Thursday
Другие записи: День 2010.07.13, Точное время 21:21:00 | Роман по имени "Жизнь" | тест | Russian street mosh
I'm still contemplating how my life should play out right now.
I'm stil questioning the same old song and dance. We really need to start saving money. We can't spend it on pointless gifts and prizes. We are facing reality like no other. We both want to move to California, and we both need some motivation. Travis doesn't need so much motivation as much as I do, he can just transfer out, but I have to make the right decision on my future carreer. Do I really want to be a marine biologist?
A few days ago, I was questioned on how my life would be being a marine biologist. I hate swimming in deep dark water, and I can't tread water for long. I can only doggie swim. But the worst feat of it all, is my deathly fears of drowning. So I thought about it, with both my friends and my boyfriend saying how could I enjoy something like that? Maybe I can pick up as a hobby. Reading about it, writing notes, or something.
But all I know is that the first day I'll start writing notes, then as the weeks go by, I'll get tired of teaching myself, I'll be more looking forward into learning.So either way, I'm fucked.
I have no motivation. Ofcourse I will at first, but then I'll dwell on it and then, get tired of it. Someone I need motivation to be motivated. And that just seems too complicated.
I guess I'll keep going in for being a pharmacist, or soemthing easy. Get my degree and live a happy, content life.
Anyways, we need to save up, and right now that's my main concern.
So today, Travis and I went to get a free back massage from a back clinic or whatever. We were referred by Sammie, so we went. Turns out something horrible is wrong with my back. I did not get a back massage, instead I get a back torture. I have so many knots, I'm surprised I barely feel it most of the time. But beforehand, I run into an old friend Margie and her husband, Stephen. I was surprised that this had happened. I haven't talked to them for over a yearr (after Brandon and I broke off). It was nice updating, but to be compltely honest, I think that was really the only time I had talked to them one on one without a group of 15 people in the same room all together with them. It was okay, ofcourase I got shy because I barely have talked to them even when I was at their house with 20 other people.
And the last time I visited them, it was only a few months ago (maybe a few weeks?) when my friend Sam mentioned it to me. Af first I avoided the place because at the time Brandon lived there with them. Then I was told he was banned and kicked out of the house because of drug abuse and being obnoxious and vile. So, when I was invited to their "community dinner" (where all of the 'pirads' eat together as a family) I was pretty excited to see all of them again.
But when I showed up, I was definitely a ghost to everyone. Noone even talked to me, unless it was Sam. At that point I wanted to leave, but Sam wanted me to stay.I don't know, they weren't really my friends, just people I slept in the same room with because of my boyfriend was the time. So in all honestly, I really don't have friends, except for Travis, Kay, Brittney, and Sara. Other than that, I barely talk to them making no real effort into being a good friend with them.
My self confidence sucks.
Anyways, I'm sure planned to force Travis to take bigtail on a walk. We barely talked today, and it's kinda of depressing. We used to talk all the time, but I guess it right now is just a dead time. Meaning nothing interesting to talk about anymore because Hey? we've already talked about it. Its been a few times where Travis would repeats stories I have already heard for the 3rd time, but that's really it. Other than that, we have sex, we play games, we work, and we're sleeping. Hopefully, some new conversations will light up when we move out..