saving you [sehun/lu han]
sehun/lu han; PG-13; ~2000; i own nothing herein but the plot
highlight for warning: implied character death
sehun doesn't know how to help lu han, but he tries.
a/n: in this, their ages are switched (sehun is 22 and lu han is 18).
sehun first meets - finds - lu han while commuting home from work one dreary november evening.
he's turning the corner, with the intention of picking up some breakfast foods from his favorite bakery, when his foot catches on something and he trips. too late, sehun realizes there is a boy sitting, slumped over, against the brick wall of the corner store.
alarmed, he drops to his knees and lifts the boy's head up to check for a pulse. to his relief, the boy's eyelashes flutter slightly, casting shadows against pale, almost translucent, cheeks. sehun reaches for the boy's hands hesitantly, finding them just as cold as his face.
perhaps it's against his better judgement, but something about the frail, icy fingers that sehun grasps screams for sehun to gently lift the stranger onto his back and carry him home.
when the golden-haired boy begins to stir, sehun has just finished preparing some warm soup. his head snaps toward the sound of shuffling blankets. he sees the young boy huddled against the armrest of the couch, watching him with a strange mix of wariness and disinterest. sehun comes forth with a smile as warm as the soup in his hands and places the bowl on the coffee table. when the boy remains in his spot, sehun leans forward to pull him toward the the bowl of soup.
the boy flinches back and sehun immediately stills. he feels like he's dealing with an abandoned puppy who's too frightened and uneasy to be touched.
but no, the young stranger is neither frightened nor uneasy. rather, he's distant, far removed.
the boy makes to get up and head for the front door, but sehun quickly catches his hand. still cold.
"wait," he implores, "do you want me send you home? you seem weak and a bit cold."
"i'm fine."
"well, here, at least finish the soup. what were you doing sitting outside like that in november? with nothing but a thin sweater on at that."
the boy, a few inches shorter, peers up at sehun through long lashes. his eyes are blank, but not exactly hostile.
"i've got nothing else."
sehun cocks his head to the side in confusion. nothing else?
"you mean...no coat?"
"i mean...no coat."
"i'm sure your parents-"
sehun pauses at the boy's bitter laugh. it's short and ragged, a heartbreaking sound that ends in gasps for breath; the stranger pitches forward, his fall broken only when sehun instinctively holds out his arms.
"ah," the boy wrenches himself from sehun. "i'm fine."
"i really think," sehun smiles worriedly, "i ought to help you home."
the boy hesitates.
"home," he mumbles so softly that sehun has to strain to hear, "i haven't got that either."
sehun freezes once again. he gazes at the boy, head tilted toward the ceiling, lips quirked cynically and eyes so blank, before him and his heart tightens unpleasantly. he's sad suddenly and he doesn't know why.
"then why don't you...stay here for a while?" sehun quickly continues on when the boy starts to shake his head. "it's lonely by myself. and my penthouse is really just a waste if there's no one here during the day. i think- i think i would really enjoy having you here."
he waits quietly, heart suddenly heavy. the boy will surely say no, will leave in a few seconds, out the door and gone, and sehun will be left to wonder what his story is. but.
"ok."
"that's great!" sehun says, a beat too fast.
"thank you."
his name is lu han. he's 18. he's supposed to be attending seoul university, but when sehun asks why he isn't, lu han looks away, out the window. it's pouring outside.
sehun pauses outside the guest room the next morning, unsure of whether or not to knock and let lu han know he's heading off to work. he decides it's better if he does, but when he sees lu han's sleeping face, tinged with a quiet peace that leaves sehun's pulse beating fast, he closes the door and tip-toes away.
"i'm not sure what to do," sehun says. yixing, once sehun's father's secretary and now his, nods in contemplation.
"call the police maybe? this could be a missing persons case for all you know."
sehun shakes his head. he slumps forward onto his desk and breathes slowly for a few seconds.
"he says he doesn't have a home."
yixing continues nodding (what's there to say), reaching out to stroke sehun's hair in comfort. he has worked for the oh family for years but, recently, with sehun adopting his duties as oh corp.'s new ceo, yixing tends to forget just how young sehun is. 22 and unsure, faltering in the adult world. but sehun's been raised since age 2 to live this life.
"he's only 18," sehun explains. "but i've never seen sadness as deep as his."
when sehun arrives home, he smells something strange in the air.
"sehun?"
lu han is in the kitchen, lying on the granite island with nothing but an oversized t-shirt and boxers on.
he turns his head and sehun gasps, rushing forward. he yanks the pipe and bags from lu han's hands, and holds them up in horror.
