i can't breathe i'm laughing so hard
adam: THIS IS THE BEST AU
caddyl: IT CERTAINLY IS
adam: I AM SO GLAD I HAVE WASTED FOUR HOURS COMING UP WITH THIS
caddyl: ME TOO
adam: and then after the rave they all go back to the hotel rooms and get shit drunk
caddyl: they do shots
caddyl: they play a drinking game
adam: AN ANIME DRINKING GAME
caddyl: OH SJKDFHLJKSAHDF
caddyl: YES
adam: NEPETA INSISTS
adam: Dave challenges Terezi to shots
caddyl: oh my god, bad idea
adam: she beats him so bad
caddyl: jello shots, she only drinks the red ones
adam: XDDDDD
adam: while everyone is distracted Gamzee steals a bottle of southern comfort and it's half gone before anyone notices
caddyl: OH FUCK
adam: and he flies off the handle
adam: remembers some random dude that told him not to light up in the convention center and goes to find him
adam: even though it's like 4 AM
adam: they go chasing him though the hotel, outside, around the complex
adam: he's vicious, beating people who get in his way
adam: finally they ctach up and haul him back to the room
adam: tie him to a chair
adam: he passes out, wakes up next morning
caddyl: oh my god gamzee
adam: "Whoa...how the motherfuck...?"
caddyl: poor guy remembers shit
adam: it's like the incredible hulk
caddyl: they come home from that con
caddyl: and sleep for DAYS, they just pass out the moment they get in the door
caddyl: karkat accidentally ends up cuddling one of the flat cats
adam: he wakes up with a hairball
caddyl: vriska snaps a pic on her iphone
caddyl: onto facebook it goes
adam: XDDDD
caddyl: nepeta comments with like OMG YOUR SO CUUUUTE KARKAT :) :) :)
caddyl: 15 likes
caddyl: everybody saves that picture
caddyl: they will bust it out at his 21st
caddyl: oh wait at THE 21st
adam: YES
caddyl: oh my god they would sit around talking about awkward moments, for hours
adam: this is less just a "troll in high school" AU than it is a "trolls as teenagers" AU
adam: EVERYTHING
adam: EVERYTHING
adam: SO GOOD
caddyl: YES
caddyl: IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL
caddyl: I LOVE IT
adam: WE NEED TO MAKE AN RP OF THIS
adam: I WANT EVERYONE FILLED
adam: I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN
caddyl: ME TOO
adam: OH MY GOD AT BATTLE OF THE BANDS
adam: have you ever seen a live performance by Green Day? just like, a video or something?
caddyl: no
adam: billie does this call and response thing like ALL THE FUCKING TIME
adam: I SAY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO C'MON!
adam: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
adam: like every spare measure he's got
adam: Karkat does that too and Sollux gets really pissed at him
adam: "KK, quit pretending to be your fucking man crush and jutht play the damn muthic"
adam: "FUCK YOU CAPTOR I'M A GODDAMN ROCKSTAR"
caddyl: vriska would be like omg you guys suck so much
caddyl: but nepeta would be their biggest fan
caddyl: she would handprint t-shirts with the band name on them and wear them all the time
caddyl: karkat would bitch at her for being uncool but inside he'd be so fucking pleased
adam: and the best part is that they're actually REALLY GOOD
caddyl: TOTALLY
adam: like karkat just shreds and Sollux plays that bass like a beast and terezi kills
adam: oh my god, so Rose does this play
adam: SHE DOES THE LAST FIVE YEARS
adam: you know that play?
caddyl: no!
