ok i'm bored and was thinking about just how creative some of you can be ( Read more... )

so i've been hanging out and playing with matt for a little over a month now. it's weird. i still get the nervies when he touches me. even though we have sex just about everyday i still get that overwhelming sensation of desire and. . . i don't know how to describe it. . . when he enters me. it's awesome. i've never had these sensations past the ( Read more... )

just spent ten minutes deleting comments on various sites for a specific person. (long winded, i know) but i think it necessary. i know he's in a weird place right now but i'm not sure i can deal. i'm ridiculously angry and i don't think i can/want to help anybody that's caused me any amount of hurt. i was so stupid.

sorry for my stupid episode. and thnx sabbysteg i'm in such a better mood now. pancakes RULE!! anyway to those of you who were just innocent victims of my hysteria, i'm sorry. but for those who are douches (and you know who you are) stay the fuck away from me ( Read more... )

i'm going to disappear for awhile. all i can accomplish is annoying or pissing people off. i'm not capable of hanging on to a relationship of any kind. i'm just a passing fad i guess. but anyway. i don't know if i will ever be online again and i know for a fact if any of you call i will not answer. i'm not going to off myself because i lack the ( Read more... )

so many of my friends label themselves as poets, musicians, writers, basically artisans. i look at them and feel sad. they devote themselves to everything but their craft. will themselves into the world of ordinary and leave their unpolished diamonds on the ground. i guess i've done the same. i have piles of half written in notebooks and unfinished ( Read more... )

i'm trying to ease this pain. so much madness in it. i'm not worth my own tears. took a bath, didn't help. lit some incense, candles, and other smelly things. didn't help. i even went so far as cutting again. it seems i've gone so far down i don't even have the balls to break skin ( Read more... )

i wake up every morning at six am and pull myself out of bed only to curl up in it again at seven. i usually sleep until noonish and sluggishly drag myself out to get ready for work. i have no desire or want to proceed with the remainder of the day. i avoid the bathroom mirror because looking in it makes me cry. i've wasted 23 years of my life on ( Read more... )

so last night i left work early and sneaked over to matt's. we've been fooling around for about two weeks now. we talk alot about past experiences with partners and what we do and don't like. i felt sorry for matt. he's over all experience was girls that laid on their backs and didn't move. he has some killer moves though ( Read more... )

so i almost quit my job today. i got pissed at my bosses wife. turned in my keys and told him i was going home and never coming back. he calmed me down though. we had a long talk and she apologized for her stupid meddling. well. it's midnight and i'm exhausted. i need a night out or something. i feel like crying and i hate crying.