"what is this?" he demands.
lu han looks away, out the window. the sky is dark with receding storms.
sehun empties the cocaine in the trash with trembling hands.
lu han watches with empty eyes.
"why?"
"everyone does it."
"what kind of an excuse is that?"
lu han smiles wryly.
"i need it."
sehun doesn't know why he cares so much. maybe it's as simple as lu han isn't okay, and he wants to help. maybe it's more complicated than that. but it doesn't matter much, right.
the next evening, he comes home to lu han rocking back and forth in a corner. the young boy's eyes are bloodshot, unseeing, and he's in pain.
"where does it hurt?" sehun asks frantically.
lu han shakes his head, winces, and tries to casually move his right hand behind his back but sehun catches his wrist. he draws out lu han's hand almost fearfully.
this time lu han doesn't watch sehun drop the bag down the trash chute. he looks away, out the window. it's purple and pink, awash in sunset shades.
it's late and lu han's tired.
"sehun, please."
sehun holds tighter, bringing the boy closer. lu han's still cold, still pale, but sehun's warmth envelopes him. they've been sitting in the corner for hours. sehun's tie is still half undone from when he first stepped into his apartment and collapsed next to lu han.
"i'm fine, alright."
"you're not-"
"bad drug trips happen," lu han sighs. he likes them actually. happy trips are nice, but they're not quite sharp enough.
really, he doesn't want to fade so much as he wants to see.
"how," sehun says harshly, to lu han's surprise, "can you say that? why are you doing this to yourself? can you tell me? i can help you."
lu han can't quite understand but he manages to push away the flash of lights and focus. he sees the tears for the first time. if he blinks slowly, the clear drops look kind of red. they're pretty in their own way.
he wonders if the tears are his or sehun's.
"i wonder if they're mine or your's?"
"hm?"
"these tears?"
"don't you know?"
"i don't."
sehun breaks. he grips lu han's face in his hands. he doesn't want to let go. his lips meet lu han's and the air is silent save for the sweet sounds of healing kisses.
they both taste the salt on their tongues. maybe healing kisses can only heal those who want to be saved.
sehun pulls away for air and opens his eyes slowly. he stares at lu han. really tries to see him. he's not sure what he sees, but a second later, lu han looks away, out the window. the sky's a bruising purple - ugly.
sehun wakes to screams. he scrambles out of bed and rushes to lu han's room.
he has work the next day, but sehun stays up all night holding lu han in his arms and humming softly.
he wants to ask but doesn't. lu han never answers anyway.
crying is hard, lu han thinks in semi-consciousness. and so tiring.
he can only wait for the pain in his chest to slip away with sleep because it's either that or the empty feeling he gets afterwards. and if ever there's an unpleasant feeling, that's the one.
sehun's scared to leave lu han at home now, but what's there to be done.
he arrives home later than usual because there's some hold-up on the road in front of his apartment building. he vaguely realizes that there must be some trouble out front, so he parks in the back lot and goes up the emergency stairs.
there's an air of apprehension as his fingers ghost across his penthouse door's keypad. he worries for lu han. he still doesn't know the young boy's story. the reason for it all. he wants to know.
but this time when he tentatively pushes open his front door, he's met with the smell of freshly cooked food.
sehun smiles at the dishes of food on his dining table. they seem a bit cold, but he figures lu han cooked a while ago.
ah, lu han cooked for him.
it's only a few minutes later that sehun realizes the boy has yet to greet him.
"lu han?"
sehun's heart drops at the silence that meets him. with creeping dread, he goes from room to room in search.
"lu han! lu han!" sehun's screams die in his throat. it's over, isn't it.
sehun knows. he should have known earlier. in the morning or even last night, should have known from the bad trip and the screams and lu han's soft goodbye when he left this morning for the office.
sehun doesn't want to, no. he wants to sink down in lu han's corner and rock. it will comfort him, surely.
he sits on the couch instead and switches on the tv. there's breaking news. he sees the flashing lights on screen, the red and blue and blinding white.
a lady reporter speaks quietly, somber as she points at the high rise behind her.
"we're live now, and it's only been an hour. the authorities have all arrived and they're trying to identify the body." she walks forward and the camera follows. just as the camera swivels down, down, down at the body encircled by jabbering police and detectives and mildly concerned residents, sehun looks away.
but that's his mistake.
he looks away, out the window. the sky is so blue and the clouds are so white.
he wonders why. lu han wanted to fly, to fling himself in the air so he can fly far away. is that it? or maybe he wanted to crash, to fall and crash and feel the sharpness he loved so much. sehun thinks that must be it. because lu han seemed to like the world at its most unforgiving.
sehun wants to cry, so he does. and this time, the tears can only be his.
