Entrusting Her Heart 1/1
Title: Entrusting Her Heart
Rating: PG
Summary: It was time for her to trust someone else with her heart. Set after Returning to Her Heart.
Notes: This is the last story for the 'Her Heart' series. It was fun to write, but I think I've done what I could with this one and it is out of my system.
Here is the order:
Finding Her Heart
Leaving Her Heart
Returning to Her Heart
Entrusting Her Heart
“Mom look!”
Chloe dropped her purse to the floor and kicked off her heals with a sigh. It wasn’t very late, but it sure felt like late enough. It was barely dinnertime, the sun wasn’t even down, but she was still ready to collapse. By the excited tone of Connor’s voice she suspected he was nowhere near as tired as she was. As she padded into the loving room she found Connor, sitting cross-legged at one end of her sofa and Oliver slumped in the corner at the other end, covering a yawn. He looked just as tired as she felt. “Whatchya got?”
“Pizza!” Connor climbed onto his elbows and pointed at the open box on the table. “And a new movie!”
“Wow,” she began as she undid the buttons on her suit jacket, “I hope you were good today in school then.”
“Yep!”
She looked to Oliver who just shrugged.
“He didn’t have anything in his bag.” With a sigh he pushed off the sofa. “Alright buddy, I need to get going.”
“No!” Connor exclaimed as Oliver leaned in to kiss his head. “You didn’t watch the movie!”
“I know, but your mom’s home now.” He tried to kiss him again, but he whipped around, almost knocking heads with Oliver.
“Mom! Can’t dad stay and watch the movie?”
“Connor, I-”
“If he wants to.” He stopped, standing up straight, and meeting her eyes. The confusion on his face would have been comical if it hadn’t been for the fact that she felt slightly embarrassed.
“Dad?”
Mentally Oliver shook himself and turned to look down at Connor. “Yeah, okay.”
With that uncomfortable moment out of the way Chloe turned away from them and started the trek down the hall to her bedroom.
“Mom! Come watch the movie!”
“In a minute. Let me get out of these clothes.” When she entered her bedroom and closed the door she sighed, relieved to be away from them for a moment to collect her thoughts.
Asking Oliver to sit with Connor had been last minute. Usually she hated to impose, even though she knew that wasn’t the case. He never said he couldn’t take Connor, but she didn’t want to make him feel like she was pushing him off on her. A last minute deadline at work had made it impossible for her to pick up Connor from school.
Between Connor, work, and any odd Watchtower duties free time was rare. Although her duties as Watchtower were nowhere near as extensive as they had been in the past, it had become obvious after her return that they had needed some help. It had been after a very uncomfortable offer on her part that Oliver had accepted.
There was no reason for him to give her a second chance as Watchtower, but he did. Slowly, over the past two years, things had improved between them. It started off almost cold, frigid. Not only had she had to deal with Oliver and getting used to their situations, but she’d had to let the rest of the world know what really had happened. As difficult as it had been to explain to everyone, especially Lois and Clark, none of it compared to Oliver. They were in progress.
Finally changed into something more comfortable she headed back to the living, padding quietly down the carpeted hallway. As she neared the doorway she came to a slow stop, leaning against the frame to watch them. As usual Connor was rattling on, asking questions about what was happening in the movie. His head was on Oliver’s lap and his feet in the air, his hands gripping them. With a small smile she walked to rest of the distance into the living room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was less then thirty minutes later, after Connor had calmed down and then started yawning, did he fall asleep between her and Oliver, his head pillowed on Oliver’s chest and his feet tucked underneath Chloe thigh.
“Do you want me to put him in his bed?” Oliver offered. When she nodded he moved carefully to slide his hands underneath Connor.
“Picking him up is a thing of the past for me. He’s too heavy,” Chloe said as she leaned in and pulled the covers off of Connor. “And long.”
“He is getting big,” Oliver agreed, straining only slightly as he shifted his weight and stood with Connor in his arms. Chloe stepped in front of him, arriving at Connor’s room first and switching on the lamp at his bedside. As she turned from it Oliver stopped, coming face to face with her, Connor cradled, sleeping between them.
With a small smile she bent her head and brushed her hand over Connor’s blond hair. “He’s so sweet when he is sleeping.” Lowering her head she pressed a kiss against his forehead. Just as she was about to step back she raised her head, meeting Oliver’s eyes. He hadn’t been looking down at Connor, he had been look at her. They just stood there like that, staring. His eyes were unreadable, but there was no malice there, nothing negative. He just looked at her. There had been a few moments like that pass between them, a small smile here and there. They weren’t often, but it was something new compared to what things were like when she decided to stay in Star City. And each time it made her inhale sharply, heart beat a little faster. It was a feeling she tried to ignore, one that she was all too familiar with. It wasn’t good; in fact it was bound to create problems, at least for her. Because the last thing she needed was to feel that. It would make things uncomfortable, complicated, and most of all painful. Because she’d done him wrong, she’d hurt him and regardless of how much she was still convinced at least some of her actions were necessary, it didn’t change the fact that she had still been wrong.
