Things I'm Not Allowed . . .
THINGS I’M NOT ALLOWED DO AT THE PARIS OPERA HOUSE
1. Burst into a rendition of BABY GOT BACK whenever I am on, or come within 5 feet of, the stage.
2. Call Christine a Ditz
3. Call Raoul Dumbo
4. Ask Erik can I play with his organ
5. Decorate the Phantom’s mask with sequins and glitter
6. Decorate Box Five in sequins and glitter
7. Decorate Erik in sequins and glitter
8. Singing of ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT while in the gondola is not permitted
9. See above and adding IF YOU SEE THE PHANTOM, DON’T FORGET TO SCREAM is certainly not permitted
10. Threat Meg Giry with punjabbing if she continues to say HE’S HERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
11. Ask Erik why he’s single
12. Ask Madame Giry does she want a pimp hat to go with her pimp cane
13. Joseph Buquet does not know a ‘Mr. Gibbs’, nor a ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’
14. At the masquerade ball, show up in the exact same Red Death Costume as Erik, then flat out refuse to change saying it was your idea first, you told him months ago!
15. Inform Piagni of the time and whereabouts of the next weight watchers meeting on repeat events.
16. Claim Christine has parental issues, and proceed to do a song-and-dance to that effect
17. Inquire as to whom cleans up when the live animals poop on stage, because then it will become me!
18. Ask Reyer where he gets his hair done.
19. Sing ‘Eric the Half a Bee’.
20. Ask Meg Giry do her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.
21. I’m not permitted to call Erik’s House/Lair by any of the following: The Batcave, The Love Shack, The Love Below, The Chamber of Secrets
22. Procure a golf car and proceed to drive it around the Opera House constantly beeping the horn.
23. Claim ‘Pinky & The Brain’ should be Christine & Erik’s new theme tune.
24. I am not permitted to take the orchestra members for a Pre-Opera drink, get them totally sloshed, and enjoy the results.
25. (Leroux!Erik) Over hear Christine saying that Erik has no nose, then ask ‘But how does he smell?’
26. No, not everything we do to them once the audience enters the Opera House is ‘nice and legal’.
27. (Kay!Erik) I am not a mental health professional therefore I am not allowed to claim I am so I can ask Erik about his relationship with his mother for giggles.
28. It’s hand at the level of my eye, not my crotch or anywhere else.
29. There’s no such thing as ‘Naked Thursday’.
30. I must not try to convince people that Erik is actually Elvis and wears the masks as a disguise.
31. I am not allowed to give guided tours of the Opera Popularie, described it as the shooting location of the 2004 spectacular ‘The Phantom of the Opera’.
32. Cut Raoul’s Hair.
33. Put Ribbons in Raoul’s Hair.
34. I cannot call Christine, Raoul and Erik collectively by any of the following (respectively): Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup - Hermione, Ron and Harry - Larry Curly and Moe
35. Erik is not a vampire, no matter how much I want him to be.
36. Nor is Erik an alien from the planet Phantasia.
37. I am not permitted to sing “Take your momma out” in Meg Giry’s presence.
38. I am not allowed to fashion a stick into the shape of a wand and point it at Raoul shouting ‘Cruico!’.
39. Or any other Unforgivable curse for that matter.
40. I will not jump out from behind Christine's gravestone and give old Raoul a heart attack darthlupus
41. I can not swing from the chandelier in a black cloak and then blame it on Erik.
42. Violins and violin bows do not equal bows and arrows.
43. I should not convince the midget to hide under Carlotta's volumnous skirts and give her a tickle at high C.
44. Fishing in the lake in waders and a fisherman’s hat is not allowed
45. Fall asleep under the set and snore loudly during the ballet on opening night.
46. Replace Reyer's score with risque etchings.
47. Serve the cast peanut butter or caramel fudge as a pre-curtain snack.
48. When the diva is in a low cut dress, comment on the vastness of her...lungs.
49. Paint set pieces in the hallway immediately outside dressing rooms, the costume shop or the ballet studio.
50. Picture Mme. Giry in a dominatrix mask hitting a naked guy with her staff.
51. Tell Andre & Firman, everytime they inquire about the Ghost, "Well, that's the 20,000 franc question!"
52. Go up to Raoul and exclaim, "I didn't know Meg had such a pretty sister, nice to meet you!"
53. Ask Christine to shut her mouth once in a while when she's not singing.
54. Get caught staring at Erik's crotch when he wears the tight Don Juan pants.
55. I will not tell Erik, "The angsty goth and cape thing is so last decade. Pink is in this year!"tempest_gypsy
56. Sing 'The Mob Song' from Beauty & the Beast when we're supposed to be singing "Track Down This Murderer"
57. Give Piangi a toupee
58. Sneak through the mirror by asking Carlotta to do a high note in the dressing room
59. Ask the managers if they are gay
60. Ask Raoul if he is gay
61. shout, 'GODDAM IT IS ANYONE GAY HERE?'
