spill your heart, i'll pick it up.

[calliopealive]

TELL ME SOMETHING HEARTBREAKING, TELL ME SOMETHING TRUE, TELL ME SOMETHING STIFILING, TELL ME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE.

JUST TELL ME ANYTHING. ANONYMOUS ONLY.

(i did this a year ago today in my previous journal and i'm feeling nostalgic)

Comments

[anonymous]

[calliopealive]

i don't like to judge people, it isn't fair. we all have our own issues that we've had to work through and our own reasons for doing them. i've done some things in my life, recently and in the past that have made people change their mind about me, but that's okay. i'm not here to judge, only to listen and emphathize and help if i can in any way. i'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me what you did, and i will keep in screened so only you and i will be able to read it. thank you. and for what it's worth (i know, it's not much coming from me, someone you hardly know, someone who hasn't been in your exact footsteps in life) i am very, very sorry.

i have lots of respect for people who go through things and the way they deal with them. instead of judging you like someone else might do, i am thanking you for trusting me enough to tell me something that's so painful.

i think i do know who this is, and i hope in the coming days and months and however long we're in contact, i get to know you better.

[anonymous]

I will never simply be loved as I am, because I refuse to give anyone the chance. For a girl, who has known nothing more than complete and total disgust for herself, I laugh an awful lot. I smile, into my hands, and turn my hands when my hands are unavailable. I believe it was the exact day of my sixteenth birthday, that reality as I completely knew it was pulled out from underneath me, And I have not been the same since. I refuse, to be that girl, who everyone walks away from. I refuse to be unheard.

I've thought about seeking help, but I am petrified that I will be told that there is nothing wrong with me. My greatest fear is that everything i'm feeling, the confusion, the fear, the hate, is all normal. If so, I have no hope, and this is a world I do not want to live in.

[calliopealive]

if you don't mind me asking, how old are you now? how long has it been since your sixteenth birthday? i've changed in ways i didn't even realize, changed in ways i needed, changed in ways i despited but it's all lead up to where i am now and who i've become. your skin sheds every seven years and i can't help but think your personality sheds a little every few years as well. hope to me, comes in the small joys of life because if you keep waiting for the big, wonderous amazing things you see in movies and tv to happen you're going to be disappointed every time. i'm not sure who you are, but i can't think of a single person who is on my friends list who i don't have faith in; faith in the fact that they are compassionate, passionate, troubled at times but always moving. the world is spinning, but we are spiraling. we're always changing and the pain is always getting a little bit easier to deal with. although sometimes, that's what worries me. the idea that maybe it gets too easy. the one thing that scares me the most is being completley

[anonymous]

i'm twenty.

[calliopealive]

i wish i had all the answers, but i'm searching for them myself, pulling at strings. sometimes what we can't say, what we can just do by just being there, being a vessel and listening, maybe that helps a little. i'm sorry, and the only thing i can think of is this:

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

[anonymous]

your writing, and your life as you write it, make me feel better about the state of everything, and give me hope for the future, because when i read your words, everything ugly around me seems a little less, and i can turn again to beautiful things and believe, however temporarily, that they'll last.

[calliopealive]

this is an incredible compliment. thank you so much.

[anonymous]

i hate him right now, and hearing my friends talk about their love interests make me realize how terrible my relationship is.

[calliopealive]

and it comes to the ultimate question:
dare i break anothers heart to save my own?

you've got to save it. no matter what.

[anonymous]

you said you were different, it was different, i was beautiful, your sunrise and sunset. i made you better, stronger, i was the first thing you thought about when you woke up, the last person you spoke to before you went to sleep.

you could kiss me and touch me as the fanblades whirred overhead and snow fell outside, slowly, too slow, you could tell me that what other boys did and said was wrong, but you couldn't love me. you wouldn't love me.

when i needed more from you, you wouldn't give it, was it because you couldn't? were you scared, or did you just refuse? it could have been amazing, but you know that, don't you.

you only want girls when they are weak, when they are broken. yes, you helped fix me, yes, now i am strong. and then i showed you my strength and you turned running.

"you're trying to make me care about you," you had said. "you're not letting me show that i care."

now you tell her that you love her, you hold her hands, after explaining to me how you didn't believe in love.

give her your false promises.

you are the

[calliopealive]

this is heartbreaking. it's almost as if it seems he is afraid if he has nothing to fix, he will have to start working on himself. i think that scares him, so he keeps running. but it's no excuse. i'm sorry.