***
(i have no idea. :|)
highlight for warning: implied character death
sehun doesn't know how to help lu han, but he tries.
a/n: in this, their ages are switched (sehun is 22 and lu han is 18).
sehun first meets - finds - lu han while commuting home from work one dreary november evening.
he's turning the corner, with the intention of picking up some breakfast foods from his favorite bakery, when his foot catches on something and he trips. too late, sehun realizes there is a boy sitting, slumped over, against the brick wall of the corner store.
alarmed, he drops to his knees and lifts the boy's head up to check for a pulse. to his relief, the boy's eyelashes flutter slightly, casting shadows against pale, almost translucent, cheeks. sehun reaches for the boy's hands hesitantly, finding them just as cold as his face.
perhaps it's against his better judgement, but something about the frail, icy fingers that sehun grasps screams for sehun to gently lift the stranger onto his back and carry him home.
when the golden-haired boy begins to stir, sehun has just finished preparing some warm soup. his head snaps toward the sound of shuffling blankets. he sees the young boy huddled against the armrest of the couch, watching him with a strange mix of wariness and disinterest. sehun comes forth with a smile as warm as the soup in his hands and places the bowl on the coffee table. when the boy remains in his spot, sehun leans forward to pull him toward the the bowl of soup.
the boy flinches back and sehun immediately stills. he feels like he's dealing with an abandoned puppy who's too frightened and uneasy to be touched.
but no, the young stranger is neither frightened nor uneasy. rather, he's distant, far removed.
the boy makes to get up and head for the front door, but sehun quickly catches his hand. still cold.
"wait," he implores, "do you want me send you home? you seem weak and a bit cold."
"i'm fine."
"well, here, at least finish the soup. what were you doing sitting outside like that in november? with nothing but a thin sweater on at that."
the boy, a few inches shorter, peers up at sehun through long lashes. his eyes are blank, but not exactly hostile.
"i've got nothing else."
sehun cocks his head to the side in confusion. nothing else?
"you mean...no coat?"
"i mean...no coat."
"i'm sure your parents-"
sehun pauses at the boy's bitter laugh. it's short and ragged, a heartbreaking sound that ends in gasps for breath; the stranger pitches forward, his fall broken only when sehun instinctively holds out his arms.
"ah," the boy wrenches himself from sehun. "i'm fine."
"i really think," sehun smiles worriedly, "i ought to help you home."
the boy hesitates.
"home," he mumbles so softly that sehun has to strain to hear, "i haven't got that either."
sehun freezes once again. he gazes at the boy, head tilted toward the ceiling, lips quirked cynically and eyes so blank, before him and his heart tightens unpleasantly. he's sad suddenly and he doesn't know why.
"then why don't you...stay here for a while?" sehun quickly continues on when the boy starts to shake his head. "it's lonely by myself. and my penthouse is really just a waste if there's no one here during the day. i think- i think i would really enjoy having you here."
he waits quietly, heart suddenly heavy. the boy will surely say no, will leave in a few seconds, out the door and gone, and sehun will be left to wonder what his story is. but.
"ok."
"that's great!" sehun says, a beat too fast.
"thank you."
his name is lu han. he's 18. he's supposed to be attending seoul university, but when sehun asks why he isn't, lu han looks away, out the window. it's pouring outside.
sehun pauses outside the guest room the next morning, unsure of whether or not to knock and let lu han know he's heading off to work. he decides it's better if he does, but when he sees lu han's sleeping face, tinged with a quiet peace that leaves sehun's pulse beating fast, he closes the door and tip-toes away.
"i'm not sure what to do," sehun says. yixing, once sehun's father's secretary and now his, nods in contemplation.
"call the police maybe? this could be a missing persons case for all you know."
sehun shakes his head. he slumps forward onto his desk and breathes slowly for a few seconds.
"he says he doesn't have a home."
yixing continues nodding (what's there to say), reaching out to stroke sehun's hair in comfort. he has worked for the oh family for years but, recently, with sehun adopting his duties as oh corp.'s new ceo, yixing tends to forget just how young sehun is. 22 and unsure, faltering in the adult world. but sehun's been raised since age 2 to live this life.
"he's only 18," sehun explains. "but i've never seen sadness as deep as his."
when sehun arrives home, he smells something strange in the air.
"sehun?"
lu han is in the kitchen, lying on the granite island with nothing but an oversized t-shirt and boxers on.
he turns his head and sehun gasps, rushing forward. he yanks the pipe and bags from lu han's hands, and holds them up in horror.
"what is this?" he demands.
lu han looks away, out the window. the sky is dark with receding storms.
sehun empties the cocaine in the trash with trembling hands.
lu han watches with empty eyes.