62. Sing "Beauty and the Beast" when Christine and Phantom kiss
63. Sing "If I Can't Love Her" (or "My Heart Will Go On) when Phantom is supposed to be doing the end of the Lair Scene
64. Ask Meg, "Are they real?"
65. Sing "Dance 10, Looks 3" from a chorus line when Meg is near
66. Try to convince Phantom that his Box 5 is actually Box 1
67. Refer to anyone as Gerard, Emmy, Minnie, or Miranda
68. Refer to anyone as The Stranger, Laura, or Mr. Gibbs
69. Talk about Dear Frankie, Day After Tomorrow, Spider, Good Will Hunting, or Pirates of the Caribbean
70. Ask Joseph Buquet if he got all these women from Tortuga
71. Ask Madame Giry why she pawns off her daughters to obsessive creatures like Erik and not horny creatues like Buquet
72. Shake the rafters while Phantom and Buquet are running on them
73. Sing "Touch me / It's so easy to leave me / All alone with the memories / Of my days in the sun, etc." from Memory while Phantom is supposed to sing, "Touch me, trust me..."
74. Ask if Phantom knows any Andrew Lloyd Webber, Marie Yeston, Gaston Leroux, or Susan Kay
75. Borrow Erik's clothes
76. Use bleach to force Erik to go as the "Pink Death"
77. Paint on Erik's mask
78. Ask if Erik and Snape have joint custody over the wig
79. Put suggestive stains on the Swan Bed
80. Push Raoul off the balcony/rooftop when he's wooing Christine
81. Try to get Raoul a little LeFou guy
82. Sing, "My what a guy, that Ra-ool!"
83. Ask the Phantom if he wants to roleplay using his dolls
84. Insist to Erik that real men wear pink and kilts
85. smell Raoul's hair
86. turn Erik into a redhead
87. try to tempt Erik into Las Vegas
88. abuse the Time Machine...hehehe
89. try to convince everyone that the world is going to end the day after tomorrow and burning the opera is a good idea
90. roast marshmallows over the chandelier's fire
91. drop the chandelier during Il Muto, even though it IS in the book
92. I am not responsible for any teeth marks in Erik's mask
93. I will not take some scissors to the mask, insisting that Erik's needs to show more monty
94. Explain PNP (Phantom nose pain - when an appendage is amputated, the brain often still recieved messages that it hurts or itches. I explained this to my friend when she was complaining about her nose and wanted to chop it off. "No! You'll get phantom nose pain!")beagsgail
95. I cannot play find the banana with Erik, OR Raoul (You know you've all thought of it, too!!)
96. I am not permitted to play Hide and Go Seek with Christine unless if I really intend to fufill all requirements of the game..like..seeking her.
97. I am not allowed to sing "Oops! I Did It Again" on the stage of the Opera Populaire. That goes for Christine, too. Best Opera singer of all time, pah!
98. NO MATTER WHAT..despite ALL temptation, at no point during any Opera, can I yell "UH-HUH! THIS MY SHIT!" from anywhere in the Opera.
angelic_ev1l
99. I'm not allowed to shave Ayesha, let her loose in the ballet room during practice, and shout "Look! It's one of those New York City Sewer Rats!
100. Ask Erik if he'd like to "properly christen" Box 5 with me.
101. Draw mustaches or devil horns on all of Erik's sketches/pictures of Christine.
102. Ask the orchestra members if they know the difference between a violin and a viola, then promptly, before they say something, answer either "Violins burn faster" or "Violas hold more beer" and give an example.
103. Threaten Raoul or the managers with a pair of steel-toes or a cheese grater for their stupidity.
104. Play keep-away with Erik's mask or wig.
105. Meander around singing "The Oscar Meyer Weiner song" or "My Bologna has a first name..." as loudly as I can. spiritravenmoon
Please Credit tempest_gypsy beagsgail angelic_ev1l spiritravenmoon & darthlupus
for their contributions which were so great.
