(no subject)
I just submitted a story to McSweeney's. I don't expect them to publish it on the site, but it's worth a shot. If you're interested, I have the story behind the cut. I hope you enjoy it. That's pretty much the theme of the story.
The Events That Led to My Consumption of a Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich, and My Thought Process of Each Step of the Way
By Richard Kim
I just finished walking my dog. Easy enough. I enjoy doing it, really. It requires little effort. I really do love my dog. He’s a great dog; never too rowdy and always playful. I think I’ll make myself a sandwich. I love sandwiches. A grilled cheese sandwich, that sounds great. I can make great sandwiches. No. Not yet. I can’t make it yet. There’s something that needs to be done. I have to do something before. Someone told me that before I cook, I have to do this one thing…
But what is it? I never can remember what I should be doing. Cut hair? Make sandwich? No, wait, that’s not yet. Watch movie? Watch…watch? Wash? Wash hands? Wash hands!
That’s not too hard. In fact, I could probably do that real fast. First things first, I’ve got to get myself to the bathroom sink. Not too bad. Let’s see, here’s the sink. I suppose I should turn the sink on. I like to keep the water at a moderate temperature, so I turn the cold water knob a little, and then I turn the hot water knob a little. Perfect! I think this is the most perfect temperature water I’ve ever felt. Where’s the soap? It should be right around here somewhere. Soap is nice. Not only does it make my hands clean, but it also makes them smell nice. Some of my favorite scents are made into soap form. I think that’s great, because I love to smell nice scents. Flowers smell nice, and so do various fruits. And so do grilled cheese sandwiches. But they don’t make grilled cheese sandwich soap. I can’t think of any reason why they shouldn’t. Oh, there’s the soap! Great, now I can wash my hands…
My sandwich is nearly complete. I like how the cheese melts and bubbles up, and the bread is so toasty and delicious. I can bet, without a doubt, that this sandwich will be absolutely delicious. It smells as if it would be delicious. In fact, this is the most perfect smelling sandwich I’ve ever smelled. Almost done, I’ll go find a plate to set this sandwich on. Is this a plate? It looks more like a bowl. I can’t use the blue one; I already used it for pancake last night. Not that it’s dirty, because I washed it after I was finished with it. It’s just not proper conduct. This one’s a dish, not a plate. Ah! The green plate will work perfectly. It’s not too big for the sandwich, and the face of the plate is smooth and flat, just as a plate should be. This plate is great for setting my grilled cheese sandwich on, no problem. Time to set the sandwich on the plate, and get to eating!
…and what a delicious sandwich it was. The first bite was great, and each bite proceeding was just as great. Eating that sandwich was a breeze. No big deal! Not that I think I’m some hot shot, but it was such a blast. I enjoyed eating that sandwich, honest. Maybe I should have let you try some of it, maybe a few bites. After all that boasting and preparation, it was the least I could do. I guess I just got caught up in the moment. A feeling of guilt overcomes me. What was that? It’s alright, you say? No big deal? That’s great! I feel my shame being replaced with something great, like I’m smelling a flower. Maybe I’ll head to my backyard and smell some flowers. That sounds like such a great idea. Wait, I can’t do that right now. I’ve forgotten something. Am I supposed to clean the plate? No, I should wash my hands. Yeah…no, wait. The plate, and then my hands. That sounds about right. And after that, I can smell the flowers. Oh, this is going to be perfect! That sandwich was so delicious! No problem!
The Events That Led to My Consumption of a Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich, and My Thought Process of Each Step of the Way
By Richard Kim
I just finished walking my dog. Easy enough. I enjoy doing it, really. It requires little effort. I really do love my dog. He’s a great dog; never too rowdy and always playful. I think I’ll make myself a sandwich. I love sandwiches. A grilled cheese sandwich, that sounds great. I can make great sandwiches. No. Not yet. I can’t make it yet. There’s something that needs to be done. I have to do something before. Someone told me that before I cook, I have to do this one thing…
But what is it? I never can remember what I should be doing. Cut hair? Make sandwich? No, wait, that’s not yet. Watch movie? Watch…watch? Wash? Wash hands? Wash hands!
That’s not too hard. In fact, I could probably do that real fast. First things first, I’ve got to get myself to the bathroom sink. Not too bad. Let’s see, here’s the sink. I suppose I should turn the sink on. I like to keep the water at a moderate temperature, so I turn the cold water knob a little, and then I turn the hot water knob a little. Perfect! I think this is the most perfect temperature water I’ve ever felt. Where’s the soap? It should be right around here somewhere. Soap is nice. Not only does it make my hands clean, but it also makes them smell nice. Some of my favorite scents are made into soap form. I think that’s great, because I love to smell nice scents. Flowers smell nice, and so do various fruits. And so do grilled cheese sandwiches. But they don’t make grilled cheese sandwich soap. I can’t think of any reason why they shouldn’t. Oh, there’s the soap! Great, now I can wash my hands…
My sandwich is nearly complete. I like how the cheese melts and bubbles up, and the bread is so toasty and delicious. I can bet, without a doubt, that this sandwich will be absolutely delicious. It smells as if it would be delicious. In fact, this is the most perfect smelling sandwich I’ve ever smelled. Almost done, I’ll go find a plate to set this sandwich on. Is this a plate? It looks more like a bowl. I can’t use the blue one; I already used it for pancake last night. Not that it’s dirty, because I washed it after I was finished with it. It’s just not proper conduct. This one’s a dish, not a plate. Ah! The green plate will work perfectly. It’s not too big for the sandwich, and the face of the plate is smooth and flat, just as a plate should be. This plate is great for setting my grilled cheese sandwich on, no problem. Time to set the sandwich on the plate, and get to eating!
…and what a delicious sandwich it was. The first bite was great, and each bite proceeding was just as great. Eating that sandwich was a breeze. No big deal! Not that I think I’m some hot shot, but it was such a blast. I enjoyed eating that sandwich, honest. Maybe I should have let you try some of it, maybe a few bites. After all that boasting and preparation, it was the least I could do. I guess I just got caught up in the moment. A feeling of guilt overcomes me. What was that? It’s alright, you say? No big deal? That’s great! I feel my shame being replaced with something great, like I’m smelling a flower. Maybe I’ll head to my backyard and smell some flowers. That sounds like such a great idea. Wait, I can’t do that right now. I’ve forgotten something. Am I supposed to clean the plate? No, I should wash my hands. Yeah…no, wait. The plate, and then my hands. That sounds about right. And after that, I can smell the flowers. Oh, this is going to be perfect! That sandwich was so delicious! No problem!