SPN Ficlet: Make a Statement Without Saying a Word (Conversation)
Title: Make a Statement Without Saying a Word
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating/Warning: GEN, PG, CONVERSATION. Crack.
Word Count: 390
Disclaimer: Not mine. Title is from the advertising slogan of Exclamation perfume, which I also do not own and towards whom I bear no ill-will.
A/N: I have no idea. At all. o.O
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Make a Statement Without Saying a Word
by CaffieneKitty
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Timeline: Right after... I dunno, Family Remains. Sure. Why not. *handwaves*
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"Smell me."
"God no!"
"No, seriously, smell me."
"Dude. You're a sick individual. And stupid if you think I'm getting my nose within five feet of you."
"Dean... Seriously. This is weird."
"When did you last eat a burrito?"
"What? Tuesday. Come on. I need you to tell me what I smell like so I can see if I'm having an olfactory hallucination."
"...Come again?"
"Just smell me!"
"Okay, fine, but if you fart I swear I'm gonna punch you in the face."
"Fine."
"... okay, now I almost wish you had farted."
"What do I smell like?"
"Like that cheap-ass cologne from- god, it's burning through my brain."
"From when?"
"I dunno, you were a kid. Some school dance thing. You found a bottle cheap somewhere and practically bathed in the crap before the dance. We ended up using the rest to torch corpses that summer."
"'Tempestuous Ocean Musk.'"
"Yeah, that's the crap. Rotten flowers and seaweed that something peed on. Where did you find it and why did you put it on instead of setting it on fire?"
"I didn't. I woke up this morning and this is what I smelled like."
"Did you roll in something in your sleep?"
"No. I've showered three times, Dean. I still smell like this stuff and the last time I wore any I was fourteen. What the hell?"
"That's really weird."
"Did you think I'd've asked you to smell me if it wasn't weird?"
"Okay. Okay. Do smells have ghosts?"
"What? No... Although sometimes ghosts are associated with smells..."
"Anyone die at that school dance?"
"Only socially."
"What?"
"No, Dean, no one died."
"Okay... Hey, I got an idea."
"Great, what splacgh!"
"There! Look!"
"What the-! Holy water?"
"See! You're smoking! You're, I dunno, possessed by some kind of minor stink-demon."
"...what? But the tattoo-"
"Only works if the demon tries to get inside you. This is possessing your surface."
"What!?"
"I guess?"
"How does that even work, Dean?"
"I dunno. It's possessing your pores?"
"Seriously?"
"Hey, there was smoke from the holy water and I don't hear any screaming, so... whatever. Makes as much sense as being haunted by the stinkiest cologne in the world."
"Fine. My pores are possessed by a minor stink-demon. What now?"
"Easy enough to fix! You stay there and don't touch anything, I'll go bless the bathtub."
"Great. Wonderful."
"Too bad it wasn't a full-on possession, because it would be fantastic if we could cure your burrito problem with a holy water bath."
"Just shut up and bless the bathtub."
- - -
(That's it. Like I said, I have no idea.)
Conversations Index
Characters: Sam, Dean
Rating/Warning: GEN, PG, CONVERSATION. Crack.
Word Count: 390
Disclaimer: Not mine. Title is from the advertising slogan of Exclamation perfume, which I also do not own and towards whom I bear no ill-will.
A/N: I have no idea. At all. o.O
-
Make a Statement Without Saying a Word
by CaffieneKitty
-
Timeline: Right after... I dunno, Family Remains. Sure. Why not. *handwaves*
-
"Smell me."
"God no!"
"No, seriously, smell me."
"Dude. You're a sick individual. And stupid if you think I'm getting my nose within five feet of you."
"Dean... Seriously. This is weird."
"When did you last eat a burrito?"
"What? Tuesday. Come on. I need you to tell me what I smell like so I can see if I'm having an olfactory hallucination."
"...Come again?"
"Just smell me!"
"Okay, fine, but if you fart I swear I'm gonna punch you in the face."
"Fine."
"... okay, now I almost wish you had farted."
"What do I smell like?"
"Like that cheap-ass cologne from- god, it's burning through my brain."
"From when?"
"I dunno, you were a kid. Some school dance thing. You found a bottle cheap somewhere and practically bathed in the crap before the dance. We ended up using the rest to torch corpses that summer."
"'Tempestuous Ocean Musk.'"
"Yeah, that's the crap. Rotten flowers and seaweed that something peed on. Where did you find it and why did you put it on instead of setting it on fire?"
"I didn't. I woke up this morning and this is what I smelled like."
"Did you roll in something in your sleep?"
"No. I've showered three times, Dean. I still smell like this stuff and the last time I wore any I was fourteen. What the hell?"
"That's really weird."
"Did you think I'd've asked you to smell me if it wasn't weird?"
"Okay. Okay. Do smells have ghosts?"
"What? No... Although sometimes ghosts are associated with smells..."
"Anyone die at that school dance?"
"Only socially."
"What?"
"No, Dean, no one died."
"Okay... Hey, I got an idea."
"Great, what splacgh!"
"There! Look!"
"What the-! Holy water?"
"See! You're smoking! You're, I dunno, possessed by some kind of minor stink-demon."
"...what? But the tattoo-"
"Only works if the demon tries to get inside you. This is possessing your surface."
"What!?"
"I guess?"
"How does that even work, Dean?"
"I dunno. It's possessing your pores?"
"Seriously?"
"Hey, there was smoke from the holy water and I don't hear any screaming, so... whatever. Makes as much sense as being haunted by the stinkiest cologne in the world."
"Fine. My pores are possessed by a minor stink-demon. What now?"
"Easy enough to fix! You stay there and don't touch anything, I'll go bless the bathtub."
"Great. Wonderful."
"Too bad it wasn't a full-on possession, because it would be fantastic if we could cure your burrito problem with a holy water bath."
"Just shut up and bless the bathtub."
- - -
(That's it. Like I said, I have no idea.)
Conversations Index