1. Burst into a rendition of BABY GOT BACK whenever I am on, or come within 5 feet of, the stage.
2. Call Christine a Ditz
3. Call Raoul Dumbo
4. Ask Erik can I play with his organ
5. Decorate the Phantom’s mask with sequins and glitter
6. Decorate Box Five in sequins and glitter
7. Decorate Erik in sequins and glitter
8. Singing of ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT while in the gondola is not permitted
9. See above and adding IF YOU SEE THE PHANTOM, DON’T FORGET TO SCREAM is certainly not permitted
10. Threat Meg Giry with punjabbing if she continues to say HE’S HERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
11. Ask Erik why he’s single
12. Ask Madame Giry does she want a pimp hat to go with her pimp cane
13. Joseph Buquet does not know a ‘Mr. Gibbs’, nor a ‘Captain Jack Sparrow’
14. At the masquerade ball, show up in the exact same Red Death Costume as Erik, then flat out refuse to change saying it was your idea first, you told him months ago!
15. Inform Piagni of the time and whereabouts of the next weight watchers meeting on repeat events.
16. Claim Christine has parental issues, and proceed to do a song-and-dance to that effect
17. Inquire as to whom cleans up when the live animals poop on stage, because then it will become me!
18. Ask Reyer where he gets his hair done.
19. Sing ‘Eric the Half a Bee’.
20. Ask Meg Giry do her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.
21. I’m not permitted to call Erik’s House/Lair by any of the following: The Batcave, The Love Shack, The Love Below, The Chamber of Secrets
22. Procure a golf car and proceed to drive it around the Opera House constantly beeping the horn.
23. Claim ‘Pinky & The Brain’ should be Christine & Erik’s new theme tune.
24. I am not permitted to take the orchestra members for a Pre-Opera drink, get them totally sloshed, and enjoy the results.
25. (Leroux!Erik) Over hear Christine saying that Erik has no nose, then ask ‘But how does he smell?’
26. No, not everything we do to them once the audience enters the Opera House is ‘nice and legal’.
27. (Kay!Erik) I am not a mental health professional therefore I am not allowed to claim I am so I can ask Erik about his relationship with his mother for giggles.
28. It’s hand at the level of my eye, not my crotch or anywhere else.
29. There’s no such thing as ‘Naked Thursday’.
30. I must not try to convince people that Erik is actually Elvis and wears the masks as a disguise.
31. I am not allowed to give guided tours of the Opera Popularie, described it as the shooting location of the 2004 spectacular ‘The Phantom of the Opera’.
32. Cut Raoul’s Hair.
33. Put Ribbons in Raoul’s Hair.
34. I cannot call Christine, Raoul and Erik collectively by any of the following (respectively): Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup - Hermione, Ron and Harry - Larry Curly and Moe
35. Erik is not a vampire, no matter how much I want him to be.
36. Nor is Erik an alien from the planet Phantasia.
37. I am not permitted to sing “Take your momma out” in Meg Giry’s presence.
38. I am not allowed to fashion a stick into the shape of a wand and point it at Raoul shouting ‘Cruico!’.
39. Or any other Unforgivable curse for that matter.
40. I will not jump out from behind Christine's gravestone and give old Raoul a heart attack darthlupus
41. I can not swing from the chandelier in a black cloak and then blame it on Erik.
42. Violins and violin bows do not equal bows and arrows.
43. I should not convince the midget to hide under Carlotta's volumnous skirts and give her a tickle at high C.
44. Fishing in the lake in waders and a fisherman’s hat is not allowed
45. Fall asleep under the set and snore loudly during the ballet on opening night.
46. Replace Reyer's score with risque etchings.
47. Serve the cast peanut butter or caramel fudge as a pre-curtain snack.
48. When the diva is in a low cut dress, comment on the vastness of her...lungs.
49. Paint set pieces in the hallway immediately outside dressing rooms, the costume shop or the ballet studio.
50. Picture Mme. Giry in a dominatrix mask hitting a naked guy with her staff.
51. Tell Andre & Firman, everytime they inquire about the Ghost, "Well, that's the 20,000 franc question!"
52. Go up to Raoul and exclaim, "I didn't know Meg had such a pretty sister, nice to meet you!"
53. Ask Christine to shut her mouth once in a while when she's not singing.
54. Get caught staring at Erik's crotch when he wears the tight Don Juan pants.
55. I will not tell Erik, "The angsty goth and cape thing is so last decade. Pink is in this year!"tempest_gypsy
56. Sing 'The Mob Song' from Beauty & the Beast when we're supposed to be singing "Track Down This Murderer"
57. Give Piangi a toupee
58. Sneak through the mirror by asking Carlotta to do a high note in the dressing room
59. Ask the managers if they are gay
60. Ask Raoul if he is gay
61. shout, 'GODDAM IT IS ANYONE GAY HERE?'
