sublymonal: my heart (can't take this cover up) - chapter 1
Title: My Heart (Can't Take This Cover Up) - Chapter 1
Author: Andrew / sublymonal
Beta: Rachel / obsessionful & Keri / onesong
Pairing: Cake - of course.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The only cake I own comes in a box and requires an egg and some oil. (Wow, that sounded dirty)
Summary: What happens when they fall apart, lose hope and find themselves at a dead end.
Author's Notes: NEW SERIES - this first chapter is slightly vague right up until the very end, when the doors are thrown open for the rest of the story. I hope you enjoy it.
"I don't believe in it... I don't think I ever will."
"Oh come on Blake, you're being a little pessimistic."
"No, Gina, I'm not, I'm being realistic."
"Not even..." Gina started, trailing off before Blake interrupted her.
"No. Gina, wake up. Look around. You do realize what day it is..."
"Yeah, all the more reason to believe love exists." Gina retaliated.
"I never said love doesn't exist..."
"You may has well of..."
"Love... and love at first sight... are two different things." Blake stated.
"Not in this case they're not..."
Blake's eyes flicked up from his hands and looked into Gina's dark ones, visible beyond the fringe of her black hair - long having lost it's pink streaks from their days on Idol.
Idol was the reason they were here - if it weren't for those few months of Blake's life, he wouldn't be here, feeling like he was about the whole ordeal.
- - -
He remembered sitting in the Opium, the old theatre where those lucky enough to get a ticket to Hollywood were judged and eventually cut down to the Top 24. He was sitting in one of the back rows with Rudy, watching several of the guys perform on stage. They were good in comparison with the other groups they had seen so far.
One of them, broad shoulders, thick arms, brush cut hair - annoyed Blake. He was like a copy of Justin Timberlake, only not nearly as good of a dancer. Blake turned to whisper to Rudy, "What's that guy's name?" He said, pointing to the one singing.
"Chris, I think. He's pretty good..." Rudy commented, looking over at Blake.
"He's a little boring..." Blake said, turning to tuck his feet under himself. When they finished, everyone clapped, except Blake, who yawned and watched them assemble in the middle of the stage. He could care less what the judges had to say.
Blake got up and made his way down the aisle and into the foyer of the theatre, trying to find the bathroom. The four on stage came out, talking about how it went. Everybody clapping Chris on the back. Chris said he'd see them back in the theatre and headed into the bathroom behind Blake. Blake went to the sink and washed his hands - which is all Chris went in for, his hands slightly clammy. He looked up at Blake in the mirror.
"You guys sounded good..." Blake said awkwardly - not sure if he actually believed that.
"Really?" Chris said, looking up at Blake. "I thought we were kind of boring..." He said, sounding unsure of himself.
Blake looked up at Chris again to say something but stopped for a moment. His eyes were drawn to Chris's own - the colour of them was like the water surrounding a lone island and for some reason he couldn't remember what he was going to say in response. Suddenly the water scorched his hands and he drew them back, sending him back to reality. "No, you guys sounded good." He said, turning to dry his hands on a paper towel.
"Oh good... if you think so, I mean you guys rocked today. You're definitely more than just a beat boxer." Chris said, stumbling with his words, in a vain attempt to not sound like he was swooning over Blake's performances. He dried his hands too and looked over at Blake.
"Really? Thanks, man. I was worried people would think I couldn't sing." Blake said, his hand running up to flatten his hair, noticing it was a little out of place in the mirror.
"No, dawg, you can definitely blow..." Chris said, mocking Randy in a voice deeper than his own. Blake burst out laughing, his infectious wide-mouth laugh. Chris couldn't help laughing too, glad someone understood his humour. The two of them walked out of the bathroom together and Chris followed Blake back to his seat, the two of them mocking Randy and Paula silently in their seats. Blake looked over at Chris as he clapped like a goof, mimicking Paula. Maybe this guy wasn't so boring.
