D

[callingofftoday]

Yo college essay all up in your grill. Lemme know what you think...if you care that is. And please dont waste time correcting grammar or spelling or anything of that nature because frankly...i dont care. This is going to like Sarah Lawrence and Beloit and im hoping to go for creative writing (creative being a key word) so i'd like to think they can

Comments

[staarf]

Darling, you're a wonderful writer. When are you coming to visit??? Let me know, b/c it's a definite necessity.

[staarf]

im working on it. once my moms campaign is over i think it will be alot easier to get there. i'll keep ya posted. thank you.

[michaelp331]

Mr. Keehn

[michaelp331]

you're too kind. and those are all very legitimate criticisms that i may actually take into consideration (which is rare in most of my other writing) so thank you 1000 times over. im applying to Sarah Lawrence, Bard (watch out amy), Ithaca and Beloit as of right now. others might come to me. theres no way i could ever get into Tufts. sorry to disappoint. haha

[eadg]

Dude, this is obviously a really good essay. You really believe in your topic, and it shows. The writing reflects this. The content is spectacular, and that's a big part of what makes an essay good or bad. Now just work on the little mechanics of some of the sentences. Try to read it out loud. If you trip over words, then something should probably be changes. A couple sentences are a little awkward, maybe try breaking them up or changing the order of which you say things in your sentences, see if it makes things flow better.

That said, most of the stuff flows very well. It's not a stuffy faux-acedemic high-school essay, it's a real creative essay, because you have a voice in your writing. Make sure as you revise that you don't lose the voice, make sure you don't edit out YOU.

Keep this shit bangin' dude... it's good stuff.

[eadg]

more valuable criticism. i really cant thank you guys all enough. yea...i was trying to focus more on the content at first and worry about all that other jazz second. im sort of planning on going through it again and fixing some technical stuff just to make it more palatable to whomever is reading it. you guys are alot better than my english teacher. the stuff she told me to fix was really stupid.

[___openheart]

As usual I'm completely impressed with your writing skills. I think that an essay like that would definitely stand out from all the others..and thats a huge part of it.. I'd bet that'd probably be one of the more daring essay's they get... it, for sure, keeps the attention of the reader. absolutely brilliant.

[___openheart]

i was sort of going for that. i think that giving the people reading a piece of writing (especially a mass essay, as i learned with the SATs) something they havent seen before or at least something interesting is the most important thing. glad i got some of that feeling. im so close to finishing my story totally...this typing is so long though.

[___openheart]

of course you know that i clearly look forward to reading the story when its typed up

:)

[___openheart]

I comment too much, I know. and.. I think I just saw on the news that your mom was getting 55% of the vote and it made me think, hmm..I should go comment on Gabe's page..
and I really think we should hang out sometime soon..what do you think?

[___openheart]

i think that my mom totally won and owns and that we definitely should.