Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
We had to put our cat, Meryl, down last week. It’s really strange that it’s been over a week now that she has been gone. Sometimes it feels like its only been hours and other times, years. She is the inspiration for my journal’s namesake, as I always loved calico's and picked her out especially because of her coat.
It was the first death we have had to deal with as a married couple. It is the first death my husband has experienced in regards to having it be something he had a close connection to. It was very hard for him and sometimes when he comes home at night and shares a glass of wine he’ll talk about her for a few moments with tears in his eyes.
I can talk about her now without being choked up. I came from a family that always had pets. Our first family dog we had for a while until she disappeared from our backyard one morning. My parents told me that a different family had adopted her. I found out - by accident - when I was older - that a car had hit her. So much time had passed that it was more shock that they had lied to me (why didn’t they tell me?) than the fact that our dog had died. A part of me knew even as a child that she was probably dead. I didn’t understand why my mom had told me otherwise until I was the person being the bearer of bad news.
Then we got guinea pigs and gerbils. These animals have short lifespans. My mother got herself a few rabbits. Again, short life spans. So I quickly began to learn in a short amount of time the meaning of death and dealing with grief. Every passing was sad, but it got easier.
I explained this to him, since I hurt more because he was hurting. I still miss and love our cat, but I have accepted her death and have run my course of grief with her. I hate to say that I’ve had practice. So I’ve reassured him that it is a long process, especially the first time. And it gets easier every day.
One of the most comforting things we've been told is from a friend and previous housemates told us:
"It's not how long she lived, it's the quality of life that she had."
I hope we did a good job Meryl. =)
We miss you and love you. - Mom and Dad
On a less depressing but still disappointing note: our computer had to have it’s hard-drive replaced so we lost a lot of art, writing, and concepts we had been working on. Luckily, I had backed up most of my writing in July, but I lost a month’s worth of work. So frustrating.
But the computer is back - fresh and clean. I’m reinstalling our art software; I have my Microsoft Office back and my trusty notebooks. Things will go back to normal.
Right?