adam: it's about a man and a woman and their marriage and how it crumbles and the gimmick is that the girl starts at the end of the relationship, and the boy at the beginning
adam: but anyway
adam: So Rose gets cast in this play
adam: musical, actually, my bad
adam: and Kanaya gets UBER JEALOUS AND UNCOMFORTABLE
adam: BECAUSE THAT IS HER GIRLFRIEND UP THERE PRETENDING TO BE WITH THAT GUY
adam: SHE DOES NOT EVEN SWING THAT WAY I MEAN REALLY
adam: so she keeps calling Rose back to "fit her" for things, even though the costumes are just normal clothes
adam: and Rose gets sick of it and calls her out, and thinks it's ridiculous and they get mad at each other
adam: and don't speak for like a week
caddyl: a-aw ):
caddyl: everybody is involved in this fight too
adam: fuck yes they are
caddyl: i bet when two of them have fights
caddyl: they all fucking take sides
caddyl: like, two people fights become everybody fights
adam: Vriska is teasing Kanaya about how she's all alone at night
caddyl: and then somebody tries to mediate
adam: Dave is like 'Fuck that bitch"
adam: Jade and Feferi are trying to get everyone to CALM THE FUCK DOWN, PLEASE
adam: Kanaya goes to Karkat for advice and he's all "DUMP HER SHIT"
adam: but they don't really WANT to
adam: anyway HALLOWEEN
adam: HUGE COSTUME PARTY
caddyl: OH GOD YES
adam: Kanaya and Rose were going to go as vampire seductress and unwitting-but-completely-in-control-of-the-situation love interest
adam: but they kind of just show up as nothing and see each other
adam: and they start sniping at one another
adam: and it turns into GIANT SHOUTING MATCH
adam: they're yelling at each other, and everyone is starting at them, and it ends with them kissing really passionately and dead silence and then Kanaya turns bright green while Rose leads her away
adam: so they can return to the party in style
adam: Perhaps after some make up sex
caddyl: OH HELL YES
caddyl: they know how to make an entrance too
adam: oh fuck yeah
caddyl: these two gorgeous women, walking back in all smug
caddyl: everybody knows what they've been at
caddyl: karkat dribbles a little
adam: FFFFFFFF
adam: Karkat is surrounded by gorgeous ladies 24/7
adam: he does not know why the universe decided to do this
adam: Terezi make out bombs Karkat sometimes with Vriska
adam: John is not amused
adam: it's one of like three things that does not amuse him about Vriska
caddyl: yes
caddyl: what are the other things
adam: when she manipul8es people
caddyl: can one of them be her insisting to use spiders on him
caddyl: like letting them crawl over him
adam: FFFFFFF YES
caddyl: she thinks it's hot
caddyl: john just screams like a girl
adam: he's terrified
adam: but in the end he lets her
caddyl: oh my god so whipped
adam: because he has managed to hook up with the hottest living thing in a 100 mile radius and damn if he is going to screw that up
adam: he's 0kay with being whipped though
adam: it kind of fits into his whole overly romantic relationship worldview
adam: MORE RANDOM SIDE BITS
adam: Sollux is sitting at the dining room table, grousing about his shitty day
adam: some guy hit on Aradia, and Sollux does not like that because he more than most of the other trolls got picked on by humans when they were still young
adam: so he's kind of got a grudge and he and Aradia had a small fight
adam: not a big thing, just enough to make him feel like crap
adam: and Feferi comes in and she's all "Glub to me about your day"
adam: massaging his shoulders and shit
adam: and he tells her and she starts kissing him
adam: a half hour later Aradia gets back from the gym all sweaty
adam: and finds they didn't even make it to the bedroom, they're fucking on the living room floor
adam: and then she chastises them before joining in
caddyl: oh my god
caddyl: skjadlhfgdjsfghsfkg
caddyl: YES
caddyl: BEST ENDING
adam: DO I CONCEPTUALIZE GOOD PORN OR WHAT?!
caddyl: YOU CERTAINLY DO
caddyl: CHEERS TO YOU
caddyl: FOR THAT MENTAL IMAGE
adam: Also, Aradia and Sollux frequently have shower sex in the morning
adam: because Sollux is not a morning person
adam: oh my god it is 6 AM
caddyl: what is the name of this AU anyway
caddyl: trollsarefuckinginsanewhendrunkstuck
adam: I don't really have a title
adam: it's really just a high school AU
adam: that I've put WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT INTO