go baby go go
I have been going through so much lately, and coming out better for it.
The new diet is amazing, and while I started it just to try and get the yeast overgrowth problem under control, I think I will continue with a slightly modified version. The changes in my appetite alone is well worth the loss of convenience, and really I feel that convenience is the only thing I'm loosing. I added fruits back to my diet, and I expected to want to gorge myself, but I am more than happy with just a few bites. What I do gorge myself on is healthy meats and vegetables. I eat so much more now that I used to, I enjoy what I eat far more, and I am losing fat. I can (and do) stuff myself to almost overflowing and instead of feeling horrible I feel better for it. I am happier and more active with my stomach full. I can't remember ever feeling like that before this diet.
I'm shocked to discover that don't miss cookies/cakes/breads/white potatoes/etc. And I am saying this as someone who was a certified carbaholic. Even going gluten free, I found ways to stuff myself with them, and while they weren't a huge part of my diet, they were definitely there. I have even tried tastes of those things, and they just don't taste that amazing anymore. Plus they make me feel like poo.
Sugar is something that I thought I would dive back into whole-heartedly, and that's not happening either. My tastes have changed enough that most things are just too damn sweet for me, and I really enjoy things less sweet. I drank and greatly enjoyed black coffee for the first time a few days ago. Grapefruits are deliciously sweet, and I can't stand more than a sip or two of commercial fruit juice. I haven't even wanted to try candy. I get my chocolate fix by eating cacao nibs, with the added bonus of the fact that they're good for me. :D
So my current diet stands as this:
I eat: all meats (I try to avoid sugar cured meats), eggs, veggies (all green veggies, cauliflower, carrots, peppers, tomatoes, asparagus, spinach, squash...the list goes on), sweet potatoes, nuts, fruits, lots of spices.
I don't eat: prepackaged foods, white/brown/raw sugar, any grains (including rice, wheat, quinoa, oats), white potatoes, legumes (including all beans and peanuts), added sweeteners of any kind.
I'd be more than happy to talk about or go into more details about any of this! :D
All of that were things I didn't expect, and wasn't looking for, but am super happy about. I also didn't expect the pure energy and enthusiasm which my body would adapt. I'm sleeping better and more normal amounts. When I'm awake, even if I'm tired I'm not fatigued. I really can't explain how easy and joyful just moving is. My whole body feels better. I would even say that I'm thinking better, which is really helpful considering all of the emotional and mental crap that I've been dealing with (finally) these past few weeks.
Now that my body is really starting to act and feel like a healthy human body and not a prison of pain and misery (believe me, not being melodramatic here) I'm finally able to deal with a lot of the shit that I would like to have dealt with a long time ago, as well as the shit that has come up more recently.
Cari's death was a huge and horrible thing and while I'd still be happy to talk about either her or my experience, that's not really what this is about. It's about how that horrible event was a catalyst to the first really healthy self discovery and self examination that I've done, probably in the entirety of my adult life. I've always been prone to self reflection but it was always an endless loop of reliving the past rather than making and progress, and finally I feel like I am.
Cari's death forced me to face a lot of things that I just hadn't been able to cope with about myself, and opened my eyes to a lot that I just didn't realize.
I'm still not okay with the fact that she is gone. I don't think that I'll ever be okay with it, and I will always miss her. But I've come to terms with that, and I'm okay with being not okay. Sometimes I can think of her and not cry, even talk about her and not cry, but not always. And I know that it will get easier with time, but I won't be surprised if I have to go and cry when I'm 80 and surrounded by cats.
But that is just the start, maybe the last gift that she gave me. Cari was always about opening people's eyes, and she has forced me to really look at myself and a lot of the shit I've done.
I'm facing a lot of things that have to do with my illness, things that have to do with past abuses that I'd shoved to the back burner because just trying to survive was hard enough. Realizing the depth of the crap that I went through in high school and how that shaped me. All the tragedies of puberty, the childhood traumas, all of those hurts that I'd just ignored rather than face because I didn't know what to do with them. And now I'm figuring that out. My husband has been amazing as a sounding board, helping me resolve the things that spun me in circles before.
There's really no words for the depth of what I've gone through. I feel like I've been facing trials and coming through the other side a more whole person. It's certainly been an adventure, and while it has been very hard, it's also very freeing.
So, all of that has been going on. A healing of body and mind and, I think, of soul as well. It's been keeping me busy (gotta cook more now, and therapy is time consuming) and rediscovering myself has been a full time effort. I've been trying to flex my art muscles a bit, but really I think that will come with time.
I'm so excited for what the future will bring.
