A friend of mine recently suggested keeping a journal as a way to help deal with my growing depression.  Though I doubt it will help much ( Read more... )

I’ve noticed as of lately my mental state is becoming increasingly worse.  I’ve been suffering from horrible panic attacks lately, the kind that cripple me to the point that movement and thought are completely foreign concepts.  The worst part is whenever I begin to feel any bit of happiness I become much more depressed.  I reach such low points ( Read more... )

    I’m becoming slightly more depressed and hopeless with each day.  I’m sure that’s not a good thing, but I feel that I can see my future which from where I stand now looks a lot like the past, which is a lot like today.  The pattern here being, a lot of misery, brief moments of happiness and then a lot more misery.  Of course I have absolutely ( Read more... )

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I feel I need something more from this world....Maybe a helper monkey, I think that would be enjoyable...Oh well.

Is it just me or is my life just not normal?  I mean really come on!  Drunk Mexican guys passed in my parking-lot with his eyes rolled in the back of his head, piss stained pant, and a twitching leg at three thirty in the morning.  That's not normal for most people, but yet things like that happen all the time in my life and it is at the point ( Read more... )

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Nothing but lies
They feed me and you,
Don’t trust their words,
Dig beneath the surface and find,
The roses are plastic
Oozing toxic delusions
Fooling us into thinking their garden’s fantastic,
But it’s all just a trick
Quick save yourself,
Run for the gate,
Before it’s to late.

Man’s warranty has expired

I think things are about to get dire

Because we can’t return our broken selves

There’s just no room left on the shelves

For these obsolete models called humankind

But it’s really not our faults

We were just faulty by design.

Misery engulfs the soul like a shadow pulling apart the seams of dreams and hope.  A destructive wave of endless black crashing over the mind, leaving nothing but doubt and self-hate in its wake.

Yeah I’m at that place again.

I hate being back in NJ.  That is all ( Read more... )