I am Spartacus!
OMG, SPARTACUS, OMG YOU ARE THE WORST. BY WHICH I MEAN BEST, OMG. I cannot think of ANYTHING I could really properly have asked for that that finale did not give. OMG.
- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHOW. I started off watching IRONICALLY, mocking the daft dialogue and the absence of plot and quite enjoying the OTT violence and pretty men but OMG I was watching the finale behind a cushion, yelling at the telly, "DO NOT FIGHT CAESAR, HISTORY PROOF! HE'S HISTORY PROOF, DAMMIT!" Sadly, no-one listened. It was very much NOT HELPFUL that I cared about ALL THE DUDES.
- I see they saved A WEE BIT OF THEIR MONEY FOR THE LAST EP. WHAT A BATTLE OF AMAZINGNESS IT WAS EPIC. BEAUTIFULLY EPIC AND CLEVER AND CRUEL BY GIVING HOPE THEY MIGHT WIN OMG THE GITS.
- Just...you always know what's going to happen, and yet...and last episode was all about Crixus even though he was dead and I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WORST THING EVER. And it was horrid. But it was saying goodbye and calm before storm and all that stuff. And they still managed lots of CALM in the finale too and it was JUST AGONISING. There is going to be a battle, we know there's going to be a battle, we know they're going to lose. STOP RAMPING UP THE TENSION OMG IT IS ALL A BIT MUCH.
- The beginning "I am Spartacus" was quite lovely.
- PERFECTLY WORST DEATH SCENES. By which I mean as every character fell they were given a LOVINGLY CHOEREOGRAPHED DEATH. So whoever your favourites are YOU DON'T FEEL CHEATED. It was QUITE HEARTBREAKING WATCHING.
- Gannicus was amazing. There was no glorious death for him. But his seeing Oenomaus and then being in an arena and the crowd all yelling his name and oh I am glad he died with EVERYONE IN HIS HEAD LOVING HIM.
- It's nice Crassus wasn't pissed off at not getting credit for winning. He'd already had a seriously shit week.
- I like it when MORTAL ENEMIES get to have a nice civilised chat. NO MATTER HOW CONTRIVED IT IS. I liked that bit lots. And the bit where they EPICALLY FIND EACH OTHER IN BATTLE and EPICALLY CHARGE AT EACH OTHER and EPICALLY ENGAGE SWORDS and then Crassus gets knocked off his horse and dragged away by soldiers thinking maybe their concussed commander shouldn't engage in single combat with a legendary gladiator. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LOLARIOUS IF THEY'D LEFT IT THERE. But they didn't. Spartacus somehow made it through all the Roman lines and got to Crassus again and there was a fight with BLOOD AND SAND EVERYWHERE which was ended BEAUTIFULLY but HORRIBLY with nameless and near-faceless extras throwing a couple of spears in Spartacus' back.
- Agron and Nasir OMG THEY WERE HEROIC IN THEIR RESCUING WAYS. I did not cry a tiny bit when they turned up. THE LOOK ON NASIR'S WEE FACE. :((
- And a handful do get away and they do get their freedom and it's the children and the women who can't fight and the gay couple.
- And that final scene, with Agron, the last survivor from Batiatus' ludus, and then panning down to the grave and then the end credits and it's all the dudes ever, all the dudes who lived and died during the last four seasons, and then, finally, it's Spartacus, Andy Whitfield's Spartacus yelling "I am Spartacus." I CAN'T GET OVER HOW PERFECT IT WAS.
So, basically, omg, and arg, and ALL THE AWESOME. And now I have to watch ALL OF SPARTACUS AGAIN. Except I sort of don't want to because there's a difference between knowing how it ends and seeing it played out for you in loving detail on the screen even though it is beautiful and perfect and you love it.