Rebirth: Part I
Title: Rebirth: Part I
Subject: Post 11 x 5
Rebirth: Part I
Callie left the room as quickly as her weak legs could carry her, never once turning back to look Arizona in the eyes. She couldn’t. She could never look into the pale, sparkling blue eyes that stole her heart all those years ago. The eyes that lit up with joy whenever Sofia laughed…the eyes that turned dark with desire, glowing almost sapphire in the dim light of their bedroom…the eyes that could, without any words, make Callie feel like the most adored person on the planet. If she had looked at Arizona again, even for a second, she would not have had the courage to do what both of them so desperately needed her to.
Callie had made a harsh decision for them all, but it was one that she truly believed was necessary. She and Arizona had been riding a terribly fast, wickedly nauseating carousel- one that promised never to cease spinning if one of them didn’t push the power switch. Perhaps they could ride together again someday…something new, like the ferris wheel, that would take them high above the ground and make them feel like they were on top of the world.
Right now, the world as they knew it, had just about swallowed them up. Callie had felt herself venturing on a downward spiral for quite some time now, but always chose to blame the circumstances of their lives for her despair. The things she and Arizona had gone through definitely played their part in the destruction of their marriage, but it was the two of them who were ultimately responsible for destroying each other. Neither one of them had been happy in their own skin, which made it impossible to really give themselves to one another the way they had all those years ago.
Could they ever get back to that place? Callie wasn’t sure. But she knew the answer would be no if they stayed together now. If they continued to ride the carousel of desperation, and hurt, and fear, they would never be able to get off. And they would shatter not only their own hopes and dreams, but one another’s souls. She loved Arizona way too much to let that happen. And for the first time in a very long time, she loved herself too.
As a separate individual the past thirty days, Callie realized that she wanted more out of life. She wanted to be a bad-ass Ortho surgeon again. She wanted to let loose…to drink Tequila and eat cheeseburgers with Meredith…to dance in her underwear. She wanted to be herself, instead of trying so hard to be the person Arizona needed her to be.
And she knew that her wife deserved the same thing. Arizona needed to rock her fellowship and live up to her amazing reputation. She needed to laugh at weird jokes with Kepner…to drink wine to enjoy herself instead of to escape…to love life the way she used to. They both deserved better.
They could never give the kind of love they were both so worthy of if they didn’t do this for themselves. And maybe they would never come back to one another. Maybe they would never fall in love again. But this was surely the only chance they had at a real life-a life of peace and happiness, instead of sorrow and resentment. Callie wanted that for herself…for Arizona…and above all, for Sofia.
A tear streamed down the brunette’s face as she thought of her little girl. How was this going to work? How would they explain this to Sofia? Thoughts raced through her mind and she contemplated going back to Joe’s, shooting back Tequila until the sun came up, making the pain stop for just a little while. But that wouldn’t really help, would it? Being drunk would only make her rethink the awful, yet necessary decision she had made. It would be a matter of a few hours before the alcohol clouded her judgment, fogging up her brain and swelling her heart with the one emotion she was trying to suppress in order to move on. Love. Undying love for the woman she had just left.
All at once, a lump formed in Callie’s throat. It was going to be so hard to stay away from Arizona. Not to hug her…kiss her…make love to her. She thought back to last night- the last night with the woman she loved. Callie was standing outside the hospital now, misty rain beginning to dampen her thick, black locks. It was cold. The rain was cold and wet, and she desperately hoped it could make her forget.
“Calliope…I-I, I need to practice.”
Arizona’s skin felt so perfect under her fingertips, their bodies suddenly so in tune.
“No talking. Rules.”
The memories continued to flood Callie’s mind as the rain began to pour down. She closed her eyes tighter, but nothing could stop her from remembering that kiss. The first kiss in thirty days. The kiss that she longed for during their separation. The kiss that would surely fill her dreams every night and cause her heart to ache every day.
She thought of the look in Arizona’s eyes- those dark, sapphire eyes filled with desire. It was for only a few seconds that their eyes met, but a lifetime of words passed between brown and blue. I miss you. I love you. I need you. I want you.
