A TALE OF EPIC FAIL AND LULZ
Otherwise/alternatively known as: You have a really shitty immune system.
Or: You're getting on in the years, man. >:
SO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ME AND MY HILARIOUSLY WIMPY BODY. \o/
I had the worst immune system ever when I was an infant. Ever. This may be blamed upon a number of circumstances like how my mother refused to eat those obnoxiously expensive pregnancy vitamins, and how I evidently made her throw up all the time with the kicking and the punching and the somersaulting (I mean, how was I supposed to know that all that fun exercise was depriving me of important nutrients? AHAHAH WHOOPS. Also ironic that I made her more sick than my brother ever did, because usually isn't it the other way around. ANYWAYS.) but the fact is that I was a wimp. I caught every single disease, ran fevers to the point where I was hot enough that my proteins should have and mostly likely did denature and I really should have died (fffffffff, is that why I'm so stupid? as;dlfjkasd;flkj), caught the chicken pox twice (what how is that possible I DON'T KNOW I JUST HAD A RELAPSE), and was just really. sickly. :(
And the doctors, ahahahah those pediatricians. It didn't matter if I had a cold or the flu or was hemorrhaging, it was always like HERE HAVE SOME PENICILLIN. orz My dad's rage at that was pretty intense as;dlfkjas;fljk /laughs and winces.
So he learned how to take care of me and cook food for me and really was just a lovely dad. (still is a;ljkasdfjl;kasf ;A; /loves baba) And I got better. For years! Yay, healthy albeit clumsy childhood (what do you say to a younger!Cal stubbing toes, running into walls/doors, crushing my fingers with doors, falling down stairs, falling over cracks and nothing, slipping on all surfaces-OW MY TAILBONE OW, a million paper cuts I DON'T REMEMBER RECEIVING, mysterious bruises popping up everywhere and generally just colliding into/with things/people. IN FACT I STILL STUB MY TOES ALL THE TIME. And get mysterious bruises/papercuts. D:) Mai childhood.
...............that is until high school rolled around. (DUN DUN DUN) hahahahahah o-orz
And all of the sudden, violent coughs and high fevers! Sore/strep throats, allergy attacks, PANIC ATTACKS (repeat with me: WTF D:), nausea and throwing up. Ulcers and heart burn and irregular heart beats and difficulty breathing (...this last one actually genuinely worries me D:) among other symptoms. AND I THOUGHT I HAD THEM ALL.
Until this week. orz
So I didn't want to go back to school on Monday! It's not that I don't like school-I love it in fact- I just wanted more time off. >: So I drink an unrefrigerated Starbucks espresso double shot in attempts of not going to school but lolol preservatives SO NO FOOD POISONING FOR ME. And I racked up enough sleep that I felt perfectly fine. orz
And then! Something funny was happening come Tuesday. Every time I smiled or talked or laughed, I felt this sharp pain lacing through my jaw! I was like..."hmm, well okay, it doesn't seem that bad," so I ignored it and went on my merry way. But the pain became less a faint sharp pain coming and going and just stayed, and became a dull ache over there and in my neck. Kinda uncomfortable, but hey, I wasn't dying or something. So I just bundled up and turned on my humidifier and slept some more and drank lovely things like hot tea and hot milk and warm and delicious ravioli.
Yesterday I felt really really weird in the morning. But I went to school anyways. However, the pain didn't go away and it went from a dull ache to a persistently sharp ache. I couldn't swallow or smile or talk or turn my neck or even breath-my chest hurt because I was trying to breath and trying not to, because ow goddamnit the pain (/is a wimp! ahahahahah I know. orz) I went home tired and pained and cranky and having two group projects (OF BY PRINCIPLE I HATE SO MUCH BUT REALLY IT WAS WORSE THAN NORMAL.) and was very not happy TM. :( And then I ate more comfort food and it felt like my bones were all tingly and hollow and weird and I realized, fuck, I'm SICK.
My dad's solution to this was feeding me two painkillers that by themselves work 12 hours each. I drank enough hot milk to throw up and went to bed. So it goes.