Originally posted @ http://calliopeoracle.dreamwidth.org/16694.html
The new diet is amazing, and while I started it just to try and get the yeast overgrowth problem under control, I think I will continue with a slightly modified version. The changes in my appetite alone is well worth the loss of convenience, and really I feel that convenience is the only thing I'm loosing. I added fruits back to my diet, and I expected to want to gorge myself, but I am more than happy with just a few bites. What I do gorge myself on is healthy meats and vegetables. I eat so much more now that I used to, I enjoy what I eat far more, and I am losing fat. I can (and do) stuff myself to almost overflowing and instead of feeling horrible I feel better for it. I am happier and more active with my stomach full. I can't remember ever feeling like that before this diet.
I'm shocked to discover that don't miss cookies/cakes/breads/white potatoes/etc. And I am saying this as someone who was a certified carbaholic. Even going gluten free, I found ways to stuff myself with them, and while they weren't a huge part of my diet, they were definitely there. I have even tried tastes of those things, and they just don't taste that amazing anymore. Plus they make me feel like poo.
Sugar is something that I thought I would dive back into whole-heartedly, and that's not happening either. My tastes have changed enough that most things are just too damn sweet for me, and I really enjoy things less sweet. I drank and greatly enjoyed black coffee for the first time a few days ago. Grapefruits are deliciously sweet, and I can't stand more than a sip or two of commercial fruit juice. I haven't even wanted to try candy. I get my chocolate fix by eating cacao nibs, with the added bonus of the fact that they're good for me. :D
So my current diet stands as this:
I eat: all meats (I try to avoid sugar cured meats), eggs, veggies (all green veggies, cauliflower, carrots, peppers, tomatoes, asparagus, spinach, squash...the list goes on), sweet potatoes, nuts, fruits, lots of spices.
I don't eat: prepackaged foods, white/brown/raw sugar, any grains (including rice, wheat, quinoa, oats), white potatoes, legumes (including all beans and peanuts), added sweeteners of any kind.
I'd be more than happy to talk about or go into more details about any of this! :D
All of that were things I didn't expect, and wasn't looking for, but am super happy about. I also didn't expect the pure energy and enthusiasm which my body would adapt. I'm sleeping better and more normal amounts. When I'm awake, even if I'm tired I'm not fatigued. I really can't explain how easy and joyful just moving is. My whole body feels better. I would even say that I'm thinking better, which is really helpful considering all of the emotional and mental crap that I've been dealing with (finally) these past few weeks.
Now that my body is really starting to act and feel like a healthy human body and not a prison of pain and misery (believe me, not being melodramatic here) I'm finally able to deal with a lot of the shit that I would like to have dealt with a long time ago, as well as the shit that has come up more recently.
Cari's death was a huge and horrible thing and while I'd still be happy to talk about either her or my experience, that's not really what this is about. It's about how that horrible event was a catalyst to the first really healthy self discovery and self examination that I've done, probably in the entirety of my adult life. I've always been prone to self reflection but it was always an endless loop of reliving the past rather than making and progress, and finally I feel like I am.
Cari's death forced me to face a lot of things that I just hadn't been able to cope with about myself, and opened my eyes to a lot that I just didn't realize.
I'm still not okay with the fact that she is gone. I don't think that I'll ever be okay with it, and I will always miss her. But I've come to terms with that, and I'm okay with being not okay. Sometimes I can think of her and not cry, even talk about her and not cry, but not always. And I know that it will get easier with time, but I won't be surprised if I have to go and cry when I'm 80 and surrounded by cats.
But that is just the start, maybe the last gift that she gave me. Cari was always about opening people's eyes, and she has forced me to really look at myself and a lot of the shit I've done.
I'm facing a lot of things that have to do with my illness, things that have to do with past abuses that I'd shoved to the back burner because just trying to survive was hard enough. Realizing the depth of the crap that I went through in high school and how that shaped me. All the tragedies of puberty, the childhood traumas, all of those hurts that I'd just ignored rather than face because I didn't know what to do with them. And now I'm figuring that out. My husband has been amazing as a sounding board, helping me resolve the things that spun me in circles before.
There's really no words for the depth of what I've gone through. I feel like I've been facing trials and coming through the other side a more whole person. It's certainly been an adventure, and while it has been very hard, it's also very freeing.
So, all of that has been going on. A healing of body and mind and, I think, of soul as well. It's been keeping me busy (gotta cook more now, and therapy is time consuming) and rediscovering myself has been a full time effort. I've been trying to flex my art muscles a bit, but really I think that will come with time.
I'm so excited for what the future will bring.
Originally posted @ http://calliopeoracle.dreamwidth.org/16694.html