Comments | caliborn: Weekly Writing Exercise, Week 2

caliborn

Weekly Writing Exercise, Week 2

Aug 05, 2009 23:07

Yeah, here's another one :o To note: You don't have to think too hard on answering these. It's supposed to be a quick exercise to make you think, and stretch your creative muscles a little bit. Shouldn't take you too long to flesh a quick idea out ( Read more... )

wwe

Comments 7

Open; Word count: 238 mellie August 6 2009, 07:22:08 UTC

The faint auras of glamor radiated from the perfect countenances of the fae attending the Midnight Ball. The magic from the glamors was almost as captivating as the rich attire. Colors danced in time to the music, swirling between fabric and skin. There was a distinct glow warming the room, even though night had fallen long ago ( ... )

Re: Open; Word count: 238 caliborn August 12 2009, 04:12:46 UTC

I liked it :D

IT was very mysterious and magical-feeling, which is the perfect setting for a story about fairys. Or fae. Same diff totally

I like the main girl, innocent, happy to just be watching. The whole thing feels very light and ... the best word I can think of is young...? until the last sentence.

That's like pouring a cold bucket of water over the warm fuzzies. But I like it; surprising, a very stark contrast. It beckons the reader in further to understand more.

I want to know more about Abhean. He's not presenting himself very well here; he sits there, he speaks, he answers, he has no development himself.

Like this line:

Prince Abhean tapped me on the shoulder before pointing to a lovely girl dancing with his father. "That is the one father has chosen to be my bride when I am old enough."Okay, but what does he FEEL about this? What does his voice sound like as he speaks these words? What is he looking at when he says it? Is he moving, or absolutely still? Without those details, he just sounds entirely ( ... )

Re: Open; Word count: 238 mellie November 1 2010, 09:34:01 UTC

FUCK I KNEW I HAD WRITTEN THIS. THIS IS WHERE IT WAS.

CAN YOU DO MORE OF THESE? I MISS THEM.

Re: Open; Word count: 238 caliborn November 2 2010, 02:20:18 UTC

I could! Idk were they helpful? EVEN IF ITS JUST YOU REPLYING I WILL DO IT

OPEN (Word Count: 300) wickedchild_md August 6 2009, 08:03:30 UTC

“How long ( ... )

Re: OPEN (Word Count: 300) caliborn August 12 2009, 03:11:08 UTC

Lolitaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (storiiiiiiiiiiii!)

I liked it :D Very simple and clean cut, easy humor, swift dialogue. It all flows very nicely.

My eyebrow rose. “Hired” to protect her from bullies, and now telling me she could see ghosts. A new aspect of my duties as her bodyguard. Protection from the unseen. I couldn’t even protect her from the seen.

This is the only part that felt a little awkward. Too many sentence fragments. I think having an occasional fragment, especially with a first-person POV, can be a great tool if used in the right way, but here there's too many at once.

“Hired” to protect her from bullies, and now telling me she could see ghosts.

Starting with this fragment: I understand what you're trying to say but gramatically it's urking me. Easy fix with adding a few pronouns: "She "hired" me to protect her from bullies, and now she was telling me she could see ghosts."

Then,

A new aspect of my duties as her bodyguard.What was the new aspect of bodyguard duty exactly? This feels like it's flowing from the ( ... )

OPEN (Word Count: WHATEVER CLOSE ENOUGH OK) caliborn August 12 2009, 02:42:55 UTC

An angel sat down at my lonely metal table, setting down his plastic tray with a grace no teenager should possess. With a black logo T, jeans, and dirty-blond hair, there was nothing really unsettling about this kid ( ... )