- - -
Blake and Gina looked up when Haley entered the room. "What're you guys doing in here? It's about to start..." She said, looking between them and sensing something was up. Gina looked exasperated, as if she had lost all motivation to make Blake see her way.
"Give us a second..." Gina said quietly. Haley looked at them again, before turning and leaving. Once they were alone, Gina turned to look up at Blake again. "Can't you just be happy for them, just for today?"
"Were you not listening to me? Were you not listening when I told you what happened? What he said to me when like, a week ago?"
"Blake... drop it, he was drunk. So were you, you could of been hearing things or be blowing something way out of proportion that meant nothing. Did he not pass out right after saying it?"
"Yeah..." Blake sighed, wishing Gina didn't make everything seem like nothing. It wasn't nothing, Blake knew that much.
- - -
As soon as Chris burst from the doors into the holding room, Blake knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Did you make it?"
Chris tried to keep his face clear from any dead giveaways, but his face nearly split with a massive grin as he pulled Blake in for friendly hug. Blake cheered, arms above his head before settling on Chris's shoulders. "Top 24, here we come." Blake said, drawing back from Chris who held out his hand and Blake gave him a high-five.
"America just better watch out with the two of us around..." Chris said, pointing at each of them in turn. "You know, we should invent our own handshake, you know. Every time were both safe." Chris said, taking Blake's hand and wiggling his fingers against it.
"Like that?" Blake said doing the same and laughing when his fingers got tangled in Chris'.
"Yeah, just like that..." Chris said, looking up to meet Blake's eyes and grinning, putting off the flush in his cheeks to the excitement of the moment.
"Cool..." Blake said, his ears suddenly warm, worried he sounded like a dork.
- - -
Gina was standing - Blake didn't remember her doing so, but she was, looking at him with a mix of pity and fatigue. "Blake... you need to make up your mind." She stated flatly, her eyes a bit watery. Blake could tell that that was Gina's way of saying she didn't want to talk about this anymore. It was up to Blake to decide where to go from here. Up until now, it had been Blake plus his friends, all moving forward together. They were a team, even if sometimes they argued and fell apart. But now, Blake had no one by his side. He was playing a one-man sport, not that ever liked sports - but he needed to decide if that was the way he wanted it to be. He looked up at Gina one more time before she turned away from him and hurried from the room, her hands holding up the hem of her dress, so it didn't drag on the floor.
Blake stood as the door clicked shut to the room, looking into the mirror. His face was flushed, his hair was trimmed short and the colour in it was beginning to fade - turning it back to dirty blonde, the way Chris said he liked it. The side of Blake's mouth twitched, attempting a smile, but it failed half way and his eyes began to sting.
- - -
Twelve seats, sixteen people - it was like one of the world's worst games of musical chairs. For four people, the music would stop and they wouldn't get a seat. They wouldn't be going any further. Blake stood as Ryan called his name and, in what felt like a blur, he walked over to him.
"Blake..." Ryan said, looking down at the cuecards. "I'm sorry..."
Blake's heart shifted in his chest. His mind groped his insides to find it again, but couldn't. His breath was stuck in his throat. When did this competition become so important to him?
"You're going to be seeing a lot more of Simon..." Ryan said, looking up at Blake again. Blake's mouth fell open. "What?" He mumbled, his mind still blank, but no one heard him beyond the applause coming from the audience. He turned to look Chris, who had his typical huge grin plastered on his face and was clapping as loud as he could. Blake looked at his feet for a moment, a flush creeping up into his face from all the whistling and cheering, before Ryan steered him over to the twelve empty stools on the other end of the stage. Another girl, Jordin, was already there. Blake sat next to her. He had only vaguely talked to her up until now, but he figured he should get to know her better. He turned to look at her and offered her a smile.
"Hey... looks like we made it." He said awkwardly.
"Yeah..." She said quietly, her curly hair bobbing a bit as she vaguely turned to look at him.
"You still look nervous..." Blake said, looking back at the others.
