Doesn't help at all
warning: most of these drabbles, rather, all of these drabbles contain certain levels of depression, some may seem too much and some are just so-so, but to be on the safe side, I will just mark them all pg-13. thank you! (I write all these depressing fics, but it doesn't help. Doesn't help at all.)
High, Onew-centric, Onew/key, 159 words, as the title suggests
It is one of the usual nights Jinki spends to waste. A cigar hanging on the edge of his lips and smoke blowing out from his mouth, he leans further into the shadows. It stings, his eyes are watery and it enters his lungs through his nose but Kibum is there, watching his every drag, urging his every breath. 'Drink it up, Jinki,' his voice is smooth and cruel in his ears, 'drink it all up until we're high'. And he feels his legs give up under him, feels the dirty brick wall supporting his back and he feels the way Kibum slumps on his shoulder, but he feels nothing at all but high.
'Let me take you higher,' Kibum pushes the cigar deeper into his lips, pinched in between his fingers, then he slowly drags it out.
Okay, Kibum will take me higher, he will.
The smoke continues to sting his eyes and fill his lungs.
Numb, Onew-centric, Onew/key, 285 words, something pin pricking or self-harm
Jinki is back again.
He's back from yesterday and he's here again.
He's already got the place memorized.
The bricks aligns in his eyesight, the lamp post dims just above of his head and his shadow flickers behind him like a candle's small red flame.
It is already so cold, somewhere in middle November, but he goes out without gloves on and without a warm scarf wrapped around his neck. His chapped lips shiver, 'Don't go,' he whispers to the night as he slowly enters the ominous, murky alley, his boots splashing dirty rain puddles against the legs of his pants.
He smiles in relief as his eyes readily adjusts in the dark and soon enough, he sees a red flame dancing on the walls. 'Jinki?' He smiles wider, a noise coming from the back of his throat, 'Jinki, you came,'.
The fire illuminates a face, shadowing its perfect nose on the smooth cheek of the face's owner. 'Of course, I came.'
And Jinki almost thinks that what he is doing is normal, what they are is normal, what he has become of is normal, but it's not.
'I always do.'
He doesn't feel the way warm hands wrap around his own bare ones, doesn't even remembers a hot sharp point of a pin prick his flaky skin and most certainly doesn't feel the blood streaming down his hand. 'Kibum?'
'Hm?' Kibum doesn't comes out of the shadows.
'You feel warm,'
but Jinki still sees his smile,
'You do, too.'
sees his eyes twinkle like a constellation thrown in the sky.
'Thank you.'
Jinki remains in Kibum's hands for as long as he can feel.
Ink, Key-centric, Onew/key, 242 words, cutting and abuse
There is ink, black dripping to the floor agonizingly and Kibum is there to see the wood adsorb it slowly.
Black is his favorite color, aside from the beautiful dark red.
He sees nothing but black, black, black and red.
It's black outside, like monster black, and also black inside, like dangerous black.
His eyelids are suddenly heavy, but behind them he also sees black.
Black.
He blacks out.
The next time he wakes up, Jinki will be there and the blank ink will soon be gone.
There will be red roses in Jinki's hands and he will arrange it neatly in the vase beside Kibum's bed.
He will get to see the coffee liquid in Jinki's eyes and they will be drowning his reflection.
Then he will have to bear through Jinki's cheerful lies until soon enough, Jinki's fingers will be scraping the skin on his neck.
Will be digging for his blood
Will be stopping the blood circulation and will release it before his face turns truly bruise-purple.
Then he will feel Jinki's warm tongue on his burning neck.
Will be feeling the way Jinki licks at the marks
At the beautiful welts lining his neck
And Jinki will say goodbye just like that.
Leaving him red
Red, red, red and black.
Kibum blankly smiles as he jams the sharp side of the blade into his left wrist,
the long red roses wilting black in the vase beside his bed.
Encore, Onew/key, 335 words
They know it's a mistake.
From the first time they really did it to the first time they've gone too far from the safety lines.
They've already known it was a huge mistake -
But stumbling over pairs of unknown shoes and their eyes readjusting to the dark hallway and their fingers playing to the fast beating of their hearts stops them from hesitating this time.
They know it isn't right to eat each others' lips in plain view as much as it isn't right for Kibum to be slipping his hand into Jinki's pants so easily, it never has been, but it happens.
They've already done this so many times before.
Being trapped in a car for more than an hour long after a few hours of recording, even sleep shied away from the sexual tension between the two of them. That it only takes a few seconds of entering the dorm, that they're already glued to each other, not even stopping to press the light switch open or to check if any of the members are still awake.
They think it's crazy at the same time they do think it's perfect sense so Jinki just sticks his rough tongue into Kibum's equally hot and needy mouth, allowing Kibum full permission to massage his hardening member and he knows that they'll end up performing an encore tonight again.
They settle to think that it really is normal.
The way tomorrow mornings are always going to be different than their nights - or every other nights.
That Taemin will be having all of Kibum's undivided attention while Jinki will be joining Jonghyun and Minho in the living room.
That it is normal that they almost ignore each other for whole days if not for some accidental eye contact.
That it is normal that they just push and pull whenever they feel needy or frustrated, leaving unintented marks all over each others' bodies.