It was for those reasons that she kept that feeling to herself, never saying anything of it, and hiding it as her on well-kept secret.
Stepping away from Oliver, she watched as he laid Connor in his bed and she couldn’t help but feel a slight pang in her heart at the site of them. They were perfect together. Even though she didn’t regret her actions, she still couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had she stayed. Would everything have turned out alright? Would her and Connor have been safe? And then there was the question, which had been popping up more and more in her head. Would her and Oliver have worked it out? Since that day he had revealed that he had been in love with her it had never come up again. There had been no need to talk about their past relationship, but that didn’t mean she didn’t think about it often, wonder what he still felt for her.
As he leaned over Connor she stepped away and walked out the room, giving Oliver his moment with him. Regardless of her proximity to Oliver in Start City, his day and night job kept him away from Connor more than hers did.
It was as she was throwing away pizza crust and putting the leftovers away in the kitchen. that she heard footsteps behind her. Standing from her bent position in front of the refrigerator she shut it and turned to face him. “He okay?”
Oliver nodded. “Didn’t even budge.”
She nodded thoughtfully, still unable to let go of the thoughts that had overcome her in Connor’s room. “Thanks for picking him up. I hate to do that to you. I told my boss-”
Quickly he shook his head. “No, it’s fine. I was free, and that’s a rare occurrence. You know that. I’d rather spend it with him.”
Gently, she smiled. “Well I think he enjoyed spending the time with you.” Instead of responding, he only nodded, and silence came over them once again. She was determined not to let it become another uncomfortable moment, but his brow drew together, and his brown eyes seemed to hold some concern. “What’s wrong?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oliver quickly shook his head, hoping to shake free the thoughts plaguing him. “Nothing. I, uh, I better get going.” She nodded, her face still slightly concerned since she realized that something was bothering him. “I’ll see you later.” She seemed slightly taken aback by his rushed goodbye, but he turned quickly and was already leaving. He couldn’t go there. Just as he stepped passed the thresh hold of her kitchen a hand rested on his back, between his shoulder blades, startling him into stopping.
“Did I do something?”
Slowly, he gulped, realizing he would need to ease her worries before he left. He should have hid it better, not turned away from her so quickly. “No, sorry. I’ve just got a lot of stuff on my mind.”
Her eyes scrunched slightly in concern and she nibbled at her lip, seeming to think something over. “Are you sure everything is okay?”
There was such genuine concern on her face that he found himself sinking deeper, forgetting everything he kept reminding himself of. The implications of what would happen if he followed his feelings. It had taken long enough before he could trust her again, not feel resent creeping up on him on various occasions. They had reached a middle ground finally, yet somehow being around her was still uncomfortable, and it was painfully obvious why. His feelings for her, which had lingered in the background the past few years, regardless of what she had done, had never gone away, and now they were reappearing. It was unsettling, frustrating, confusing, and most of all just tiring. He was so tired of all the ups and down in their life. Changes were to be expected, but it was almost disheartening that his feelings for her had held on for so long yet there had been so many things keeping them apart. If he were to admit to it he could ruin everything, it could be the worse decision of his life. Yet it all weighed so heavily on him, he just couldn’t take it any longer.
“Ollie?”
It was that word that broke him. Hearing something so familiar on her lips, soft questioning, concerned. To hear her say his name like that was so familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
With a sigh he brought his hand up and rubbed his face, trying to sort out his own thoughts and feelings and find a way out of it. But there was none. Feelings didn’t last that long for no reason. They weren’t put through the ultimate test only to return for no reason. He shouldn’t have been having them, no logical person would. She’d left him, let him think the worst of her, took his money, kept their son from him for three years, and then dropped him off without a sign of where she was. Her reasons were understandable, even if he didn’t totally agree. But that kind of treatment, it tore people apart, indefinitely.
“What is it?” She tried again, stepping closer towards him.
With a resolute sigh he closed the distance between them, stopping so that his body was only inches from her own. Oliver couldn’t remember the last time he had purposely invaded her space just to be near her. “Is this ever going to work like this?”
“What do you mean?” She whispered softly, fighting the urge not to move away from him.