"Yeah, I just... Melinda's next. She's like my big sister here so..." Jordin was young, Blake noticed, and nervous. She seemed like a sweet girl and he could tell she cared a lot about the others. The same anxiety was starting to settle into Blake now. Gina. Brandon. Chris. They had to make it, they just had to.
Jordin squealed when Ryan said Melinda had made it as well. Melinda took the next seat, in front of Jordin, after giving her a hug. Next, Jared was cut. People applauded and he sang for the last time, but Blake was still fidgeting nervously. Next, Sabrina went home, sang her song, polite applause. Phil made it, then Lakisha joined them, then quirky Sanjaya and the pretty girl, Haley, who all took their places on their silver stools, shining below the spotlights above. The tension in the room was mounting. When Brandon joined them, Blake gave him a hug, patting him on the back then settling back down in his seat. Before long, the only four left on the bench were Gina, Antonella, Paul and Chris. Two seats were empty. One in front of Blake, and one in front of Haley. One guy and one girl.
"The two of you... going to the top twelve..." Ryan drew out his sentences, creating unbearable tension. Blake gripped Jordin's hand. Jordin and Chris had bonded too, as far as he knew, so she was rooting for him too. And after all, Blake had already lost Rudy earlier in the competition - so he definitely needed a friend to keep him company.
"...Are Gina Glocksen and Chris Richardson!" Ryan said. Gina immediately broke formation and leapt on Chris, squeezing him until he looked like he might suffocate. He looked over her shoulder at Blake with a huge grin plastered on his face as he stuck out his tongue. Blake did the same, before watching them hug Paul and Antonella.
Blake stayed in his seat as Chris came towards him. He leaned in and looked Blake in the eyes, pointing at his seat. "Is that seat taken?" He said with a chuckle. Blake laughed too. "No sir..." He said, mocking formality. Chris laughed and turned to look at the stage again. They all watched Paul sing, then got up near the end of Antonella's song to say goodbye to the four who had left. Once Blake had hugged Antonella midway through her song, Chris leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Hey, what about our handshake?" He said. Blake turned to him and smiled broadly before sticking out his hand. The two of them wiggled their fingers, actually not getting their fingers all tangled up this time. Blake laughed before Chris wrapped an arm around him and the two of them looked over at the camera as Ryan led them into the video of the twelve of them dancing and singing. "These are you top twelve, America..." He said, and the top rolled.
"Nice dance moves..." Chris said when Blake came on the screen, nudging him in the ribs.
"Shut up..." He teased, nudging him back and turning to look up at him with a smile.
- - -
"Where're you going?" A voice said from behind Blake, its southern drawl making his heart ache. Blake was standing in the arched double doors of the small building, getting ready to descend the steps, back onto 72nd street in New York City. He'd take a cab back to his apartment, lock himself in there until this was all over. But, right now, he couldn't exactly ignore the person standing behind him, he had to face him. He turned around and his eyes met Chris's anxious expression. His eyes, normally crisp and clear, had been greyed with apprehension. "You can't leave Blake."
"Yeah... I can. I shouldn't be here." Blake muttered, his voice unnaturally soft, almost graceful with his words, which came from his need to just escape right now.
"Of course you should." Chris replied softly, his fingers twitching like the wanted to take his friend's hand and bring him back into the church with him.
"Chris... go back inside." Blake said, his voice a bit stronger and firmer this time.
"Not without you." Chris replied, trying to sound equally confident.
"It's your wedding Chris. Just go." Blake said, meeting his eyes once more before turning to leave. He quickly descended the steps of the church into the street and held out his arm, limp with hesitation, at the curb, hoping a taxi would come soon. He bit his lip, setting all his will against looking back to see if Chris was there watching him. But when he heard the door clap shut inside, a trail of tears cut down his dry cheek.
*fin
so who is Chris marrying?
and what did he say to Blake that made him come at all?
and is Blake gone for good?
chapter two is coming soon.