They know that their relationship is normal.
Lust, need, greed and nothing else.
✈ And if possible, Takeover and Canvas will follow soon!
High, Onew-centric, Onew/key, 159 words, as the title suggests
It is one of the usual nights Jinki spends to waste. A cigar hanging on the edge of his lips and smoke blowing out from his mouth, he leans further into the shadows. It stings, his eyes are watery and it enters his lungs through his nose but Kibum is there, watching his every drag, urging his every breath. 'Drink it up, Jinki,' his voice is smooth and cruel in his ears, 'drink it all up until we're high'. And he feels his legs give up under him, feels the dirty brick wall supporting his back and he feels the way Kibum slumps on his shoulder, but he feels nothing at all but high.
'Let me take you higher,' Kibum pushes the cigar deeper into his lips, pinched in between his fingers, then he slowly drags it out.
Okay, Kibum will take me higher, he will.
The smoke continues to sting his eyes and fill his lungs.
Numb, Onew-centric, Onew/key, 285 words, something pin pricking or self-harm
Jinki is back again.
He's back from yesterday and he's here again.
He's already got the place memorized.
The bricks aligns in his eyesight, the lamp post dims just above of his head and his shadow flickers behind him like a candle's small red flame.
It is already so cold, somewhere in middle November, but he goes out without gloves on and without a warm scarf wrapped around his neck. His chapped lips shiver, 'Don't go,' he whispers to the night as he slowly enters the ominous, murky alley, his boots splashing dirty rain puddles against the legs of his pants.
He smiles in relief as his eyes readily adjusts in the dark and soon enough, he sees a red flame dancing on the walls. 'Jinki?' He smiles wider, a noise coming from the back of his throat, 'Jinki, you came,'.
The fire illuminates a face, shadowing its perfect nose on the smooth cheek of the face's owner. 'Of course, I came.'
And Jinki almost thinks that what he is doing is normal, what they are is normal, what he has become of is normal, but it's not.
'I always do.'
He doesn't feel the way warm hands wrap around his own bare ones, doesn't even remembers a hot sharp point of a pin prick his flaky skin and most certainly doesn't feel the blood streaming down his hand. 'Kibum?'
'Hm?' Kibum doesn't comes out of the shadows.
'You feel warm,'
but Jinki still sees his smile,
'You do, too.'
sees his eyes twinkle like a constellation thrown in the sky.
'Thank you.'
Jinki remains in Kibum's hands for as long as he can feel.
Ink, Key-centric, Onew/key, 242 words, cutting and abuse
There is ink, black dripping to the floor agonizingly and Kibum is there to see the wood adsorb it slowly.
Black is his favorite color, aside from the beautiful dark red.
He sees nothing but black, black, black and red.
It's black outside, like monster black, and also black inside, like dangerous black.
His eyelids are suddenly heavy, but behind them he also sees black.
Black.
He blacks out.
The next time he wakes up, Jinki will be there and the blank ink will soon be gone.
There will be red roses in Jinki's hands and he will arrange it neatly in the vase beside Kibum's bed.
He will get to see the coffee liquid in Jinki's eyes and they will be drowning his reflection.
Then he will have to bear through Jinki's cheerful lies until soon enough, Jinki's fingers will be scraping the skin on his neck.
Will be digging for his blood
Will be stopping the blood circulation and will release it before his face turns truly bruise-purple.
Then he will feel Jinki's warm tongue on his burning neck.
Will be feeling the way Jinki licks at the marks
At the beautiful welts lining his neck
And Jinki will say goodbye just like that.
Leaving him red
Red, red, red and black.
Kibum blankly smiles as he jams the sharp side of the blade into his left wrist,
the long red roses wilting black in the vase beside his bed.
Encore, Onew/key, 335 words
They know it's a mistake.
From the first time they really did it to the first time they've gone too far from the safety lines.
They've already known it was a huge mistake -
But stumbling over pairs of unknown shoes and their eyes readjusting to the dark hallway and their fingers playing to the fast beating of their hearts stops them from hesitating this time.
They know it isn't right to eat each others' lips in plain view as much as it isn't right for Kibum to be slipping his hand into Jinki's pants so easily, it never has been, but it happens.
They've already done this so many times before.
Being trapped in a car for more than an hour long after a few hours of recording, even sleep shied away from the sexual tension between the two of them. That it only takes a few seconds of entering the dorm, that they're already glued to each other, not even stopping to press the light switch open or to check if any of the members are still awake.
They think it's crazy at the same time they do think it's perfect sense so Jinki just sticks his rough tongue into Kibum's equally hot and needy mouth, allowing Kibum full permission to massage his hardening member and he knows that they'll end up performing an encore tonight again.
They settle to think that it really is normal.
The way tomorrow mornings are always going to be different than their nights - or every other nights.
That Taemin will be having all of Kibum's undivided attention while Jinki will be joining Jonghyun and Minho in the living room.
That it is normal that they almost ignore each other for whole days if not for some accidental eye contact.
That it is normal that they just push and pull whenever they feel needy or frustrated, leaving unintented marks all over each others' bodies.
They know that their relationship is normal.
Lust, need, greed and nothing else.
✈ And if possible, Takeover and Canvas will follow soon!