After that, it was lips and tongues and teeth, their mouths desperately trying to reclaim all that was lost in thirty days. The desire was so strong that it overcame them both, jello bellies quickly landing on the kitchen floor as Arizona leaned back to let Callie reclaim her.
“What if she makes us start over?”
Arizona’s body was under her now, quickened pulses moving in time with their joined forms. Callie could still taste Arizona’s flesh on her lips.
“What if we don’t tell her?”
The next hour was filled with ecstasy, their bodies and souls joined in a very different way. It was familiar and new all at the same time, and for the first time in what felt like forever, they were completely in sync. Arizona’s hips rose to meet Callie’s…fingers linked together seamlessly…lips danced to the rhythm of their combined figures. They made love.
Callie felt a pounding deep inside her that she swore was her heart, about to beat out of her chest. Then she saw the flash of lightening behind her lids, followed by another loud clap of thunder. She knew she should get out of the storm, but her body wouldn’t move. She was numb and aching all at once. The thought of Arizona inside of her faded like the distant memory it would become, and the pounding that commenced this time was most definitely her heart. The lump in her throat was so big that she couldn’t swallow, air being stolen from her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t live.
This was it. This was what dying felt like.
Callie closed her eyes once more, trying to get back to the memory of last night. But she couldn’t. It was over. They were over. And she was dying.
In that moment, it would have been easy for Callie to run back inside the hospital, track Arizona down, tell her she had made a mistake- that they should stay together, forever. But if forever is what she really wanted, which it was, she couldn’t do that. She had to stay strong…see the bigger picture…let them die.
For it is only through death that we can ever be reborn. The life Callie and Arizona had started together five years ago was over. Things had happened. Events had caused them both to change. Each of them, in their own right, had been resurrected. They needed time to get to know their new selves…to understand who they had become…to love the life that was before them now. And maybe, if they were really lucky, they would find love again. Maybe, against all odds, they would find it together.
Callie had to give them that chance. Arizona was worth it. Their love was worth it.
Lighting struck again, the intense brightness burning the pair of tear-filled chocolate orbs staring up at the sky. It was time. The carousel had come to a complete stop. The ride was over, and a new life was beginning.
Subject: Post 11 x 5
Rebirth: Part I
Callie left the room as quickly as her weak legs could carry her, never once turning back to look Arizona in the eyes. She couldn’t. She could never look into the pale, sparkling blue eyes that stole her heart all those years ago. The eyes that lit up with joy whenever Sofia laughed…the eyes that turned dark with desire, glowing almost sapphire in the dim light of their bedroom…the eyes that could, without any words, make Callie feel like the most adored person on the planet. If she had looked at Arizona again, even for a second, she would not have had the courage to do what both of them so desperately needed her to.
Callie had made a harsh decision for them all, but it was one that she truly believed was necessary. She and Arizona had been riding a terribly fast, wickedly nauseating carousel- one that promised never to cease spinning if one of them didn’t push the power switch. Perhaps they could ride together again someday…something new, like the ferris wheel, that would take them high above the ground and make them feel like they were on top of the world.
Right now, the world as they knew it, had just about swallowed them up. Callie had felt herself venturing on a downward spiral for quite some time now, but always chose to blame the circumstances of their lives for her despair. The things she and Arizona had gone through definitely played their part in the destruction of their marriage, but it was the two of them who were ultimately responsible for destroying each other. Neither one of them had been happy in their own skin, which made it impossible to really give themselves to one another the way they had all those years ago.
Could they ever get back to that place? Callie wasn’t sure. But she knew the answer would be no if they stayed together now. If they continued to ride the carousel of desperation, and hurt, and fear, they would never be able to get off. And they would shatter not only their own hopes and dreams, but one another’s souls. She loved Arizona way too much to let that happen. And for the first time in a very long time, she loved herself too.
As a separate individual the past thirty days, Callie realized that she wanted more out of life. She wanted to be a bad-ass Ortho surgeon again. She wanted to let loose…to drink Tequila and eat cheeseburgers with Meredith…to dance in her underwear. She wanted to be herself, instead of trying so hard to be the person Arizona needed her to be.