So today I totally wake up and go to school after downing my third painkiller in 8 hours (12 hour relief MY ASS) I was all ready to face the world! Was supposed to go to doctor later today but HAH MUST BRAVE FIRST THREE HOURS FIRST. So I did! Only what kind of retarded painkiller wears off in 2.5 HOURS. D: /spent last hour typing Chinese in pain, loling at a character that looked like a swastika, being kinda loud and obnoxious and delirious. And then I decided maybe I should head to the clinic. So I went to the clinic! And lololol WE'RE SO PACKED IN THERE and wow a lot of us get sick but at least there aren't suicides around here. :'< (I know a lot of schools that do! It's kinda intimidating and sad.) And so my dad comes over (he never ever fails to deliver ilu daddy ;A;) and finds that I have a fever and he's like AHAHAH WE'RE TOTALLY TAKING YOU TO THE DOCTOR'S NOW.
So we go home. And he calls the family doctor and the receptionists tell him that he either brings me in ten minutes or I have to wait for another three hours and he goes SHIT and bundles me up and takes me there. The receptionists are all kinda pleasantly surprised and impressed and I get shuffled into an examination room and they take my temperature (fever! orz) and my blood pressure (high! orz) and the doctor comes in. And he's like:
doc: where does it hurt?
me: here and here and here. >': and no, this is not just a sore throat because I know what that feels like, it feels like millions of throat cells are lysed/lysing and THIS IS NOT IT. which is what's bothering me, is that I DON'T KNOW THIS PAIN.
doc: /touches neck and presses here and there and here and -
me: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. OWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. ;A;
doc: dude. your lymphatic nodes on your neck are like. swollen to the size of golfballs. I trust you're having fun fighting off that infection of yours?
me: ...........is that what is is?
doc: well, yes. /looks at me pointedly.
me: ............................sobsobsob.
doc: here, all we need to do is put you on amoxicillin and you'll be okay.
me: ................is that derived from penicillin by any chance.
doc: yes. why?
me: nothing. :I /thinks about how I used that in bio last year for a bacteria experiment and remembered HOW IT FAILED TO DO ANYTHING TO THEM. /also feels like a bacterium, being subjected to it, but does not remark about that in fear of being bound in a white straight jacket.
doc: but take the medication for the entire course or else-
me: the resistant bacteria will come back and bite me in the butt /sullenly.
doc: yes, that.
Then we paid for the visit and went to a grocery store to get the amoxicillin (which was, funny enough, free because it's such a common and cheaply made antibiotic), and while we were waiting for my prescription to be made I got to get cheese and delicious black tea with cream and honey and sugar and piñata apples (that no, did not contain candy inside of them when my dad split them, but yeah, they tasted pretty good) and yogurt and milk and orange juice. ;A; and I feel comfortable and safe and warm and a;flsjkda;sklfjjl;afsj;.
And this is what my dad says:
dad: inflamed lymph nodes? man, I knew that. :/
me: ........you did? :'<
dad: yeah! my sister and your cousin all have that problem. it comes from stress.
me: .............BUT I DON'T FEEL STRESS.
dad: pffft. simply in denial. now eat your stupid antibiotics.
me: b-but then why am I only getting them NOW. orz
dad: well.........it's easier to deal with stress when you're younger. /shifty eyes
me: ...........................are you totally insinuating that I'm getting old. D:
dad: says the person who has ulcers and heart burn and stuff. this was just a natural progression! I'm pretty sure you're going to get white hairs before 20! If you even get to that age, even. :( Why is my progeny so wimpy? You're like. A dinosaur. With the stubbing and the flailing and falling down stairs and slipping on ice and papercuts. A dinosaur that without my intervention as a cultivating parent that looks out for their clumsy offspring would have been eliminated in the first round of evolution. A dodo dino. >: The Last Alisaurus.
me: .........................a;sdlfkj,asdflkjas;dlfkjasfjkl I DON'T KNOW. /)-(\
me: ............................./tries to open the bottle of antibiotics and fails miserably. I. WHAT IS THIS. BUT I'M PUSHING AND TURNING THE CAP.
dad: ....................and even when you have the medicine you can't get to it. D: DODO BIRD DINO.
me: SOB JUST TELL ME THE SOLUTION.
dad: you push down and turn and PULL UP.
me: .....................................oh I see. /opens it.
dad+me: orz
So eventful week was eventful! Wanted to get sick. Didn't get sick. Went to school. Actually did get really sick and had to skip half a day of school. Got pampered and cuddled and ate delicious food and bonded with my dad over my wimpy immune system. ;A; BOTH GOOD AND BAD AND LOL THE IRONY I HATE AND LOVE YOU LIFE/BODY/SCHOOL. D: and orz
AND SO YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT HOW WIMPY I AM. GDIT.
