(no subject)

[callitromance]

forget dudes and school. they're both fucking irrelevant when it comes to grandpa dekker being diagnosed with lung cancer. "he liked me best because i was the child that didn't act like a child. he used to get drunk and come to dinner in a speedo. he built his house faster so my mom could get married there." is what i say by way of an explanation. but it's hard to explain that it broke/warmed/confused everyone's heart to see how we interacted. i was the first child, and i came along right when he was growing out of being a mean and nasty son of a bitch all the time. he didn't throw tables through windows anymore and he was friends with his granddaughter. sure i got yelled at for eating dessert when i wasn't supposed to or leaving my bathing suit on the floor. but as i got older i appreciated how... him he was. i've always loved that my grandfather is the quintessential dirty old man with women in thong bikinis on his playing cards and bean bag frogs with boners.

but in case we don't want to forget about dudes, my lack of capacity for being ignored and my awful jealous streak will get me nowhere except cranky. but i don't regret emails that say "you're a despicable shread of a human being. i hate reruns." and luckily i can be distracted from this fool's shitty and predictable repeat performance by more important things and hell i know he's not gone for good but at this point i'm debating when enough is enough and i should stop being kind. other than that all i really discovered is that "i'm only a total pain in the ass to people i genuinely like. it means i give a shit." "bummer."

friday now please.