And she knew that her wife deserved the same thing. Arizona needed to rock her fellowship and live up to her amazing reputation. She needed to laugh at weird jokes with Kepner…to drink wine to enjoy herself instead of to escape…to love life the way she used to. They both deserved better.
They could never give the kind of love they were both so worthy of if they didn’t do this for themselves. And maybe they would never come back to one another. Maybe they would never fall in love again. But this was surely the only chance they had at a real life-a life of peace and happiness, instead of sorrow and resentment. Callie wanted that for herself…for Arizona…and above all, for Sofia.
A tear streamed down the brunette’s face as she thought of her little girl. How was this going to work? How would they explain this to Sofia? Thoughts raced through her mind and she contemplated going back to Joe’s, shooting back Tequila until the sun came up, making the pain stop for just a little while. But that wouldn’t really help, would it? Being drunk would only make her rethink the awful, yet necessary decision she had made. It would be a matter of a few hours before the alcohol clouded her judgment, fogging up her brain and swelling her heart with the one emotion she was trying to suppress in order to move on. Love. Undying love for the woman she had just left.
All at once, a lump formed in Callie’s throat. It was going to be so hard to stay away from Arizona. Not to hug her…kiss her…make love to her. She thought back to last night- the last night with the woman she loved. Callie was standing outside the hospital now, misty rain beginning to dampen her thick, black locks. It was cold. The rain was cold and wet, and she desperately hoped it could make her forget.
“Calliope…I-I, I need to practice.”
Arizona’s skin felt so perfect under her fingertips, their bodies suddenly so in tune.
“No talking. Rules.”
The memories continued to flood Callie’s mind as the rain began to pour down. She closed her eyes tighter, but nothing could stop her from remembering that kiss. The first kiss in thirty days. The kiss that she longed for during their separation. The kiss that would surely fill her dreams every night and cause her heart to ache every day.
She thought of the look in Arizona’s eyes- those dark, sapphire eyes filled with desire. It was for only a few seconds that their eyes met, but a lifetime of words passed between brown and blue. I miss you. I love you. I need you. I want you.
After that, it was lips and tongues and teeth, their mouths desperately trying to reclaim all that was lost in thirty days. The desire was so strong that it overcame them both, jello bellies quickly landing on the kitchen floor as Arizona leaned back to let Callie reclaim her.
“What if she makes us start over?”
Arizona’s body was under her now, quickened pulses moving in time with their joined forms. Callie could still taste Arizona’s flesh on her lips.
“What if we don’t tell her?”
The next hour was filled with ecstasy, their bodies and souls joined in a very different way. It was familiar and new all at the same time, and for the first time in what felt like forever, they were completely in sync. Arizona’s hips rose to meet Callie’s…fingers linked together seamlessly…lips danced to the rhythm of their combined figures. They made love.
Callie felt a pounding deep inside her that she swore was her heart, about to beat out of her chest. Then she saw the flash of lightening behind her lids, followed by another loud clap of thunder. She knew she should get out of the storm, but her body wouldn’t move. She was numb and aching all at once. The thought of Arizona inside of her faded like the distant memory it would become, and the pounding that commenced this time was most definitely her heart. The lump in her throat was so big that she couldn’t swallow, air being stolen from her lungs. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t live.
This was it. This was what dying felt like.
Callie closed her eyes once more, trying to get back to the memory of last night. But she couldn’t. It was over. They were over. And she was dying.
In that moment, it would have been easy for Callie to run back inside the hospital, track Arizona down, tell her she had made a mistake- that they should stay together, forever. But if forever is what she really wanted, which it was, she couldn’t do that. She had to stay strong…see the bigger picture…let them die.
For it is only through death that we can ever be reborn. The life Callie and Arizona had started together five years ago was over. Things had happened. Events had caused them both to change. Each of them, in their own right, had been resurrected. They needed time to get to know their new selves…to understand who they had become…to love the life that was before them now. And maybe, if they were really lucky, they would find love again. Maybe, against all odds, they would find it together.
Callie had to give them that chance. Arizona was worth it. Their love was worth it.
Lighting struck again, the intense brightness burning the pair of tear-filled chocolate orbs staring up at the sky. It was time. The carousel had come to a complete stop. The ride was over, and a new life was beginning.