*in the words of janet jackson: feedback, yo. always appreciated.
Author: Andrew / sublymonal
Beta: Rachel / obsessionful & Keri / onesong
Pairing: Cake - of course.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The only cake I own comes in a box and requires an egg and some oil. (Wow, that sounded dirty)
Summary: What happens when they fall apart, lose hope and find themselves at a dead end.
Author's Notes: NEW SERIES - this first chapter is slightly vague right up until the very end, when the doors are thrown open for the rest of the story. I hope you enjoy it.
"I don't believe in it... I don't think I ever will."
"Oh come on Blake, you're being a little pessimistic."
"No, Gina, I'm not, I'm being realistic."
"Not even..." Gina started, trailing off before Blake interrupted her.
"No. Gina, wake up. Look around. You do realize what day it is..."
"Yeah, all the more reason to believe love exists." Gina retaliated.
"I never said love doesn't exist..."
"You may has well of..."
"Love... and love at first sight... are two different things." Blake stated.
"Not in this case they're not..."
Blake's eyes flicked up from his hands and looked into Gina's dark ones, visible beyond the fringe of her black hair - long having lost it's pink streaks from their days on Idol.
Idol was the reason they were here - if it weren't for those few months of Blake's life, he wouldn't be here, feeling like he was about the whole ordeal.
- - -
He remembered sitting in the Opium, the old theatre where those lucky enough to get a ticket to Hollywood were judged and eventually cut down to the Top 24. He was sitting in one of the back rows with Rudy, watching several of the guys perform on stage. They were good in comparison with the other groups they had seen so far.
One of them, broad shoulders, thick arms, brush cut hair - annoyed Blake. He was like a copy of Justin Timberlake, only not nearly as good of a dancer. Blake turned to whisper to Rudy, "What's that guy's name?" He said, pointing to the one singing.
"Chris, I think. He's pretty good..." Rudy commented, looking over at Blake.
"He's a little boring..." Blake said, turning to tuck his feet under himself. When they finished, everyone clapped, except Blake, who yawned and watched them assemble in the middle of the stage. He could care less what the judges had to say.
Blake got up and made his way down the aisle and into the foyer of the theatre, trying to find the bathroom. The four on stage came out, talking about how it went. Everybody clapping Chris on the back. Chris said he'd see them back in the theatre and headed into the bathroom behind Blake. Blake went to the sink and washed his hands - which is all Chris went in for, his hands slightly clammy. He looked up at Blake in the mirror.
"You guys sounded good..." Blake said awkwardly - not sure if he actually believed that.
"Really?" Chris said, looking up at Blake. "I thought we were kind of boring..." He said, sounding unsure of himself.
Blake looked up at Chris again to say something but stopped for a moment. His eyes were drawn to Chris's own - the colour of them was like the water surrounding a lone island and for some reason he couldn't remember what he was going to say in response. Suddenly the water scorched his hands and he drew them back, sending him back to reality. "No, you guys sounded good." He said, turning to dry his hands on a paper towel.
"Oh good... if you think so, I mean you guys rocked today. You're definitely more than just a beat boxer." Chris said, stumbling with his words, in a vain attempt to not sound like he was swooning over Blake's performances. He dried his hands too and looked over at Blake.
"Really? Thanks, man. I was worried people would think I couldn't sing." Blake said, his hand running up to flatten his hair, noticing it was a little out of place in the mirror.
"No, dawg, you can definitely blow..." Chris said, mocking Randy in a voice deeper than his own. Blake burst out laughing, his infectious wide-mouth laugh. Chris couldn't help laughing too, glad someone understood his humour. The two of them walked out of the bathroom together and Chris followed Blake back to his seat, the two of them mocking Randy and Paula silently in their seats. Blake looked over at Chris as he clapped like a goof, mimicking Paula. Maybe this guy wasn't so boring.