THE END. \O/
Or: You're getting on in the years, man. >:
SO LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ME AND MY HILARIOUSLY WIMPY BODY. \o/
I had the worst immune system ever when I was an infant. Ever. This may be blamed upon a number of circumstances like how my mother refused to eat those obnoxiously expensive pregnancy vitamins, and how I evidently made her throw up all the time with the kicking and the punching and the somersaulting (I mean, how was I supposed to know that all that fun exercise was depriving me of important nutrients? AHAHAH WHOOPS. Also ironic that I made her more sick than my brother ever did, because usually isn't it the other way around. ANYWAYS.) but the fact is that I was a wimp. I caught every single disease, ran fevers to the point where I was hot enough that my proteins should have and mostly likely did denature and I really should have died (fffffffff, is that why I'm so stupid? as;dlfjkasd;flkj), caught the chicken pox twice (what how is that possible I DON'T KNOW I JUST HAD A RELAPSE), and was just really. sickly. :(
And the doctors, ahahahah those pediatricians. It didn't matter if I had a cold or the flu or was hemorrhaging, it was always like HERE HAVE SOME PENICILLIN. orz My dad's rage at that was pretty intense as;dlfkjas;fljk /laughs and winces.
So he learned how to take care of me and cook food for me and really was just a lovely dad. (still is a;ljkasdfjl;kasf ;A; /loves baba) And I got better. For years! Yay, healthy albeit clumsy childhood (what do you say to a younger!Cal stubbing toes, running into walls/doors, crushing my fingers with doors, falling down stairs, falling over cracks and nothing, slipping on all surfaces-OW MY TAILBONE OW, a million paper cuts I DON'T REMEMBER RECEIVING, mysterious bruises popping up everywhere and generally just colliding into/with things/people. IN FACT I STILL STUB MY TOES ALL THE TIME. And get mysterious bruises/papercuts. D:) Mai childhood.
...............that is until high school rolled around. (DUN DUN DUN) hahahahahah o-orz
And all of the sudden, violent coughs and high fevers! Sore/strep throats, allergy attacks, PANIC ATTACKS (repeat with me: WTF D:), nausea and throwing up. Ulcers and heart burn and irregular heart beats and difficulty breathing (...this last one actually genuinely worries me D:) among other symptoms. AND I THOUGHT I HAD THEM ALL.
Until this week. orz
So I didn't want to go back to school on Monday! It's not that I don't like school-I love it in fact- I just wanted more time off. >: So I drink an unrefrigerated Starbucks espresso double shot in attempts of not going to school but lolol preservatives SO NO FOOD POISONING FOR ME. And I racked up enough sleep that I felt perfectly fine. orz
And then! Something funny was happening come Tuesday. Every time I smiled or talked or laughed, I felt this sharp pain lacing through my jaw! I was like..."hmm, well okay, it doesn't seem that bad," so I ignored it and went on my merry way. But the pain became less a faint sharp pain coming and going and just stayed, and became a dull ache over there and in my neck. Kinda uncomfortable, but hey, I wasn't dying or something. So I just bundled up and turned on my humidifier and slept some more and drank lovely things like hot tea and hot milk and warm and delicious ravioli.
Yesterday I felt really really weird in the morning. But I went to school anyways. However, the pain didn't go away and it went from a dull ache to a persistently sharp ache. I couldn't swallow or smile or talk or turn my neck or even breath-my chest hurt because I was trying to breath and trying not to, because ow goddamnit the pain (/is a wimp! ahahahahah I know. orz) I went home tired and pained and cranky and having two group projects (OF BY PRINCIPLE I HATE SO MUCH BUT REALLY IT WAS WORSE THAN NORMAL.) and was very not happy TM. :( And then I ate more comfort food and it felt like my bones were all tingly and hollow and weird and I realized, fuck, I'm SICK.
My dad's solution to this was feeding me two painkillers that by themselves work 12 hours each. I drank enough hot milk to throw up and went to bed. So it goes.