62. Sing "Beauty and the Beast" when Christine and Phantom kiss
63. Sing "If I Can't Love Her" (or "My Heart Will Go On) when Phantom is supposed to be doing the end of the Lair Scene
64. Ask Meg, "Are they real?"
65. Sing "Dance 10, Looks 3" from a chorus line when Meg is near
66. Try to convince Phantom that his Box 5 is actually Box 1
67. Refer to anyone as Gerard, Emmy, Minnie, or Miranda
68. Refer to anyone as The Stranger, Laura, or Mr. Gibbs
69. Talk about Dear Frankie, Day After Tomorrow, Spider, Good Will Hunting, or Pirates of the Caribbean
70. Ask Joseph Buquet if he got all these women from Tortuga
71. Ask Madame Giry why she pawns off her daughters to obsessive creatures like Erik and not horny creatues like Buquet
72. Shake the rafters while Phantom and Buquet are running on them
73. Sing "Touch me / It's so easy to leave me / All alone with the memories / Of my days in the sun, etc." from Memory while Phantom is supposed to sing, "Touch me, trust me..."
74. Ask if Phantom knows any Andrew Lloyd Webber, Marie Yeston, Gaston Leroux, or Susan Kay
75. Borrow Erik's clothes
76. Use bleach to force Erik to go as the "Pink Death"
77. Paint on Erik's mask
78. Ask if Erik and Snape have joint custody over the wig
79. Put suggestive stains on the Swan Bed
80. Push Raoul off the balcony/rooftop when he's wooing Christine
81. Try to get Raoul a little LeFou guy
82. Sing, "My what a guy, that Ra-ool!"
83. Ask the Phantom if he wants to roleplay using his dolls
84. Insist to Erik that real men wear pink and kilts
85. smell Raoul's hair
86. turn Erik into a redhead
87. try to tempt Erik into Las Vegas
88. abuse the Time Machine...hehehe
89. try to convince everyone that the world is going to end the day after tomorrow and burning the opera is a good idea
90. roast marshmallows over the chandelier's fire
91. drop the chandelier during Il Muto, even though it IS in the book
92. I am not responsible for any teeth marks in Erik's mask
93. I will not take some scissors to the mask, insisting that Erik's needs to show more monty
94. Explain PNP (Phantom nose pain - when an appendage is amputated, the brain often still recieved messages that it hurts or itches. I explained this to my friend when she was complaining about her nose and wanted to chop it off. "No! You'll get phantom nose pain!")beagsgail
95. I cannot play find the banana with Erik, OR Raoul (You know you've all thought of it, too!!)
96. I am not permitted to play Hide and Go Seek with Christine unless if I really intend to fufill all requirements of the game..like..seeking her.
97. I am not allowed to sing "Oops! I Did It Again" on the stage of the Opera Populaire. That goes for Christine, too. Best Opera singer of all time, pah!
98. NO MATTER WHAT..despite ALL temptation, at no point during any Opera, can I yell "UH-HUH! THIS MY SHIT!" from anywhere in the Opera.
angelic_ev1l
99. I'm not allowed to shave Ayesha, let her loose in the ballet room during practice, and shout "Look! It's one of those New York City Sewer Rats!
100. Ask Erik if he'd like to "properly christen" Box 5 with me.
101. Draw mustaches or devil horns on all of Erik's sketches/pictures of Christine.
102. Ask the orchestra members if they know the difference between a violin and a viola, then promptly, before they say something, answer either "Violins burn faster" or "Violas hold more beer" and give an example.
103. Threaten Raoul or the managers with a pair of steel-toes or a cheese grater for their stupidity.
104. Play keep-away with Erik's mask or wig.
105. Meander around singing "The Oscar Meyer Weiner song" or "My Bologna has a first name..." as loudly as I can. spiritravenmoon
Please Credit tempest_gypsy beagsgail angelic_ev1l spiritravenmoon & darthlupus
for their contributions which were so great.