- - -
Blake and Gina looked up when Haley entered the room. "What're you guys doing in here? It's about to start..." She said, looking between them and sensing something was up. Gina looked exasperated, as if she had lost all motivation to make Blake see her way.
"Give us a second..." Gina said quietly. Haley looked at them again, before turning and leaving. Once they were alone, Gina turned to look up at Blake again. "Can't you just be happy for them, just for today?"
"Were you not listening to me? Were you not listening when I told you what happened? What he said to me when like, a week ago?"
"Blake... drop it, he was drunk. So were you, you could of been hearing things or be blowing something way out of proportion that meant nothing. Did he not pass out right after saying it?"
"Yeah..." Blake sighed, wishing Gina didn't make everything seem like nothing. It wasn't nothing, Blake knew that much.
- - -
As soon as Chris burst from the doors into the holding room, Blake knew the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Did you make it?"
Chris tried to keep his face clear from any dead giveaways, but his face nearly split with a massive grin as he pulled Blake in for friendly hug. Blake cheered, arms above his head before settling on Chris's shoulders. "Top 24, here we come." Blake said, drawing back from Chris who held out his hand and Blake gave him a high-five.
"America just better watch out with the two of us around..." Chris said, pointing at each of them in turn. "You know, we should invent our own handshake, you know. Every time were both safe." Chris said, taking Blake's hand and wiggling his fingers against it.
"Like that?" Blake said doing the same and laughing when his fingers got tangled in Chris'.
"Yeah, just like that..." Chris said, looking up to meet Blake's eyes and grinning, putting off the flush in his cheeks to the excitement of the moment.
"Cool..." Blake said, his ears suddenly warm, worried he sounded like a dork.
- - -
Gina was standing - Blake didn't remember her doing so, but she was, looking at him with a mix of pity and fatigue. "Blake... you need to make up your mind." She stated flatly, her eyes a bit watery. Blake could tell that that was Gina's way of saying she didn't want to talk about this anymore. It was up to Blake to decide where to go from here. Up until now, it had been Blake plus his friends, all moving forward together. They were a team, even if sometimes they argued and fell apart. But now, Blake had no one by his side. He was playing a one-man sport, not that ever liked sports - but he needed to decide if that was the way he wanted it to be. He looked up at Gina one more time before she turned away from him and hurried from the room, her hands holding up the hem of her dress, so it didn't drag on the floor.
Blake stood as the door clicked shut to the room, looking into the mirror. His face was flushed, his hair was trimmed short and the colour in it was beginning to fade - turning it back to dirty blonde, the way Chris said he liked it. The side of Blake's mouth twitched, attempting a smile, but it failed half way and his eyes began to sting.
- - -
Twelve seats, sixteen people - it was like one of the world's worst games of musical chairs. For four people, the music would stop and they wouldn't get a seat. They wouldn't be going any further. Blake stood as Ryan called his name and, in what felt like a blur, he walked over to him.
"Blake..." Ryan said, looking down at the cuecards. "I'm sorry..."
Blake's heart shifted in his chest. His mind groped his insides to find it again, but couldn't. His breath was stuck in his throat. When did this competition become so important to him?
"You're going to be seeing a lot more of Simon..." Ryan said, looking up at Blake again. Blake's mouth fell open. "What?" He mumbled, his mind still blank, but no one heard him beyond the applause coming from the audience. He turned to look Chris, who had his typical huge grin plastered on his face and was clapping as loud as he could. Blake looked at his feet for a moment, a flush creeping up into his face from all the whistling and cheering, before Ryan steered him over to the twelve empty stools on the other end of the stage. Another girl, Jordin, was already there. Blake sat next to her. He had only vaguely talked to her up until now, but he figured he should get to know her better. He turned to look at her and offered her a smile.
"Hey... looks like we made it." He said awkwardly.
"Yeah..." She said quietly, her curly hair bobbing a bit as she vaguely turned to look at him.
"You still look nervous..." Blake said, looking back at the others.