So today I totally wake up and go to school after downing my third painkiller in 8 hours (12 hour relief MY ASS) I was all ready to face the world! Was supposed to go to doctor later today but HAH MUST BRAVE FIRST THREE HOURS FIRST. So I did! Only what kind of retarded painkiller wears off in 2.5 HOURS. D: /spent last hour typing Chinese in pain, loling at a character that looked like a swastika, being kinda loud and obnoxious and delirious. And then I decided maybe I should head to the clinic. So I went to the clinic! And lololol WE'RE SO PACKED IN THERE and wow a lot of us get sick but at least there aren't suicides around here. :'< (I know a lot of schools that do! It's kinda intimidating and sad.) And so my dad comes over (he never ever fails to deliver ilu daddy ;A;) and finds that I have a fever and he's like AHAHAH WE'RE TOTALLY TAKING YOU TO THE DOCTOR'S NOW.
So we go home. And he calls the family doctor and the receptionists tell him that he either brings me in ten minutes or I have to wait for another three hours and he goes SHIT and bundles me up and takes me there. The receptionists are all kinda pleasantly surprised and impressed and I get shuffled into an examination room and they take my temperature (fever! orz) and my blood pressure (high! orz) and the doctor comes in. And he's like:
doc: where does it hurt?
me: here and here and here. >': and no, this is not just a sore throat because I know what that feels like, it feels like millions of throat cells are lysed/lysing and THIS IS NOT IT. which is what's bothering me, is that I DON'T KNOW THIS PAIN.
doc: /touches neck and presses here and there and here and -
me: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. OWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. ;A;
doc: dude. your lymphatic nodes on your neck are like. swollen to the size of golfballs. I trust you're having fun fighting off that infection of yours?
me: ...........is that what is is?
doc: well, yes. /looks at me pointedly.
me: ............................sobsobsob.
doc: here, all we need to do is put you on amoxicillin and you'll be okay.
me: ................is that derived from penicillin by any chance.
doc: yes. why?
me: nothing. :I /thinks about how I used that in bio last year for a bacteria experiment and remembered HOW IT FAILED TO DO ANYTHING TO THEM. /also feels like a bacterium, being subjected to it, but does not remark about that in fear of being bound in a white straight jacket.
doc: but take the medication for the entire course or else-
me: the resistant bacteria will come back and bite me in the butt /sullenly.
doc: yes, that.
Then we paid for the visit and went to a grocery store to get the amoxicillin (which was, funny enough, free because it's such a common and cheaply made antibiotic), and while we were waiting for my prescription to be made I got to get cheese and delicious black tea with cream and honey and sugar and piñata apples (that no, did not contain candy inside of them when my dad split them, but yeah, they tasted pretty good) and yogurt and milk and orange juice. ;A; and I feel comfortable and safe and warm and a;flsjkda;sklfjjl;afsj;.
And this is what my dad says:
dad: inflamed lymph nodes? man, I knew that. :/
me: ........you did? :'<
dad: yeah! my sister and your cousin all have that problem. it comes from stress.
me: .............BUT I DON'T FEEL STRESS.
dad: pffft. simply in denial. now eat your stupid antibiotics.
me: b-but then why am I only getting them NOW. orz
dad: well.........it's easier to deal with stress when you're younger. /shifty eyes
me: ...........................are you totally insinuating that I'm getting old. D:
dad: says the person who has ulcers and heart burn and stuff. this was just a natural progression! I'm pretty sure you're going to get white hairs before 20! If you even get to that age, even. :( Why is my progeny so wimpy? You're like. A dinosaur. With the stubbing and the flailing and falling down stairs and slipping on ice and papercuts. A dinosaur that without my intervention as a cultivating parent that looks out for their clumsy offspring would have been eliminated in the first round of evolution. A dodo dino. >: The Last Alisaurus.
me: .........................a;sdlfkj,asdflkjas;dlfkjasfjkl I DON'T KNOW. /)-(\
me: ............................./tries to open the bottle of antibiotics and fails miserably. I. WHAT IS THIS. BUT I'M PUSHING AND TURNING THE CAP.
dad: ....................and even when you have the medicine you can't get to it. D: DODO BIRD DINO.
me: SOB JUST TELL ME THE SOLUTION.
dad: you push down and turn and PULL UP.
me: .....................................oh I see. /opens it.
dad+me: orz
So eventful week was eventful! Wanted to get sick. Didn't get sick. Went to school. Actually did get really sick and had to skip half a day of school. Got pampered and cuddled and ate delicious food and bonded with my dad over my wimpy immune system. ;A; BOTH GOOD AND BAD AND LOL THE IRONY I HATE AND LOVE YOU LIFE/BODY/SCHOOL. D: and orz
AND SO YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT HOW WIMPY I AM. GDIT.
THE END. \O/