"why?"
"everyone does it."
"what kind of an excuse is that?"
lu han smiles wryly.
"i need it."
sehun doesn't know why he cares so much. maybe it's as simple as lu han isn't okay, and he wants to help. maybe it's more complicated than that. but it doesn't matter much, right.
the next evening, he comes home to lu han rocking back and forth in a corner. the young boy's eyes are bloodshot, unseeing, and he's in pain.
"where does it hurt?" sehun asks frantically.
lu han shakes his head, winces, and tries to casually move his right hand behind his back but sehun catches his wrist. he draws out lu han's hand almost fearfully.
this time lu han doesn't watch sehun drop the bag down the trash chute. he looks away, out the window. it's purple and pink, awash in sunset shades.
it's late and lu han's tired.
"sehun, please."
sehun holds tighter, bringing the boy closer. lu han's still cold, still pale, but sehun's warmth envelopes him. they've been sitting in the corner for hours. sehun's tie is still half undone from when he first stepped into his apartment and collapsed next to lu han.
"i'm fine, alright."
"you're not-"
"bad drug trips happen," lu han sighs. he likes them actually. happy trips are nice, but they're not quite sharp enough.
really, he doesn't want to fade so much as he wants to see.
"how," sehun says harshly, to lu han's surprise, "can you say that? why are you doing this to yourself? can you tell me? i can help you."
lu han can't quite understand but he manages to push away the flash of lights and focus. he sees the tears for the first time. if he blinks slowly, the clear drops look kind of red. they're pretty in their own way.
he wonders if the tears are his or sehun's.
"i wonder if they're mine or your's?"
"hm?"
"these tears?"
"don't you know?"
"i don't."
sehun breaks. he grips lu han's face in his hands. he doesn't want to let go. his lips meet lu han's and the air is silent save for the sweet sounds of healing kisses.
they both taste the salt on their tongues. maybe healing kisses can only heal those who want to be saved.
sehun pulls away for air and opens his eyes slowly. he stares at lu han. really tries to see him. he's not sure what he sees, but a second later, lu han looks away, out the window. the sky's a bruising purple - ugly.
sehun wakes to screams. he scrambles out of bed and rushes to lu han's room.
he has work the next day, but sehun stays up all night holding lu han in his arms and humming softly.
he wants to ask but doesn't. lu han never answers anyway.
crying is hard, lu han thinks in semi-consciousness. and so tiring.
he can only wait for the pain in his chest to slip away with sleep because it's either that or the empty feeling he gets afterwards. and if ever there's an unpleasant feeling, that's the one.
sehun's scared to leave lu han at home now, but what's there to be done.
he arrives home later than usual because there's some hold-up on the road in front of his apartment building. he vaguely realizes that there must be some trouble out front, so he parks in the back lot and goes up the emergency stairs.
there's an air of apprehension as his fingers ghost across his penthouse door's keypad. he worries for lu han. he still doesn't know the young boy's story. the reason for it all. he wants to know.
but this time when he tentatively pushes open his front door, he's met with the smell of freshly cooked food.
sehun smiles at the dishes of food on his dining table. they seem a bit cold, but he figures lu han cooked a while ago.
ah, lu han cooked for him.
it's only a few minutes later that sehun realizes the boy has yet to greet him.
"lu han?"
sehun's heart drops at the silence that meets him. with creeping dread, he goes from room to room in search.
"lu han! lu han!" sehun's screams die in his throat. it's over, isn't it.
sehun knows. he should have known earlier. in the morning or even last night, should have known from the bad trip and the screams and lu han's soft goodbye when he left this morning for the office.
sehun doesn't want to, no. he wants to sink down in lu han's corner and rock. it will comfort him, surely.
he sits on the couch instead and switches on the tv. there's breaking news. he sees the flashing lights on screen, the red and blue and blinding white.
a lady reporter speaks quietly, somber as she points at the high rise behind her.
"we're live now, and it's only been an hour. the authorities have all arrived and they're trying to identify the body." she walks forward and the camera follows. just as the camera swivels down, down, down at the body encircled by jabbering police and detectives and mildly concerned residents, sehun looks away.
but that's his mistake.
he looks away, out the window. the sky is so blue and the clouds are so white.
he wonders why. lu han wanted to fly, to fling himself in the air so he can fly far away. is that it? or maybe he wanted to crash, to fall and crash and feel the sharpness he loved so much. sehun thinks that must be it. because lu han seemed to like the world at its most unforgiving.
sehun wants to cry, so he does. and this time, the tears can only be his.
***
(i have no idea. :|)