i've got problems.. with myself.
FUCK!!!!
so this morning i woke up and then while pulling out of my driveway on the way to katie's.. i hit a car. this huge truck parked blocking half my driveway adn my mom put the trash cans right in the driveway so ofcourse while i go to pullout i miss-judge how close i am from the truck and i backed up right into it. at first i thought it was alright so i went out of my car and sure enough i cracked the bumper and put a small dent in the front as well as slightly cracking the light. NOT GOOD.
the guy got all my info and i left. he told me that it would be ok and the "boss" probably wouldn't do anythign. gguess what??
i went to katie's and worked on the class scrapbook with kevin, sweet, and darn.. and of course katie. then when i left i went to my mom and dad's office, picked up money, went to atlanta bread to get them food, then went back. my brother and sister had been helping them out all day so i stayed and helped. then my mom was like o yeah the guy decided to file a police report.
so now that he did that and i got a ticket not too long ago that would mean i have too many point on my lisence so it will be suspended.. ONLY if the damage is too much to pay fo, cuz if it is then insurance will have to pay.. and then no lisence. i'm really hoping that the damage isn't too expensive, if it isn't then i have a lisence. grrrrrrrrr....
i need to fuckin shape up! i'm so stupid.
i slack in school.. just got my grades back.. exams sucked b/cuz i left like a week or two b4 school ended.
i need to study more.
i'm always online.. addicted is more like it.
i put myself first.
i always blame other things for what i do, like the accident " i was going slow and the truck and trash cans were in the way" well if i had takin my time adn payed more attention as well as move the trash cans out of the way.. then it wouldn't have happened; and school exams i blamed me leaving early and having the big fight with brian and such.. well i could have ignored it and sat in an empty room studying my brains out.. but nope.
i need to set my priorities straight.
no good guy ever likes me.. why?.. no one knows.
i have isssues with myself, i think i'm ugly and fat, people always say 'no you are gorgeous'.. well ok then why do i have fat thighs and a pooch and No boobs.. guys like the opposite of that. don't try to convince me of anythign other.. cuz i see every guy turn there head when some skinny biatch with big boobs walks in a room.
so maybe i am pretty well it's had to believe when guys don't seem to like me and when they do they never tell me how beautiful i am or anything.. and it makes me feel even worse when for example my last boyfriend cheated on me.. ok that was too nice, fucked someone else on our anniversary and then not see me on that day while the next day accidently forgeting to tell me he was going to a party with a stripper that night.. "you have no reason not to trust me", then has the nerve the next day to try to get me to do stuff with him.. "i love you" right.. believable. makes me fell like shit.
ok so no one wants me who is worth it, honestly if i'm worth that much.. what is the point of life?
all my friends say you desrve the best there is, you are beautiful, and have a great personality.. i <3 you too death. humm guys don't seem to think so.
whatever fuck this.
then i haven't even started my portfolio for college yet.. this is extremely important and will help me get into the best college i can go to, but i always fuck it up. my parents will send me wherever becasue they want me to get the best education possible. my sister goes to UM for a reason. well they got me SAT classes with lundeen, i would barely ever do the tests and ended up always copying the answers from the back and falling asleep when they were there. SATs get me into good colleges.. i wont get far with an 1170 :( i could do sooo much better if i applyed myself.
i'm just lazy that is what it is. it's probably becasue when i was young i almost died from asthma and i couldn't even play with a toy or i'd get asthma well, if i didn't get what i wanted i cryed kids do that whne they are young.. if i cried i got asthma... then had to go to the hospital. soi got what i wanted and never did anything. thus my lazyness. fuck there i go again blameing asthma for my lazyness.
and i'm always late because i can never make up my mind. i am so indecisive. being indecisive is soo bad, i never make up my mind and it wastes so much freakin time.. it annoys me and at times annoyes other people.