"Yeah, I just... Melinda's next. She's like my big sister here so..." Jordin was young, Blake noticed, and nervous. She seemed like a sweet girl and he could tell she cared a lot about the others. The same anxiety was starting to settle into Blake now. Gina. Brandon. Chris. They had to make it, they just had to.
Jordin squealed when Ryan said Melinda had made it as well. Melinda took the next seat, in front of Jordin, after giving her a hug. Next, Jared was cut. People applauded and he sang for the last time, but Blake was still fidgeting nervously. Next, Sabrina went home, sang her song, polite applause. Phil made it, then Lakisha joined them, then quirky Sanjaya and the pretty girl, Haley, who all took their places on their silver stools, shining below the spotlights above. The tension in the room was mounting. When Brandon joined them, Blake gave him a hug, patting him on the back then settling back down in his seat. Before long, the only four left on the bench were Gina, Antonella, Paul and Chris. Two seats were empty. One in front of Blake, and one in front of Haley. One guy and one girl.
"The two of you... going to the top twelve..." Ryan drew out his sentences, creating unbearable tension. Blake gripped Jordin's hand. Jordin and Chris had bonded too, as far as he knew, so she was rooting for him too. And after all, Blake had already lost Rudy earlier in the competition - so he definitely needed a friend to keep him company.
"...Are Gina Glocksen and Chris Richardson!" Ryan said. Gina immediately broke formation and leapt on Chris, squeezing him until he looked like he might suffocate. He looked over her shoulder at Blake with a huge grin plastered on his face as he stuck out his tongue. Blake did the same, before watching them hug Paul and Antonella.
Blake stayed in his seat as Chris came towards him. He leaned in and looked Blake in the eyes, pointing at his seat. "Is that seat taken?" He said with a chuckle. Blake laughed too. "No sir..." He said, mocking formality. Chris laughed and turned to look at the stage again. They all watched Paul sing, then got up near the end of Antonella's song to say goodbye to the four who had left. Once Blake had hugged Antonella midway through her song, Chris leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Hey, what about our handshake?" He said. Blake turned to him and smiled broadly before sticking out his hand. The two of them wiggled their fingers, actually not getting their fingers all tangled up this time. Blake laughed before Chris wrapped an arm around him and the two of them looked over at the camera as Ryan led them into the video of the twelve of them dancing and singing. "These are you top twelve, America..." He said, and the top rolled.
"Nice dance moves..." Chris said when Blake came on the screen, nudging him in the ribs.
"Shut up..." He teased, nudging him back and turning to look up at him with a smile.
- - -
"Where're you going?" A voice said from behind Blake, its southern drawl making his heart ache. Blake was standing in the arched double doors of the small building, getting ready to descend the steps, back onto 72nd street in New York City. He'd take a cab back to his apartment, lock himself in there until this was all over. But, right now, he couldn't exactly ignore the person standing behind him, he had to face him. He turned around and his eyes met Chris's anxious expression. His eyes, normally crisp and clear, had been greyed with apprehension. "You can't leave Blake."
"Yeah... I can. I shouldn't be here." Blake muttered, his voice unnaturally soft, almost graceful with his words, which came from his need to just escape right now.
"Of course you should." Chris replied softly, his fingers twitching like the wanted to take his friend's hand and bring him back into the church with him.
"Chris... go back inside." Blake said, his voice a bit stronger and firmer this time.
"Not without you." Chris replied, trying to sound equally confident.
"It's your wedding Chris. Just go." Blake said, meeting his eyes once more before turning to leave. He quickly descended the steps of the church into the street and held out his arm, limp with hesitation, at the curb, hoping a taxi would come soon. He bit his lip, setting all his will against looking back to see if Chris was there watching him. But when he heard the door clap shut inside, a trail of tears cut down his dry cheek.
*fin
so who is Chris marrying?
and what did he say to Blake that made him come at all?
and is Blake gone for good?
chapter two is coming soon.
*in the words of janet jackson: feedback, yo. always appreciated.