“You and I? We’ve worked through the problems pretty well. It’s taken its time, but I think we’ve done it. Yet for some reason,” his eyes flickered over her face, looking for any sign of what he felt, “it still feels uncomfortable. We don’t argue, we agree on almost everything, and I like I said, I think we’ve pretty much succeeded in dealing with what happened. Yet, we can barely stand to be in a room alone.”
“It’s awkward,” Chloe admitted finally.
“Why?” He prodded. She only shook her head, her eyes though showed the pain she felt at the answer. “Chloe...”
“No,” she said resolutely and stepped back, needing the distance between them. He grabbed her arm though, the contact making her gasp. He stepped forward again, pulling her towards him at the same time so that she could feel his body brushing against her own. On instinct she brought her hand to his chest to maintain what distance she had left. “You can’t want that.”
“How do you know what I want?” He asked curiously, not quite understanding the panicked look on her face.
“Because I screwed up. Because you shouldn’t feel that way... Not for me.” Yet his hand didn’t move from her arm and he didn’t back away. His brown eyes showed too much understanding... Understanding that she didn’t deserve. Oliver Queen wasn’t a very forgiving person; he didn’t take kindly to betrayal.
“I can’t help how I feel. Do you really think my only motive in bringing you back was for Connor? Don’t you think I wanted you back? I drove Dinah away then, because I was so obsessed with finding you. I could have made a life with her, given Connor a mother.” Something flickered across her face at his words, and he knew she didn’t like the thought of being replaced. He brought his hand to her face without thinking, feeling the urge to reassure her. “And I wasn’t as angry as I could have been because it was still there.”
“That’s not the point,” she whispered hoarsely. “Your feelings clouded your judgment, it doesn’t make what I did any better or your acceptance of it right.”
He paused for a moment, studying her, realizing for the first time that she wanted him to still resent her for what happened. Chloe had never wanted his forgiveness, never asked for it. She wanted his understanding, but she had never wanted his forgiveness.
“Over six years and you still don’t think something of the fact that this hasn’t gone away? That you’ve remained single all that time? That I drove away a woman at the first sign that I might be able to find you, that even over the past two years I’ve still been waiting, even though I don’t think I was aware of it half the time.”
She shuddered at his statement, hating that he was right about her, hating his admission about himself. After she decided to remain in Star City she expected him to finally move on, his task completed. His face was closer she suddenly realized, her breath hitched in her throat as she felt his own warm breath caress her lips. The tears she had been fighting since she realized what he was hinting at slipped from her eyes. One thumb brushed her cheek, the wetness spreading across her skin as she wiped it away. “Don’t. You’ll always resent me. I’m sure of it,” she whispered, “and it will end badly for me, you and Connor.” Yet even as she said the words, trying to deny him she cried for herself, for her inability to just give in. All she wanted was to be back with him without regrets, but there was too much past between them, too many ups and downs.
“I’m tired of fighting this Chloe,” he said in a strained voice, all to aware now of how weak he still was when it came to her. He couldn’t lose her again, not when she just finally learned to forgive her and accept the inevitable.
It was tiring; it was physically and mentally tiring to continue to fight what kept growing inside of her. Closing her eyes, unable to meet his own, she took a shuddering breath. “I know.”
“If I don’t Chloe, I’ll resent myself. Over six years Chloe.” Her eyes opening slightly, glassy green orbs starting up into his own. “I don’t want anyone else, I can’t put myself through this anymore.” Slowly, hesitantly, he closed the remaining distance, his eyes lingers on her own for a brief second before sliding them closed. It was just a gentle press that lasted seconds, then he really kissed her, pushing at that barrier that had taken its place between them for so long. Her lips moved against his, slowly and hesitant. Carefully he pulled back, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth before allowing some distance between their lips. Only their lips. His hand was still on her arm and he detected her clothes brushing against his own. Opening his eyes one more time he looked down at her, worried that he would find the fear she had expressed earlier or even the guilt, but there was nothing of the sort. Her cheeks were damp with tears, her eyelids slightly hooded and her lips parted. Then she blinked allowing the tears to escape again, and at first he thought she was going to part from him, insisting it was a mistake. But her hands tightened in his shirt and she arched just slightly against him. Nothing sexual, just closing the gap between their bodies. Yet it was enough.
Chloe had no time to think as he threaded his fingers into her hair and tilted her head back. It wasn’t passionate or hard by any means, but it was insistent, there was purpose behind his kiss. Her body shook at the feel of him, his lips against hers, kissing her with the same need she felt. An arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against his own body and even as he kissed her she exhaled, her body relaxing. There were no questions in his kiss or his hold on her. It was firm and reassuring and for the first time she wasn’t scared, questioning her place in the mix of things, fearing loneliness. His kiss and his embrace wiped it all away, leaving her feeling only safe and loved.