.. hahha ADD took over and i got distracted. ran through the million and one things wrong with me and now i'm too freakin lazy to continue beating my ugly, no good, lazy, fucked up self. besides this is way too long.
maybe tomorrow how about that.
so this morning i woke up and then while pulling out of my driveway on the way to katie's.. i hit a car. this huge truck parked blocking half my driveway adn my mom put the trash cans right in the driveway so ofcourse while i go to pullout i miss-judge how close i am from the truck and i backed up right into it. at first i thought it was alright so i went out of my car and sure enough i cracked the bumper and put a small dent in the front as well as slightly cracking the light. NOT GOOD.
the guy got all my info and i left. he told me that it would be ok and the "boss" probably wouldn't do anythign. gguess what??
i went to katie's and worked on the class scrapbook with kevin, sweet, and darn.. and of course katie. then when i left i went to my mom and dad's office, picked up money, went to atlanta bread to get them food, then went back. my brother and sister had been helping them out all day so i stayed and helped. then my mom was like o yeah the guy decided to file a police report.
so now that he did that and i got a ticket not too long ago that would mean i have too many point on my lisence so it will be suspended.. ONLY if the damage is too much to pay fo, cuz if it is then insurance will have to pay.. and then no lisence. i'm really hoping that the damage isn't too expensive, if it isn't then i have a lisence. grrrrrrrrr....
i need to fuckin shape up! i'm so stupid.
i slack in school.. just got my grades back.. exams sucked b/cuz i left like a week or two b4 school ended.
i need to study more.
i'm always online.. addicted is more like it.
i put myself first.
i always blame other things for what i do, like the accident " i was going slow and the truck and trash cans were in the way" well if i had takin my time adn payed more attention as well as move the trash cans out of the way.. then it wouldn't have happened; and school exams i blamed me leaving early and having the big fight with brian and such.. well i could have ignored it and sat in an empty room studying my brains out.. but nope.
i need to set my priorities straight.
no good guy ever likes me.. why?.. no one knows.
i have isssues with myself, i think i'm ugly and fat, people always say 'no you are gorgeous'.. well ok then why do i have fat thighs and a pooch and No boobs.. guys like the opposite of that. don't try to convince me of anythign other.. cuz i see every guy turn there head when some skinny biatch with big boobs walks in a room.
so maybe i am pretty well it's had to believe when guys don't seem to like me and when they do they never tell me how beautiful i am or anything.. and it makes me feel even worse when for example my last boyfriend cheated on me.. ok that was too nice, fucked someone else on our anniversary and then not see me on that day while the next day accidently forgeting to tell me he was going to a party with a stripper that night.. "you have no reason not to trust me", then has the nerve the next day to try to get me to do stuff with him.. "i love you" right.. believable. makes me fell like shit.
ok so no one wants me who is worth it, honestly if i'm worth that much.. what is the point of life?
all my friends say you desrve the best there is, you are beautiful, and have a great personality.. i <3 you too death. humm guys don't seem to think so.
whatever fuck this.
then i haven't even started my portfolio for college yet.. this is extremely important and will help me get into the best college i can go to, but i always fuck it up. my parents will send me wherever becasue they want me to get the best education possible. my sister goes to UM for a reason. well they got me SAT classes with lundeen, i would barely ever do the tests and ended up always copying the answers from the back and falling asleep when they were there. SATs get me into good colleges.. i wont get far with an 1170 :( i could do sooo much better if i applyed myself.
i'm just lazy that is what it is. it's probably becasue when i was young i almost died from asthma and i couldn't even play with a toy or i'd get asthma well, if i didn't get what i wanted i cryed kids do that whne they are young.. if i cried i got asthma... then had to go to the hospital. soi got what i wanted and never did anything. thus my lazyness. fuck there i go again blameing asthma for my lazyness.
and i'm always late because i can never make up my mind. i am so indecisive. being indecisive is soo bad, i never make up my mind and it wastes so much freakin time.. it annoys me and at times annoyes other people.
.. hahha ADD took over and i got distracted. ran through the million and one things wrong with me and now i'm too freakin lazy to continue beating my ugly, no good, lazy, fucked up self. besides this is way too long.
maybe tomorrow how about that.